Ghosted by nanny after 2 months?
Hello, I'm really perplexed and concerned. Our nanny/sitter of two months has seemingly disappeared.
We've been working with a regular nanny/sitter 1 day per week since early March. The relationship has been good - there have been zero issues. She's been pretty consistent (out sick a few times) but all very explainable.
Last week, she called out sick with a stomach bug (unfortunate but totally fine by us). This week, I checked in with her the day prior to her scheduled day to make sure that she was feeling better. No response for 12+ hours, so we arranged for backup care. On her scheduled day, she didn't call and didn't show up.
It's been several days now of radio silence. I've tried texting a few times and I also sent her an email. I have no emergency contact info for her, but I do have a copy of her drivers license. What should I do here? Should I just assume I'm being ghosted and move on, or should I be doing more?
My son truly enjoyed her company and we really liked working with her. I am saddened, concerned and confused.
Parent Replies
I'm sorry you're experiencing that! I don't have any first hand experience but I have a friend who had the same thing happen to them with a part-time nanny in San Jose. The person just never showed up for their scheduled day and then didn't respond to messages for over a week. I think at some point they finally figured out that she took another job and just didn't tell them. I don't think there is anything else you can do unfortunately- you have communicated with her via multiple channels (text/email) and have not heard back. Unless you have any reason to believe she was being abused or otherwise unsafe, I think you sadly just move on.
Sad to think about but maybe she is critically ill or there’s been an emergency or accident? Or lost her phone and your number, and doesn’t have a computer at home to check email? (This happened to my incredibly communicative nanny a few months ago). If you had a good relationship beforehand I can’t imagine she’d just ghost you with not even a text. What if you wrote a letter to her home address, even hand delivered it to see if there are any signs she’s home (or not)? Seems bold in this day and age of digital communication but I think it would be well intentioned.
Meanwhile, you may want to put the feelers out for backup care just in case she won’t be coming back for whatever reason. It takes time to sort that out so unfortunately probably wise to at least get the process started.
sorry, this sucks and I hope everything turns out ok for your family and your nanny!
A very similar thing happened to a friend of mine: the nanny, who our friend regarded as "a member of the family" suddenly moved out, without explanation.
There may be some cultural overtones involved.
The departure may have nothing to do with her having any dissatisfaction with working for your family. She needed to move on, for whatever reason. She felt that you were a nice employer, and she did not want to upset you with a conversation about her decision to quit.
Alternatively, there may have been some issue about her working conditions, but she was too shy, or felt that she did not have the language skills to negotiate.
In any case, she is out of the picture.
My advice would be that if she reappears, don't rehire her. A working parent needs a more reliable child care provider.
At the very least, I would check in some kind of way to be sure she's ok.
You're her employer, you may be the only person expecting to see her for weeks... Please call the police in her city and ask for a welfare check/report her missing if necessary. They'll knock on her door and make sure she's there and okay, and they can check the hospitals to see if she's sick enough that she had to be admitted. Especially if she lives alone, if she's seriously ill or injured and can't help herself, your call could save her life. If you think her ghosting you is a real possibility, you could try one more text and phone call letting her know you're concerned and you're going to call the police you check in her, just to give her the chance to say she's fine if she is, but you don't have to. Police coming for a welfare check won't get her in trouble, so there's no harm in calling.
I think your problem is that your nanny has found a better job. You said she was working for you one day a week. Most nannies need to work full time, so your nanny was probably patching together childcare gigs until something better came along, and something better *did* come along. You also said that your nanny had been out sick a few days since March. That's a lot of sick days in just a few months! I had a nanny for 3 years who missed maybe 5 days total due to illness. It really sounds like your nanny got a better job working for someone who can give her more hours. Maybe she was trying to give you a hint that a one-day-a-week nanny isn't going to be all that reliable. I think you should either increase the hours for the job or connect with another family that only needs their nanny 4 days a week.