Should I tell the mom? Even if she will be furious to hear it?
My son has a really good friend "Alex" who had a falling out with a mutual friend "Ben". Friend Alex is now making fun of Ben behind his back, telling other kids "Ben sucks his wienie and drinks the pee pee." This is very disheartening to hear from a 7 year old kid, especially in reference to his "ex" best friend.
I am very good friends with the mom and worried that she would be upset at me if I tell her as she is highly anxious and emotional. Plus, I am not sure this is entirely accurate, coming from my 7 year old son. I am sure the parents do not teach or endorse this behavior at home. I am not sure they can change his behavior even if they know, because there are similar incidents in the past.
Thank you for your advice.
Jul 16, 2018
Parent Replies
I would say, yes, tell her, but with the humility you implied, that this is something your son said, but you're not sure if it's accurate. It's hard to imagine a parent who would not want to hear this, if you have reason to think it's really happening. She may be mad at you (although she may not be), but I'd venture to say that being able to help her son is more important than protecting yourself from potential anger.
No, don't tell Ben's mom. Consider telling Alex's mom that he's saying mean things about a friend (and don't focus too much on the "ex-" part, at 7 y/o friendships swing back around all the time!) so she can address it... Or if you're within earshot when your son and Alex are talking like this, go ahead and tell Alex to knock it off!
Your description suggests that Ben's mother is not able to handle this appropriately, and since your information is 2nd hand, it will stir the pot and make things worse.
I agree that you could consider speaking with Alex's mom, but again your information is 2nd hand and not many people want to discipline their kid based on your kid's say-so. How useful that is will depend a lot on her personality.
Better yet, talk with your son about how HE might handle it. It's a great opportunity to learn how to set appropriate boundaries with friends. He can't make Alex be nice in general, and he can't arrange for Alex and Ben to make up. However, he can tell Alex that his trash-talk is upsetting, and that Alex can show that he's a better person if he quits bad-mouthing Ben. (Just guessing that this will be more effective than telling Alex he's being mean.) Anyway, it's better to take it as a teaching opportunity than it is to try to fix it.
Tell school officials, a teacher or principal. They have experienced every kind of developmental behavior, and are much better at handling these things.