Eating Disorders in Teens & Preteens

Parent Q&A

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  • Our daughter needs residential treatment for her eating disorder. Does anyone have recent successful experience with a residential program in California? We have had Cielo House, Clementine/Monte Nido, and Montecatini (San Diego) recommended to us. Any information would be much appreciated.

    First of all, I am very sorry that this is happening to your child and your family. We discovered our teen’s Anorexia Nervosa in early 2022. This is the hardest thing my kid and our family has ever dealt with. I am sure you know that eating disorders are an insidious mental illnesses with the highest mortality rate for any mental illness. I only write this here because I want to bring more visibility to this issue because it can be so misunderstood by the rest of society. Our teen’s eating disorder was brought on by the pandemic; the loneliness and isolation really affected our kid. The good news is our teenager is thriving and is close to a full recovery. We are aware that this is something that may resurface during stressful times in life, but the earlier you catch it and comprehensively treat it, the higher chance of full recovery. 

    I heavily researched residential treatment programs and were on many waitlists, but I also didn’t feel satisfied with any of the Glass Door reviews. Many of these residential programs are for profit companies, and they seem to employ too many overworked and not ideally qualified people. We couldn’t bring ourselves to send our teen away. We implemented Family Based Treatment at home, which is the hardest thing we ever did. It is the gold standard for treating anorexia in teens, but it is really hard on the parents because you basically turn your home into a treatment center. Although this sounds less than ideal, if you can push through and implement FBT at home, the long term results are phenomenal because your kid learns to eat at home and in society with you. If they go to a residential treatment center, they may get better but often times, when the kid gets back home, they fall back into old habits because they didn’t learn to eat at home. These are the programs that were recommended to me and that I would have sent my teen to if FBT didn’t work. I like the outpatient model because it keeps you connected with your kid. I also added a list of resources below (books, the therapist, our pediatrician at Kaiser who truly understands eating disorders and is excellent with teens and helped identify our kid’s comorbidity of depression). I wish you the best. This is such a stressful time for you and your family, but you can push through and help your kid overcome this hardship. You will all be stronger and closer on the other side of it. We are enjoying meals and travels as a family again. We have our teenager back. This was also very difficult on our other kids so we did some family therapy together too and helped them understand what their sibling was going through. It is very hard for the siblings too, so try to give them some special time too.

    • Amrita (IOP in San Rafael)
    • Center For Discovery was recommended to me by Amrita (Menlo Park residential) 
    • Healthy Teen Project (PHP / IOP) 
    • Avalon Hills (Utah residential)
    • Eating Disorder Resource Center: excellent non profit resource and they facilitate a parent support group via Zoom on Saturday mornings
    • Bri Byrne in Lafayette (excellent therapist who specializes in eating disorders). 
    • Dr. Fong Gomez (Kaiser Oakland Pediatrician; she was trained by their eating disorder specialist MD before she left and is excellent in providing evidence based medical support). 
    • Excellent Podcast with expert Dr. Laura Hill: Part 1 and Part 2 
    • Book: Plate by Plate method 
    • Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder
  • I'm looking for therapist referrals in the East Bay, preferably Oakland/Berkeley, who specialize in teen eating disorders and anxiety.  Also maybe teen support groups? My high school-age daughter told me she's been binging/purging to cope with the overwhelm of Junior year.  She wants to stop her behavior but needs help; so do I.  Thanks for your ideas and recommendations.

    I don’t have any recommendations for clinicians, but I know that today is so tough for kids- the pressures on keeping up and massively scheduled days/years- with no developmental oversight to see if it’s all ok.  I used to work with eating disorders inpatient and a big thing we taught was choices.  Kids lose the ability to make their own choices and control their own lives- in a time they need to start to make choices for themselves.  Eating disorders can be a way due kids to harness control in a with that is over controlling them.  Not sure if this helps- as the holes are deeply dug with school pressures too.  Advocate fir your kid at school.  If they expect too much, say something. If something isn’t making sense snd they want to exclude your kid because she doesn’t meet a bottom line when she needed downtime- say something.   Sometimes the schools expect these kids to manage adult type schedules- and much of this is driven by the sects of parents before us that we’re well meaning of course.    The ones that demanded this opportunity or that to get into this or that program or school.   Don’t be afraid to place brakes on things.  Each child is battling against the pressures in their own way- so you are not alone.  There is new info out there that colleges are actually looking for a more balanced student that didn’t have all t’s crossed.  I could be misreading the pressure part of your inquiry so please pardon me if I am- Take care!  🤗 

    Our daughter’s therapist, Samar Warmerdam, is wonderful. She is knowledgeable, mature, and speaks effectively to both teens and parents.

    Samar Warmerdam

    samarwarmerdam.com

    therapy [at] samarwarmerdam.com (therapy[at]samarwarmerdam[dot]com)

    I would absolutely second the recommendation of Samar Warmardam -- we feel really lucky to have her as our daughters therapist! She's warm, smart, flexible, fun, and is equally good at connecting with us and our 14-year old (who struggled with anorexia and continues to deal with a range of anxieties). Our daughter literally commented when we left her office last week, "I'm soooo glad we found Samar!". 

    In addition, you may want to reach out to a group in Rockridge that we found extremely helpful for us as parents. They have a wealth of experience working with kids and families dealing with all sorts of eating issues. When we realized that our daughter was restricting food and losing substantial weight, we were connected with them. We did a phone consult followed by a parent group (online at the time but they may offer in person services at this point?). The group was fairly structured and focused on helping the participating parents learn about FBT (the approach used to treat eating disorders that is fairly widely accepted as the standard of care in the field), problem solve together, and just get support since this whole thing can be pretty hard on your family! The group leaders (Suzannah Neufeld and Elizabeth Burns Kramer) were caring, experienced, and actually made a very difficult time much more hopeful for us. I know this is stressful time for you and I'll just say that it has been a huge relief to know there are some great people out there entirely capable of helping your daughter get on a more positive track and helping you gain control of a tough situation! Their website: It's https://www.connectedbayarea.com/

  • We are desperate for an in person therapist (with Covid Safe precautions)for our 15 year old daughter.

    She has had an eating disorder for 3 years due in part to severe fat shaming from peers in elementary school. She never told us about the bullying until after we discovered her eating disorder.

    She has been failing her classes and has been very manipulative with us and her teachers. Pretending to do homework and just got in trouble for plagiarism in one class.

    We greatly diminished screen time. We don’t want to completely isolate her from friends so she gets one hour a day.  
    We have now discovered cuts on her inner thighs and are so saddened and lost about what to do.

    She has been in therapy but ended up not liking the therapist. 
    We need someone who can smell bullshit because she has a tendency to lie for no good reason.

    UCSF and Stanford have excellent ED programs. Also please go to aroundthedinnertable.org for a parent forum of eating-disordered kids that will provide support for you and ideas to help your daughter. It's important to recognize that none of this is your fault as parents, and also none of it is HER fault either. She doesn't choose this; it's a brain disorder. The lying and even the self-harm are not at all unusual for eating disordered teens, and again, she isn't "choosing" this. School is not a priority right now; she is not in her rational mind. Good luck.

  • Our 16-year-old daughter was diagnosed with anorexia last fall. She had been seeing a Kaiser therapist for nine months for anxiety, depression, and difficulty sleeping. Eventually she was referred to a psychiatrist who spotted the eating disorder immediately. She started seeing the teen pediatrician, a nutritionist, and a therapist and we were coached to feed her three meals and three snacks daily (which was extremely difficult for her at first, but she is mostly compliant now).Since that time she has regained about half of the weight she lost, started her period again (after losing it for 9 months). Her mood has improved (she’s taking antidepressants) but her ED thoughts are still very strong and she says she doesn’t want to recover. She does not particularly like her therapist at Kaiser. Has anyone else had experience with the eating disorder teen treatment team at Kaiser Oakland and have you supplemented with any other outside therapist or treatment programs? Can you recommend a therapist in Oakland or Berkeley who specializes in eating disorders? Any other advice or hope for us as we navigate this horrible illness?

    Hello,

    I recommend you take a look at the following website:

    https://www.ankabhi.org/casa-oakview.html

    Through Kaiser, my girl received treatment for anorexia at this residential facility in Lafayette.

    During my daughter's long, challenging road to recovery from anorexia, this proved an absolutely fantastic facility.

    Find out if your daughter qualifies for treatment there. 

    Best to you!

    Our daughter was hospitalized for AN and is now fully recovered. Please read Lock and Le Grange's "Help your Teen Beat an Eating Disorder". But my most valuable recommendation is aroundthedinnertable.org, a forum for parents of kids with eating disorders, mainly AN. Those parents coached me through all of it, great ideas and support, at any hour of the day! Look at Maudsleyparents.org. It's a marathon, and if you are giving her 3 meals and snacks per day, all of them high-calorie, that is the number one thing you should be doing, so celebrate your superhero parenting.

    Our family has a lot of experience with the eating disorder team at Kaiser Oakland. We also had difficulties with the therapist on that team and eventually found an outside therapist. There are a number of outside therapists, and I can point you in that direction if that is something you'd like to consider.  I would really welcome speaking with you- please contact me through my username below. I really sympathize with you-- it is indeed a horrible illness, and we have learned so much that we didn't know at the beginning. I would also recommend that you considering asking about the Kaiser Intensive Outpatient Program in Walnut Creek-- a number of people go there and experience improvements in their kids' situations when they've stalled out in a regular outpatient setting. It's also important to understand that it's possible that your daughter's lack of desire to get better might be connected to the fact that she is still underweight compared to where she was.  I don't know your situation, but I know that there can be major mental health implications for being significantly below one's target weight. Looking forward to speaking with you- it's so important that other people who have also had this really difficult experience support each other. I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this.

  • Did any of your teenagers experience that? What helped?

    My 15 years old daughter had always been a picky eater but as she got older it got worse. Now she really wants to eat only cheese pizza (only from one pizza place), Goldfish crackers, Rice crispy treats, one specific type of ice cream. Those she demands all the time and if I buy she would eat them instead of everything else. Othervice she cries and refuses to eat anything else or to do homework. 

    She is agreeable sometimes but not always to eat chicken, lasagna, meatballs (cooked specific way), mashed potatoes, one meal combination from Chipotle and sandwich from Subway that has bread, chicken, cheese and pickles but no other veggies. 

    With encouragement she agrees sometimes to eat a green apple, green grapes, watermelon and one type of pistachios. If the grapes are not green or if pistachios are a from different package, or if on subway sandwich was places wrong type of cheese etc she would not eat it. Nothing else!!!!

    She dislikes all vegetables, most fruits, berries, and beans. 

    Every time when I ask her to taste a spoon of a new meal she refuses. If she does taste she says she doesn’t like it. If we go to a restaurants she wouldn’t eat any food there so traveling is very difficult. 

    The problem is that she might be possibly allergic to gluten and corn because her bloodwork shows moderate allergy but skin test was negative so her allergologyst who she seen for possible asthma told ok to continue eating those because skin test more presise. She was on gluten-free diet prior to that but when allergologyst told ok to eat we included gluten back to her diet 1year ago. Since then she had worsening depression and anxiety and gets sick with cold all the time. Always has no energy. I feel her diet is contributing. 

    How to help her to be less selective with her food choices and allow more variety, fruits and vegetables? Coworker told her daughter had similar issues as a child and therapy helped, but her therapist moved out of town years ago. We tried 3 other therapists for her depression and they didn’t help. I don’t know what to do.

    Certainly keep looking for a therapist who she can see for her depression.

    Does your family eat dinner together? If not, it might help to start setting the table and trying to eat together. Don't force her to join you but invite her to do so. Maybe have something on her current list but other food for the rest of you and let her be part of the connection.

    She might venture out to other stuff but don't make a big deal out of it. 

    Work with a therapist to find out how to take stress off of her.

    Note: I am just another parent and these are my thoughts having read your post. Find guidance from professional doctors and therapists.

    My child was diagnosed for years with asthma. She also said the puffers never helped her.  Ill make a long story short, turned out her allergies created flu like symptoms and difficulty breathing.  This caused problems with her sleep cycle, which caused anxiety and depression. Finally I met with the chief of allergy.  He ordered the blood draws and  he referred her to head and neck. They found she had a deviated septum and inflamed nasal passages. (always inflamed.) Post nasal drip down the throat as she could not really blow her nose. A small procedure reduced the tissue and had a huge impact on her ability to breath. She was thrilled.  Also added allergy shots which also provided huge huge relief. 

    I will tell you the Head and Neck did not really think the procedure would do much, but it did. The tissue does grow back and she will do it again. (its been about three years and she is about to do it again...she requested it. 

    Anxiety is now almost completely gone, grades are way up, and most importantly I have a pretty content daughter again.  Still a little picky about food but not too bad. Loves vegetables so yay! (Allergy to fruit is very common when you have pollen allergies.  Cooking, or a slight zap in the micro seems to take away the itch reaction she gets.)

    I think the blood test is far more reliable then the scratch.

    Hope this helps!

    PS they were more then happy to give her ssri's and therapy. Turns out all she needed was the root problem addressed. And yes we did all things HEPA.

    I didn't and still don't make a big  deal out of subway and pizza and goldfish.  

    I can feel your pain. I would definitely recommend finding an eating disorder specialist immediately and also visit her physician if you haven't already. I was in a very similar situation with my daughter about a year ago (she was a few years younger than your daughter though). A previously picky eater, she rather suddenly became depressed and very avoidant of eating, with very OCD-like rules about food. We tried regular talk therapy for awhile and it was useless. The therapist claimed I was "giving her too much leeway" with food and that she must be acting out about some deep seated trauma (typical mother-blaming stuff!). Eventually she lost so much weight we ended up in the eating disorder unit at Stanford for a week. In her case, it turned out she was suffering from something called PANDAS and was treated with a combination of anti-depressants, anti-inflammatories, antibiotics and therapy.

     Now, that might not be the case with your daughter but no matter the underlying cause, I can highly recommend Elizabeth Burns Kramer in Rockridge, who specializes in eating disorders. http://www.elizabethburnskramer.com/ Elizabeth worked with us after my daughter came out of hospital and it made all the difference. She is super warm and kind and she helped us come up with some really creative strategies - not just talking! She is young too, and I think she would be relatable for teens. I can also recommend the book about childhood eating disorders called "Giving Food a Chance" by Julie O' Toole. It contains a ton of useful information and it reassured me that yes, my child was suffering from a eating disorder, and no, it wasn't my fault or hers! Best of luck to you and please feel free to reach out to me directly.

    Have an Oral Myofunctional Therapist check for tongue tie. Anxiety and swallow issues can be a result of ties. Airway can be too small, and tongue position inhibits normal functional swallow. OT might help with food. It may not have to be a psychotherapist. Although some kind of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy may be helpful. My daughter did have to learn that a meh or bad tasting food is just that and nothing horrible happens when it sits on your tongue and you swallow.

  • My 16 year old is battling bulimia and is currently being seen at Kaiser WC metal health. She hasn't qualified for the intensive (3day/ wk) program at this point and unfortunately, that's the only way we'd have access to a Kaiser "eating disorder" nutritionist.  I'm willing to go out of network and would love someone familiar with the Maudsley approach as our entire family is willing to heal and get educated along with her.

    Grateful for some leads close to Walnut Creek.

    Hi there;

    While I am not familiar with the approach, but because I was myself bulimic from 16 to 24 and have today 26 years of recovery, I would just like to offer my support to your family or your daughter alone (if she wanted it, someone to talk to in confidence, and whose been there - there was no one there for me when I was younger and it may have helped...).

    Let me know, if you wish to talk, or if she does.

    I wish you the best on this journey ... one day it will be better and she will not do this anymore. 

    I can recommend Michele Vivas based on my daughter's treatment with her.  I am not sure what her referral procedure is or if she has any openings, but she is highly regarded in this area.  Good luck to you and your daughter in this difficult journey.

    http://www.michelevivas.com/

Archived Q&A and Reviews


 


Helping a young family member with bulimia

March 2016

Hello all,

We've recently realized that a young extended family member is bulimic. We want to help her (she is estranged from her immediate family), and are looking into ways to do so. We would appreciate it if:

1. Anyone in the community has a referral for a local (East Bay) therapist who is highly skilled in treating eating disorders, in addition to other trauma. 2. Anyone who has recovered from an eating disorder - what helped you the most? What do you see as the most effective way for family members to support someone who has an eating disorder? 3. Advice on how to approach the initial conversation, and how to help her to admit she has a problem and seek help - we have not yet discussed it with her.

Thank you all for your responses!


I was anorexic as a teenager, before the idea of eating disorders became ''mainstream''. There was no support for me. I was lucky to spontaneously ''snap out of it'' during a summer trip after high school. More recently I have noticed that Alta Bates has a residential eating disorders clinic. I have no idea how successful it is, but it's something to look into. My own daughter is 14 and for the past few years I have been super diligent about being supportive of her self image. Best wishes to your family member. recovered


I highly recommend Overeaters Anonymous, which despite its name is a recovery program for anyone with complusive food behaviors, including anorexia and bulimia. It's a 12-step program modeled on AA. I've been involved for about six months for an overeating problem and have been blown away. There are many people with powerful stories of long-term recovery (including anorexia and bulimia) and the program offers a strong support group and tools that are adaptable to tackle your own individual problem. No dues, no diets, no weigh-ins, just a different approach to life. It takes willingness, of course, but the first step is just to attend a meeting and hear from other people about their experiences. If you want more information, call me at 510-928-2225. I could probably arrange for someone with recovery from bulimia to talk to your extended family member. Go to eastbayoa.org to find a convenient meeting to attend. There are some meetings just for young people. OA member


Hi: I have a family member with an eating disorder right now, we are still in the midst of it so I cannot say what helped us ''cure'' it. However, I can provide some feedback, For therapists, Vandana Aspen in Pleasanton, and Christina Stewart in Berkeley. The clinic at LPCH, Stanford has decades of experience.

The therapist we work with has framed a couple family sessions around what the patient has said are weak areas and could use support. So I am now involved in very specific ways such as being near the open bathroom door during showers to inhibit purging in the shower.

I have been amazed at the gravity of an eating disorder. For example, when electrolytes are ''off'', the heart can stop beating... just start with that... this is really serious stuff. It is more than ''not eating'' it involves serious malnutrition and potentially fatal consequences. Bulimia has specific affects on body tissues and teeth. There is a ton of stuff to learn about it, I'm sure anyone who has been involved with an eating disorder could write volumes here.

There are books available from various perspectives - some from the patient, some from the parents, etc. Brave Girl Eating is a book I like. There are things called ''triggers'' - might be helpful to learn about, Ana and Mia are not just girls' names, ''thinspiration'' is a thing... I have spent time reporting facebook pages where people promote and support eating disorders.

As far as the initial conversation, it could be difficult if not impossible. At some point it is truly as if the person has been possessed by the disorder and it then manipulates everything to protect itself. Secrecy and denial are HUGE. You might not really be talking to your family member but just to the eating disorder... I got our primary care doctor involved and had her find symptoms that required that we go to a special clinic. From there, that clinic dealt with it head on - complete denial was not part of the picture anymore. If you want to try to initiate a conversation, you could approach it by listing the observations you have of the person's physical condition, skin tone, hair loss, they are always cold, loss of muscle, etc.

Be prepared to meet medical personal who are not knowledgeable about the topic. Keep looking until you are satisfied. Many people travel to the Stanford clinic.

A website, http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org might offer some useful tips.

Good Luck -it is amazing how terrible and disruptive eating disorders are. From a member of a club no one wants to join


I would recommend East Bay Behavior Therapy Center. Dr. Zuita Ona and the other therapists there are are skilled in helping adults and teens with body image problems. Their phone number is 925-956-4636 and the website address is http://eastbaybehaviortherapycenter.com/ Anonymous


UCSF also has a very good Teen and Young Adult Eating Disorders Clinic.

Your family member may think no one has noticed her illness. Bulimia is often accompanied by a lot of shame, and young people with bulimia often want help more than those with anorexia. Talk with her. Express your concerns. No judgement. This is a life threatening illness - not a product of vanity or a character flaw.

Book by leading experts on adolescent eating disorders LaGrange and Lock (Lock is at Stanford and LaGrange was at U of Chicago, now at UCSF, I think) : ''Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder'' Second Edition. Available on Amazon.

There is also the Eating Disorders Resource Center in Los Gatos for information.

Wishing you well.


My own struggle with bulimia was helped a lot when I realized that similar to alcoholism, I was not going to ''get over'' it. Though it sounds like some people have! Unlike being an alcoholic, unfortunately, you cannot avoid food entirely. So it is like being an alcoholic being constantly forced to go to bars!

I put several strict rules on myself. I did not not allow myself to know my weight, and asked for doctor's help (and everyone else) with this. (When I was pregnant they would just say ''ok'' or ''hm, you're not eating enough''.) I didn't explain, just said I was weird and really didn't want to know.

I did allow myself things that set me off, but only once a week in a controlled environment. I still have to do this. I never said, oh, I'm fine, and put myself in the path of a lot of food, and have it work. It would overwhelm me and I'd fall off the wagon basically and then give up and binge. (apparently people who think they can diet well and so expose themselves to lots of food don't diet well either so it's not just bulimics).

It was a problem in college and even now, where so many people want to meet around food, but I'd always suggest a walk, or something. Certain foods I would just have hard and fast rules and not change them. One cookie every Sat., for instance. And I would bring snacks that were ''ok'' to things where I was afraid I was going to be tempted (still do). I do now have it under control, but it feels like it is something I just have to take care of, just as I know that a pint of Ben and Jerry's in the freezer is a bad idea--I will eat it. So I just try to control what is available at home to keep temptation down.

I also exercise a lot and eat lots of protein (and chocolate!) so I am not hungry. I didn't know until recently that I was constantly hungry, when I started having protein drinks and bars and realized I felt better.

It's hard--good luck!! It'll be ok I think, lots more known nowadays and you are on it! been there and doing fine now!


Group program for 14-year-old bulimic daughter?

Oct 2015

I have a 14 year old daughter who is bulimic. She has been referred to an eating disorder program in Walnut Creek called EDIOP. They meet three or four hours a few times a week, eat meals there, and apparently receive some therapy and skills/coping strategies.

Has anyone participated in this program? Is it successful? Does it work better for certain types of kids and not others? Our daughter is not outgoing and will not want to be with other teens, and will not warm up to group activities. Is this a characteristic that will impede her progress in the program?

Thank you for any insights anyone has out there! We are not sure if she should go or not. We are also not sure of other programs she might attend. Trying to navigate


I think you are referring to a Kaiser program. I don't know that program--but I would strongly recommend you contact Michele Vivas, the east bay expert on eating disorders. Her recommendation is worth a lot, and I would listen to her views about this program. Many, many doctors and even reputable medical care institutions are simply ill-informed about ED treatment. I had to change pediatricians twice before getting one who follows evidence-based treatment and not 1980s erroneous beliefs about EDs. If we had followed some of the bad advice from several doctors along the way, my daughter would be still sick, or even worse.

I also recommend looking at aroundthedinnertable.org. That forum is for parents of kids, teens and young adults with EDs. You can read there about others who have been successful and find great support. Ask questions on that forum, you will be answered by compassionate, experienced parents who have already been down this path and have much good advice to offer. Digging out of the ED rabbit-hole


I'm terribly sorry you and your daughter are struggling with this awful, tenacious, and dangerous illness. You don't say where you live. I am not familiar with EDIOP, but there is a very good adolescent eating disorders IOP (intensive outpatient program) in Concord called ''Casa Serena.'' There is also a very good residential treatment program - Center for Discovery - with locations in Danville and Menlo Park.

Your daughter has been referred to an IOP program for psychological treatment for a serious mental/physical illness. It isn't a day camp or a social activity. Most of the kids don't want to be there - they need to be. They may want to get better, but they don't want to do it in groups or in front of other people. There is a lot of shame. They may argue that they can get better on their own - but they CANNOT. The therapists will help your daughter engage in the program.

I strongly support you in following the medical advice you have been given, and in sending your daughter to an IOP program. Your daughter is at the age when eating disorders emerge. The more quickly they are treated, the better the odds for recovery and the less enduring physical damage may be done (to heart, bones, teeth, esophagus, stomach, intestines.) Your daughter's recovery is likely to be demanding for your whole family. I wish you every blessing for strength, patience and compassion. Try to keep in mind that your daughter is no more in control of this illness than she would be if she had pneumonia. It is a hard road. Been there


Dietitian/Nutritionist for Teen Eating Disorder

Feb 2014

I am looking for a great dietitian/nutritionist who works with teens with eating disorders. Pluses would be an office in Berkeley or Oakland, and experience with Family Based Treatment. Any recommendations? In Support of a Brave Girl


Michele Vivas, (510) 595-9474 and http://www.baeda.com/, sounds like the person you're looking for. She's very experienced with eating disorders, immensely knowledgeable, and uses the family-based / Maudsley approach. Personally, she's warm, practical, down-to-earth, and connects well with teens. She works closely with medical doctors and has a go-to list of therapists who share her approach. Our pediatrician put us in touch with her, and she has made all the difference. Stay brave


You may have difficulty getting in to see her, but the gold standard in this area is Michele Vivas (5665 College Ave, Oakland, CA 94618 (510) 595-9474). Her office is right in Market Hall, and she is super approachable and matter of fact. Wishing you the very best of luck with your brave girl...we are going through the same thing. Anon


16 year old's eating disorder after weight loss

Oct 2012

My 16 year old has eating disorder due to weight lost. She has strong resentment about medical treatment and therapy, only agrees to eat more at the condition of w/o getting too much weight back. However, I was told by the doctor that the only way to get her period back and improve her weak vital signs is to get at least 10 pounds back. Any advices of dealing with teenage girl with similar situation will be greatly appreciated. Very concerned and frustrated Mom.


You need to find a way to communicate to your daughter that she is doing her brain and body ACTIVE HARM by keeping her weight down--e.g. walk her through the implications of her period stopping (body shutting down non-vital functions in an attempt to keep going: this is an emergency response on the body's part). She is losing/has lost weight not just where she can see it but in her internal organs--including her brain. You may need to find good biological material to present her with and you probably need to scare her-but the issue is a scary one, after all.

I went through something similar with my daughter and she immediately came around once she understood what she was really doing to herself. If your daughter is at a place where she can't listen to reason, and it sound like she might be, maybe try therapy (individual or group)--she may have issues she needs to talk through and you are probably not be the person she can do that with. And there are surely local support groups that could help. Best of luck with this difficult situation. anon


So sorry to hear that your daughter is dealing with an eating disorder. I went through that myself at 16 and struggled with unhealthy eating habits (or not eating) for years. I wish my mother had addressed the situation more directly because I couldn't see how bad it was. The fact that you stop mensturating is a big problem. Please check out the Eating Disorder Treatment offered at Herrick Hospital in Berkeley. I hear it is an outstanding program. Eating disorders are about control, and you likely won't be able to get her to eat more. She needs to realize that it is problem and learn to take care of herself, sooner rather than later. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck with this. Anon


I had an eating disorder as a teen, in an era where anorexia was only a medical term. I was never formally diagnosed and feel very fortunate that I somehow got out of it on my own. After my son went through a residential treatment program for addictions, he was indignant that I hadn't told him about this aspect of my health history. He told me that eating disorders are considered a form of addiction. His justification for needing to know is that it showed an inherited susceptibility to addiction. (Given what he had gone through, I have no cause to question his statements.) So... Has your daughter been evaluated by a qualified medical person? If so, and therapy was recommended, then tell her it's appropriate. Alta Bates has a residential eating disorders program--they take it seriously. And not to scare you, but left untreated it can become very dangerous. Karen Carpenter died from anorexia not long after I recovered. And best wishes to your daughter. She's lucky that eating disorders are taken seriously these days. Grateful survivor


Hi, Since your daughter is willing to gain weight but is concerned about gaining ''too much'', I suggest that she consults with a nutritionist. Michelle Vivas, 510 595-9474, in Rockridge, is very experienced working with people with eating disorders and providing nutritional support. Perhaps she can allay your daughter's fears. experienced mom


Hello. I'm so sorry to hear of your daughter's struggles with food. I have walked that walk as a parent and it was frightening and beyond frustrating. One strategy I used was to take my daughter's passion, which was dance, and tell her she couldn't do it until she was at a safe weight. But I kept her close to it (watching rehearsals etc. ) so she became hungry for it and eventually decided to start eating again so she could dance.

Of course there was therapy etc. and she too, was very angry and resistant to it all. Along the way we met a great nutritionist who, for some reason, did not annoy my daughter. I recommend her highly. Her name is Tami Lyon (in SF and Marin.) You can find her number online. It's such a hard, and complex disorder. I wish you and your daughter well. Been there.


Call Michele Vivas http://www.baeda.com/ (510) 595-9474 She is a nutritionist who specializes in eating disorders. She was able to help my daughter see what she was doing to herself, and the very real danger she was in. I am very grateful to Michele-she stopped the eating disorder in its tracks and reversed it. She was worth every penny-it's your daughter's health and life we're talking about-if she had a diagnosis of diabetes, you'd do whatever had to be done to help her-same is true for an eating disorder-your daughter needs help, is not in control of the situation (though she may think she is). anon


18 years old boy needs help to treat bulimia

Oct 2011

Hi, I am a mother of 18 years old boy who is suffering eating desorder. I just realized that every time he eats, he goes to bathroom turn on the shower, than nobody can hear him, and start to provoke vomiting. Before that I new something wrong was happening with him. But he never wants to talk, every time I tried, he said he didn't want to talk and locked into his room.

I am desperate because I never thought that could happen with him. He is a happy boy, he loves to dance, he is a ballet dancer. I don't know how to start to resolve this problem, because he is already 18 years old and do not want to talk about that.

If somebody can help me organize my ideas and figure out how I can help him, I will really apreciate. Thank you very much for who can help me. Desperate mom.


I'm so sorry your son is suffering with this. I know that the dance/ballet world, especially, has very high rates of eating disorders amongst young dancers. Years ago I was involved with the 12 step program Overeaters Anonymous. There were groups w/in OA specifically for bulimia and anorexia and I think there are teen groups as well. You can find a local meeting on line. HOpefully your son will go, but if he wont', you should go. The 12 step groups are all welcoming and friendly. Good luck anon


I'm sorry to hear about your son. His symptoms are very frightening. I would take him to see a therapist immediately. The longer an individual is bulimic, the harder it is to get better. You and your son both need support and help with this. I would recommend a very skilled eating disorder specialist to you -- Lisa Bograd, MFT. She has a lot of experience with teens with eating disorders. She has an office in the east bay and one in SF. You can't deal with this alone! Her number is 415-820-3929. Good luck!


We discovered that our 14 year old daughter was bulimic much in the same way as you, using showering to disguise her purging. We ended up sending her to an inpatient eating disorder hospital for one month. It was a very hard decision to make, but for her it was lifesaving. Inpatient provides a full day of a variety of therapies for them. DBT, CBT, group and individual therapy. They even coordinate the homework with their high schools. She did not want to go of course, but now looks back on her time there fondly. She became very close to the other girls and still stays in touch. They are a good resource for her to stay on track. They are really supportive of one another. We found a program our health insurance would pay for. Unfortunately this one does not take boys. I think Stanford has a two week program. Good luck with your son. been there


Support for parent of teen with eating disorder

Jan 2009

does anyone have any therapist recommendation for parent support with dgthr with eating disorder in East Bay? a therapist with United Behavioral Health group? How about for young adult with eating disorder? thank you! therapist search ED


This is a serious medical and psycological condition that needs to be addressed NOW. I apologize that I missed your original post, so I am not certain that I am addressing your question to the point. Lucille Salter Packard Children's Hospital at Stanford offers a comprehensive clinic and inpatient program for children with eating disorders. The patients are followed by an MD, cared for by nurses, seen by a therapist and other specialists are available to help you child if need be. A wonderful and essential resource for this journey. I would at the very least give the physicans or psychiatrists there a call for referrals in your area if that program is not an option for you. Anon


14-year-old son's induced vomiting

May 2007

Last night I walked into the bathroom and found my 14 yr old son trying to throw up because he said he had eaten too much earlier in the evening and his stomach hurt. I'm afraid that he may be heading toward some body image/bulimia/anorexia type thing.

He's normal weight, with a good appetite, has never dieted, but I know he's concerned about his body (what teen isn't) and wants to be fit and muscular. How worried should I be? He doesn't binge, so I don't think it was a bulimic purge, but still it was frightening to see.

We eat a healthy diet, and have always stressed eating until feeling full and then stopping. I've allowed him to self regulate (mostly) in this way since the beginnning, and thought everything was going well, since he is at an ideal weight for his height. But what I saw last night really has me shaken.

How should I handle this? worried mom


I think you need a professional to gage how serious this is. I would be concerned too. Call his doctor. If you want a referral to a male therapist, I'll just tell you a friend of mine told me about a terrific guy she found, Mick Hausauer. He's helped her son with something completely different. But I noticed that most therapists seem to be women and a teenage boy may prefer a man. Mr. Hausauer's number: 510-654-2311. I wish you the best. another mom


Support for teenagers with eating disorders

April 2005

I was wondering if anyone knew of a weekly therapy or support group for teenagers with eating disorders, specifically anorexia/bulimia. I know that Overeaters Anonymous has groups but this does not attract young women. The best resource would be a weekly therapy group that meets in the late afternoon or early evening. Thanks.


My daughter struggled with anorexia for several years, and while I had good health insurance (Blue Cross PPO), it was very difficult to find coordinated care for eating disorders here in the East Bay. At the height of her troubles, we sought treatment at Stanford Children's Hospital, because they have an outpatient clinic that integrates group work, individual therapy, nutrition and physician care. The only similar system here is at Kaiser.

When we wearied of travelling to Palo Alto, we found a therapist at Kaiser Oakland who also conducted private practice. She tried to get entree for my daughter to Kaiser groups, but they would not allow non-Kaiser paitents in to their sessions. We learned that private practice pyschologists are reluctant to hold groups, because the psycology of the disorder is that individuals can either learn new ways to perpetrate the behavior through others in the group, or they can get support for overcoming it--the former being a big liability risk for a psychologist without a large pool of patients to draw from.

Ultimately, we put together a triage here that replicated the Stanford care: our family physician followed the Stanford protocol of weight monitoring and setting limits on weigh loss and other activities; she collaborated with a nutritionist who agreed on pace of weight gain, eating protocols, etc; and they both worked with the therapist who played the role of calming the waters as new, more healthy behaviors were instituted, helping examine the self-destructive thoughts, and working to mediate the family dynamics that become so central to the agony of eating disorders. We never found a group setting once she was out of hospital care.

Throughout all of this, I always felt like yoga, acupuncture, meditation--energetic things that helped calm my daughter's anxiety--were as critical as the structures the triage gave her.

The therapists trained in eating disorders who helped us: Therapists: Thomasine McFarlin 510.538-0304 (near telegraph and derby); Manda Hakimi-Ederer (415) 710-9301 (practice on Piedmont ave); Nutritionist: Michelle Vivas: (510) 595-9474 (Rockridge).

If you're a parent who wants to talk to another who has come out the other end, call me.

Anonymous out of respect for my daughter's privacy


Therapist in SF for teen's eating disorder

Jan 2005

Hello,
My 19 year old daughter has an eating disorder and has expressed a desire to see a therapist again. She has some difficulty trusting doctors, etc. due to a past negative experience in counseling. She is attending college in San Francisco and lives on campus, so I am seeking referrals for female therapists in San Francisco who specialize in working with teens and eating disorders. Thanks in advance for your help.


I highly recommend Kirsten Beuthin . She specializes in eating disorders and has an office in San Francisco as well as the East Bay. She does very well with making young women and teens girls feel comfortable. Her numbers are 415-401-7180 and 510-652-0990. Good luck. anon


Anya Lane DMH in San Francisco is excellent with teenagers and eating disorders. She can be reached at (415) 346-1466. Jules


20-year-old daughter has eating disorder

2001

My 20 year old daughter suffers from an eating disorder. She has admitted she has a problem and has agreed to go for counseling. I am looking for a counselor who comes well recommended and has experience dealing with this issue. We would prefer someone in the Berkeley/Albany/El Cerrito area, but are willing to travel a bit if necessary to get the right person. Thanks for your help.



While my daughter was being treated for an eating disorder, her therapist recommended an excellent family therapist who we all went to together alongside her therapy with my daughter, named Dr. DiMartini.


Preston Parsons Alvarez was someone who was recommended to us by my daughter's adolescent medicine doctor at Kaiser, Dr. Tipton. Preston is not a Kaiser provider -- she is private and this is costly. We decided we had more confidence in the private sector than Kaiser Permanente when it came to psychological help. I interviewed 5 therapists, including Preston, over the phone in lengthy conversations and then presented the results to my daughter. Ultimately, it was my daughter's decision. My daughter feels as good about Preston now as she did 5 years ago. Preston worked for many years in the in-patient units for eating disorder teens back in the days when they were subsidized by the government. She worked well with my daughter, and also consulted well with the psychiatrist who treated my daughter when she became an in-patient through Kaiser.


For the woman looking for a therapist who works with individuals' eating disorders... I would highly recommend Kirsten Beuthin . She is a thoughtful, dedicated and caring clinician who not only specializes in this area of work but is excellent working with adolscents and young adults. She is not in the East Bay, but isn't too far; she's across the San Rafael Bridge out in the Kentfield area and can be reached at 415 419-3576. She may also have a sliding scale if cost is a factor, but her rates are generally in the $70 per session range. She'll also know about adjunctive resources for your daughter should that be necessary. Michael


There is an excellent eating disorders psychologist in Berkeley. Her name is Dr. Sheila Byrns, 649-7979, 3020 Telegraph Avenue, Suite 10, Berkeley 94705. She will be on vacation from September 17 - October 17, but probably could recommend someone in her absence as well.


in reply to the Eating Disorder advice wanted entry: Jane Kaplan is an experienced therapist who specializes in eating disorders. Her practice is in Albany


My daughter identified her eating disorder to us, a combination of both bulemia and anorexia, when she was 16 years old. At first, as we made it through each day, we weren't sure if she was would make it. She is now 21 years old and a senior at U.C.S.C., working, and living on her own. She still comes back to Berkeley to see the therapist we found for her, and still attends her peer group that is run by an intern under her therapist as well. Preston Parsons Alvarez was someone who was recommended bo us by her adolescent medicine doctor at Kaiser, Dr. Tipton. Preston is not a Kaiser provider -- she is private and this is costly. We decided we had more confidence in the private sector than Kaiser Permanente when it came to psychological help. I interviewed 5 therapists, including Preston, over the phone in lengthy conversations and then presented the results to my daughter.

Ultimately, it was my daughter's decision. Preston, in turn, recommended an excellent family therapist who we all went to together alongside her therapy with my daughter, named Dr. DiMartini (don't recall his first name, maybe John). My daughter feels as good about Preston now as she did 5 years ago. Preston worked for many years in the in-patient units for eating disorder teens back in the days when they were subsidized by the government. She worked well with my daughter, and also consulted well with the psychiatrist who treated my daughter when she became an in-patient through Kaisewas totally paid for by Kaiser ($48,000). But we paid for Preston ourselves, which was around $20,000 over a several year period. These are the realities of private medicine. And this was the total after we received some reimbursement from New York Life, which was covered $1000 per year for the first couple of years by her step-father. It's an enormous long-haul, something which is ongoing. One way to look at it is that it takes a long time to go in this direction, and takes some time to make a different pathway. I wish you great luck with your child.


An additional resource for the young woman dealing with an eating disorder is Overeater's Anonymous. Though the name says Overeater the program, which is based on the same principles as AA, is for anyone facing any eating disorder. Best wishes to this young woman and her family.


On the eating disorders question, my son was starting to have eating problems associated with athletic stuff. Our pediatrician sent us to Michelle Vivas (642-5075), who is a nutritionist who works with athletes and with issues around eating disorders. She told me on the phone that she had names of a number of Bay Area therapists who specialize in this issue. In our case, just the very thorough interview with Michelle seemed to be successful in getting my son eating again. He really liked her, by the way. She would be a place to start, if not to finish.


Recommendations from Therapists Re: 20-year-old daughter has eating disorder (2001)

Editor Note:
Several therapists also wrote in to share recommendations from their own professional experience as well as suggestions from their colleagues. These appear below.


My name is Patty Hertz. I am a social worker and founder of the Magic Mirror Girls' Program; an educational service whose mission is to promote positive body and self image for middle school girls. Here at two therapists who specialize in eating disorders:
Jane Kaplan, Ph.D. 510-524-6117
Elizabeth Scott 415-488-9007

I also recommend a center in Marin called Beyond Hunger. Their web-site is www.beyondhunger.org

A national web-site with a lot of information and links is www.edap.org (eating disorders awareness prevention)


I can recommend you to very good people in the east bay: Linda Riebel, 2029 Durant, Berkeley 524-8444 Piera Piagentini 510-704-9989, formerly dir of adolescent psych unit at Alta Bates I also highly recommend Marya Hornbacher's book WASTED.

I would be very happy to talk with you about this subject, as I have been working somewhat with several young women with eating disorders. There are also some good in-patient places, which would be easier to discuss over the phone.

I wish you and your daughter lots of luck and many blessings on this journer to healing.

Sincerely,
Meg Siddheshwari Sullivan 510-428-0675


Regarding eating disorder specialists... I'm a psychologist here in the East Bay who specializes in Eating Disorders. I work with the young population but am full in my practice right now. I wanted to give you a comprehensive list of who I consult with and work with. Please make the recommendations anonymous. I can tell you that Jane Kaplan runs groups and works well with parents as well as the patient. She would be my first recommendation as a resource in the area. I think Claudia and Preston are great with young people. Susan is excellent and I think a little better suited to an older population. Alison has a good reputation but her work I am not as familiar with. I gave you a list because we all tend to run pretty full at this time of year when school returns and Cal is back in session. Here is a list all in Berkeley, Oakland, Albany:
Jane Kaplan,PhD 510-524-6117
Susan Sands,PhD 510-841-4889
Alison Trules,PhD 510-654-5582
Claudia Toomey,PhD 510-339-2373
Preston Parsons, PhD 510-653-5504
Diane Cohen, PhD 510-653-1464


From: Eileen Crean, MFT, therapist, and parent of BHS Sophomore

I am forwarding this referral info re: teen eating disorders from the etree of the East Bay chapter of California Marriage & Family Therapists. I have announced to the EBCAMFT etree that I am posting their suggestions. They are happy to have the word of mouth recommendations posted to the greater public. Several have written back with their permission.

- AltaBates inpatient programs for eating disorders and their psychiatrist, Dr. McKnight, whose specialty is EDOs. She works with adolescents. She might be able to refer to outpatient therapists who specialize.

- Jane Kaplan, Ph.D., at 524-6117. On Solano and Curtis in Albany. She is doing extensive work with teen girls with eating disorders and the parents. She is an eating disorders specialist. Very smart and competent.

- Vicki Ryan, at 591-0862, in Oakland.

- Marcia Perlstein, in Berkeley, three blocks north of University on Martin Luther King. 510 486-1662

- Patricia Burke, Ph.D. 510-523-4851 works with biofeedback, EMDR, neurolinks plus kineseology. in San Leandro about a 5 minute walk from Bart.


I specialise in both teens and eating disorders. I have worked in many settings treating teens--residential treatment, outpatient clinics and in private practice. In addition, I am both a Marriage and Family Therapist and Registered Dietitian having experience in both fields treating teens, adults and some males with eating disorders. Currently, I have some day and evening appointments available in Castro Valley. Catherine Kvikstad, MFT Marriage and Family Therapist (510) 537-1606 Castro Valley


Two very good therapists who specialize in eating disorders: Joan Wickstrand MFT 530-9434 (Alameda), and Esther Lerman MFT (No. Oakland) 548-6241.


I have an office in Oakland and SF and specialize in working w/adults w/eating disorders individually and in group. I have a group in Oakland on Wednesday evenings from 7:10-8:40pm. This group is process-oriented and addresses food addiction and body image. I also teach a class at Oakland Kaiser called Food for Thought and it addresses people's food use and abuse. It includes some interesting exercises w/food, meditation, and helpful tools. It is open to Kaiser members for $40 for 8 weeks, and non-members for $80 for 8 weeks. You can reach me @ 510-436-4055.
Helene Redmond


I have my practice in Berkeley and I focus on treating eating disorders, especially compulsive eating and bulimia. I also accept referrals for anorexia if the individual is working closely with their physician. In addition, I work with mother/child dyads (child can be any age, but I work primarily with younger children to pre-teen) to help mothers foster attuned and healthy eating in their children. You may forward my name if you wish. Kellie Carbone, MFT (510) 594-8262