Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)

Parent Q&A

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  • Hi BPNers - We're considering Dialectical Behavior Therapy or RO-DBT classes + therapy for our college-age daughter. She was diagnosed with ASD in high school and has anxiety as well. She does fine academically but struggles socially/interpersonally, and she can have extreme emotional responses. I've read good things about DBT here on BPN but it's very pricey. If it could be life-changing for my daughter we can find a way to finance this, but if it's only marginally helpful we'd rather not go this route. If there's anyone out there with a teen or young adult on the spectrum who's done DBT, I'd appreciate hearing others' experiences. If it helped - how specifically did it help? Thanks!

    DBT gave my suicidal daughter the tools to cope with her emotions. It saved her life. I specifically recommend Clearwater Clinic in Oakland.

    My child has not had this and I cannot give you specifics, but I can tell you that a close friend's teen daughter who has ADHD, ASD, and Depression did DBT and it was absolutely life changing. She is now a thriving college student living far from home in a place that could be very stressful, and I know her mom would tell you that DBT treatment, more than any other, changed her life. 

    Our college student daughter has a very similar background, from a high school autism diagnosis to high anxiety/OCD.  We paid (too much) for a child and parent DBT class series and it was a disaster - she was so triggered that she refused to go.  We lost a lot of money, which added to our stress and frustration. 

    Our girl's doing much better now - she wants to be social and is deciding for herself what (initially small) steps she wants to take.  I think what really made the biggest impact for her was me (her mother) getting therapy and not throwing money at "cures".  Wishing you all well.

    My 15 year old with ASD and other diagnoses is getting a lot of DBT at their current residential school and it has been a great modality for them.  The structure, the focus on regulation, distress tolerance and effective social skills has really started to bear fruit with my kid. They are more aware of their disproportionate responses and noticing how much more successful they are if they stay regulated and try on a different perspective.  I think the fact that it is a very concrete modality also works well with a lot of folks on the spectrum.  Just this weekend my kid was saying that they now finally get what they need to do to succeed. If your daughter ends up using DBT, I'd recommend getting one of the workbooks and studying it yourself too --- we've found that having the language and skills ourselves has been appreciated by our kid and helped us help them de-escalate some difficult situations. 

    My 20 yo with ASD started DBT at 15 due to disordered eating and self-harm. We did not know our kid had ASD at the time. Our kid would say that the one on one DBT was very helpful and the courses less so. However, the courses give the language for the various  DBT skills and the program required both. Now, our kid is in college and those troubling issues are behind us. They know how to self-regulate and recently took a break from the one on one therapy with their DBT therapist. They no longer have melt-downs, self- harm, disordered eating etc They still are neurodivergent and are learning to be independent. They still have sensory issues but they know how to manage them. I would say DBT, and in particular, the one on one therapy has been transformative for our kid. We paid out of pocket for the courses and therapy (so expensive) and then I was able to get insurance to cover the one on one therapy (by then the courses were over so I don't know if they would have paid). Depending on your insurance you can make the argument for a single case agreement due to the ASD diagnosis and the need for DBT, if they don't have anything in network. It was a huge hassle to get them to pay but definitely worth it given the cost involved. 

    We did parent/teen DBT group therapy. Our son hated it and dropped out really early. To be fair they had us in a pretherapy group that was awful a d he got really turned off before the modules even started. They tried to kick us out because he refused to participate. We begged them to let us continue without him and it has been really helpful for us. We're done with the modules now but meet with a counselor every other week to get help with ongoing parenting issues. DBT has been really helpful for me which indirectly helps my son. I think that you get out of therapy what you put into it. So it's not going to be a magic fix for your child if she doesn't buy into it.

    We did it by Zoom through the Auburn DBT center. They took our insurance. You should call and find out how much it would really cost. And I highly recommend you doing it too. We got a lot out of it and it was helpful to meet regularly with other parents dealing with similar issues. They do separate groups for the teens and parents so people are comfortable opening up. 

    Good luck!

  • I am looking for someone who can teach my teen DBT one on one. They are highly anxious, Dx ASD, ADHD, Anxiety Disorder. Anyone out there?

    You are likely to encounter a waiting list for any DBT therapist in the Bay Area, so I would cast a wide net and get on every waitlist.

    We have worked with a couple of the therapists at Clearwater Counseling in Oakland--all have been great.

    We also worked with Rachel Chapple (also in Oakland) and highly recommend her as well.

    Other options are the Wisemind Institute in Berkeley, DBT Center of Marin, and Mindfit DBT Center (also in Marin).


     

    If you haven't already checked them out, you could look into the Clearwater Center in North Oakland. They definitely do DBT with teens. Good luck!

    Hi, my daughter worked with Dr. JJ Kelly who now teaches DBT and she has made a world of difference in my daughter. I think she could really help your kid. I've never met anyone who has the same kind of rapport with teens. In the years that she worked with her, we saw a complete turn around in her life. She went from failing her classes to getting straight A's even throughout college. JJ teaches DBT both one on one and in group classes. She's also written a best selling book for parents with children who are self harming. I will link her website below.

    https://www.drjjkelly.com/

  • Hello:

    Have any of you had experience with The Wise Mind Institute, which has offices in Berkeley and Redwood City? I am considering their DBT program for our teen, but have not seen any reviews of their program.

    I'm also interested to hear about anyone's experiences with the following other DBT programs (we are already familiar with Clearwater):

    • Center for Innovative DBT
    • DBT Center of Marin
    • East Bay Behavioral Therapy Center
    • Any others?

    Thank you for posting this query. I'm sorry I cannot share any experience with any of the programs you've mentioned. I'm responding to follow the thread, as I am looking for something like this for my young adult as well. We've tried traditional therapy through independent providers and therapists at Star Vista in San Mateo with little benefit.

    I wish you the best in finding support for your teen.

  • Hello, Has anyone had any experience with or knowledge of DBT programs at Kaiser Richmond and the Clearwater Clinic?

    My 16 year old son has been depressed and even checked himself in the hospital when he had thoughts about taking his life. He's been working with a therapist since, and is also on medication.  Those things help, but he's still up and down a lot, and hasn't stayed up for longer than a few hours at a time.  His Kaiser psychiatrist recommended DBT program at Kaiser Richmond, which sounds good but is hard to get to from Oakland at 6 pm on Mondays (that's when it takes place, for about 6 months).  Most likely, my son would have to stop seeing his current therapist if he enrolls in the Kaiser DBT program.

    I have also looked into a private DBT program that's not covered at all by our Kaiser insurance (I asked), called Clearwater.  Of course, it costs several times more than the Kaiser one in Richmond, but it's very close to where we live and they don't mind if my son continues seeing the same therapist he's been seeing, as long as that therapist supports DBT (he does).

    Please share your thoughts on those programs! 

    First of all, I'm so sorry to hear that your son is struggling like this--I can very much relate as we went through a similar situation three years ago with our then 15 year old daughter. While she still struggles at times with depression and may do so throughout her life, she has learned strategies for moving through it and being productive. She's now applying for college--something we couldn't have imagined three years ago. So hang in there: these waters you're navigating are really rough and frightening. Be sure to get lots of support for yourself: This will help you stay sane and in the best position to help your son.

    Neither my daughter nor I have ever taken the Kaiser DBT classes, though a friend of mine thought the adult class was very, very good. Her teenage daughter did not like the teen course--she was a little appalled at the level of glorifying drugs and sex that occurred in the class. DBT classes are fairly "scripted"--so I'm not really sure how all that sharing occurred, and it may not always be that way. Hopefully, others with direct experience will respond to round out the picture. As a teacher myself, I can imagine that the tone in the class would vary depending upon who teaches it and who the clients are (just like any class taught anywhere). 

    Although we were Kaiser patients, we decided to attend Clearwater's program--and we attended the class altogether. It was very well taught--and yes, it was expensive. We also signed up for parent coaching every two weeks because we needed to work on being more effective and united in our parenting. That added to the cost, of course, but in our case it was worth it. There were some family dynamics at play that contributed to my daughter's depression, and both my husband and I benefitted from taking DBT. If you want to keep costs down, it might be worthwhile to enroll your son in the Clearwater course and take it for free yourself at Kaiser. DBT is generally considered most valuable when the whole family understands the skills and concepts. As a parent, perhaps one of the most important skills to work on is "Validation"--and there are great resources for this on the internet. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to develop good validation skills when your loved one is depressed--especially when this person is a teenager.

    I also want to add that DBT skills can be valuable for anyone--it's very practical and full of skills-based solutions and ideas. The content would help just about anyone understand what motivates people, why some people get angry or easily annoyed, and what to do when you're feeling depressed or angry. Plus these concepts are taught by someone other than yourself--and since many teens aren't listening to their parents as a source of wisdom--this can be enormously helpful. I'm a huge fan of DBT. And/but, because Kaiser has a DBT program, they tend to recommend it broadly. I'd want to know if your son's therapist agrees that DBT will help him in particular. Since your son has suicidal ideation, it's really important that the most effective course of treatment is offered to you.  At any rate, DBT is like Vitamin C--it can't hurt, and it could be really helpful. 

    Feel free to contact me if you want to talk about DBT or other resources/support for you.

    The Clearwater Clinic is excellent. They helped my severely depressed, suicidal, anxious daughter. She recovered and I attribute much of her recovery to the outstanding therapists at Clearwater.  In addition to weekly therapy, she and I took a 20-week class at Clearwater, which was very helpful. I had to learn how to best support her; DBT skills were not intuitive for me. This is the best money I ever spent.

    There's a therapist in Emeryville that takes Kaiser insurance and uses DBT and CBT in his practice.  This therapist is also using EMDR very successfully with many clients.  His name is John Bieda, jr and can be reached at (415)254-8203 or BayAreaTherapyGroup.com.  He helped me with getting Kaiser to cover my sessions with an outside therapist.  He told me he mostly works with adults but works with teens as young as 14/15 years old on occasion.  

It sounds like you might benefit from a DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) program. This is a structured course with skills training and then processing work. There are a number of groups in the area. One is DBT Center of Marin (https://dbtmarin.com/), but there are others. It's a time investment, but it involves actual WORK on your part, and it has clinical studies to show that it works. Good luck.

I'm sorry that you've had such a hard time getting effective support despite your best efforts. Unfortunately, I don't have a specific practitioner to recommend that's taking new clients at this time. But, I would encourage you to look for someone well trained in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectic behavioral therapy (DBT). DBT can be considered a ramped up version of CBT. These are the gold standard treatment approaches for significant mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, addiction, etc. Both are evidenced-based treatments based on behavioral science.

CBT and DBT have been a game changer for my young-adult children and me after years of ineffective talk and relational therapy.

RE:

Try Dialectic Behavior Therapy classes/programs. The ones I know last about 6 months and involve both parent(s) and child.  Clearwater (private) and Kaiser Richmond both have DBT programs for teens.  I am a Kaiser patient, but went with my kid to Clearwater because driving to Richmond at night (that's when the program takes place) would be difficult for us.

Archived Q&A and Reviews


May 2007

Can anyone recommend or know about a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)-trained therapy practice in the East Bay, preferably Berkeley/Albany area? Searching


I know a wonderful therapist who practices in Albany on Solano Ave. and specializes in DBT. She is warm, sensitive and intelligent and has many years of experience. She works with individuals using DBT. Her name is Marianne Davis, MFT and her phone number is 510-928-2455. Barbara


DBT Sorry I don't know anyone in the East Bay, however, UCSF has A DBT clinic for adolescents. There may be referrals if you call there as they train therapists in addition to the clinic practice (i understand the clinic is always waitlisted, and the therapists rotate) pp