Where to live for jobs in Santa Rosa and Alameda?

I think it would be helpful to know what kind of budget you have and whether you plan to enroll in public or private school in the future. 

If I were in your shoes and assuming that the hours are pretty firm, I would choose a location that is about halfway but slightly closer to Alameda — I’m thinking of Richmond, El Cerrito, El Sobrante, San Pablo, Pinole. You could do the drop off in the morning near your house and your husband should be able to make the 5-6 pm pickup deadline even in bad commute conditions driving up from Alameda. But, the commute sounds awful for both of you. EV would help with commute as you could use the HOV lane. As a backup, I would line up a number of sitters, nearby relatives or kind neighbors / parent friends nearby who can do a pickup if there is a major incident on the freeway and pickup will be delayed. 

I think it is best to live near one of your workplaces so that one of you does not have to commute far. Likewise, the daycare should be near your home so that your children are not subject to a long daily commute. This way one parent is nearby and can easily pick your child up when they inevitably have to be sent home early due to illness or doctor appointments, etc. If you are half-way between both workplaces, then you could both have a 1-hour plus commute depending on traffic. My husband and I were faced with this dilemma when we were living in Oakland but he got a job in Sonoma County. We decided to buy a house in Petaluma and put our young children in the excellent schools there. However, I work in Oakland and my commute is soul crushing. It would have been better if we had stayed in Oakland and had my husband commute north. 

I live in Alameda and work up in Contra Costa. My reverse commute is a breeze compared to anyone that does the standard commute into San Francisco. I see the cars backed up the entire distance, miles and miles. In the morning and in the afternoon. Traffic never flowed even during the dark days of Covid. For your husband's sanity you should live nearer to his job. 

Hi! I don't envy you on this decision! It is not an easy one. However, I would opt for living near one of your workplaces -- ideally if one of you has a more flexible type of work it should be near them. I am thinking of times when your child might get sick and need to be picked up early or if, God forbid, there is an emergency and you need to get to him quickly. Also, if you plan on having a second child, the need becomes even greater. Either way, the commute will really suck for one of you. Could you look at traffic patterns and figure out which way would be less painful? Luckily, Alameda or Sonoma area are both nice places to live. Alameda has good schools, not sure about the Sonoma area, though, so that would be something else to research. If you do opt for the halfway point, I would seriously consider hiring a nanny over daycare as the latter is more rigid about pick up times. Having had to commute from Berkeley to SF back when my babies were in daycare, it could be pretty stressful trying to get there on time.

Also, one more thing to consider -- although it seems like the baby days and toddler-hood will last forever, time goes by so quickly and you will soon have a kindergartner on your hands. If this is a job you envision staying at long term, I would seriously think about the future and where you and your partner envision being happiest and having a thriving family. We ended up moving from SF to Berkeley when the kids were in elementary school and I wish we had done it sooner. The transition has actually been hardest on me because I left behind a wonderful support group of friends and haven't yet made such good friendships in the four years we've been here. Best of luck to you!!

Is Marin a possibility? There is train from San Rafael to Santa Rosa for commuting. And perhaps ferry or drive to Alameda.

We live in Santa Rosa now and my husband works in Walnut Creek. Commute was reduced due to  covid and no in-office necessary. He will probably maintain this hybrid work schedule once everything opens back up.

My part-time work is remote only now, but I did a Santa Rosa to San Rafael commute for work for awhile and it was decent. No traffic getting there at all, some on the return but it can be timed. There is also the Smart Train (with wifi) and a terrible county bus which takes forever and I do not recommend.

One of you may want to live and work close to the pre-school and eventual school district, it is one less stressor. Or, have a trusted babysitter for pickups.

Good luck!