What books/articles do you recommend for an older teen (17) who is smoking pot?
(Long-ish post, with a specific question at the end) On Halloween I discovered that our 17-year-old son who is generally a "good kid" (does well in school, lovely to be around, nice friends, involved in sports & playing music ) was making a pipe "for a friend."
The day before he had been baking a bunch of metal pipe fittings in our oven, which gave off a terrible smell. I said, "Hey, what's that awful smell?" He said he was heating them to remove the grease to make something for his steampunk Halloween costume. Then, on the afternoon of Halloween, as he and a friend was getting ready to go to a nearby party, I saw he had what were clearly mesh pipe screens. As he was fiddling with them in our family room I asked what they were. He said something about "straining." His face showed that he was clearly lying. I gave him a look but didn't say anything as I didn't want to embarrass him in front of his friend (he doesn't bring friends over all that often). When he got home I asked him "What's up with the pipe screens?"
He said, "I was making a pipe as a gift for a friend."
I was like "Yeah, right, that is the oldest excuse in the book" and we had a reasonable talk about it.
Him saying I know smoking is not healthy for the teen brain, I would never smoke on a school night, I do know people who smoke too much and twice I and friends have done "interventions" for kids who were smoking "too much," as well as some nonsense about how his figuring out how to make a pipe is cool and "maker-y."
Me saying I'm concerned by several things 1) He lied to me about what he was doing, both in baking the pipe fittings and when I initially asked him about the screens 2) Actively making paraphernalia for smoking pot goes a step beyond occasionally smoking at a party and 3) Giving that as a gift to the "friend who smokes" is validating "pot smoker” as part of their identity and is validating "I think pot smoking is cool" as part of your identity. And if the pipe is actually for you, it is also investing in pot smoking as part of your identity.
At the end of our conversation, he asked what the consequence was going to be. I said I wanted to think about it.
The next evening, I told our son that he would be grounded for 2 weeks and that while grounded I wanted him to read a book or some articles about the impact of pot on the teen brain and write a short essay about it so that we could then discuss it and have a shared understanding.
I should also note, I'm not surprised he has been occasionally smoking pot, I mean he's 17 year old in SF. His school has very good drug education, but there is a strong history of addiction and alcohol abuse on his dad's side, so I feel extra concern.
My questions:
1) Do you know of any good articles/books on this topic? They should be scientifically based and not ridiculously alarmist. This is a smart kid with a strong bullsh*t detector.
2) Any opinions on the consequence I gave? We've had to do very little in the way of "discipline" over the years. He was grounded once at the end of Freshman year for staying out too late, and now, Jr. year, this is the next issue that has come up.
Thank you for reading and advice
Parent Replies
I have a senior who is smoking pot. He used it first just because he liked it, then to self-medicate as he's developed depression that we didn't know about for a while. So my advice is to talk to your son and find out *why* he's smoking, "for real". Ask him if he's experiencing any emotional issues. Teen boys don't like talking or even thinking about that, but they have to learn otherwise they try to escape their emotions by whatever means they can, and then eventually the emotions clobber them anyway. If he's using pot for that, there are other things he can/should be doing to get help.
Books and articles? I'm sure your son has seen/heard/read enough and won't care. I've read a lot on the subject, and for me it comes down to that it's harmful for young brains to use pot consistently, but there's no clear guidelines as far as how much and how often would make for consistent use. Even to me, the literature doesn't prove much, and I doubt a teen would be convinced by that either. With my kid, I've come to a conclusion that the only way I could be sure he's not smoking/using pot at least for a certain period of time is to enroll him in a chemical dependency program with our HMO, Kaiser. Some high schools have on site programs like that, too. The Kaiser program I'm looking to enroll my son in lasts 8 weeks, during which he'd have to be tested for using *anything*, including pot. Every week, there are two meetings: one with other teens, and another one with teens and their parents. So, both a teen and his family get educated, and the teen is monitored for use. It's a bit of work, for both a teen and his parents, but everyone is on the same page and has to attend.
There's also a 12 week program for cases where teens need more support. Typically, teens get enrolled in programs like that when they get caught with pot or other illegal substances, and are ordered by court to enroll. If you really want your son to be educated and held accountable, enroll him in a program like that before a judge gets him to do that. Just giving him articles to read won't do much.
I wish pot plants never existed!!! Along with other substances!
First, let me say, I'm impressed with your calm in this difficult situation. Second, it's good you're taking it seriously. I'm further down a road with my 18-year-old that started in a similar way. Many teens can experiment, even use regularly, without impacting daily functioning, but for those with high risk factors such as those you've noted, it can turn into something much more complicated fast. Although our situation has further complicating factors, for my teen, cannabis use became the primary coping strategy, leading to significant cannabis use that impacts ability to maintain daily functioning. The cannabis available today varies in potency depending on form, including extremely high potency concentrates. It can be addictive, particularly to the developing brain.
In response to your first question, the New York Times ran a piece on October 6, 2018 titled "I'm Just a Middle-Aged House Dad Addicted to Pot". Perhaps not what you were thinking, but it's worth a read as it addresses the problem for some not for others issue, and has the accessibility with no BS factor.
In response to your second question, rather than a direct answer, I recommend the www.drugfree.org website, particularly under "Learn More", "Find e-Books, Guides & More", "Parents' 20 Minute Guide" I found helpful.
I wish I would have known better how to set firm, but loving, boundaries sooner, and had my teamwork with my spouse in line. Best of luck to you.