Moving while Kid in College + Bay Area Summer Subletting

My parents moved while I was in college. I think it depends on the child and the relationship you have with your child. 

I was envious of friends whose parents had preserved their childhood bedrooms and kept all of their things. I was envious of friends who never experienced moving.  I felt a sense of loss but at the same time, I was excited to spend time away from parents and stay with friends, do internships, travel, etc. Staying with my parents was literally the last thing I wanted to do when I was in college. The world was large and exciting and being with my parents felt stifling. I felt held back with parents. It was something I felt duty bound to do. If I had a choice, I would have spent the entire summer without seeing them.  I felt tremendous sense of growth and adventure when I was out in the world with friends. 

During my young adulthood, my parents moved again, downsized and shipped my childhood related things to me saying that their new place didn’t have room for them to keep the items. They wanted me to decide whether to keep or throw away as they were my items. That stung. 

 

We are thinking about moving once our youngest is off to college as well so I understand the basic plan. But it does seem like moving in early 2025 then wanting to come back in summer 2025 is unnecessarily complicated. Why not just plan to stay in the Bay Area through summer 2025, have your child "home" one final summer (and have them help you prep the house for sale!), then move for good? Allow your then-adult child to make their own summer plans for 2026 and beyond.

We're in the middle of implementing a similar change. Our child is off for their second year of University in the UK and we are moving to Europe in a few months. Our kid has a lot of close friends here and is feeling untethered with the impending sale of her childhood home. She also has lots of offers of places to stay each summer but we've agreed to come back to the Bay area for the summers if that helps ease the transition. Sabbaticalhomes.com has been the best for this type of sublet. We lucked out and found a very nice house in Albany and it looks like the family will be open to doing this each year (or possibly a house swap) There's definitely some guilt involved in the process but I'm also not feeling like this is a terrible thing that we are doing to our child.  We don't see ourselves staying in our current home and in California forever.  I'm not sure there is a perfect time to do something like this and I'm curious to hear from people whose parents moved while they were in college. 

A million changes often happen after the last kid leaves for college. Maybe it's not ideal to move then, but my ex's parents moved when he left (3rd kid) and he survived. He spent summers working near his college, or spent time with friends in the old hood. He spent very little time at his new parents home, ever again - we are now old and they have since passed away. I can attest that he never spent more than a few days with his parents from that time on. IMO this is something to consider. I know a couple of people who are selling their homes this fall as soon as a kid leaves. I know people who are staying put but immediately making the kids room into an office, or renting it for extra income. All that to say, the kid will be okay if you explain everything kindly, visit plenty, and find ways to support them so they don't feel like the rug was pulled from under their feet. The last thing you want is a college crisis. Good luck.

I honestly think that unless your kid is a pretty uniquely a-typical person, while they might have a few feelings about your move, they will be fine.

You should be open and honest with them about your plans, and make sure that they understand what that means for their summer well in advance. Make sure they understand whether there's room for them in your new home, but don't over think it. I visited my parents but didn't come home my first summer -- it was really cheap to sublet in the student co-ops, and I was content. 

I would talk to your kid about what you're wanting to do and what they think they're going to want. 

My parents moved away from my hometown while I was in college (at Cal) and I really did not mind.  But I was a senior, had my own off-campus apartment and was pretty well established in Berkeley by that time.  I'd lived at home for the summer following my freshman year at Cal but never lived with my parents again after that, just visited for holidays etc.  When they moved, I had to go through what was left of my things at their house, but it already wasn't my house, or my home city, any more, you know?  I certainly never had any desire to live in my hometown in some place other than my own childhood house.  My sibling was a college sophomore when our parents moved, and after she graduated she did live with them for a couple years; but as far as I know, she was perfectly okay with doing so in a different place than our hometown!

So, my take is that you are probably overthinking this.  Do discuss it with your child, don't spring a move on them without notice, and make it clear whether and to what extent your decisions will be influenced by their preferences.  But they will be okay.  I do agree that if you are contemplating moving in the spring but returning to Berkeley for the summer, it's hard to understand why you wouldn't instead delay your move until Fall 2025.  Surely that would be less expensive as well as a lot less hassle, and it would allow your child to spend the summer after freshman year in their actual childhood home, which to me seems much better than spending it in a strange place that is neither their home nor yours, even if it is in their hometown. Plus, that way you'd probably have your child's help with packing and prepping for the move, at the end of the summer before they return to school for sophomore year.  Which should help them with the transition emotionally, as well as be of practical assistance to you. 

For what it's worth, my husband and I have lived in the same house since before our children were born; the kids are adults now, and neither of them came back to their childhood home after their respective sophomore years, either.  Only for the summer after freshman year.  My younger kid is still in school, and still in on-campus student housing, so it remains to be seen whether she'll ever want to live here again, but -- although she will always have a home with her parents if she wants it -- I don't expect it.  I would not advise you to plan to spend every summer for the next three or four years living in a Berkeley sublet; it's really not too likely that your child will want to do that or appreciate it.

Funny, I never considered that while I was a young adult. I always knew that once I left home, I won't be coming back and that I would take care of my parents as soon as I started making any kind of money.

I come from the former Soviet Union, so "home" is far away and non-existent. My parents spoiled me by the Soviet standards (I never had to cook or wash my clothes before I moved out of their apartment), but I was surprised how much more spoiled the American teens are. Even people in their 40s complain about how their parents are at fault for whatever problems they are having. They seem to never grow up.

I came here when I was 19 years old on a tourist visa with a small suitcase thinking I wouldn't stay long. I was almost done with my college in Moscow (three years out of the required five). I didn't speak English that well and left a boyfriend and friends back there. But, I ended up staying due to the political situation (military unrest) back home. I transferred what I could to a college here, took as many classes as I could at a time and got my bachelor's degree in two years. All of that while still learning English. I had to record lectures for my classes to replay them back in my dorm room and translate what I didn't understand.

I brought my parents to the US once I established myself here. They left almost everything behind when they moved here but managed to bring a few sentimental mementos from my childhood that I still keep. I never felt bad about losing my childhood room or home altogether. As someone else here said, you may be overthinking it. If your kid wants to see their friends, they will figure it out. I now have friends in multiple countries and manage to see them if I want to. Not a problem. As for feeling wistful, that's not a bad feeling. You don't need to save your kid from that especially now that they are no longer a kid.