Talk to me about Roblox

Roblox can be addictive as is true for all games but it is how many kids can continue to socialize during the pandemic. I understand your concerns as I too have had aversion to screen time in the past. But, I must say you are on the very restrictive side of screen time during pandemic. Many parents resort to hours of screen time per day not one hour a day. 

I have come around and we are now a bit biased toward video games and screen time because my siblings and spouse are game artist, game designer, and a cartoon animator. 

Our kids are slightly younger but we have a reward points system for additional game time, TV time, movie time. We distinguish video game time from TV watching time alone and watching time together with family because we believe that video game is less passive than TV watching. And watching as a family is a shared and meaningful experience. We also do not discourage social interaction with peers on zoom or video game play date and this does not count toward kids’ screen time limit. 

We do limit each session to about an hour or less so that kids’ eyes and brains can get a break. We use various games for “educational/fitness” purpose. Prodigy for math. Ringfit and Just Dance to encourage physical activity. My older one is really into Roblox and have virtual play dates. Roblox has sparked her interest in programming and now she designs and programs her own game!  My middle one is really into Animal Crossing and has play dates with her friends on AC. I see them playing hide and seek and treasure hunt on AC and it’s sad that they are doing that online instead of in person but cute at the same time. Mindless mobile games are not welcome but high quality games that make you think or provide a shared experience aren’t so bad — Mario Odyssey, Mario kart, Mario Party, Legend of Zelda, Dragon Quest, etc.

I was adamant about limiting screen time pre-pandemic even though most of our family members are in tech and digital art. Now I have embraced screen time but pay close attention to the quality. We police junk digital consumption like YouTube toy reviews, mindless addictive mobile games, binge watching mediocre shows. We have kids earn screen time points by completing their school, chores, extra academic work that they are behind — more writing practice, extra math, writing to family members, cleaning, etc. 

Kids can cash in the points for extra 30 min of TV time, family movie night with pizza and popcorn, one weekend marathon cartoon time (2 hr max). There are high quality shows that all ages can enjoy such as Avatar the last airbender, which we  watch together and then we make it meaningful by discussing it, critiquing the show, art, plot, dialogue, writing reviews, and the younger one makes it a game outdoors with role playing and building things. 

Not all screen time is bad. Excessive and junk screen time isn’t healthy in large amounts just like we shouldn’t eat a giant bag of Doritos everyday. 

Roblox is a platform, and the games vary within the platform. I think you should let her play - there is a strong social component and teamwork within the various games. The ones my 10 year old girl played are a lot more peaceful and cooperative than the ones my 12 year old boy played a year or two ago. Now he has mostly outgrown Roblox and I miss the relative innocence! Next up will be Fortnite and Among Us .... a whole different level of parental worries.

I'm really thankful for anonymous's long, thoughtful Feb. 28 response to this, because my first response after reading this question was to cry. I felt so bad about myself after reading this, because Roblox (and Minecraft and Among Us) have been my child's form of social interaction and just plain passing time throughout this pandemic, and he spends hours doing them each day. What is wrong with me that I can't manage my child (and work and take care of the house, etc.) such that he ONLY has one hour of screen time each day? I felt ashamed. But, right now, he's having a teacher-facilitated playdate (Wednesday Lunch Bunch) and is playing Minecraft with kids in his class right now, and he's laughing and exclaiming his discoveries with great excitement. So, I'm doing some deep breathing to keep the tears at bay and trying to accept that he's happy right now despite the floor that needs to be vacuumed, dishes that need to be washed, litter box that needs to be scooped, and emails to return.

But now that I've calmed myself down, I want to point out that Roblox is play, but you don't seem to value it or other video games as a form of play. It seems strange to me to put a contract on/restrictions on playtime and how a child plays. She's not interested in other activities because she's been by herself for a year and she's lonely and, most importantly, she's not YOU! Hobbies and activities that your children engage in do not have to be compelling to you in order for you to let them participate in them. Well, I guess I moved from feeling ashamed to feeling defensive.

We have seen a similar slippery slope with video games during the pandemic, and I'm grateful for the social connections that it has kept alive, but we drew the line at Roblox.  Our friend's kid has become totally, completely obsessed with it and we didn't love the pressure to spend actual money as well as the potential to have contact with strangers.  Yes, you can turn all these things off in the settings initially but as you see it's such a slippery slope!  I'm not a video game person either, but when I looked into it it seemed much more complex than what he's otherwise happily playing (Minecraft, Animal Crossing, etc)- and therefore likely to cause constant negotiation, etc.  Perhaps in the future our kid will be ready, but for now we gave him a clear no and we're focusing him on the other games he can play with friends during his (ever-inflating) screen time. 

I have a few ideas that might help you. My daughter is your daughter's age and I was also resistant to screen time and Roblox. Her doctor wrote a study on girls and screen time and said that videogames are actually good for girls for both social reasons and to encourage their interest in tech. While our journey has had some bumps--and maybe you can learn from them--Roblox  has been a source of huge growth and creativity for my daughter.

Here's my advice

-play with her as much as possible, especially initially. My husband and I both have Roblox on our phones and when we can join her while she is playing. 

-be prepared for some hard things to come up...there are kids that are mean just because, there can be drama, my daughter has even experienced minor sexual harassment....she's a kid who tells me everything, so I can talk her through it. There are ways to report people on Roblox and she knows how to do that now. Foul language does get hashtagged in chat, but they can find ways of working around that by using periods, special characters, and line breaks. 

- Lessen the screen time battles and resentment by having some good parental control software installed we use ESET parental controls...I wish it has a few features that it doesn't, but it has been a real life saver. Have clear expectations for what needs to be finished before they get on screen and if you have a regular time that they need to be done or time limit, you can have it turn off automatically. When we first added these controls after a summer of free rein of screen time, it was hard there was a lot of pushback. But now, it is just an accepted part of life and she has been glad to have clear boundaries...she doesn't overdo it. I have a few apps that are set to unlimited time...only for communicating with friends, taking photos, meditating, reading, etc. Everything else uses the same pool of time and she is responsible for deciding how to allot it between youtube, roblox, among us, etc.

-We've learned not to judge. Although I wish she'd choose to go outside more or play with her toys, I've owned the fact that it is my job to create healthy boundaries. other than that, I do my best to support her interests even if they are different from mine.

-Roblox has "restricted mode" that blocks scary games, but it also turns off chat, which is important to my daughter's experience. My daughter was having nightmares from games in the "Horror" genre (the genre is marked on the entry screen of the game), so we have forbidden any horror games for now. She mostly plays Adopt Me, where she's had both social opportunities, has learned to economize with money, and it has become a creative outlet. She started a youtube channel that started off with her just screen recording, but evolves every time she makes a video:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChhZjO5xKQsPt-o7EM0_TTA She also now has a weekly code coach with the Berkeley Coder School in LUA  (the Roblox programming language)

I hope this helps!

delaney [at] screenagersmovie.com

I highly recommend you check out Delaney Ruston’s movies (screenagers was the first) and incredibly helpful and insightful newsletter on the topic of kids and all the complex issues that come with the on-line world with which they - and we - have to cope.  
 

Hope that you find it support there - this is hard stufff!

Jennie

Oh Roblox.  First, did you know once you create a Roblox account you are unable to delete it.  You can sign out, but you can never delete your account.  Did you know there are endless videos online teaching young kids how to cheat and defraud other young kids out of their money & inventory and how to hack the system and other users accounts.... oh, and these videos are being made by kids.  Did you know if you have any issues with Roblox, like online bullying or as mentioned above, other users cheating (by literally using a flaw in Roblox's operating system) you are sh-t out of luck... and the user is to blame.  Roblox is the platform... but a lot of the games on it are other companies... so Roblox is responsible for nothing... and won't take action.  Then there are the stalkers and online sexual predators (google it, it is a real problem in this game and Roblox isn't doing anything about it.  2 of my daughter's friends were inappropriately contacted with vial language online.  Oh, and did you know if you want to make any changes to your name, you literally have to buy Robux (spend your money) to do so.  And since we are on the subject of Robuxs... which is what the game entices you to buy (or even get a monthly membership) in order to have a real user experience, like getting a cute outfit, accessories, etc. - in my mind it is another form of gambling addiction.  As they say There are only two industries that call their customers “users”: illegal drugs and software.  And this is all before we get into the subject of screen time.  With all of this said... I get that "all' the kids are doing it and that it is a big way for kids, especially during the pandemic and no in-person school to stay connected.  And s a parent you have to decide whether you want to fight this battle and say no.  My advice is, if you do say yes... monitor the crap out of their gaming.  I set up the account in my name and created a password and put every safety protocol in place.  Nothing could be changed without me.... and I could monitor her friends and the types of communications.  That was then... now I banned Roblox for all of the reasons above (which we personally experienced).  I think they are one of the more unethical gaming platforms for kids out there.  Instead we have found other gaming platforms, with less risk, she and her friends could engage in.  She still wants Roblox.... but I am a hard no.  

Roblox gets young kids hooked and while some children can “handle” it, many can not.  There are many other non-addictive-screen-based activities your child can be doing between their Zoom classes or when you’re making dinner or when you just need a break and it’s up to YOU to teach your child how to play in a healthy and developmentally appropriate way.  I like to think to myself “What did I do when I was 7 to pass the time?”  It may be necessary to team up with other parents in your child’s class to be on the same page about this so your child doesn’t feel left out and so that they have healthy socialization opportunities with friends.  I’d like to say that this will all blow over when the pandemic eases up and our children can be together again (and not needing school to be delivered on a screen), but I honestly fear there will be long-term damage to young brains from Roblox and certainly there are visible effects already for many (I personally know of 6 children under the age of 10 who have spoken of suicide this year and they all play Roblox; none of the non-Roblox-playing kids I know are struggling with their mental health.  My husband works in a psychiatric ER and he’s seeing something he never saw before the pandemic: MANY children are coming in after violent outbursts with their families over video games.)  I’m sure we’ll be hearing more about this in the near future.