Willows in the Wind

I understand your situation—have lived it. Your teen sounds very much like they might have oppositional defiant disorder or reactive attachment disorder. No way to know for sure (or to rule out other even scarier diagnosis) without getting help from a psychiatrist or psychologist but since your kid isn't going to go see one, you could at least read up on these diagnosis online and see if it sounds to you like it fits. The other possibility is drug use—Jeckyll/Hyde behavior is pretty common for people who are on a getting high/going through withdrawal loop.

Given what I know of the kinds of issues you're describing this is not the sort of thing a kid just grows out of. Residential treatment centers and wilderness programs are a great idea for buying yourself some time while you work on figuring out what's happening as well as making plans for keeping yourself safe.

Check out willowsinthewind.com.  It's an invaluable resource for meeting other parents dealing with this and for getting advice on what to do next.

I totally agree Willows in the Wind is a great place to find families struggling with the same issues and getting advice and support. On Facebook there is a page called Wilderness Therapy and Residential Treatment Search Support. There are a lot of folks on there who have been down this road and others who are on it now. I would also make sure your child has a therapist and you have a family therapist as well. Its a hard road but there are more Warrior Parents out there than you would imagine! Take care

If you connect with Willows in the Wind you will meet and be able to speak with other parents who have been in a similar situation. Willows in the Wind is a non-profit parent support group for parents who have had teens or young adults in residential treatment, or who are considering it. In my experience, it is a group of very caring, thoughtful, smart, and dedicated parents I who have all dealt with extraordinarily difficult/ risky parenting challenges. It is so helpful to meet other parents who have been in the same boat and to share information and support with them.  Google Willows in the Wind and you will find lots of information and ways to connect. I wish you the best of luck.

A grateful Willows-in-the-Wind Parent of a child who flunked out of 2 high schools, was in residential treatment for over a year, and who now earns a 4.0 GPA in college.

I've been in this emotional and financial hell for more than 3 years, starting with hospitalizations, 5150's, local treatment centers and step-downs, PHP, IOP, and more than two years of out of state RTC. With time, tenacity, legal assistance, DREDF, and Willows in the Wind I have made it through the financial hell. The emotional hell remains, I guess for always.

Connect with Willows in the Wind and DREDF as a first step. Also get a copy of your statement of benefits/coverage from your health insurance, in electronic format is best. Get and keep the WRITTEN justification for treatment from the professionals. Learn what your recourse for disputes is with your insurer and look up the California Dept of Managed Health Care.

Hope we can connect through Willows.

Hang in there. It's awful, but can work out.

I lived through this exact experience with my 14 year-old daughter.  It is horrible.  You have to get your insurance company to let her stay. It's insane:  they kick her out of residential treatment, she attempts suicide, goes back to ER, back to residential, leaves before she's ready, until, I guess, she succeeds at suicide. If she's suicidal, you can't have her at home because you can't watch her 24 hours/day.  She needs to be in a residential facility.  I can share with you how I got the insurance company to keep her in residential.  Please ask the moderator for my contact info. Also, contact Willows in the Wind. They are a great resource and helped me find an educational consultant.  

Don't lose hope!  My kid got through this and is now 18, just finished freshman year in an out-of-state college, is thriving.  

I am so sorry your daughter is in crisis.  When a child/teen is in crisis the whole family is in crisis. You might consider attending a Willows in the Wind meeting for support and ideas for next steps, including therapeutic wilderness or residential programs.  Each situation is unique, but you will find that you are not alone, hear others's stories, and gain some references and resources for further support and treatment.  These meetings are fee (donations accepted), confidential, nurturing, and professionally run.  http://willowsinthewind.wixsite.com/willowsinthewind

A little over a year ago, my (ADHD, anxious, depressed) teen was medically unstable and on hospital watch with weekly pediatric weight checks for six weeks while waiting for intake at Stanford Eating Disorders Clinic.  My teen managed to avoid hospitalization (mostly by getting off the ADHD med), and was diagnosed with an eating disorder (ARFID, very different than anorexia or bulimia).  The whole process was traumatic.  The care at Stanford did not feel supportive or nurturing; it felt very one-dimensional and not dual- or multi-diagnostic appropriate.  The treatment offered at Stanford is considered the gold standard in eating disorder treatment and requires treating the whole family with a minimum of 16-20 week, weekly family therapy appointments.  My family would not agree to this.  I won't go into details (too many to briefly summarize), but we're (barely) managing while I continue to work toward long term teen and family stability and health.  It's a long process, but support is out there.  There is a caring community here to support you.  I am sending supportive thoughts your way.

Willows in the Wind is an amazing local resource to help with questions like this. They have monthly parent support groups where you can talk to and get insights from parents in all stages of their journey with struggling teens. Their website also has a lot of useful information.

There is a non-profit group that meets monthly in Los Altos, Oakland, and San Rafael.  It is called Willows in the Wind and is a support group for parents such as yourself, facing this decision, or after having placed their child in residential treatment.  Here is the website:  http://willowsinthewind.wixsite.com/willowsinthewind

Re difficult 15 year old girl: I was there last year and my heart goes out to you. I have found incredible support in Willows in the Wind. I generally attend their parent support group meetings 2x/ month, once in Los Altos and once in Oakland. I would be happy to talk to you by phone and/or to invite you to come to one of the next Willows meetings with me. You (and I) are not alone in having a challenging child! Let me know if I can be of help, as others have been for me.

Sending you moral support!

You might want to contact Willows in the Wind, which is a parent group with a lot of experience with residential treatment programs.  There are two monthly meetings, one of which is in Oakland.  Information about the monthly meetings  They are very kind and knowledgeable people.  http://willowsinthewind.wixsite.com/willowsinthewind 

You might want to contact a group called Willows in the Wind, which was founded by parents whose children had gone to residential treatment of one sort or another.  Willows has monthly meetings, one in Los Altos Hills and the other in Oakland.  The Oakland meeting is usually held at Kaiser Oakland, but is not affiliated with Kaiser.  It a wonderfully supportive group and they have a lot of knowledge about programs.  Several years ago, I regularly attended meetings even though I could not afford to send my troubled teen daughter to a residential program.   I'd suggest contacting them and attending a meeting:  Jan Rao 650 868-1988 jrao [at] willowsinthewind.com (jrao[at]willowsinthewind[dot]com)   The website is http://willowsinthewind.wixsite.com/willowsinthewind

Best of luck to you and your family. 

Lorraine