Seeking a Couples Counselor

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Attachment parenting couples counselor?

June 2014

Hi, We are expecting our second baby soon, and looking for a couples counselor we can meet with, hopefully in the next few weeks, who is familiar with and approves of ''attachment parenting''-- ie: co-sleeping, extended/tandem nursing etc. Ideally someone affordable and in the Oakland area! Thanks for any ideas! C

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Hi, My partner and I have been seeing Yvonne Mansel in Albany. We have two children that we co- sleep and practice attachment parenting with. Yvonne has been extremely supportive of this parenting style. She is a very skilled therapist and has reasonable rates. She also specializes in anger management which has been very helpful for me . Sarah

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Marriage therapist for new parents

June 2014

Seeking recommendations for a marriage therapist in the east bay (berkeley/oakland) area. The challenges of new parenthood are causing major fractures in our relationship. Our issues are around communication, intimacy, dealing with conflict, stress, fear, uncertainty, aligning our intentions. My husband also seems to be depressed since our daughter was born, and unsatisfied with his life, which is poisoning our relationship and causing him to retreat into himself. Help needed! anon

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Craig Toonder of Oakland Couples Counseling is a skillful and sensitive marriage counselor. He also has communications classes from time to time. He's an excellent listener and really understands how the dynamics in a relationship work as well as how to help couples improve. He has a website you can check out--www.oaklandcouplescounseling.com or just call him at 499 7137 anon

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Sheila Longerbeam is excellent. She's on piedmont ave in Oakland, very experienced, and specializes in families with young kids: www.sheilalongerbeam.net Jesse

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Dear Anon, Sorry to hear you're having trouble (and I feel your pain). I wish people would have told me that being a parent was going to do the opposite of making me and my husband closer. I recommend Cindy Blackett. We saw her for the same things you're talking about. She was so immensely helpful. Her number is (510) 540-5409. And she's in Berkeley. Hang in there. It's going to get better after you get some help to talk about it. JL

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I would highly recommend Alexis Adorador, a Marriage and Family therapist with a private practice in North Berkeley. Alexis specializes in working with couples and families, and, given the issues that you have posted, I think she would be the ideal person to help both you and your husband address these issues. Alexis' website is www.alexisadorador.com and her phone contact number is 510-548-6577. John

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I would recommend calling Amber Schevon who is a Marriage Family Therapist located in Berkeley. She helps couples with many of the challenges you mentioned and I know she has a lot of experience and competence supporting couples as they transition into parenthood. Here is a link to her website and her phone number. Best of luck to you and your family. www.amberschevonmft.com 510-926-6331 Anonymous

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Jamie Murray MFT www.jamiemurraymft.com Great with parents, couples, kids and adults. Uses a relational style and approach that weaves in insights and helpful tools for creating the changes you want. Easy location to find in Oakland near temescal/piedmont area and her prices are very reasonable for a licensed experienced therapist . She is attachment parenting friendly and specializes in working with adults with childhood trauma. Call 510-859-7223 Best of luck

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I would highly recommend Dave Rohrbach, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Working in the field for over a decade and does excellent work, 925-820-1467. chandler

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Need couples therapist for unhealthy patterns in marriage

April 2014

I am looking for recent recommendations for a couples therapist who would be effective for our situation. I (wife) am primary breadwinner, primary housecleaner, primary childcare person, primary gardener, primary petcare person, primary take-care-of-everything person -- you get the idea -- in our household. My husband is a very kind and loving person who has struggled for years to make a living in the arts, and who is not succeeding in doing so. He is also, in my view, lazy and unfocused and generally unhelpful about most things. Along the way, we have fallen into some very unhealthy patterns, as reflected above. I love my husband; he is good father in many ways, and I do not want to break up our family. But the current situation is unsustainable, and slowly driving me insane. We do not communicate well. I am part of this problem, I know, but only part. Even when I really, really make an effort and communicate as gently and as explicitly as I can, nothing changes. He listens, he nods, nothing changes. My husband does not take criticism well, probably the result of an overly-critical and not-very-nice mother. He is willing to go to couples counseling, but I feel that we need to go to the right person, or he will shut down in the process right from the beginning. The right person would be someone with a sense of humor, who understands the drive of artists, who is non-judgmental, but who also is not the type to think ''everything is okay.'' Definitely not a New-Agey type (sorry, no offense intended). I need someone to help me deal with my own anger and frustration, and to reconnect with the love I know I feel for my husband, but who will also be able to help him see that things need to change, and HE needs to change. I have never done couples counseling, so I have no idea who such a person might be. I don't know whether a man or woman is better. Suggestions for me? Deeply Grateful

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I had a very positive experience in a similar situation with Andrew Groeschel at Earth Circles. He was excellent, nonjudgemental, and made lots of space for my partner to talk and feel heard. Very similar dynamic, and I was pleased at the ways our communication improved in sessions with Andrew. Lindsay

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My husband and I have been hugely helped by Rhea Loudon in Berkeley. (510) 845-9498 Still married thanks to Rhea

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I highly recommend a couples therapist I refer clients to: Yael Goldblatt, Ph.D. Dr Goldblatt specializes in couples work, and as a psychologist myself, I strongly believe it is skill that requires advanced training which she has. She is very bright, makes it emotionally safe in the room for both members of the couple, and is direct in her approach, while down to earth . She has humor and the clients I have referred to her are always appreciative of her help. She has offices in Berkeley and Danville and can be reached at 925-736-8851. Good luck! another psychotherapist

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Karen Harber is a warm, non-judgmental therapist who does really good work with couples. I found her VERY helpful when my husband and I saw her. best of luck!

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My husband and I started seeing Van Metaxas at his Solano Avenue location about four years into our relationship. We wanted to spend some time making the foundation of our marriage as strong as possible, and specifically work on conflict communication skills.

Van quickly earned confidence from both of us, even though we had very different comfort levels with the therapy process. He was savvy about gender roles and working with both men and women, and was experienced enough to challenge us to examine our dynamics in a fresh and positive way. He takes a deeply compassionate approach; he held each of us and our marriage with great respect, admiration, and forgiveness. I believe this helped us both feel more positive about ourselves, each other, and our relationship. He was acutely insightful\xc3\x82\xe2\x80\x94we both started learning from him right away. He listened intently, noting not just our words but also our body language and unspoken communication. In fact, he was able to observe these nonverbal signals for us, and help us start to pay attention to them as well. Another good sign: the frequency of ''a-ha'' moments when working with him, true epiphanies that revealed new sets of choices to us.

Van is all about the down and dirty. He helped us figure out the deeper stuff that motivates and drives our conflicts, miscommunications, and less-than-ideal treatment of each other. He could explain what he was seeing to each of us in ways we could understand, and helped us learn to STOP in our tracks and choose differently to produce a different outcome--understanding instead of anger, intimacy instead of distance, connection instead of separation.

He is not cheap, but he is worth it! If you really want to change the course of your marriage and/or personal healing, please contact him--he is a truly amazing therapist and person. Michelle H

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Couples/marriage counselor to improve communication

April 2014

I am looking for recommendations for a good marriage counselor to help us work through some past hurts and to help us get back on the road to a strong relationship with better communication... I am hoping to find someone in the El Cerrito/Albany area. Any advice is greatly appreciated! Bent but hopefully not broken...

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This message is for all three people who were looking for marriage counselors. I totally without reservation would recommend you call Cindy Blackett (510) 540-5409. She's in North Berkeley. She's amazing with couples. I saw her with my husband and have also recommended several friends to her and they loved her. She is really easy to talk with, and more importantly, she really helped us. Anon

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Marriage Counselor in Walnut Creek area

July 2012

Seeking recommendations for a marriage/couples counselor in the Walnut Creek or Lamorinda area. Thank you. anon

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Hello, I highly recommend Aaron J. Feldman, LMFT. He is a super therapist and now manages therapists who are working toward their degree. You can google his name or go to his website: www.FormingRelationships.com sherilyn

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Marriage counselor to help us communicate better

April 2012

I'm looking for someone to help my husband and me communicate better, learn to nurture each other, and be on the same page with each other. We've never done counseling before. We are looking for someone affordable and understanding. We would like to build a loving relationship that benefits us and is a good model for our daughter. Any recommendations would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

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I recommend Dana McMullen 510-558-8475 in El Cerrito. She is intelligent, kind, professional and very good at marriage counseling. My husband and I have seen her for years and it has helped immeasurably. She will listen to both of you and teach you how to listen to each other and get what you need out of the marriage. She is actively involved and really compassionate. anon

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I can highly recommend our couples therapist, Ashley Kirkman. She is on Telegraph, 2 blocks north of Ashby. Her approach is friendly, practical and positive. She taught us fantastic communication skills during a time that our marriage was under a decent amount of stress. She helped us practice those skills, while keeping a sense of humor about all of it. The most important thing was that we never felt like she took sides, we always felt like we were all on the same team because even during some tough conversations and conflicts, she was always grounding us in how we both there because we care about the marriage (which often gets lost in the heat of an argument or with an overly analytical approach). She was really compassionate towards us both and helped us grow our compassion for each other and ability to nurture one another. I can't say enough about her. The other great thing - in comparison to other therapists - she's reasonable! Give her a call at 510-464-4641 and feel free to email me directly with more questions about her style. Good luck. j

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I would like to recommend Audrey Martin, MFT here in Rockridge (510 428 1505) to you. I have experienced her work and greatly benefited from it. Her style is warm and engaging, she is an excellent listener and a very clear thinker. She has a good sense of humor and will guide you competently towards achieving the goal of a loving relationship. You will find her skills and her array of tools with which to work and practice on your own impressive and helpful. Been there

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Couples Therapist Who Takes Anthem Blue Cross?

Mar 2012

Can anyone recommend a good couples therapist in close proximity to N. Berkeley who takes Anthem Blue Cross (PPO)? I see lots of great recommendations on the BPN site, but none of the recommended therapists take my insurance. Thanks!

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I know a fantastic couples therapist that takes all insurances, I believe. She is in north Oakland. Her name is Jenifer Dahlstrom and her number is 510-273-9261. We've had very good results quite early on with seeing her----after doing couples counseling in the past several times. She's great! See if it's a good fit for you! She uses a method called the ''Gottman Method'' and I think that might be the difference. There are very few Gottman trained therapists around. Reba Connell at the Center for Stress Reduction at 510-594-8224 is also a certified Gottman therapist. You could check with her and see if she accepts your insurance. Happy

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Marriage therapist near campus, weekend hours?

Nov 2011

Our marriage may be over but since we have children we'd need to give therapy a try. Need a marriage therapist in Albany or Berkeley (biking distance from UC campus). Willing to drive further if weekend appointments available too. Anon

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I really don't think you could find a better therapist than Lisa Lancaster. I got her name from a colleague and have found her to be so amazingly kind and effective. My marriage is in a much better spot now than it was this time last year, that is for sure! She is near the Claremont hotel in Berkeley. anon

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Go see Heidi Berrin Shonkoff (510-849-4106). Having been referred to Heidi by several friends who have seen her, my husband and I landed at her office in what we felt was ''irreparable'' shape. Fighting, bad (and sometimes non- existent) sex, turmoil around the kids, etc. We are both amazed at what has transpired in such a short period of time in our couples therapy with Heidi. We are repairing and moving forward into a very different kind of relationship. Heidi is fair, very responsive and wise. More advice: If things feel this bad for you, don't wait. Been there

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SHARON GREGORY 510-540-4870. We saw Sharon every week for 2 years as we hit the rockiest, scariest time of our marriage (surprise third kid.) She has the perfect blend of uber-professionalism with deep compassion and un-canny skill. Many therapists before her would ''hold'' my big scary revelations with what appeared to me as uncertainty, lots of heavy sighing and head nodding. But with Sharon, we both felt super safe and nothing scared her. She would package up what we had said and reflect back to us in a way that would amaze us. It was a 2 year course in interpersonal communication skills and a discovery of personal insight that I couldn't have imagined. We are doing great now, and we will always consider Sharon part of our team. I cannot recommend her enough. K.

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My husband and I saw Deborah Joy Harger who was amazing! Deborah is insightful, smart and thoughtful, and helped us with communication and conflict resolution. We can't recommend her enough. Her number is (510) 524-8284. Anon

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Pro-active couples therapist that takes Aetna ins?

Oct 2011

Looking for a couples therapist with a take charge, hands on approach that can assist us with some tangible issues we are facing (i.e., whether or not to have a third child). We want someone that can help us focus on the issues at hand and come up with some step-by-step action plans to address them. We are not looking for long-term exploration therapy. Less ''um-hmm'' and more ''I want you to do these three things.'' We need help from a third party to work through our issues and walk away with specific, tangible tools to put into place. Ideally the person would take Aetna insurance and is located in Oakland (or near to Oakland).

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Call Jenifer Dahlstrom. She is a GREAT couple's therapist. I know she takes many, many different insurances, so I would imagine she would take yours. Without going into detail, I will just say that she makes a lot of difference for couples! Her phone number is: 510-273-9261 or you can check her website at jeniferdahlstrom.com ''Happy Camper''

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Seeking therapist for marriage issues

Sept 2011

I am seeking recommendations for a therapist or psychologist who is oriented toward working through a specific problem in a limited, rather than open-ended, period of time. I have been struggling in my marriage for many years, and I need someone who can help me figure out how to think productively & concretely about what I can do to feel better. I would like someone smart, interactive, experienced, emotionally grounded, and located in the east bay. Thank you. anon

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I'd recommend Dr. Barbara Swenson - her website is couplecenter.com. She's very practical and results-oriented. She gets to the crux of things very quickly. I'm sure she'd be happy to have a phone consult to you to see if it's a fit. She has an office in Rockridge, and one in Walnut Creek. Best of luck to you! Anon

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I have a very good recommendation for a wonderful Marriage and Family therapist who prefers to help her clients in one or two counseling sessions (rather than the more conventional long-term, open-ended type of therapy). She is very smart, interactive, experienced, emotionally grounded and located in the east bay - just what you're looking for - ISADORA ALMAN, M.A. Psychotherapist/Writer/Speaker Communications/Relationships/Sexuality http://askisadora.com/CounselingServices.aspx askisadora [at] aol.com or phone 510-521-2925 Good Luck! anon

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I recommend Dan Quinn in Berkeley, 510-290-8297. He is smart, emotionally tuned in and can draw on vast amounts of knowledge and experience. He uses a skills-based approach when working with couples which helps keep focus on the issues and limit the time required. Good luck. Alan

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I can wholeheartedly recommend Toni Ayres, MFT..she is also a nurse. She is calm and compassionate and an expert at couples counseling and sex therapy.. Toni Ayres is in Berkeley 510- 841-2553 Sara

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Couples counselor for infidelity and communication issues

Aug 2011

I would love to get any recommendations for a therapist to help my husband and I work through some communication issues and a newly discovered infidelity. We are willing to try and repair the marriage and seek a therapist who is honest, open and not afraid to ''tell it like it is''. We feel the most successful match would be someone who can help us identify our issues and provide us with the tools to improve our communication in and out of the session. Someone who specializes in issues with the infidelity would be especially helpful. We are in the N. Berkeley area. Hoping to be happy again

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Cindy Blackett is awesome. She's directed, calm, a good listener, and experienced. http://cindyblackett.com/ Good luck!

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Hello, I would recommend Dena Anthony, Ph.D for couples counseling. She has an office right in Albany near the N. Berkeley border and has years of experience and a high success rate with couples. She's warm and compassionate, yet practical and direct, and extremely knowledgeable and committed to her work. You can learn more about her on her website: http://www.waysofknowing.com/. Best of luck finding the right therapist to work with you and your husband. Helena

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I would like to recommend Dr. Michael Gray in Albany. His web site is here http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/Michael_Gray_PhD_Albany_Ca lifornia_82973 and he can be reached at 510/525-6620. My significant other and I have been seeing him for several months, and he has been very helpful. While infidelity is not an issue in our relationship, we definitely have been working thru communications issues, and really like him. It is hard work, and he is not cheap, but definitely worth it. If you have any questions, please get my email address from the moderator. Glad to help

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Call Heidi Berrin Shonkoff (510-849-4106). Heidi--who is an extraordinarily warm, skilled and experienced therapist--helped my husband and I repair our connection after some very difficult times. She works in a no-nonsense, straight forward, deep and balanced manner. Over the years there have been a lot of recommendations for her on this site and many couples we know have seen her, some of whom have had to deal with infidelities. She is busy and sometimes it is hard to get into her practice but it is well worth the wait. RK

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Run, don't walk, to see Sheila Rubin!! Last year, at this time, my marriage imploded and we separated, in part due to infidelity and trust issues. Another reason we decided to separate/divorce was because the therapist we had refused to hold my husband accountable for the hurtful activities. Instead, my husband's denials and lame excuses were given as much weight as my pain. After the separation, our good friend begged us to see Sheila three times before filing for divorce, and we agreed. It was the best decision we have ever made! She does Emotionally- Focused Therapy (EFT), which focuses on rebuilding the trust and emotional connections. This is not a long drawn- out process; she gets right into the muck! It's a process that works well for couples in stress, like infidelity. It was hard for my husband to do this work at first because it required him to listen to my pain and anger without making excuses until I felt like I had been heard and could START to trust him again. Fast forward one year: our relationship has never been better. We only go to see Sheila every few weeks now, and we communicate better than ever. Sheila is amazing! She is respectful to both parties, yet she doesn't let either of us get away with excuses or games. You can find info for her on her website: www.sheilarubin.com Big Sheila Fan

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I highly recommend Ken Seider. He's located at 2920 Domingo Avenue Berkeley, CA 94705-2400. We've been seeing him for the past year, working on similar issues. He's caring, willing to help you confront issues, and excellent on helping with communication issues. anonymous

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I would like to recommend Dan Quinn as an excellent couples counselor, especially for difficult issues such as infidelity. Dan is warm, empathic, really smart and has a great sense of humor. I think he could be of great assistance to you and your partner. Check out his website: www.DanQuinn.Info. He is in the North Berkeley area.

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Looking for French couples therapist

Aug 2011

I am looking for a French or bilingual/bicultural American-French therapist for couples. Know any?

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Hello Try Claude Delaubert in north Oakland. Her number is 510-594-6800. She is wonderful and very experienced. Anon

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Communicative/Intuitive, Problem-Solving Therapist

June 2011

For couples' counseling. We need someone who can understand my need for a secure, communicative, intimate marriage, and how that conflicts with my husband's tendencies both to avoid intimacy and to feel insecure generally. He gets angry with me and finds fault with me unnecessarily in any situation that could lead to more intimacy (or which suggests his behavior has been less than stellar), and acts out passive-aggressively as his communications style (why ask me to do something when he could throw a tantrum instead?). This is so debilitating I've also been able to help him with things he'd probably appreciate (like fixing up our home-which he throws his hands up at, and feels like he can't or won't fix). We've been working on this on and off for years, but we really need some skillful intervention. We need experience, smarts, assertiveness, excellent communications, and the ability to nail down and work on our issues. Blue Cross/Blue shield is a plus! Thanks.

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I really want to recommend Michael Gray, Ph.D. His web site is here: http://michaelgrayphd.com/tag/albany-ca/ and his phone number is 510-525- 6620. We have been seeing him for couples therapy for several months now, and he has really helped us worked through several serious problems. We've seen many others over the past ten years, but Dr. Gray has been the most effective person so far. His focus is on teaching you tools to solve your disagreements so you don't have to see him every week. I don't believe he takes insurance, but the cost is worth it if you want to save your relationship. Ask the moderator for my email if you'd like to discuss this further. --Therapy can work wonders

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Regarding your question about an excellent therapist referral as well as other recent similar requests: I highly recommend Albert Levy, Ph.D. He is a very experienced and seasoned clinical psychologist, smart, down to earth, responsive, and helps you get to the bottom of things. He works with adults individually and couples. He has a sliding scale and takes many insurance plans. He's located in the Berkeley/Albany border. 510-527-1455 Best wishes. Kim

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2008 - 2010 Recommendations

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Need Couples counselor for infidelity issues

Oct 2010

Hello, I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and facing some serious infidelity issues with the father of my child. I am looking for recommendations for a counselor who can help me/us either move forward with trying to forgive my partner and start a happy and home for our son or to end the relationship in a way that it is best for my son. Time is obviously of the essence and any help would be so so appreciated!

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First of all, I am so sorry this is happening to you. My husband and I have been seeing Alice Shusterman for a while now and we both really think she's wonderful. She's great about getting to the heart of this issue and not getting caught up in griping and other distractions.. Her office is on Solano in Berkeley and her number is 510-527-5930. We haven't been dealing with infidelity, but other really difficult communication issues. She has been a great mediator and has really helped us see more clearly and move forward out of destructive behaviors. Good luck! anon

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I would send you right to Dr. Lancaster. She has helped my husband and me get through an the fallout from an affair. She is smart, warm, and most important, effective. She is in Berkeley near the Claremont hotel (510-841-2525) anon

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Marriage counselor 4 older couple with grown kids

Oct 2010

I'm looking for names and contact info. for a counselor that might help me and my husband of two years to find compromises that work. We are an unusual 'blended' family: we're both 61 years old, and I have adult children and one grandson (2 years) with whom I am very close. My hubby has a step-child and step-grandson from a previous marriage who he is not close to; his previous wife died, but the relationship with his step-relatives is strained and he rarely sees them, though they live only an hour away. I babysit my grandson at our house once per week and my husband complains bitterly about it. I feel I should be allowed to use our house, which is also my house, as a base for family visits. His family-avoidance and my close-knit family are not compatible, and are the only strong and persistent problem between us. We need help. Any advice from people who've been through it, or suggestions for a therapist who is good in this area? thank you for sharing ideas.

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Hi There, I would highly recommend Alice Shusterman. Her office is on Solano Ave. in North Berkeley. Her number is 510-527-5930. We, my husband and I, have spent a lot of time on similar issues around extended family and she has been really helpful! anon

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Marriage Help - Therapist or Couples Classes ???

Oct 2010

My husband and I are in need of some help. We have been married for 15 years and have 2 beautiful kids; we have been through a difficult death of a parent & depression. My husband also has a job which involves him being away from the family a lot, meaning more often than not I am the primary one responsible for everything. (This does not bother me as I am used to it at this point). We do not have much time together as a family and very little alone time. Here lies our MAIN problem, we have communication issues and do not know how to disagree without arguing on different issues (mostly regarding the kids - discipline, behaviors, etc). Has anyone ever been to a (non-religious) weekend retreat that deals with couple related issues? I am open to any and all suggestions.

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First - your post was most moving. I bet there are lots of us who read this and thought - 'been there...' Stay strong and striving during this time. Might I suggest two things:

Gottman - The Art and Science of Love. We went to Seattle for the initial reasonably priced weekend session and it changed the downward spiral we were in. There are books and follow-up program, more local coaches. http://www.gottman.com/ We drove up once with the kids and had a local friend watch them. We flew back for the 'graduate' weekend alone. May go back again as it is clear to us that marriage is a practice and we could use more support. Really solid instructional design, sound content and excellent facilitation. Miraculous step-by-step tools for lots of things including one that we swear by on resolving fights and 'unfortunate incidents' Even if things don't work out, the shared approaches will support your family and life in many ways.

Love Dare - Seeing your note about non-religious, I almost did not recommend. EXCEPT the day by day, mutual approach to the marriage basics of respect, honor, acceptance, kindness and other elements of marriage are basicly superb and should be handed out to everyone prior to marriage. There is also a tell-it-like-it-is tone that is refreshing and basically calls marriage as it is hard and rewarding. IF, IF, IF you can read around the biblical references and more traditional Christian doctrine, AND instead read spiritual and higher source or self, then I suggest this. You may just want to get this as a reference book for you.

Best wishes for making this happen! happier in the hills

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so sorry to hear that you're suffering...you are not alone...being married and raising children is challenging, even in the best of circumstances. learning to communicate, sorting things out, and changing behavior without support is often impossible given the nonstop responsibilities of family life (especially if you're trying to do much of it on your own).

anyway, i don't know of classes in particular but i'm sure there are many. my husband and i have recently started working with a counselor and it's been really wonderful (and hard). she is here in berkeley so may not be accessible to you (Yvonne Mansel) but, i'm sure you can find someone who is closer by. basically, i just wanted to send you some encouragement and hope you find the support you need. good luck!!! jen

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My partner and I were in a similar place and what really kicked us into gear was coaching. We saw a number of therapists with no change, and relationship coaching moved more in two sessions than a year of therapy. Try Natalie Thiel at intimatelifecoaching.com. She is amazing with couples with children. And she does one day intensives with couples. Best of luck to you and your family. anon

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Since you are a Kaiser member, you could check with their health education depeartment about their course offerings. When I worked at Kaiser in San Rafael, there was a repeating 4-week Couples Communication class that was well- regarded, and I know the San Francisco Kaiser has a similar class, so perhaps Richmond or Oakland does too. This would be a good place to start while you look for a therapist.

You expressed an interest in a weekend workshop, and there are two upcoming couples workshops in the area, taught by Gottmann-trained couples therapists, on in Santa Rosa and one in the south bay. If you look on the Gottmann website you can find the info. Ilene Diamond, JD, PsyD (415) 820-1508

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I would highly recommend that you go and see Dr. Lisa Lancaster. She helped my husband and me with some similar communication issues. She is warm, smart and compassionate. Better than any book I've found. She is in Berkeley--510-841-2525 anon

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Alameda Couples Therapy?

Sept 2010

My husband and I are looking for a marriage therapist in Alameda to deal with some of the mundane issues of marriage - parenting, having another child, aging parents, anxiety, income, etc. Any recommendations would be great, thanks. anonymous

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I highly recommend Elizabeth Dandenell, MFT. My husband and I have been seeing her as a couple, and individually when needed, for a year and a half. She has helped our marriage tremendously! She is located on Santa Clara between Broadway & Park. 748-0637 is her number. Best of luck to you and your husband. Another Alameda Mom

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Marriage Counselor - - N. Oakland/Rockridge

Sept 2010

We are looking for a couples counselor in the N. Oakland/ Rockridge area. We would prefer someone who is rather directive, and works with anger & anxiety issues. It would be a huge plus if they took Blue Shield. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. anon

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I have recommended her before, and I still think she is one of the best: Carol Jenkins is a top notch marriage counselor with a welcoming office in Russell House in Rockridge. Her number is 510-845-5178. Yes, she can be directive, also fair, intelligent and compassionate. Still Married

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I would recommend a very compassionate and effective couples/marriage therapist I know well who is located right at the Berkeley-Oakland border on Telegraph (close to Rockridge), who I believe does take Blue Shield. She can be directive, especially if you ask for that -- she is very responsive to what works for you: Laura Goldberger, MFT 510-665-7755 Liz

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I would send you to Dr. Lisa Lancaster. My husband and I have had great success with her. She listens, doesn't take sides, and has really helped us through a very difficult patch. She has an office on the Berkeley/Oakland boarder. Her number is 510-841-2525. anon

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Colorado Kagan is an excellent couples therapist in Rockridge. Her number is 297-4937 happy client

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Couples Counselor Who ''Says it Like it Is''

August 2010

My wife and I are looking for a couples counselor who specializes in dealing with issues of control and helping us develop better communications skills. Also very important is that we would be interested in identifying a counselor who is willing to ''say it like it is.'' We have been to couples counselors in the past and far too often they are hesitant to evaluate us as individuals. If I am being unreasonable in something, I would like to know about it. I would like validation in whether or not something my wife accuses me of like whether I'm being selfish, or unappreciative, or not listening to her, is true, or not. Likewise, it would be helpful to know if I'm crazy in thinking my wife is controlling or a hothead, or being selfish herself. Too often a counselor seems (out of fear of the perception of taking sides?) to want to not deal with these underlying issues and would rather create a collaborative environment without saying directly whether there is a specific underlying behavior exhibited by one person or the other that is harmful to the relationship as a whole. I am not looking for someone to take sides with me. I am looking for someone who is skilled at navigating these waters so that we can get some perspective at our individual idiosyncracies that prove harmful in our relationship. If you have any recommendations at couples counselors who are able to ''say it like it is'' in a professional manner that is non- threatening, I would greatly appreciate it. Grateful-for-Your-Thoughts

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It sounds like you want a referee. I thought I did too when we started counseling. However, I discovered that it became more important to focus on being emotionally present for our partners in order to connect with each other. Once we got to that point, our differences got resolved more comfortably. We saw Bart Foley who at the time was an intern of Bonnie MacBride, M.F.T. 510-610-9807 2428 Dwight Way. anon

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My husband and I would both strongly recommend Dr. Anne Bernstein, right here in Berkeley, for excellent, honest, caring, wise, and insightful couples work. I called a psychology professor at UCB whom I know to ask for a strong recommendation for a couples counselor, and received a strong endorsement for Anne. Long story short, she got to know us well, always treated both of us with care, yet honestly, always had incisive problem solving skills, which we needed, to get us off of being distraught with the other's idiosyncracies. In short, Anne was able to help us work through a veritable thicket of difficult issues, to find solutions that were good for both of us. We are a much happier, healthier couple for the time we spent working things out in her office. I cannot say enough good things about her. She combines wisdom, intelligence, lots of life experience, and has a wonderfully caring grandmotherly quality. Go figure. She's great. Anne Bernstein, Ph.D. 2955 Shattuck Ave # 12 Berkeley , CA - 94705 510-549-0598 grateful for wise counsel

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I would recommend Dr. Lisa Lancaster. My partner and I saw her last year for a number of months and found her very helpful. She didn't take sides, but she also didn't keep her ideas and sense of where the problems were coming from to herself either. She did wonders for us. anon

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My husband and I were stuck in a power struggle for some years after our children were born. We tried a few things like reading articles about couples therapy and non-violent communication. But what really helped us was working with a very direct and experienced therapist who didn't beat around the bush. Whereas it was hard and painful work (and sometimes funny) we both felt good because our marriage became much more the way we had originally envisioned it to be and we have a much greater understanding of each other now. So if you are looking for a ''tough love'' approach I can recommend Dr. Hans Stahlschmidt in North Berkeley. Phone Number 848 5347. Hope you will work it out with your wife.

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I highly recommend Emily Epstein, MFT. She's a great couples therapist who is both kind and direct. She's very skillful. Emily practices in Berkeley, her number is 510-595-5565. Good luck.

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I highly recommend Diane Donnelly: http://dianedonnellytherapy.com/ We are currently in couples therapy with her and she does tell it like it is, but in a kind and gentle way. Hard to describe, but she is compassionate and forthright at the same time. We are very pleased with her approach. good luck!

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Strong, Smart Couples Therapist needed

May 2010

My husband and I no longer love each other but need to stay together to co-parent our sick child. It's a ridiculous and frustrating position to be in, but it seems to only solution right now. We need a good therapist to work with us to make the situation as civilized as possible. Someone near Berkeley, preferably but not necessarily who takes Health Net/UBH insurance.

I'm completely frustrated with the whole thing, but am terrified that our child's substantial medical needs would not be met appropriately if she were to spend time away (ie; he moved out and had joint custody), and the thought of not having her with me absolutely breaks my heart.

Something has got to change; I am confident that I can be civil and pleasant, and have been, but he is so depressed that he can't see past the misery he has enveloped himself in, which makes communication and civility very difficult.

So, someone to help with communication, teaching acceptance of personal responsibility, and help lift the cloud of hopeless depression would be fantastic; both for our child's sake and my sanity. Need Help.

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What you are going through sounds so hard. I haven't been through anything like that, but my husband and I went to a therapist, Emily Epstein, to work through issues before we were even planning to get married. He only agreed to go because I was about to leave the relationship. I only went because I thought I could then leave with a clear conscience. After two years of therapy we had completely changed our relationship - we got married and now have an 8 mo old and are very happy. We both found Emily to be really wonderful and can highly recommend her as a couples therapist. I hope she can help you find something tenable. http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/Emily_Epstein_LMFT_Berkeley_California_52212 anon

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Married 14 years, need to work out some issues

April 2010

Hi, Does anyone have current recommendations for Marriage Therapists. We have been married for 14 years and need to work out allot of long suppressed issues-intimacy, step children, substance abuse, grief. I need someone who is a a straight talker, good listener, will help us talk to each other without fear of hurting feelings. Trying to make it work.

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Reba Connell is a very good therapist who would be worth considering. She's a straight talker and a very good listener. (510) 594-8224 L

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My husband and I have found counseling with Marianne Regan (510-652-6600) to be tremendously helpful. She is sensitive, empathetic & intuitive; an excellent facilitator for exploring communications and connection (& where those are hampered). I continue to be more and more impressed with her skill and the positive impact her help is having on our relationship. all the best

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I highly recommend Colorado Kagan for marriage counseling. My husband and I have found much greater intimacy and much better communication since we have been going to her. 510-297-4937 marriage counseling helped me

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If you are looking for an excellent MFT, I would recommend Patricia McCaffrey (510)836-4432. Patricia has been in practice for 25 years, specializing in solving couple and family issues. She creates a safe environment, listens carefully, and is fair. She can be reached at (510)836-4432. A believer

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I recommend both Taly Rutenberg (whom I saw for marriage counseling) and Anne Marshall (whom I saw for personal counseling, but she also works with couples). They are both empathetic, understanding, solution-oriented and able to hold your feet to the fire in a compassionate, supportive way. Back when I was seeing them (2006) Taly Rutenberg had an office on Ashby just below the Claremont, and Anne Marshall had an office on mid-Solano. Your Mileage May Vary

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I highly recommend Cathy Cassel 510-540-0193. She's very experienced, warm and wise. Friends of mine have gone to her and swear she saved their relationship. Good luck! anonymous

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Recommendation for Dr. Phil couples therapist

March 2010

My wife and I have been in couples therapy for years and have not had much success. We are oppositional and have different parenting styles. Can anyone recommend a counselor or family minister who implements a Dr. Phil approach in being able to set firm limits, is vocal, and is a strong advocate of family values? Our therapist's neutrality appears to get us nowhere and I am wondering if having someone with an opinion can help us progress. We appear to be in a revolving door with the same arguments. Sessions are draining and core issues unresolved. Is this a normal process most couples go through? How long should we expect this course to run? Our therapist schedules a series of appointments a week comprised of separate individual sessions for each of us in addition to couples sessions. I am wondering if this is common practice in couples work? We are in need of someone who can diffuse anger, frustration and pain (my wife has emotional abuse in her early history) and give us tools to improve communication in 1 appointment a week. Is this too much to ask? Anon

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If you're looking for a great couple's therapist, you might call Dr. Richard Bush, in Berkeley. He has helped my husband and me immensely with his wisdom, good sense, warmth and kindness. We were struck right away by how tuned in he was to our issues and how thoughtful he was. His number is 845-1845. Anonymous

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I don't know if she does therapy like Dr. Phil, but our therapist is very straight forward with lots of experience. Although she doesn't tell us what to do, she is very interactive and helps us figure out what we need. We didn't want someone to take months getting to know us and she went right to what we wanted and not what she thought we should work on. Her name is Fran Wickner, she's on Solano, 527-4011. BPN reader

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United Behavioral Health therapist?

Nov 2009

My husband and I have been married for three years. We had only known each other for a few months before we got pregnant, and were married (happily...no shotguns, here) when I was in my third trimester. We have both seen a lot of unplanned-for change (career changes, cross-country moves, parenthood) in the last few years, and have been trying to get to know each other in the process. It proves to be more and more difficult as time goes on. We seem to understand each other less now than we did a few years ago!

We tried therapy last year, but didn't love our therapist (a woman who did Imago therapy). We also felt stressed by the fact that we had to pay so much money for her services. We are covered under United Behavioral Health, but I have had a hard time sifting through the names of providers and trying to match them up with past recommendations on BPN. I would really appreciate some suggestions for someone who will call us on our BS, help us deal with communication, parenting, and sexual issues, and help us deepen our level of intimacy and connection. Thanks Troubled Wife

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Our therapist is Nancy Oken. She introduced us to the ''Non-Violent Communication'' technique. It's not all she does but we've found that this technique worked for us the best, as it improved the way we communicated. I've also noticed that she doesn't ask that we dig deep into our past to see why we behave the way we do, but instead try to get us to take concrete steps to resolve our conflicts. I really like her style. anon

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I love my therapist, Sheryl Coryell. I see her individually, but I imagine she would be equally great with couples. She's actually the best therapist I've ever seen, and I've seen many. She takes UBH. anon

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My husband and I have been seeing Amy Abern (510) 486-0644 through my UBH coverage for years. We have periods where we see her weekly and periods where we don't see her for months depending on what we need and where we are. She is very focussed on solutions and helps you move forward with practical every day ideas that help partners communicate and relate better. Since the birth of our daughter 2 years ago, she's also been great at helping us navigate the tricks of co- parenting. Honestly there are weeks when I just can't wait to go see her--would be great if those didn't come around very often, but when they do, I'm relieved to have her there to support us. She's located at 1340 Ward Street, Berkeley, CA Happy to recommend Amy

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Experience with Rebecca Epstein?

Oct 2009

I am seeking a marriage counselor and was given the names of Dr. Rebecca Epstein and Dr. Ken Seider, both of Berkeley. If anyone has information about them, I would appreciate it. Seeking help

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We saw Dr. Rebecca Epstein for several years and she is excellent. She helped us save our marriage. She is very smart and professional. anonymous

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Hit a rocky patch in our 10+ year marriage

Sept 2009

My spouse and I have hit a rocky patch in our 10+ year marriage. Major issues are husband's strong sex drive and wife's complete disinterest in sex. Additional issues are husband's alcoholism, compulsive hoarding, and procrastination. Seeking a marriage counselor, preferably in Montclair, Piedmont, or Piedmont Ave. Because of financial considerations, we can only afford 2 or 3 sessions with a counselor so he or she has got to be very good. Thanks. anon

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My partner and I went to Rebecca Lueck (www.rebeccalueck.com) in Rockridge and we found her very sensitive to our issues as lesbian parents. She helped us look at how we fight and we found calmer ways to do it. We felt comfortable exploring our differences in her room which was probably the most important aspect of how therapy helped us. Some things you just don't feel comfortable saying without a third person. Either way, remember that you don't want to enable an alcholic. I watched my mother do that for her entire life. Meghan

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I just finished reading your posting and wanted to comment. I'm a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and I'm glad that you're taking the big step to seek therapy...that's not always an easy thing to do.

My concern is that you're hoping to find a ''great'' therapist so that you can deal with some very big issues in 2 to 3 sessions. I would caution you against wasting your money with anyone who tells you they can do this. The kinds of issues you're talking about are complex and took a long time to get that way. Good therapy will take some time and exploration. In that process, you and your husband can grow closer, feel more supported, and experience levels of intimacy that you hadn't had in your relationship before. It's all a very exciting and eye-opening process, but yes, it takes time.

I know that finances are a concern, which of course makes sense, but there are therapists out there who offer sliding scales, and there are MFT interns who are very well qualified to help you, at low and affordable rates.

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My husband and I have seen Bruce Ecker in times of intense difficulty. He helped us improve our communication tremendously in just a few sessions. His focus is deep work, in a short amount of time. He is very good. He does not take insurance but does have somewhat of a sliding scale. His office is in Oakland and he can be reached at: 510-452-2820. Take good care

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Moving from dating to the next stage

August 2009

Looking for a referral for a good couples therapist. I am a single mom who has been dating someone for the last 4+ years but we need help taking it to the next stage. :^D

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Hi, I know of an amazing therapist that I highly recommend you contact. Jill Lebeau is a true master at relationships. She knows simply how to bring out the best in people. My wife and I can't say enough good things about her. Ok, it's true, my wife dragged me in to see her, but today I can say in complete honesty, I'm so glad she did because without her help we probably would have gone our own separate ways. You can call her at 510-849-1010 or her email is jilllebeau [at] yahoo.com Steve

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I'm relatively new to this listserve and the East Bay, but I when I moved here I joined Berk.Parents Network and found a great therapist and wanted to post my recommendation. Dr. Fran Wickner is practical, down to earth and experienced. I feel as if I have grown more in the short time working with her than in all the years of therapy I had before. Her phone number is 510-527-4011. east bay mom

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Counseling experience with Dan Wile or Billie Warden?

August 2009

HI, Has anyone had counseling experience with either Dan Wile or Billie Warden? How did they work for you? anon

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Dan Wile is a masterful, amazing couples therapist. He was called ''a genius and the greatest living marital therapist'' by John Gottman (author- Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work quote is in the acknowledgment section).

I saw him with my husband and I wholeheartedly agree with that assessment. We saw three couples therapists before seeing Dan Wile and the difference was night and day.

Dan Wile does not takes sides, is kind, dynamic and HE ANSWERS HIS PHONE. He actually picks up if he is not in session. Unlike many therapists, he allows open communication on both sides and helps both partners view the situation in a way that supports the relationship. Somehow both parties feel heard and understood, yet brought together, not torn apart, by the issues.

My husband and I saw Dan Wile every two weeks, for five sessions total. He literally saved our marriage. He is probably mid-range in terms of fees, but overall is economical because positive change can come about so quickly. (Two of the three we saw before were quacks and charged more than Dan Wile did.)

He is the creator of collaborative couples therapy, writes books and does alot of training, so he is not in practice full-time, and is very low key. I think that makes him more accessible and less likely to try to hold onto couples for long term work.

He is by far the best and really is the greatest living marital therapist. Very Satisfied Client

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I've been helped by Dan Wile twice -- once about 10 years ago when my husband and I needed to work out where out relationship was headed, and more recently I went back to him with my young adult son because our arguments were getting scarily out of control. If your problem is faulty communication with someone you love, Dan is your man. He is very smart and he really knows his stuff - check his website. He does not do talk therapy -- he is more like a mediator. What he does is basically teach you both how to talk to each other. But it's not like a class where he teaches and you listen. He shows you (not tells you) how to resolve conflicts. He is so skilled that you take away a whole lot from just one session. My son and I only saw him for two sessions. My husband and I went to him for only 5 weeks. In both cases, we all felt satisfied that he had gotten us past the obstacle and moved on to a more peaceful co-existence. And we were all initially pretty doubtful about visiting a therapist.

I'll describe what a session is like: Dan asked me to give an example of something that happened recently where my son exploded and lost control. Then, he summarized back to me what happened and also why I was upset, making small changes until I agreed he had it right. Then, sitting next to me, he spoke to my son as if he were me, speaking in the first person, explaining my side, but a distilled, neutral, and more thoughtful version. He then asked my son what he thought about that, and he went through the same process with him, speaking to me as if he were my son. Let me tell you, this was eye-opening for me. And for my son. It's brilliant - both sides are heard, but there is no emotional charge because you are not addressing each other - he is doing the talking. Both parties understand that what he is saying really does reflect what is felt, because both have heard the summarizing and corrections. He's like a skilled diplomat -- very calm, completely non-judgm ental, and friendly, but keeps his own opinions to himself. By the way, his office is in his home, and so is very comfortable and homey yet private. So, yes, he's excellent and I can recommend him! Therapized

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Couples therapy to help with resentment about depression

June 2009

I've been suffering PPD since the birth of our first child in January 2006. After another baby, and many changes of meds, I am finally coming out of the depression/negativity (albeit on Cymbalta and Abilify!). My husband has been very supportive but has been left with many feelings of anger, bitterness and disappointment which have inevitably seeped into our relationship. My pyschiatrist has recommended that we seek couples therapy (and possibly therapy for my husband separately also). Does anyone have a recommendation for a couples counsellor who is familiar with issues in marriages raised by one partner suffering depression? We really want to make this work. Ideally someone with flexible hours, since I work full time in SF, and in or close to Alameda, where we live. Seeking help

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Run, don't walk, to Alisa Genovese. She helped save our marriage. I went to see her for PPD shortly after my daughter was born. She is still my therapist during times of strife. She is fabulous! 510-286-7599. feeling good

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Couples counselor for SAHM issues

June 2009

I'm a stay at home mom. I've tried to explain to my husband how I feel unappreciated, unvalued, overwhelmed, unrespected. I've explained how he gets these things from his job via paychecks, perks, spa days, lunches on the boss etc. I don't get anything like that. I don't even get a guaranteed bathroom break without disruption. I have tried to explain how I need my family to act as my cheerleaders to provide me with a sense of respect. He doesn't get it at all and I'm at the limit of what I can tolerate. Angry, frustrated and resentful are not words that any of my friends would describe me as yet that is now how I would describe myself now. We decided to see a couple's counselor but I want some recommendations on a therapist with this focus. We have no other issues we keep getting stuck on. Just Doesn't Get It

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Before you invest in therapists, try a weekly sitter and dinner/movie/show datenight. Schedule these datenights regularly. It is expensive, but not much more than couples therapy! And it works, you are a couple weekly. Try it you will like it. We do. Anon

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I would recommend Dr. Lisa Lancaster. She has helped me and my husband so much. We have dealt with some of the issues you mention. I don't think you could go wrong with her. She is in Berkeley. 510-841-2525 anon

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My wife and I saw Jennifer Lieberman who is a Marriage and Family Therapist for some similar issues related to childcare versus work. Having a family herself, she was very insightful and was a great guide for improving our communication and cooperation around parenting and being better partners for each other. Her website is www.oaklandpsychotherapist.com, 415-998-5683. Thomas

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Couples therapist for different cultural backgrounds

Feb 2009

Would like to find a couples therapist to work with us about some long-term issues with our different cultural backgrounds, some depression, computer gaming addiction and a general sense of not being responsible in the home. My husband is a pretty nice guy but at home expects me to take care of everything as his job pays our bills. We have a young child and I would like to make this work. Thanks for recommendations. Needing some real help

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I have been very happy with Dr. Lancaster. Her approach is direct and kind; my wife and I have been able to find much more productive ways of communicating after seeing her. She is not in Oakland but in south Berkeley so not too far. Her number is 841-2525. anon

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We have seen Ruth Cohn, MFT in Oakland for both couple's and family therapy. She is very skilled and also a lovely and warm person. 510 653-6256 - on College Ave near Broadway. My 17 year old daughter loves her as do we. M.

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My husband and I recommend Rebecca Lueck, LCSW. She is located at College and Alcatraz in Rockridge. Her number is 415 235-1071. We've found her to be flexible, insightful, balanced and compassionate. We felt she didn't take sides. She did a great job understanding our intimacy issues as well as our parenting stresses. After we were done she gave us practical activities to continue our work together at home. Good luck, Laura

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My husband and I have benefited enormously from our sessions with Carol Jenkins. Her ability to maintain balance while keeping us moving forward -- and productive -- is nothing short of amazing. We have grown, and, coincidentally, have stayed together, with her guidance. Most important, perhaps, is the fact that she makes her office a safe and fair place for both of us, despite our sometimes deeply seated differences and hurt feelings. Her number is 510-845-5178. grateful

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Melissa Villanueva is an excellent multicultural therapist in the Piedmont area of Oakland. I believe she's still accepting clients. One of her specialties is working with multicultural family issues. Her style is very interactive and she has a strong background in meditation (spiritual) practice which I found to be particularly helpful. She also has very reasonable rates. Her contact information is 510-654-5407. Malia

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Highly experienced very professional couple therapist?

Jan 2009

Can anyone recommend a highly experienced very professional couple therapist in Berkeley or Oakland? We have been married a long time and have worked with two well-recommended couple therapists in the past. Both efforts were disappointing; we did not find the depth of work we had hoped for. Jenn

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I would send you to Dr. Lisa Lancaster without question. She has offered me a fabulous opportunity for me and my husband to understand each other better and figure out how to finally be happy. Go and see her. She has an office in Berkeley (841-2525) anon

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My husband and I went to see Toni Ayres for about 1 year. She has a MFC license, and also has RN, EdD, and LMFT on her business card. We both thought she was excellent and very down to earth. She was very attentive to details, offered helpful ways for us to break destructive patterns of behavior, acknowledge each others' views, and listen better to each other. I didn't feel she ''favored'' one or the other of us. She spent time raising sensitivity about how each of our personal histories played out in our interactions. I would highly recommend her: 510-841-2553. She's at 2000 Dwight in Berkeley. Elisabeth

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I highly recommend Jules Burstein off of Solano Ave. in Albany. My husband and I have struggled for years over a blended family, saw many other therapists, and finally Jules was able to break through and help us solve the problem. Without his help, we would have surely headed for divorce. His number is 510-527-1152. anon

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I can't speak highly enough about Dr Dan Wile. He is close to Rockridge and is fabulous! We had tried another therapist and had a disastrous experience. With Dan Wile, we knew we were in the right place. He is the expert in couple's work. He literally wrote the book on collaborative couple's therapy. Google his name and collaborative therapy and you will find he is famous and right here in the Bay Area. He is warm, caring and gets things fixed and quick! After one session we went frpm completely estranged to sharing core issues in a healing way. I was pregnant and estranged from my husband and planning to be a single mom. We went for three sessions over a period of six weeks and were able to come together and stay together in a loving and healthy way. Our baby is a beautiful 2 year old and we are happily and solidly together.

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Marriage counselor in Alameda/Oakland area

Jan 2009

I'm looking for recommendations of good marriage counselors and/or individual therapists, preferably in the Alameda/Oakland area. Since moving to Alameda in June, my husband & I have had a number of relationship problems arise, which have been perpetuated by being the parents of a child with Asperger's Syndrome. Whatever suggestions the BPN may have would be most welcome. S.

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We've been seeing George Gardner. Since seeing him, I can honestly say that we are in a better place now than where we were six months ago. His office is in the Glenview area of Oakland and he can be reached at 510.482.1002. His rate is within line with others, hours are extremely flexible, and he will work with you as couple and individually as well, if needed. anon

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Welcome to the area. I understand the stress you must be under. I recommend Dr. Marlene Winell for couples counseling. She listens well and she is also active, with teaching good communication in particular. She's also a parent. I saw her in Berkeley but she also has an office in Oakland. She's also flexible with times and fees, plus it won't take a long time. What else can I say? Call her at 510-292-0509

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I would recommend Dr. Fran Wickner. She is experienced and has helped us in the past. Her style works well with couples, too, as she is interactive and gave us lots of things to work on between sessions. Her phone number is 510-527-4011. Anon

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Therapist in the Lamorinda area

Oct 2008

We are looking for a therapist in the Lamorinda area. My husband and I are not on the same page and we would like to get there. Personally I think that a counselor who has experience with depression issues would be a great help!

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I think very highly of Colette Bischer-Choate. She has a practice in lafayette. I've only seen her personally, but understand her to work with couples and children as well. She's very down-to-earth and really seems to be able to both empathize, and work on the hard stuff. You can find her here: http://www.colettebc.com/ K

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Jody Bove is excellent! She is warm and insightful and gives you ''techniques'' to apply. Give her a call! She is in Lafayette. (925) 285-7458 anon

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Therapists to work with couple in crisis

Sept 2008

We're seeing a great therapist, but not making progress (we probably waited too long to work on our marital issues.) We have a 14 month old child together and I'd like to give this marriage a shot. We need a new perspective and approach. Any recommendations for therapists working with couples in crisis? Our issues include: different attitudes about finances, different attitudes toward stepchildren, resentment toward each other, his ADD, and anger management issues. Since our financial situation is one of the chief causes of our issues, recommendations for therapists participating in the Blue Shield United Behavioral Health Network would be highly appreciated! Trying to make it work

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Winifred Reilly is a superbly talented couples therapist. My husband and I were confronting a very difficult and stubborn sexual issue, and had been told in the past that there was really very little hope that it could ever change. With a unique blend of insight, impartial and careful listening, humor, and persistence, she has brought us further than we thought was possible--and still progressing. If you are both ready to work on your problems, and are both ready to accept responsibility for changing, you should definitely give her a call. (510-528-0802) She is located in Berkeley. believing in change

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Josh Gressel, PhD is an Imago therapist who has helped a number of people we know get at the root of the issues in their relationships. (You know it's not really about the toothpaste cap). He teaches techniques that will allow you to understand why these issues are hot spots for you as well as developing a deeper understanding of why you were drawn to each other initially. He is compassionate, intelligent and believes in marriage. I don't know what his insurance setup is, but he can tell you. His e-mail is adirhu [at] yahoo.com. Good Luck! Naomi

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My husband and I have benefited hugely from working with Marianne Regan, 510-652-6600. That you are wanting to make your marriage work is what's important. Don't worry or be hard on yourself for waiting to get help. You are reaching out now and that's the important thing. A year ago I felt really stuck and pretty hopeless about my relationship; working with Marianne has moved things around immensely, improving our communication as a couple and vastly improving our sense of connection and working together as a team to resolve issues that arise. Best wishes. glad we found her

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Good male couples counselor in Oakland

Sept 2008

I want to find a good male couples counselor in Oakland for my husband and myself. Ideally I would like to find someone who works on Saturdays, but am open to week day appointments if this is not possible. I feel like we need a tune up after being together for 9 years. I want to figure out a way to achieve better balance in our relationship around the responsibilities of managing a household, taking care of our 5 year old son, working out, spending quality time with my husband and family, and trying to have more fun when both of us work FT and I have a pretty demanding job. If anyone has any recommendations, I would be extremely grateful. M

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Hi, This is not in Oakland, but in Albany, but I highly recommend Jason Saffer, MFCC or Daniel Lesney, MFCC at the Center for Creative Growth. The number is (510) 527-2100. Good Luck~ Diana

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Bill Arigi has offices in SF & Marin. He is AMAZING. He lets you know up front he does not want to see you more than 6-7 times. He is not there to solve your problems, he is going to help you develope tools, so you can solve your own problems. I have had 2 seperate sets of friends see him. One of those couples was on thier way to divorce. They now have a marriage that is a model for many friends (they are 6-7 years post therapy) anon

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For couples counseling, I urge you to call Richard Beery, Ph.D., 921 Solano Ave., Berkeley. Phone: 510-525-4480. Email: rbeery [at] sonic.net. I strongly suggest you to speak with him by phone to decide if he's a terrific match for you. Both of you need to feel comfortable with him, of course. He works 11 to 7 week-days, tries to be accommodating with times, but doesn't work Saturdays. If you need a Saturday person,you might try someone newer to the profession who is building a practice. Dr. Beery's credentials and experience put him at the top of his field, so you will not be paying a beginning counselor's low fees. But if you can afford him, do try him. Again, Richard Beery, 510-525-4480. He sees many BPN couples. For couples counseling you might also check under couples therapy in the archives. (He is listed there, too.) A believer in marriage counseling

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Someone who is good at mediating conflict

August 2008

For the most part, my husband and I get along great. However (and this is a big however), we are struggling to communicate over one key issue. I feel like I'm trying to communicate to him about how I feel in a calm and non confrontational way, but clearly I'm not, because he gets defensive and I end up getting more upset and we both end up angry with each other. I'm really looking for someone who can serve as more of a mediator between us as we talk about this issue, because I am getting more and more frustrated and I really need for us to make a substantive change and we can't seem to break through this communication block. Any recommendations for someone who is good at mediating conflict, at getting both people in the relationship to hear one another, preferably someone knowledgeable with non-violent communication techniques, would be greatly appreciated. I really need to get this resolved.

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I have just the guy for you. His name his Robert Terris and he did wonders for our relationship. He calls his practice transformative mediation and after 2 or 3 meetings with him our communication really transformed. He uses NVC and is really talented in finding ways for you to use it on a daily basis. His e-mail is rterris [at] gmail.com Good luck! anon

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Jacob Ofman, PhD. 510-339-3090; on College Ave near Broadway, Oakland. Great at calmly helping partners see the other's point of view.

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Couples therapist in San Francisco

June 2008

Can anyone recommend a competent, affordable therapist in San Francisco? I am looking for someone who deals with all the typical issues that couples with young children experience (e.g. lack of connection and intimacy, parenting challenges, balancing conflicting needs)?

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She's expensive, but my husband and I had a great experience working with Deborah Caust, both before and after our kiddo arrived. Our insurance company reimburses us 80%, so we're lucky there. Her number is 415.567.6541 and her office is located just off Union Street. --good luck!

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I recommend Susan Bernstein, MFT. We've found her to be insightful, creative, and compassionate. She's very responsive to parents' concerns, and does an excellent job connecting with children. (She sees adults, too.) Based on what I can tell from who I've seen going in and out of her office, she works with children and families from all walks of life. Her office is in Noe Valley, easily accessible by public transportation. You can reach her at (415) 282-7447. another anon

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can't say enough good stuff about this woman - best i can do is to refer you to her website to see if you're on the same page and go from there. she is incredibly present and knowledgeable, entirely interactive in her sessions and open in her approach. lainedemetria.com treo

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Couples therapist who has evening hours

May 2008

I'd love some updated recommendations for someone who has appointments in the evenings since I only saw one therapist listed who has evening availability. And if they take Blue Shield, that would be an even bigger bonus! Our issues are the standard ''married with children'' issues: lack of communication, loss of closeness and intimacy, etc. So any recommendations would be greatly appreciated! Anon.

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I know SF may be a hassle, but we worked with Deborah Caust whose office is near Union Street, and she was terrific. She has background both in couples therapy and in sex therapy. She has evening appointments and she is out of network but we had no problems getting reimbursed for a hefty portion of her fee through Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO. She is expensive, but after seeing her I was totally satisfied with how much we were paying - and I'm in the mental health field, so I'm picky about my providers...

We started seeing her to deal with issues that sound similar to yours - you might also check out David Snarch's The Passionate Marriage (book and audiobook) or consider jumpstarting things with something from the Gottman Institute. They are located in Seattle and have weekend workshops but also books, DVDs, etc. They have terrific exercises that encourage good communication and helped me and my husband to feel closer and better connected very quickly. Good luck! --been there too

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I am not sure what insurance either of these woman accept but I can tell you that they are both excellent. I have seen Maggie Nemirow,PHD (510-524-2082 on The Alameda @ Solano) for individual counceling for many years and she specializes in working with couples. I have sent couple friends of mine to her before as well. My husband and I are seeing Mary Toth Granick, MFT (415-273-1310 she has an office in SF and one on Solano). Every time we leave we both feel like she has helped so much. I think either would be a wonderful choice and worth a call. LW

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My partner and I really liked our psychotherapist in Rockridge. Her name is Rebecca Lueck and she is honest and compassionate. She encouraged us to take our relationship to a deeper level of intimacy and trust. And we also learned strategies for better arguing and conflict resolution. She had evening hours on Wednesdays but that might have changed. Good luck and stick it out if you can. We are in a much better place now. Holly

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Taryn Thomas is a great therapist for couples. I really like her approach and she is very insightful. She is available for evening appointments. She doesn't take insurance at this time, but she can fill out forms for clients to submit to their insurance company. Her phone number is 510-496-6070. anon

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I highly recommend Robert Terris as a couples/family mediator and counsler. Robert has greatly supported me and my husband in our our new role as parents. He uses active listening and non-violent communocation approach that truly transformed the way we communicate with each other. What I really liked about him is that he can be very insightful and compassionate and at the same time very practical and offer small gestures that make a huge difference - these are things that we could do daily and worked immediately to east tensions or frustrations. His e-mail is rterris at gmail.com Good Luck!

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Couples therapist that is trained in Imago therapy

Feb 2008

I am looking for an couples therapist that is trained in Imago therapy. preferably that is covered by the UC Berkeley therapist/mental health UHS insurance. Anon

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We went to Zona Gregory. She is Imago based and has 2 offices; Berkeley, by Berkeley Bowl, and San Francisco. She was good and came to us well recommended.

Personally, I think the whole re-phraseing for clarification thing is irritating and instead of paying a fortune to wank in a therapist's office, we started using our time for an expensive lunch with wine & immediately started having laughs...after years of not enjoying much about each other.

The Harvelle Hendricks book: 'Getting the love you want' seems to be the Imago bible and is again; irritating, in that self help 'let's fill a book with wordy scenarios' way. However, the point is great and it is worth a read because rephraseing & checking for comprehension is a good technique if you have gotten into the terrible habit of blowing each other off like we had. Still, a nice long lunch or several nice long lunches with out kids or other friends, goes a long way toward improving the quality of any long term friendship / marriage... Wishing you a happy life together!

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Couples counselor with weekend hours

Feb 2008

My husband and I are in desperate need of couples counseling, but he's so busy and his work schedule is so unpredictable that we need to find someone with weekend hours, maybe Saturday mornings or so. I've called almost a dozen people listed on the BPN to no avail. Can anyone recommend someone wonderful who has weekend hours? Thanks so much.

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I highly recommend Gaile Roberts Nunez as a couples' counselor. She does have weekend hours and is very insightful about couples. My husband and I worked with her for about a year and both felt that she helped us communicate better overall, as well as resolve some major issues. She is insightful, smart, and tough. She works out of her home in Berkeley. 510.841.6303 anon

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I know a wonderful therapist that works on Saturdays. She has really helped me and is super focused on current issues at hand (vs. talking about childhood stuff). She also helped a friend of mine with couples counseling -- Her and her husband have thanked me a thousand times for the referral and credit her for saving their marriage. Definitely give her a call -- Her name is Jill Lebeau -- Her number is 849-1010.

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Hi, I am seeing a great therapist for individual therapy, but she also does couples therapy. She does have weekend appointments available. Her name is Jennifer Lieberman and her office is in Oakland near Lake Merritt. Her number is 415-998-5683.

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i would highly recommend a couples mediator who has been extremely helpful in working through issues at therapy. he is above all a compassionate listener and a very wise facilitator. robert terris sees clients on weekends. you can reach him at rterris at gmail.com or 510-6657718 good luck! working through it all as well.

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Good counselor who works on weekday evenings

Jan 2008

My husband has finally agreed to go to counseling but we need a good, understanding counselor that works on weekday evenings. Anyone out there? -Help at last.

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Several people have asked for a great couples therapist, so I decided to share ours. Paul Minsky, PhD 524-0700 in Berkeley. He really helped us alot. I know he works evenings and takes insurance, don't know about the weekends though. Good luck! anon

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Seeking Couples therapist in Marin

Jan 2008

Hello - I am looking for recommendations for a couples therapist in Marin. My husband and I have seen two different people and neither one has been a fit for us. I looked through the archives and could only find recommendations for 2005. I would appreciate any recommendations you have for a great couples therapist in Marin. We have Kaiser and can\xc2\x92t commit to the couples workshop at this time due to my husband\xc2\x92s travel schedule but are more than willing to go outside Kaiser to find a good therapist. Thank you! anon

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Check out Paula Love, relationship coach, @ 415-464-1171. I don't think she is a licensed therapist, but she has a deep background in working with couples. We have used her and it was helpful to make some big decisions with a man I am now happily married to. I've also been through the somatic coach training program she incorporates into her work and it's very effective. If you want to check out her bio first, then go to http://www.strozziinstitute.com/associates.htm#relationship where you'll find her (and other skillful coaches who do deep work). A third party is worth it!

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2005 - 2007 Recommendations

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Dec 2007

A friend of mine is looking for a good marriage counsler in the east bay (she lives in Oakland near Piedmont). Eva

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Richard Beery, Ph.D. is an excellent couples therapist. He is a brilliant, caring, and very experienced clinical psychologist. His office is on The Alameda near the corner of Solano Ave. in North Berkeley. He can be reached at 510-525-1376. His email address is rbeery [at] mac.com If one of you is in a technical or computer field, he can speak your language. But I also know a lawyer and a writer who think he's the best there is. His fees are commensurate with his expertise and experience, although I think he's less expensive ($125/hr.) for those who can come before 4 PM. anon

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Bonnie MacBride is a wonderful MFT (on Dwight Way) who really taught my husband and I how to communicate with each other. She's interested in seeing you make progress and teaching you how to develop skills to become more intimate, honest and communicative with each other, so that you can ''graduate'' from therapy (my term, not her's). She's amazing and I actually miss her! Now, my husband and I will say we need ''Bonnie'' time as a way to say, ''I need to talk to you about how I'm feeling.'' She's had a huge impact on us as a couple and as individuals. Her contact info: Bonnie MacBride, M.F.T. 510-610-9807 2428 Dwight Way anon

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I would send you to Dr. Lisa Lancaster (841-2525). She is in Berkeley and is a wonderul therapist who has done much work with couples (including me and my husband)! She has been extremely helpful to us. anon

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Nov 2007

There are many recommendations for counselors but are there any psychologist at the PhD level? Either they're hard to find or I'm just not reading all the listings right? Can anyone recommend one for marriage and individual counseling? I'm desperate and want someone as qualified as I can get without going to a psychiatrist and dealing with the urge to prescribe meds. anon

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Valory Mitchell in Berkeley is wonderful. I saw her for individual therapy, but she does a lot of couple's therapy as well. I can't recommend her enough. --Anon

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I would recommend Dr. Lisa Lancaster Ph.D. My work with her has been extremely valuable. She is smart, kind and effective. She is in Berkeley (510-841-2525). anon

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Some friends of mine have raved about their therapist, Dr. Jim Sparks, who has a PhD. I think that he does see both individuals and couples. His phone is 510-433-7477. KC

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I can recommend a great PhD psychologist - Hans Stahlschmidt. He has helped to save our marriage. He is warm and tough. The therapy with him was a total different experience than the one we had with our former therapist. Our relationship started to change right away. He has an office in Berkeley on The Alameda. Phone 510-848 5347. Good luck. Wendy

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Hi: Dr. Geraldine Alpert (PhD Harvard) in San Rafael is awesome! She helped to save my sister and brother-in-law's marriage and is great for individual counseling as well. She works in both San Rafael and SF. Good luck!

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just fyi- psychologists have the exact same training as therapists in regard to the counseling services that you are seeking. the only further education that psychologists receive that MFT's (marriage and family therapists) do not is in the realm of psychological testing. furthermore, if you decide that your counselor must have a doctorate degree, a PhD's education is focused more on research and a PsyD's educational focus is more on actual counseling. just so you know

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I would recommend Dr. Jill Rodgers-Quaye, Ph.D. She is a psychologist with a practice on Piedmont Avenue. I have worked with her and found her to be knowledgable, approachable, warm yet direct and very much focused on finding solutions to problems (rather than using therapy as a forum to talk endlessly). She does both individual and couples therapy and she can be reached at her website: www.drjillrodgersquaye.com or her phone: 510 282-2197. Good luck! Therapized

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Oct 2007

I believe that people have posted recommendations recently for couples therapists in Lamorinda, but I can't seem to track them down. My husband and I have been going through some tough times for about three years now. I've brought up the idea of therapy to him, and he has already resisted. But I'm now at the point that if we don't seek some outside help, it may mean the end of the marriage. I'd appreciate any recommendations of couples/marriage therapists in Walnut Creek or Lamorinda.

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Dianne Donnelly in Lafayette is great. She is objective, reasonable - and gives good ''techniques''. She can be a little tough love, but she is very pragmatic too. Good luck! anon

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Lynne Harr in Lafayette was helpful, balanced, and skilled. 3468 Mt. Diablo Blvd, Lafayette. Tel. (925) 284-2298. Take your time to talk to potential therapists and see if they are a right fit for both you and your spouse. Since it's already difficult to bring an unwilling spouse to therapy, you might want a few sessions one-on-one first. This helps lay the groundwork for an effective session with your spouse. Good luck. find the best therapist, don't settle

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I've had tremendous success working with Denny Reynolds in Lafayette, who is fabulous at couples counseling because she helps improve communications in ways that continue to improve the relationship outside her office doors. The co-author of wonderful books, Denny's style embodies the best practices available to counseling that include a spiritual perspective... so anyone wishing to learn to listen and be truly heard by their mate will benefit. She teaches workshops with her husband on the Art of Relationship which are truly outstanding, and I can't recommend her work highly enough, having been to many couples counselors in the past... so I now know the difference between someone who's OK and someone whose work is truly excpetional, like Denny Reynolds. Denny can be reached at (925) 283-1719 Cynthia

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Sept 2007

I'm looking for a therapist for myself, and hopefully my husband with consent to come. We have a 12 year old, lots of issues are marital, but surely impacted by our child. I think a man would be the best, in case my husband agrees to therapy, but I would love your best recommendation (male or female). So far, my insurance has given me these names: Richard Bush, Charles King, Joseph Saah, Bruce Linton. Thank you!! Marital woes

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I can *really* recommend Priscilla Johnson as a very kind, intelligent, and intuitive therapist. Her experience with Mindfulness Practice coupled with deep and compassionate understanding is a boon in working on difficult issues. Her ability to hold the space, invite curiosity, and facilitate in plumbing the depths with kindness, sensitivity, and wisdom makes me recommend her for either Couples or Individual therapy. You can reach Priscilla at 510.427.5401 Jessica B

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Here is a recommendation for a great couples counselor. Matthew Van Lokeren, Jungian Analyst mvanlokeren[at]yahoo.com 415 203 7293 hope it helps ana

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Sept 2007

My husband and I saw a great therapist named April Miller she is a marriage family therapist and really helped us find new ways to communicate with each other. Her number is 415 520 9311 and she is terrific! She also has a practice for eating disorders but we didn't see her for that issues. Annie

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Hello, I recommend Marenka Cerny, MFA in San Francisco. Marenka is a compassionate, highly sensitive and greatly intuitive therapist who works with couples exclusively at this time. She also has a sliding scale. You can access her website at www.somatic-psychotherapy.org/ AS a testimonial, I can say personally that Marenka has been very helpful to me in being able to focus on my own particular family problem areas. She is considerate and took the time to understand my needs in a specific situation. Call 415-717-9365 for a consultation. Suzanne

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Sept 2007

I am nearly 8 months pregnant with our first baby and just learned that my partner has been unfaithful for the past three months. We need some help and thought this group could give us some updated recommendations of good counselors/therapists. Neither of us have family in the area and finding support has been very difficult. He's determined to earn back my trust and be a part of our new family. I'm honestly not sure it's possible but despite my pain I'm wanting to give that a fighting chance. I'm a native English speaker and he's a native Spanish speaker so any recommendations of someone specializing in cross-cultural couples or who can conduct sessions in either language would be especially welcome (we're both bi-lingual, but it could help each of us to be able to express ourselves in our native tongues to be fully understood by each other and the therapist). Thanks in advance for any help you can offer. Rebecca

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Please consider trying Mary Ciofalo in San Francisco: she is a fantastic therapist who specializes in cross cultural communication. She has helped me SO much both in individual sessions as well as when both my husband and I go together. Two people I have recommended have both established an ongoing collaboration with her and have told me how great she is. Her number is 415 929 8200 and she is located in SF at 1801 Bush St. A

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Our marriage was in bad shape too when I was pregnant. My husband and I had many arguments. Luckily we went to see a couples therapist. Friends of ours recommended Dr. Hans Stahlschmidt. We both liked him very much. He understood the issues very well and addressed some real painful stuff we didn't want to deal with. He is direct and challenging but also very supportive and doesn't make you feel like you're abnormal or crazy. He might also be helpful with your bi-cultural issues because he is originally from Europe. Wendy

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I know of a great therapist named April Miller MFT who helped my husband and I really work through some issues, including infidelity. She is amazing and has a sliding scale! 415 520 9311 is her number Annie

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June 2007

My husband and I would like to start couples counseling. We are trying to find a therapist that will work for us. We are looking for a therapist who is familiar with the discourses of EST or The Landmark Forum, and Flores. If you know of someone who fits this profile, please let us know. Thanks, anonymous

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I've been working with Dr. Marlene Winell for a while now and have come to admire her skills greatly. She has a wealth of knowledge about human development and communication skills and provides therapy in a proactive, interactive fashion. She is insightful, intelligent and caring. She consults in person and over the phone. I would highly recommend her to anyone seeking help in a relationship!! Feel free to contact her with questions - mwinell[at]gmail.com Hope this helps! Helen

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Couples therapist in Pinole Hercules El Sobrante

May 2007

I would appreciate any recommendations on a couples/family therapist in the Pinole/Hercules/El Sorbrante area. Needs Help in Pinole

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Hi, WE live in the same area and I haven't found anyone around here. I drive to Berkeley and I have a wonderful therapist, her name is Monica Simms and you can reach her at 510-848-3633 Hope it helps you

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May 2007

Have you had a couples therapist who brought you from the brink of splitting up back to a workable pleasant relationship?? We are pretty desperate with two small kids and need some help. Ideally I would love maybe an older, motherly type as we are older and I could use some gentle compassion these days in this process. I think we also need someone who can help us develop tangible plans and weekly goals so that we feel we are making some progress, or not! Anon.

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We have been seeing a wonderful couples therapist, located in Berkeley--although we were not ''on the brink'', we recognized that there are some things we could improve. If you are looking for someone who is extremely smart and compassionate, with a gentle sense of humor but who keeps everyone honest (with themselves and with each other), then this is the person to call: Winifred Reilly (510 -528-0802).

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To the couple seeking help in preventing a break up. I can recommend Mary Yabroff in Berkeley on Woolsey. I was on the verge of leaving my marriage and basically only stayed because of our child. After seeing our therapist for a few months, we both learned to listen better to each other, be more empathetitc with each other, and to take the sting out of difficult discussions. She is excellent in mediating potentially confrontational discussions, and stopping us when the communication gets inflammatory and getting us back on track. She is very understanding about outside stress factors affecting family life and shows compassion for both parties without taking sides. Our sessions are mostly covered by Blue Shield/HMO, but I will always make sure to save enough for eventual thereapy sessions to keep our marriage strong and alive. Learned to love my spouse again

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May 2007

My husband and I are looking for an affordable couples couselor in Alameda or Oakland (we live in East Oakland). We are dealing with the usual(?!) stresses of being older new parents with an 18 month old, complete with financial challenges and having a relatively short history together before the conception of our daughter. Thanks for any referrals. Anon

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There is a counseling center called A Safe Place to Heal in Oakland. You can check out the therapists there on their website at:Safeplacetoheal.com Mey Saephan one of the licensed therapists there specializes in couples counseling and she does have a sliding scale fee. Or you may call them at 510-628-0740 All the best to you. A Friend who understands

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Dr. Hilde Clark is an incredibly skilled, compassionate and warm clinical psychologist who has helped us through a major crisis in our marriage. She also provides counseling for children and adolescents, and should the need arise, I would not hesitate to work with her again. She is near Piedmont Ave. and her number is 510 420-1866. Anon.

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May 2007

Can anyone recommend a couples' therapist at Kaiser Oakland? Looking for a savvy therapist with experience helping couples with post-partum/first baby challenges. Thanks. New Mom and Dad

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i know you were looking for a kaiser rec but i just wanted to let you know about an upcoming workshop that i think would be perfect for what you described. the therapist who is facilating this helped me immensely with postpartum issues and she is a smart and compassionate person with lots of experience. http://www.perinatalpsychotherapy.com/Bringing_Baby_Home.html this workshop is based on research done on what happens to couples' relationships after a baby is born. good luck! anon

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April 2007

My Husband and I have to recommend our wonderful family/marriage therapist from San francisco, she just currently opened up an office off of Telegraph. She has been amazing and instrumental in helping my husband and I get through the pre birth to having a new child and adjusting to being in new roles, and communicating effectively in our marriage. We can not say enough good things about her. She is pretty reasonable in price. Her name is Alice Knutson 6355 Telegraph suite 307 Liscense MFC33030 Number 415.775.4995 alexandra

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April 2007

I am seeing a male couples counselor who takes Blue SHield HMO or UBH (a lot of therapists take UBH even if they are not registered directly with Blue Shield). UBH has a website where they list their therapists but we would much rather go to someone who is recommended. My husband and I are looking for someone who can help us work on our communication, someone who can act as an ''interpretor'' for us. There are some areas in our relationship where we just can't hear each other. We keep having the same arguments over and over again and we drive each other a little crazy. I would like to find someone who can help us hear what the other is REALLY saying and to get out of this habit of bickering and non-listening. But the therapist doesn't have to have this ''specialty''. I would love to get the names of ANY therapists out there with whom people have had success. Thanks!

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My husband and I have been seeing Stephen Flannes in Montclair. I don't know if he takes UBH, but he has been so helpful to us and I highly recommend him. anon

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Try Paul Minsky, PhD. He's great and is on UBH panel. He's in Berkeley (510) 524-0700 Good Luck! anon

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Alan Stein, MFCC, MPH is a great couples therapist. His office is N. Berkeley on Solano. He is supportive, understanding and his questions help cut through to the deeper stuff. His background and counseling technique is varied and practical and informed by his twenty years of the practice of Aikido. Give him a call @ 925.325.9767. lp

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Feb 2007

Has anybody been to Lillie Brum, Karen Rose, or Katrina Hughes for couples counseling? Any info about any of them would be helpful. Anon

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I can't speak to her couples therapy, but I have been seeing Lillie Brum for over two years. I find her to be very empathetic and understanding, and very attentive. She remains positive and never passes judgement (at least not outwardly) on the people in my life that drove me to see her in the first place (my husband, primarily!;-)) She offers positive insight and helps me to see what my and my husband's needs are (based on the info I give her, as my husband doesn't go with me). She's readily available in case of emergency therapy as well... a good therapist is hard to find...

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Dec 2006

We are in search of a couples counselor to help boost our communication, but due to long commutes in opposite directions, we are looking for someone compassionate who has weekend hours, preferably on a Saturday morning. We live in Oakland. Does anyone know of a good counselor that fits this description, who is skilled at non-judgementally helping couples talk with and listen to each other? A bonus would be if this counselor would do the ocasional one-on-one session with each of us, too. Thanks in advance wants to hear, wants to be heard

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I recently posted a recommendation for a couples mediator/counslor. He is open to meet evenings/weekends, so I am replying to your post. Here is what I wrote, please write to me if you have any questions.

We are a couple who have been together for over a decade and always considered ourselves completely open with each other and had very little disagreements throughout the years. This actually made it harder to deal with big issues that came about, as our life was taking new directions. With Robert\xc2\x92s help, we managed to deepen our relationship in ways we didn\xc2\x92t think were still possible. We struggled with two major issues: when to get pregnant and how to provide for the family. We found ourselves colliding frequently and the more we engaged in discussion, our frustration grew and our attempts to find common grounds were in vain. After a few painful months we decided to seek professional help. We needed someone to help us understand how to solve these specific issues and to create a space where both of us are heard and appreciated.

Applying techniques of active listening and non-violent communication, Robert helped us understand the core of our individual hurt and how it is manifested in this specific case. In the mediation process we learned to be better listeners of ourselves and our own needs and then express our needs and feelings in a way that gives full legitimization to the other\xc2\x92s needs and feelings. Robert emphasized the need to apply the new insights to our daily practices as a couple and he offered concrete ways to do so, and by that preventing further misunderstandings. After each mediation session we felt uplifted, relieved and happy and this is why we want to recommend Robert. We think his skill is beyond description \xc2\x96 you need to experience it yourself to understand, and we hope you would. He is a compassionate person and a truly dedicated mediator, with a mission to use his talent to heal and deepen relationships. Among his credentials are a masters degree in peace and conflict studies, a law degree, conflict resolution training and an extensive community mediation experience. Please contact him directly: rterris[at]gmail.com

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Nov 2006

I have to let everyone know that I found the most wonderful couples therapist. She is warm, a great listener, creates a safe environment, and doesn't take sides. Her counsel is from 25 plus years of experience and she regularly writes and speaks on topics related to couples all around the country. Here's her contact info:elayne[at]QueenofRejection.com 510-540-6230, 2607 Alcatraz Avenue, Berkeley, CA 94708 Happy Guy

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Oct 2006

I am seeking a recommendation for a counselor for a couple who have been together a long time (almost 30 years) and like each other, but have real issues concerning parenting older kids, constructively dealing with conflict, and overcoming ingrained bad patterns. Therapist must be practical (please no one full of jargon or touchy-feely) and smart. Also very discrete, as one member of couple is in high-profile job. concerned for a friend

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Naomi Baran is an excellent couples counselor and her communication is very straightforward (maybe a little jargon occasionally, but not offputting). She has impressed me and my husband as being extremely smart. Licensed therapists in general are ethically bound not to discuss or name their patients, but I'm sure Naomi in particular would be completely discreet. She is at 652-2618 Good luck

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My husband and I saw Fran Wickner, Ph.D, who is also a licensed marriage and couples counselor. My husband was very anti-psychotherapy, so I knew I had to find someone who wasn't going to make him go into feelings all the time (I've been to a lot of therapy and didn't care, but I didn't want him to quit). Fran was great. My husband actually showed up to all the sessions the whole six months we went and liked that she was concrete and gave us lots of things to work on during the week. Fran has been a therapist for a long time and was very helpful. She's on Solano Avenue, phone number 527-4011 anonymous

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Sept 2006

i'm looking for more recent reccomendations for a couples counselor.(the latest one i could find on BPN dates back to Feb. '05). my husband and i had a 6 years long wonderful, loving and fulfilling relationship before we had children. though we are both crazy about our kids, we're also dealing with feeling of loss and longing for what our relationship used to be. we feel disconnected from eachother, emotionally and physically and have lost the humor and lightness that used to be so present in our lives. we used to be able to talk very openly, but don't seem to be able to find that open space for dialogue anymore. other issues have piled up on top of all that, one of which is my longing to return to my roots (europe) and raise our children there. we are both eager to work with someone to help us back on track and regain some of the magic that used to be our couple. thanx for your advice. former lovebirds in crisis

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My husband and I started seeing Jean Shimozaki, a licensed family therapist for similar reasons. After having a child, our communication with one another changed; added to that, we were both tired and stressed out about finances. Jean was wonderful in not only helping improve our communication, but infusing fun and intimacy back into our marriage. She creates a very comfortable space for open and productive dialogue. She has offices in Berkeley and Pinole: (510) 547-8830 Good luck! anon

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When my husband and I were trying to decide about whether or not to have kids we saw a couples therapist I really liked. Her name is Johanna Murphy, Ph.D. (510-459-6037). We talked about how fighting about cleaning (a frequent fight at the time) was often about deeper resentments that we weren't addressing. This has been helpful in that we can now spot doing this more quickly. I also found talking about how family of origin dynamics affect our relationship particularly helpful. I now feel I am better about identifying what may be issues with a parent versus issues with my partner and this helps diffuse some of our fights. I think talking about some of our family history with someone objective also helped us to really hear the other's experience and to be more sympathetic to the other as well. I would definetly suggest couples therapy, we are now a happy family of three! anonymous

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August 2006

Anyone know of a good marriage therapist in east bay, preferably walnut creek. My husband and I are in our mid thirties, married less than 2 years and having a lot of problems w/communication. We have been arguing a lot and is has recently escalated w/alot of verbal abuse by the both of us. Any advice, suggestions are greatly appreciated.

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If communication is a major issue, I strongly recommend Marlene Winell in Berkeley. She has worked with couples for many years and can teach you some things that are immediately very helpful. My husband and I were stuck in a vicious cycle and fighting a lot. Dr. Winell helped us with some key concepts and actual skills that broke the cycle and basically saved our marriage. I know you are in Walnut Creek but the travel time would be well worth it. You can reach her at 510-292-0509 Helen

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I recommend Cinnamon Daniel. She is a Unitarian Universalist minister who recently left church ministry (at my church, First Unitarian in Oakland) to devote herself to her therapy/ pastoral counseling practice. I know she does couples counseling as well as individuals. She is smart, funny, wise, and gifted in her work with people. Her number is 510-910-6941 Peggy

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June 2006

I'm looking for a therapist in the Martinez/Pleasant Hill/Walnut Creek area to help with some personal and marriage issues. I'm going to go alone without my husband. Any recommendations for someone on ''the other'' side of the tunnel? I would prefer a female, and they must accept MHN Need to unload baggage and revive marriage

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I highly recommend Marc Berke of the Diablo Counseling Associates. 925-838-2558 He is a great guy, a good listener, fun...and very ''real''. He is a bit expensive at $135 an hour...but...my husband and I were headed toward divorce a year ago...and he helped us to save our marriage. Good luck! Deanna

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March 2006

I was wondering if anyone could possibly recommend a warm, friendly therapist for couples' counseling? My fiance and I have some specific issues that need addressing before we get married.

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I can highly recommend Winifred Reilly as a couple's therapist. My husband and I saw her for about a year and she really helped work miracles in our marriage. She works with you for 2 hours every other week. It's intense, but you get stuff done. I have no idea if she takes insurance or not. Her number is:528- 0802. Her office is on Milvia in north Bkly. anon

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I would recommend our couples therapist-- Susan Stoeffler. She is thoughtful and gives us both time to express ourselves while also asking good questions that prompt us to get into root causes rather than fixating on the argument du jour. She takes Blue Cross PPO and has been great working thru the payment system with us. She's in Berkeley and her number is 510-287- 8715. good for you guys for recognizing the need to communicate well early! anon

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My husband and I have been seeing Jean Shimozaki (LCSW) in her Berkeley practice since last Fall, and we couldn't recommend her more. She's helped us both finally ''hear'' some of the issues we've been voicing to one another for years, and we feel we've made great progress with her. She's very warm, creates a comfortable space, and can definitely help with cognitive/behavioral work. Unfortunately, not sure what insurance she accepts. Good luck! Anon

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Feb 2006

My husband and I neeed a marriage therapist very urgently otherwise we are going to divorce pretty soon. We live in San Ramon and someone in the area would be very helpful since we have a 2 month old son. Please help, I don't know what to do rigth now. Susan

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Try Susana Charm at (925) 934-4744. Her office is in Walnut Creek. I have never seen her as a therapist. She is my neighbor. However, I know that she is very qualified, teaches at JFK, has been in private practice many years and has also worked as the counselor at The Athenian School for many years. Good luck. Andrea

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Dec 2005

My husband and I need recommendations for a good New Parents counsiling. We find ourselves arguing all the time about who is more sleep deprived and so on and we can't seem to find a solution on our own and my doctor says if I don't get any rest she will have to put me on Meds and I don't want that because I don't want to give up nursing our 6 month baby. We are both feeling really helpless and our communication has gone bye bye. We can't communicate without arguing anymore. We despirately need help. We live in El Cerrito so if anyone can recommend a good counselor it would be greatly appreciated. emily

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Oh, boy - I really feel for you. Having a new baby has got to be one of the hardest times for a couple. We went through exactly the same thing of arguing about who was getting more sleep, more free time, etc, leading to really degenerating communication. We ended up seeing a couples counselor, and I went to individual counseling as well. Both were extremely helpful. I credit our couples counselor with saving our marriage. Her name is Marion Pastor - I don't have her number handy, sorry. She is very, very experienced and skillful, and she will not let either partner get away with laziness in communication.

My individual therapist may also take couples - she was also great. Her name is Kirsten Miley (415-567-9194), and she works in the east bay and San Francisco. Her big strength for me was in recognizing patterns that I couldn't see, and gently pushing me to figure out why they were there. She really helped me get through postpartum depression, and helped me communicate more effectively as well. Pregnant again and hoping it's easier the 2nd time around!

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You can call your health plan and ask for referals in your area. After that you just have to call each one and ask a few pointed questions (tell them a little about what's happening with you and ask their approach, etc.), find out if they are available at a convenient time for both you and your husband. In my opinion that's the hard part, sorting through the lists of people. I also have said to myself I'll see someone for 1 -2 visits before I decide if they are a good match for me. You will not always hit it off right away. But you will know if it's right!

If you do get a list of therpists, you can also look up on the Parents Network website to see of anyone else has had an experience with that person. It is VERY personal, so what might be right for someone else might or might not be right for you.

I assume that you have health insurance since you have a UC email. If you don't, however, I wonder if the Tang Center has any referrals to low-cost therapists?

I also think that you shouldn't be scared of being ''put on meds'' by your doctor, that is YOUR choice, not hers. Sounds like you and your husband need some nurturing yourselves! Do you have someone who can watch the baby for a few hours, you could pump some milk and take a nap on a regualr basis? You will also need some chilcare for when you go to counselling.

Good luck! I was there once and am through that hard stage. You will get there too. once-tired mom

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Oct 2005

I moved to Marin and I can't find a resource there for recommendations like BPN. Has anyone lived there (or not) who can recommend a good couple's therapist, preferably in the San Rafael, Fairfax, Ross area?

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My friend is a great therapist, Stephanie Berglund, in San Raphael. Steph has been a therapist for over 20 years and is a wonderful, caring and very perceptive gal. Her number is :415 454-4478. Please tell her that June sent you. Good luck, June

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Martha Lawlor, MFT is an excellent couples therapist located in San Rafael. 415-459-1345. Experienced, fair to each member of the couple, and depth-oriented. She is also a Jungian analyst. Highly recommended. anonymous

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I recommend Susan Quigley, Marriage and Family Therapist in San Rafael. Office # 415 455 4998. She has been licensed for about 14 years and has worked many years with chidren and their parents. She is also a parent. Sheila Longerbeam

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I recommend Lou Dangles. I don't have his number on hand, but he has a wonderful home office in San Anselmo. He sometimes co-counsels with his wife. prema

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Sept 2005

My husband revealed an affair to me three weeks ago and we are now trying to pick up the pieces. We are both interested in pursuing individual therapy in addition to the couples counseling we are doing. We are having a tough time finding recommendations for therapists who accept our insurance (Cigna/Blue Cross HMOs), which we really need to make use of. We'd love to find recommendations for therapists on either Blue Cross or Cigna HMOs. Alameda, Oakland, Berkeley or Lamorina areas would work for us. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. hurt but hopeful

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I'd like to recommend Erik Grabow as a therapist. He has a gift for helping couples deal with issues like yours. He is supportive and yet able to confront the hard issues without making anyone feel blamed or picked on. I don't know what type of insurance he accepts, but it would be worth your time to call him. 549-3797 Patty

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Sept 2005

I already posted to the advice newsletter; here I am looking for a specific referral. Here's the situation: Hubby and I have different discpline approaches with our two young chilren -- his tends to be authoritarian; mine is more of a ''loving boundaries'' style. On weekends, conflicts about our different styles flare up into bickering and anger. I want to find a way to agree on discipline. In my opinion, his ''method'' -- yelling at them and threatening them -- doesn't work, and makes our home an unhappy place to be. I want to see a couples counselor to work this issue out. He says it costs too much and he thinks it wouldn't help, although he did concede that if counseling does actually help, he would consider it. But he wants proof before he pays. I am looking for stories from others who have had sucess with counseling for this problem, and in particular I would like referrals to counselors who are particularly good with this issue. Thanks! seeking backup

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Sheri Glucoft Wong is an amazing family therapist. I have worked with her as a patient (in family therapy with similar issues) and as a colleague and she is very skilled and has a sense of humor.

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Sept 2005

Can anyone recommend a good marriage counselor/therapist who will accept MHN?

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I'm not sure what insurance he accepts, but I think Erik Grabow is a wonderful therapit. He is located in south Berkeley. His number is 549-3797. Good luck!

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My husband and I were very happy with Jeanne Menary, who takes MHN. I don't have her # offhand, but you can find it by googling her. She made us both feel comfortable and had a smart, perceptive way of framing our issues. anon

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Aug 2005

Can anyone recommend the name and contact information for a good marriage counselor? We'd prefer someone in Contra Costa or Alameda County. After many years of marriage, my husband and I seem to have experienced a major breakdown in communication due to a lot of pressure on us both. We love each other very much but have lost the ability to communicate. Sad Wife

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Dear Sad Wife, You might want to try Dr. Joanne Chao in Oakland (near the Berkeley border). She is warm, fair, and helped our communication greatly. She is an active therapist who is not afraid to call us you on your ''stuff,'' but does so in way that you can hear it. Her contact information is: 510-594-4003 6536 Telegraph Avenue Oakland anon

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Sorry to hear you're going through rough times. I'd like to recommend Susan J. Kahn (she goes by S.J.). She's located on College Ave. in Rockridge. I can't find her number at the moment, but she's really great. -been there in Berkeley

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I highly recommend Marion Pastor. She helped my husband and I get through a major communication barrier last year, and I feel like we're stronger than ever now. She lives and works in the Berkeley hills. She is a very, very skilled therapist, and not terribly touchy-feely - i.e., she has no problem cutting through the bull**** and getting to the feelings behind what you are saying. anon

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My husband and I have been seeing Winifred Reilly (in N. Bkly). She's really great and has helped us tremendously with our communication difficulties. One thing I really love is that she doesn't take sides but really pins us to the wall appropriately. We've learned a lot from her and our marriage is getting back on track. Her number is: 528-0802. Good luck. anon

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I am familiar with both Jodie Berke and Gayle Peterson. Both are highly qualified, nurturing therapists, who have been working with individuals and couples for many years. I saw Gayle Peterson for couples counseling back in 1986. She was very helpful for us-we did split up, but she was able to help us get the clarity we needed to make the break as pain free as possible. Jodie Berke, I saw individually, but think she would also make an excellent couples counselor. Patty

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June 2005

My husband and I have been married for 5 years with virtually no problems. Since the birth of our son 1.5 year ago we have been having a very difficult time adjusting and have been fighting more than the first 5 years combined. We'd like to get the marriage back on track and are looking for a compassionate, reasonable counselor in the Rockridge/Montclair area. Thanks. new parents

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I wish to recommend an amazing couples therapist who has worked with both my husband and me since the birth of our daughter. He has had offices in Emeryville, Albany, and El Cerrito, and his name is Larry Stone; office number 510 964 1200. He is quite popular (deservedly so) but his schedule is also somewhat flexible. Because I have often had a sneaky feeling in past therapy sessions with others that I was able to outsmart the therapist, I have really appreciated Larry's humanism, intelligence, depth of insight, and ability to work really well with both men and women. This is a deep person who is able to get right to the core of an issue quite quickly. If something big is happening in your session, he will sometimes add a few minutes to your session to make sure you feel complete. I really thought my husband and I were on the brink of collapse, with so many issues surfacing after the birth of our daughter, and I was resistant to working with a man, but Larry far surpasses any other therapist I have ever encountered. If you are at the end of your rope, just give him a call. His cell is 510 815 1600, but it is more for emergency situations. He accepts many forms of health insurance. Wanting to Help

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Susan Schreier Williams and Sola Williams are married and have a 4 year old. They have helped my partner and I so much not only with understanding our relationship, but how our relationship effects our children (4 & 7). What we like most about working with Susan and Sola is that they are extremely direct and humorous and their work includes simple body games that encourage relaxation. With their help, we have been able to see, feel and be responsible for our habitual ways of relating that don't feel good. I'd be happy to talk to you about them some more if you want or you could call them directly. Susan Schreier Williams and Sola Williams 482-2276. They are right off Park Blvd. Galen

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We went through a similar face after we had our baby and had a lot of success after getting therapy with Denise Forte, she's in Berkeley and is great. I highly recommend her. Her number is 510-286-7615. Anon

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May 2005

My marriage is in urgent need of counseling about many issues, including almost inexistent sex life. We would like a counselor that follows the approach of David Schnarch (author of ''Passionate Marriage'') and is located in the East Bay. Sliding scale or reasonable fee would be a plus. I have looked through the archives and I have not seen any therapist that responds to this description. Any recommendations would be highly appreciated. Anon

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Try Heidi Berrin Shonkoff at 849-4106. She had us each read the book and I believe she studied with David Schnarch as well. All around, we think she is great. Good luck!

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May 2005

Sensitive topic, but here goes: I am thinking about looking for a new couples counselor and am wondering if anyone has good or bad feedback on their couples counseling experience that they would be willing to share with me - including a particular psychologist who they felt was effective. Also interested in what to look for when choosing someone, how much to pay, timeline to anticipate progress etc. We are a busy family, with lots of things to address. We've been paying appx. $320 an hour, have done one year plus one intensive and are still feeling somewhat stuck. Any feedback would be appreciated, and if you would like to email me directly, your input would be kept completely private. Many thanks for whatever anyone is able to share.

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I highly recommend Dr. Allen Kanner in Berkeley -- 510-558- 7210. He's experienced, insightful, patient and kind. My personal opinion is that you're paying way too much currently; and that you should discontinue if you feel like things aren't improving. You may just need a fresh approach, and it sounds like you've given your current therapist a chance. Try someone new, and after a given amount of sessions, ask yourself if it's helping. If not, don't be afraid to move on. anon

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My husband and I have been seeing Winifred Reilly and she has REALLY helped us tremendously. It's been since about Dec. and our relationship is SOOOO much better. We were in pretty bad shape, always angry and nattering, not listening, irritated with each other, no sex in months. We now are communicating, listening to each other, genuinely enjoying each others company, working as a team as parents and learning about helpful ways to communicate and express our feelings and needs.

Winifred is great...she doesn't take sides except to prove a point. Pins us to the wall at various times (equal opportunity wall pinner). We have both really benefited and my husband is not one to readily agree to go for counselling. Her number is 528-0802. She's in north berkeley near Shattuck Commons. She sees couples only, as far as I know and she sees them every other week for 2 hours. This is a really effective way to time it, I think...it can be agony if you're wanting it to end, but it really is plenty of time to get into things without being told your 50 minutes is up. We pay her $240.00 for 2 hours. Good luck, happier wife

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March 2005

Hi, I am looking for a couples counselor who can address the possibility that my husband and I may not be able to work out our marital problems. We have been in couples counseling for years, but recently as I have become increasingly unhappy, it seems like our counselor has difficulty really addressing the fact that we might not be able to give each other what we both want and need. I am looking for a smart, straight-shooter who isn't afraid to challenge each of us, and who doesn't assume that we can work everything out because we love each other. I hope we don't have to split, but I'm tired of the difficult stuff being swept under the carpet for fear it will be too much for us to manage. Maybe a counselor who has been through a divorce him/herself? And ideally, $100 or less per session. Oh, and in your recommendations, please refrain from advising me about what I should do in my marriage. Thanks! ready to face the worst

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Hi, I have to applaud your bravery at wanting to really figure out if your marriage can work or not. My partner and I spent thousands of dollars going to several different couples therapists over 3 years, and we both feel that we did more important and effective work in our first 2 hour meeting with Heidi Berrin Shonkoff (849-4106) than we had in all those 3 years. She's brilliant at cutting through BS and getting to the heart of matters quickly. She's challenging and she's compassionate. She's worth every penny (not cheap!). We saw her for a year and a half, and have just recently returned to her for a post-baby overhaul. I don't believe it's easy to get in to her practice, but worth a wait in my opinion. Heidi Fan

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Hi - we have the best couples therapist of all time and literally over 9 other couple friends agree. She is concrete, VERY perceptive (intuitive), pragmatic, goal oriented, to the point and wise. Also, she lets you go when she thinks you are done - we and others have literally been told we were done and to come back when we needed a tune-up (which we periodically do). Two of the nine couples I know who have gone to her have gotten divorced and she (and her husband Phil who is a great therapist esp. for men and is in the same building) were very supportive of the divorce. Her # is 510-658-6282 - her name is Tobey Hiller and she is Oakland near Piedmont. Sarah

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My husband and I are heading towards a ''good'' divorce with the excellent and insightful help of Dr. Richard Bush in Berkeley. He's on the MHN network. We are much better co-parents as a result and I anticipate we'll even continue to be good friends when all is said and done. Good luck. Anonymous

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I have a great counselor!! Her name is Margaret Thompson, She is based in Oakland near Kaiser Hospital. Good Luck!! Anon

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I highly recommend Isadora Alman in San Francisco, near Laurel Village. She is non-judgemental and specializes in Couples Counseling. 415 386-5090. www.askisadora.com/isadora.asp anon

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A great couples' therapist is Austin Hurst, Ph.D. in Lafayette-- 945 Risa Road, Ste. A Lafayette, CA 94549(925) 283-5740. anon

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I know of an excellent psychologist in Rockridge. He is very straight to the point. He also can help without taking years to intervene. His name is David Krause, Ph.d. I believe his fee $130, but will probably slide to $100. His number is 510-287-5898. Good Luck! nicole

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We work with Susan Schreier Williams and Sola Williams. One of the first things they say is that we have to be willing to let go of the relationship in it's present form. They speak really directly, sometimes shockingly so, and it's been an incredible help for my partner and I to be met in places we have never been met before. Their approach goes well beyond traditional talk therapy and we have made progress quickly and profoundly. I love having a man and woman combo, because then we get both perspectives. They have been married for around 6 years. I highly recommend them. Their sessions are $125 for an hour and a half, but we go every other week and that's plenty. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Galen

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Nancy-Levine Jordano is a counselor who will tell a couple that their differences are irreconcilable, if that is indeed the case. She bore this sad but true news to me and my ex-wife, and there has no never been any doubt to my mind that 1) she did everything she could as a therapist to bring us together and 2) that her eventual recommendation that we separate was the correct one. She has an office in Oakland by Lake Merritt; her number is (925) 944-5699. Anonymous

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You may want to try Dr. Michael Smith in Oakland. His number is 510-530-7900. I'm not sure how much he charges. I saw him individually a few years ago and was paying less than $100. Good luck. pebbles

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I can't recommend Leslie Kirby highly enough. She has absolutely been instrumental in saving our marriage - BUT never once showed any signs of being afraid to take us wherever we needed to go - including splitting up - which we came very close to doing. She is the best therapist I've ever worked with - she is experienced, articulate, kind and direct, and approachable. In the hardest times, I felt safe with her and always felt she had my best interest at heart. The only thing is that she may not be taking more clients right now, but you should still contact her because that changes all the time. 510-843-7555. Her office is near Berkeley Bowl. All the best with your journey. Cari

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I highly recommend Dr. Winston Valois (510-849-3211) in Berkeley. I have been to several couples therapists, most of whom were not helful and some were even detrimental to my marriage. He is the very best, right to the point and is everything you are looking for. That being said, I would also add that although it is quite a financial and emotional investment, I have always been happier with therapists when I have taken the time to shop around, going to 2-3 before making my final decision.

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March 2005

I am looking for an exceptional marriage & family therapist to help me heal & help my husband face some issues about his infidelity in our marriage. We have young kids so I am committed to trying to make the marriage work, and am looking for someone who has been successful in making marriages thrive after an affair. Berkeley or Montclair areas preferable. anonymous

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Please try Gail Alter in Berkeley. Her number is 510/433- 2972. We saw her for several years, and she was patient, nurturing and validating. This must be a tough time for you, and I applaud you for wanting to make your marriage work. Gail helped us through some difficult times - I hope she is able to help you as well.

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My husband and I went to see Dr. Bruce Cribley in Oakland, off of Grand Ave. I don't know that this is his area of expertese (sp?) but my husband had been unfaithful before we got married and Bruce helped us work through it. We've been very happy now for 2 and a 1/2 years. If you're interested his number is 510- 530-4112. Good luck.

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I think that Cheryl Jones, 510-653-7374, has a good grasp on the issues surrounding marital stress and families, and what it takes to maintain a union. She certainly doesn't believe that relationships are doomed if infidelity has occurred. Anonymous

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Hi Anon 'Trying to Heal'...
I first want to offer you my support and praise your effort to try and heal your relationship after an affair.

Although I had no children at the time, I experienced a similar 'violation' of my marriage many years ago. After picking myself up off the floor from the shock of it, I underwent individual as well as couples counseling (my husband had 1:1 counseling, too) to try and save our marriage. It is a painful road, and much comes out that might take you by surprise, but if you are both committed to making it work, chances are it will.

Both my husband and I are eternally grateful to Dr. Mary Herget who practices in SF. She used to teach grad classes to student therapists in Berkeley and I believe she used to practice in Berkeley, but may no longer. Her number is 415-221-9973. To this day, I send a holiday card to her updating her on our family life.

At one of our last sessions with her all those years ago, she asked us what she could tell her students that, in our experience, helped us begin to rebuild our relationship. We both agreed that we had to take responsibility for our part in the relationship and that both of us had a role to play in its breakdown. Now, 11 years and 3 children later, I still believe that.

Lastly, there's a couple of very important things I want to tell you; Don't offer your forgiveness to your husband until you are ready and really feel it...no matter how much he needs to hear it. Secondly, heal in your own time, not in the timeframe that your husband, therapist, friends, parents or siblings wants you to. You can't force yourself to close the wound. It can only happen over time.

I rarely think about what happened all those years ago--I thought at the time not a day would go by without my crying about it. But time does heal; and odd as it may sound, you will be stronger for this experience in some way, some day.

I am sending you a hug and support from...
Someone who's been there

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Feb 2005

Can anyone recommend a smart and insightful marriage counselor? Thank you for any leads. anon

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My partner and I had a great experience with Lor Fjerkenstad. She is definetly a smart, insightful couples therapist. She really helped us with some difficult communication issues. What we liked about her was that she was very warm and down-to- earth. I do believe that she offers a sliding fee, but you'd have to check with her as to the fee range. Her office is located in Rockridge , about a 3 minute walk from BART. anon

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My husband and I have gone to see Gene Kennedy in Oakland. I don't have his number on me right now, but he is in the yellow pages. His office is on Telegraph near Alcatraz. He really helps us to communicate with each other, and he's funny, too! anon

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Dr Bruce Linton in Berkeley has helped make my marriage positively enjoyable! Plus, he takes our insurance. I don't have his number offhand, because my husband does the appointment duties (a testament to Dr Linton's therapy in itself), but he's in the phonebook. Good Luck!
happily married again

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We can't recommend Mary Ann Regan highly enough. She is in Berkeley, 510-652-6600. She is amazingly talanted, able to navigate the most sensitive, charged, seemingly unsolvable situations with candor, humor and grace. My husband and I both think the world of her and credit her for our happy marriage. We still go back occassionaly with a problem we aren't able to solve alone, and we are always impressed and see results. Rebecca

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I want to recommend Dr. Marlene Winell in Berkeley. I gave a general reference for her a while back but I haven't seen it on the website and I forgot to mention the work she does with couples. She is great at teaching communication skills. My partner and I did a 10-week program with her which was a huge benefit to us. She also works with individual couples to help you get clear on what the real issues are and take some steps to make changes. I don't think she takes Kaiser but she will work with you on finances, plus she works fast, especially if you do the ''homework.''
I found Dr. Winell to be a fantastic therapist. She is empathetic and deeply interested in her clients--when you work with Marlene, you are working with an understanding ally. Beyond that, she brings an impressive assortment of therapeutic tools to the session--she is NOT a one-size-fits-all therapist--different people and different challenges require different strategies, and Marlene's skill and creativity match her empathy. I found her use of clinical guided imagery to be especially helpful and in some instances, transforming. Her goals are both practical--she shares problem-solving methods with her clients--and profound-- her ultimate emphasis is on personal integrity and building the awareness and strength that we need to reflect who we are in the world. Marlene helped me discover new ways of seeing the world that have served me well and that I expect will support me for the rest of my life. I recommend her without reservation--and with gratitude and enthusiasm! marlenewinell.net Jan

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2004 and Earlier

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Dec 2004

Hi, Apart from the fact that this has been a specially stressful year (new baby, and some financial problems), I do feel that I'm having problems in my marriage. But we're willing to fight for it. Anyone out there knows a good and compassionate counselor? (affordable too!) It is very important for us that he or she is open to other cultures. Both my husband and I are not from the U.S. and were raised by non-American parents. Thank you for any insight you may have. New mommy in trouble

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Dr. Marlene Winell in Berkeley (510-649-1256) - she is understanding, and great with couples and is a parent herself; she has also lived around the world and sensitive to cultural differences. See my unsolicited review of her below. Financially, I believe she has a sliding scale but just call her - she'll discuss your situation with you at no obligation. Also keep in mind, she helps people pretty quickly so it doesn't take long and it's worth it. marlenewinell.net Jan

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I have an excellent recommendation for help with adjusting to the many changes of becoming new parents, particularly the stresses placed on the marriage, (including familiarity with different cultures): Donna Rothert, Ph.D. She has offices in both Albany and Oakland. Her number is 510-273-9548. Pamela

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Susan Schreier Williams and her husband, Sola Williams, specialize in working with new parents. They have a three year old, and know the ins and outs of relating when it comes to new parenting. They are a very conscious couple and speak directly to the truth in a simple and relieving way. My partner and I are a lesbian couple, with two children, and Susan and Sola have been a godsend in helping us relate more happily and easefully with each other and the children. Sola is from Jamaica and Susan is from the US. I think they would be sensitive to your cultures, as well. Their number is 510-482- 2276 and you can email bodywisdom at lmi.net. Feel free to contact me if you want more info. Galen

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Oct 2004

Looking for a good therapist in SF to help explore what separation/divorce might look like for us and our 3 year old. We've been to 3 different couples' therapists and have not been able to get 'unstuck' in our 5 year marriage. My husband can talk rings around me, so a sharp, assertive therapist might be our best bet. Any ideas? We've been given the following names: Alzak Amlan, Shira Shore, and Sheri Raley...anyone had any experience with either of them? Thanks. Stuck and Scared in SF

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I would highly recommend Kirsten Beuthin. She is a very warm therapist, but also very practical and has an office in San Francisco. Best of luck. anonymous

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My husband and I went to Peter Howard in SF in Pacific Heights. He is a behavioral guy, and really good. I wish I had his contact info, but don't right now. He was very insightful, and good at forcing ''balance'' between us (in our relationship, I am actually the faster talker, etc. Peter was ON me, and didn't let me zip around things). He is a *very* smart guy (not to sound like a jerk, but my husband is an attorney and I am a PhD and we have had therapists who just didn't keep up). Only downside is that he is pretty expensive (which I guess comes with the territory of being really good).
Need a smart therapist to keep me in line!

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Marcia Rafinski is an excellent couples therapist. She's really effective, everyone feels understood, and your ability to communicate and work through blocks is greatly facilitated. She has moved to Marin but still sees lots of clients in SF. 415-485-6722 Ann

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September 2004

It's not easy after a baby! My husband and I are looking for a great couples therapist. Probably would prefer an MFT in or close to our area - Lincoln Heights near Mormon Temple - and someone who had Blue Shield as a provider.

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I would like to recommend Kellie Carbone, MFT at 510-594-8262. She does individual, couples, and group therapy. I have only had experience with her as an individual therapist but I am absolutely sure she would be great as a couples therapist as well. She is extremely kind, dedicated, and insightful. I have had experiences with other therapists and have never found someone so caring and committed to her clients' growth. Good luck!

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I would recommend Carl Eggers, MFT for couples counseling. He has a website at www.lovingrelationships.com that describes his approach, including some out of the (sand) box ways of helping people begin to express themselves when words fail. He's in the North Bay, but I believe he also sees clients in the East Bay.

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I highly recommend Matthew Marzell for couples counseling and couples communications issues. He is going to be doing some couples workshops and he also has expertise working with entire families and individuals. My husband and I were recommended to him by a trusted friend who has had many experiences with various therapists over the years. My friend said that Matthew was the most effective counselor he had ever come across and that with Matthew's tools he and his wife had been able to deal with issues faster than he ever had with other therapists. I found my friend's comments to be completely true. Matthew is aggressive, but in a really good way. He helps you identify commitments that you want to make in your life and helps you stick to them. My husband and I went to him when our relationship was truly falling apart and infidelity had become an issue. Matthew has an approach that worked wonders for us. He's a fantastic relationship coach and if it wasn't for him, I don't know if I'd still be married. Matthew is not a licensed therapist; he's a counselor with many years of experience. I was a little hesitant about going to someone who isn't licensed, but he's completely professional and I think he whipped us into shape faster than months and months of slow therapy ever would. He's great! Both my husband and I were both doing our own individual therapy when we started seeing Matthew (because we were in such crisis), but we actually stopped seeing our individual therapists because we thought Matthew was so effective. He's in Martinez - an easy drive from Berkeley. You can give Matthew a call at 925-229-3260. I'm also happy to talk to anyone and give more detail about him.

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Related page: Therapists for depression

Sept 2004

Can anyone recommend a couples counselor with experience and/or expertise in working with couples where one partner suffers from depression? My husband & I have been seeing a counselor for a while, but it just doesn't seem to be working. He suffers from sometimes serious depression (and is in treatment), but our current counselor seems uncomfortable addressing the effect of his depression on our relationship (she doesn't think it's about ''us''). I believe that the depression is the REASON we've been having problems, not a side issue. I'm trying to find a new person who is willing to tackle this issue head-on. I've looked at previous recommendations, but no one seems to mention depression as a particular issue for couples counselors. Since I've been burned once, I don't want to take the chance that any ''good'' counselor will intuitively know how to handle a depressive partner situation. East Bay or SF is fine. Someone in Kaiser would be great, but not necessary.

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went through the same exact issue with my husband. Joyce Lindenbaum was our savior. on college near Diesel Books. Ph: (510) 601-9171 Anon

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Dana Locke is a thoughtful, warm, insightful individual and couples'psychotherapist with an interactive style. She will definitely address the impact of your husband's depression on the marriage. She leaves no stones unturned. Her office is conveniently located at the corner of Claremont and College. Her number is 510-655-2823.
Julie

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May 2004

My husband and I are considering couples therapy with Jay Earley and Bonnie Weiss. While there is a favorable recommendation in the archives regarding life coaching, I was wondering if anyone has had any experience with them in couples therapy specifically? thanks.

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I have been working with Bonnie Weiss as my coach/therapist for over a year and a half and think she is super. While I do not have direct experience with her and Jay as a couples therapist, we have certainly covered a number of relationship issues. I think her background in gestalt therapy, coaching, and more recently family sytems theories would make her an excellent choice for a couples therapist. I also think Jay is highly qualified. JC (Editor note: Contact info as of Sept 2007: Bonnie Weiss LCSW 415 924-5200 bonnieweiss [at] gmail.com experientialcoach.com)

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I don't know about the therapists you mentioned, but we have been to several different ones and can say that we have never found anyone close to the effectiveness of Denah Joseph. She doesn't beat around the bush, is fair, and pushes both members of the couple to grow individually and as a couple. She is located in Oakland on Peidmont mc

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May 2004

I am looking for updated recommendations on a good marriage counselor. No touchy feely stuff, but rather someone who can help my husband and me communicate effectively, help us articulate difficult feelings in a safe place, and really hear each other. We have a 2 year old and have been trying unsuccessfully for the past 9 months to have a second child. Now my husband is having second thoughts about expanding our family. Our marriage really went south after we had our first child and it was a tremendously stressful time for both of us. (I ended up in therapy, he ended up in anger management counseling). We pulled our marriage back together without marriage counseling and things are better now, but we are both scarred from the experience and he, especially, is afraid that the stress of a second child will cause things to fall apart again and that we won't be able to survive it. I think we never really tackled the underlying issues that led to the bad times and they are resurfacing again in this dilemma. Recommendations for therapists who have dealt with this kind of thing would be helpful. Trying to find our way

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My recommendation for someone to help with communication between two people would be Winifred Reilly. She works out of her home in Berkeley. I don't have her phone number any more, but if you can find her, and she has time for you, she's great. She has a good sense of humor, too. A Poor Communicator

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My husband & I are seeing Howard Hamburger (653-6393) He's in Oakland off Piedmont Ave. We had seen two other couples counselors before (from the ucb recommendations) and while they were nice their approach didn't work for us. We are dealing with many issues - children (yes the relationship went downhill after our child was born), depression and financial stress in our life. We view life completely differently and can hardly have a conversation without arguing. With Howard's help we are slowly getting through this. He's very intuitive, does not get emotionally involved (which the others did) and knows how to keep you on track. Feel free to email me with any questions. Good luck. Until seeing Howard I had lost faith in couples counseling.

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I'd recommend Dr. Deborah Joy (phone: 524-8284, practice is on Solano in Albany). She's very smart and compassionate, and good at helping couples work on practical communication skills and reestablishing loving feelings. The emphasis is building the positive in your relationship, and working through problems without getting mired in blame-throwing and anger. She's helped us with some of the exact issues you mention: making a decision about a second child when the first (though deeply loved) stressed our marriage, dealing with a period of infertility (which she herself struggled with, having a child fairly late in life), and anger management. We were in bad shape when we started with her, and are on much more solid ground now...and happily expecting our second child. Good luck to you!

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September 2003

any recommendations for a good, affordable couples counselor in lamorinda?

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Dr. Beth Ferree in Lafayette (925-284-3665) has helped us a lot. She is a great listener but quickly helps you get to the root of the problem (in a gentle, supportive way) and then gives you easy suggestions (make some time to talk, go out more as a couple, etc.) for improving your everyday relationship. She was not covered by my insurance but was worth every out-of-pocket penny. Anonymous

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August 2003
My husband and I have been seeing Naomi Baran in Rockridge for about two years and we love her. I'm a new mom as well and though we are in couples therapy, I think she'd be great on an individual basis as well, especially for dealing with coping with parenthood. She's not a PhD but is an excellent therapist and has helped us tremendously. She's in the offices over Market Hall. anon

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August 2003
I would like to recommend Eileen Crean, MFT. We are currently seeing her right now for marriage counseling and we both like her! She accepts UCB's PacifiCare insurance. She is in Berkeley at 2340 Ward Street, Suite 204. Her phone number is 549-3404. Anon

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July 2003

My marriage is on the brink and we need help. My doctor recommended Dr. Rebecca Epstein for marriage counseling. Has anyone been treated by her? Did you like her? Was it effective? Thanks, anon

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Dr. Rebecca Epstein is fabulous! She is so smart and a wonderful resource. Our marriage was on the brink too and she helped us find a different, better path. Our marriage is now better than it ever was. Good luck to you. anon

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I went through a hard time with my marriage recently. I went to several therapists and was sorely disappointed... and then I found Rebecca. She is wonderful and I can not say enough great things about her services. My husband and I went to her and I have continued to work with her. Everytime I leave her office I have greater clarity. I highly recommend her to anyone with marital concerns and / or personal concerns. She is a true professional! kc

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We had a somewhat disappointing experience with Rebecca Epstein a few years ago. It seemed to us that she was not as careful or thoughtful a listener as we had hoped for. We ended up going to Barbara Vivino, also in Berkeley, and found her to be attentive and caring, and she helped us through a difficult period. anonymous

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July 2003

I am in need of a recommendation for a couples therapist who specializes in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) in the Bay Area. Thank you for any responses. anonymous

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I can strongly recommend Mary Bradford, PhD. Her office is in central Berkeley. She works with couples from the EFT perspective. Very experienced, very knowledgeable, very good therapist. Her office number is: 510-843-5508. Carol-Ann

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May 2003

We are looking for a marriage counselor in the Lamorinda area. We may be considering Cindy Hill-Ford or Colette Bischer-Choate. Any thoughts about these or other therapists in this area? Anon

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Collette Bischer-Choate is a friend and collegue of mine. She is very good with couples and families, fair, professional, and practical. I suggest meeting with her a few times and then deciding if she's a good match for you. susan

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April 2003

Can anyone recommend an affordable couples counselor that's very well versed in cross-cultural relationships (american woman with a latino man. i've looked in web site and find nothing for latino/american couples)? anon

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Mai Le is a fantastic couples counselor, although I don't know if she has specifically addressed Latina/American issues. However, she is Vietnamese, and her husband American, so I am sure she is familiar with cross-cultural issues. I cannot say enough good things about Mai, I adore her! She has 2 offices, one in SF, and one in Berkeley. Here is her number: (415) 928- 6736. Good luck! kelly

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March 2003

Regarding Kaiser couples counseling in the most recent newsletter. I can understand your frustration if this is your first baby. I wish I had gone to counseling for my first one too. However, we did not start couple counseling until our second baby. My counselor is great. Her name is Vicky Marlow in Lafayette and her phone # is (925) 254-4807. If you or your husband are working, ask your personnel office if you qualify for the Employee Assistance Program. This is a program that allows you to seek counseling for your kids, marriage or individual for free. It is completly confidential. Vicky accepts this program. ESP bills her and I do not pay anything or deal with any paperwork. IT'S GREAT!!! My husband and I work at the same place so we each get 6 session every 6 month. That means we have 12 free counseling sections every 6 months. I strongly recommend this program because you do not want to add any more financial burden to your problems. Hang in there. It gets easier with time. Good Luck!!! anon

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February 2003

I am looking for recommendations for a couples counselor who is down to earth. Pref near campus. Thanks. Lynn

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I highly recommend Kirsten Beuthin, LMFT 510/652-0990. Her office is in Berkeley. She helped my husband and I get through some tough times, and she is down to earth and pragmatic.

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I highly recommend Anthony Carpentieri (M.A., MFC). My husband and I have found him very ''down to earth,'' sensitive yet non-judgmental, sensible and balanced, available. Both of us feel we have benefited from his gentle but focused interventions. His office is 2315 Price Street in Berkeley; phone is 849-1626.

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Hi There, Jeremy Gordon with the Berkeley Therapy Institute (BTI) is the most amazing wise and wonderful therapist. The practice is close to campus on MLK. The number is : (510) 841-8484. Good luck Stephanie

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My husband and I loved our couples counselor. She is down to earth and close to campus (Carlton and Telegraph). Her name is Gail Lindsay and her number is 433-9785. Danielle

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My spouse and I have gone to see Dr. David Miller on Fruitvale ave. (up in the hills) in Oakland for several years. We first went with some real issues but lately only go as sort of insurance. He is good, solid in his analysis and has young children so can really relate to some of the ''family'' issues. Tel: 530.4195

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I highly recommend Michael Simon, MFT. He is a wise, down to earth therapist who sees things very clearly and is really kind. He brought our own marriage back from the ''brink'' so to speak and we both thought he was fantastic. I've referred several friends to him but the down side is that his practice is often full and can be difficult to get an appointment. Try anyway, though--it's worth it. You can reach him at 510 433-2959. Anon

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I know of an excellent Marriage and Family Therapist not far from Campus on Piedmont near 51st. Julie Tenenberg at 654-7017 is down-to-earth, wise, and practices with integrity. I regularly refer people to her and get glowing reports back. Dana

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Sara Wood-Kraft, PhD. is a great down to earth couple's counselor. She is located near the Rockridge BART station. Her number is 510/652-6572. I highly recommend he Mary

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February 2003

Has anyone had any experience with Imago Relationship Therapy, know any therapists and would you recommend them? Thanks. Not getting the love I want

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I don't know any of the therapists you listed, but our couples therapist, Sam Tabachnik, is wonderful. I don't think he is trained in Imago therapy officially, but he is the one who recommended the book to us (Getting the Love you Want), so it is at least a part of his philosophy. I think the book is really great too, and I can't say enough good things about Sam. He is on Shattuck in Berkeley (just past Ashby) and his # is 845-3525. Good luck! anonymous

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July 2002

Hi, My husband and I have been having the same couple of fights over and over for the last year or so, and are thinking that a counselor would help us work them out. Also, since we had kids our relationship is seriously lacking in intimacy, affection, and romance. I've looked through the counseling postings, but I'm having a hard time figuring out how to find a counselor. The counselors near us, in Montclair, aren't mentioned. Can anyone recommend someone in or near Montclair that has helped with similar problems? We are looking for a shorter-term, solution-oriented counselor rather than on-going therapy as we are not in crisis or considering divorce. Thanks! anon

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We have been very happy with Marjorie Cusick, MFT. She is warm and straightforward, communicative and both of us felt heard and understood by her. Her office is not in Montclair but pretty close...on College and Alcatraz.She may also have a second office. She can be reached at 510.428.2309.

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Jacob Ofman is very good - very active, smart, good ideas. 339-3090. Amazing how helpful someone good can be. Good luck

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Virginia VandenBergh isn't in Montclair, but a short ride to College Avenue near Rockridge Bart. Her # is 654-6096. I work as a family therpist and would be happy to give other recommendations in the surrounding area. Susan

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Not Montclair but just a short drive away: Dan Wile is in Upper Rockridge/ Hiller Highlands and I recommend him. We only went to him 4-5 times and he got us back on track. He is not therapy, more like mediation. In our case, we both were motivated to get things going but neither of us could figure out how to move forward. He helped us pinpoint what the main ''issues'' were and then focus our discussion on solving those rather than the free-form go-nowhere bickering/talking that we had been doing. He is mild-mannered, somewhat reticent, which I liked. Anon

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March 2002

I am wondering if anyone could recommend a good couples therapist in the East Bay Area (Walnut Creek/Lafayette)? Unfortunately, due to work, we can only meet on the weekends, so if anyone knows a someone that has weekend/Saturday hours, that would be helpful. Thanks very much for any recommendations you can give.

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Ellen Case has an office in Concord. If she doesnt work on the weekends, perhaps she could refer you to somebody who does. Her telephone # is 510-530-5797

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We use Dr. Elizabeth Ferree in Lafayette, (925) 284-3665. She has made my husband comfortable with the idea of therapy, no small task! No idea if she has openings, but you may want to give her a call.

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I know an excellent couple's therapist that I saw with my then partner and have many friends who also went to him. His name is Andrew Michaels and he has an office in Lafayette. I can't say enough good things about him. I have been to a few therapists and he is by far the best couple's therapist I have ever seen. Give him a call and I'm not sure if he sees clients on Saturdays, but he might. Good luck. Nancy

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There is an excellent couples therapist in Orinda named Barbara Mintzer-McMahon. I saw her a few years ago and she was absolutely great. I am pretty sure she works weekends. Her number is 925-254-8510. Email me if you have any specific questions. Dinah

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As for couples therapists I want to recommend Sarah Ashton. Her number is 433-7984 and is located next to Oliveto's on College Ave. in Oakland. I know her because I am also a psychotherapist (I'd recommend myself except I guess that would be a conflict of interests). I highly respect her as a therapist. She is very smart, very compassionate but not squishy. Melanie

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Here's one from friends who went to this guy before they had kids to get help with communicating - they liked him - they have a pretty ideal marriage as far as I can tell so it must have helped: Richard Bloom 3120 Telegraph Ave. 848-2695

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I would like to suggest Sheri Glucoft Wong on Solano Ave. Last I checked, her number was 526-5085, but that was from a while ago. She is very smart, pragmatic and sensible and was quite helpful for both me and my husband. She specializes in family issues and is well worth making an appointment with and seeing if she is the right person for you and yours.

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I realize that you are looking for someone in the South Bay, however, if for any reason South Berkeley would work out for you I would like to recommend Adria Blum. I cannot praise her highly enough. She just simply has a wonderful way of communicating and dealing with both persons in the situation, and is highly compassionate about the problems you are discussing with her. You can reach her at: (510) 486-8146. Good Luck.

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My husband and I have a wonderful couple counselor to recommend. We have been seeing Judith Cohen, LCSW, for 2 years and she is one of the most impressive therapists I have ever met. I mention this here because she is building her practice and it occurred to me that someone (family, couples) might be grateful for the recommendation! Judith is warm, intuitive, empathic and generally a life saver. She charges $95 an hour but reduces her fee for those in need. Her offices are near the corner of San Pablo & Marin in Albany and she can be reached at 510-527-3132. Stacie

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I can strongly recommend Howard Hamburger, MFCC, as a marriage counsellor. I believe he's been at it for 20+ years and he brings a wealth of caring and insights. I don't know if he has any openings, but I expect my partner & I will be wrapping up our own sessions in the not too distant future. Unfortunately, he's neither inexpensive nor particularly close to UC: Our sessions are $90. His office is at 19 Gleneden Ave in Oakland, which is just off Piedmont Ave. near Pleasant Valley Ave. His work number is 653-6393.

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I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend Deborah Joy, PhD, in North Berkeley, at 524-8284. She helped put my 15 year relationship and 9 year marriage back together so that we're much better together than we had ever been before. One less divorce, one more in-tact family, and one more satisfying and hope-filled love affair later, I don't think we could have done it without her. Deborah is highly intelligent, highly intuitive, and I can't recommend her enough. Best of luck.

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We love our counselor, Dean Lobovits. He has an office at 5th and Cedar. Great guy, very perceptive. He might be a bit too much of a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) for you, though. I'd schedule a trial visit/interview, and see what you think. Dean has rehabilitated the whole species of couple's counselors for me! I can't recommend him highly enough.

Regarding coverage, Dean is NOT on Health Net, but he does take Blue Cross Prudent Buyer, and many other PPO's. Usually, HMO's provide very limited Mental Health benefits. Often, it's something like 5 to 20 visits per year, with a co-pay of $20 to $30, and you have to use THEIR therapists (which are very few in number). And you have to have your Personal Care Physician recommend that you do it. Very complex, and almost never worth it, in my opinion.

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David Max is an excellent couples counselor. He has this canny ability to teach you how to hear what the other person is saying and at the same time to feel that he has supported both of you. I believe his telephone number is (510) 428-1671.

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I understand your situation and can greatly empathize. My husband and I have had a long, rocky road. We started seeing a therapist together about 2 years ago before we were even married. I highly recommend our therapist, Dr. Donald McKillop. He is an excellant, compassionate therapist and a wonderful human being. And, he practices here in Berkeley on Channing so he's walking distance to the campus. In the mean time, hang in there. I know what its like to be pregnant and contemplating a divorce. I was there not too long ago. There are services around to help. It just might take a little research to find more info about them.

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Dr. Gilbert Neuman, PhD. He is excellent, active listener, remembers details and provides very candid feedback. Not at all just a chat session. He can be reached at 841-9230.

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My husband and I have the most amazing couple's counselor. Her name is Heidi Berrin-Shankoff (849-4106), and I swear, if anyone can rehabilitate your marriage, she can. We've been seeing her for going on three years now, and it's a rare session that doesn't leave me impressed with her insight and skill. She cuts through the crap in no time, and is good at making each person feel heard and supported. I couldn't recommend her higher - if you go to her and stick it out for a while, either your relationship will heal or together you'll decide to part with a sense of resolution.

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This is in response to the couple seeking a marriage counselor. There's a very wise, down-to-earth therapist on Park Blvd. in Oakland (she may also have an office in Albany area.) Her name is Sandra Stark (482-1003.) She does individual and couples counseling. I can't say enough nice things about her. I've known several people who have seen her over the years and everybody seems to value her advice. She is definitely not a touchy feely type.

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Judith Tabb, 527-9645. She lives in Berkeley and has an office in her home. I believe she also has an office in Marin, but we saw her in the evening at her Berkeley location. Best of luck.

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Try Dan Wile, 510 654 7390. He has been tremendously helpful - very smart, very perceptive. He's a PhD in upper Rockridge. On the high end, at $100/hr, but worth it if you can afford it.

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July 1998

 

re Therapist for abusive husband/possible divorce ... I recommend Dr. William Smith (Oakland) from personal experience of this nature. He was terrific and had ways of reaching both of us via metaphors targeted at each that were perfect for us to understand, internalize, and implement.

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For the woman looking for a therapist in the domestic violence situation: I can recommend two people who are very good couples and individual therapist and have experience with domestic abuse: Ruth Paris LCSW PhD 526-5232 and Audrey Nulman PhD 594-2204