Son having a hard time in Pre-K
Looking for some sound advice. Our son (3) is in his first year of pre-k immersion private schooI. His is having separation anxiety. Each day he states he does not want to go back to school. Once he is there and surrounded by stimulation we assume he is enjoying school. Recently he has been saying he is bored at school. We are waiting another week to reach out to the school. We realize that kids in new environments go through this as our son has a group of friends he grew up with that he no longer sees each day and is an only child. We are wondering if we made a mistake separating him from his last situation. Although it has only been two weeks since school started it seems that the kids with separation anxiety are not getting the one on one once the parent leaves the room. Yesterday I dropped my son off. He is getting better in his classroom environment but still does not want me to leave. I noticed that other kids that were upset some crying were walking around the classroom with very little acknowledgment from the teachers. There are three teachers in the classroom and it seems to be too overwhelming for them. Yesterday when I left the classroom I looked back in the window and watched his teacher place my son by himself in the a window where he could see me leaving. He was crying. He was then given construction paper to play with with not much additional attention. Can we get some advice as all is welcomed.
Parent Replies
This is the difficult stage that almost all kid have to go through, and unfortunately they have to learn how to adapt to the new unfamiliar environment by themselves. I don't see anything done significantly wrong by the teachers, so why not give him some more time, play with him for a few minutes in the classroom everyday, and arrange playdate with friends in his classroom? My daughter spent a whole month adjusting to her new school and she was perfectly happy afterwards.
I think that it is rare to have a teacher give extended 1 on 1 attention to a child experiencing separation anxiety in all but the smallest preschools. We had that for our younger child at age 3 at a small immersion school in Palo Alto but I honestly don't know how much of that is policy and how much of that was the teacher's choice. She has left the school and I haven't seen anyone else there do quite as much as she did for our little one. Our older daughter, at age 2.5 at a different immersion school was left alone to keep crying through the day as reported by an older student who knew me personally. Unfortunate since I liked the teachers at the school. Anyways, after forfeiting a number of deposits at a number of schools, this older daughter settled into a place where she was not crying and not bored. It was a small Reggio-inspired preschool in Los Altos where kids were allowed to get dirty and make mistakes freely. I'm not saying that this kind of place is for everyone. It has certainly grown and changed to be more in line with mainstream schools and it was not our younger child's cup of tea. I'm suggesting that some kids are more outspoken (in their own way) than others about their preferences in schooling.
My daughter just started preschool. I've been talking to other parents from our cohort who moved up together, and we're having similar experiences: the kids resist in the morning and complain about not wanting to go, but end up having a good time. It's still a big adjustment from an intimate toddler room to a class with 24 kids. BTW my daughter tells me she did nothing all day etc but 3 year old reports are, let's just say, less than reliable. Because our class is so big, I walk into the class or yard with my daughter and help her find an activity or group of kids to play with. Usually there's a teacher nearby whatever she chooses, and I check in with them before saying good bye.
That said, if the teachers aren't being warm to the kids, I would be concerned. Having a teacher welcome kids in the morning is a standard thing to expect from a preschool.
While 3 year old crying at the good bye time is very common and normal, I am concerned about the lack of caring from teachers. When my kid was 3, he often tried to run to grab me and cried. The teachers were very kind and compassionate. They would hug him and give him extra attention.