Setting foundation for young child to be anti-racist
Hello everyone, I have a very strong-willed preschooler who is opinionated, often just based on impulse or snap judgments. My partner and I try our best to ask him why he thinks what he thinks or why he said what he said. Often, he just doesn't give an answer that makes sense to us and just carries on playing or talking. We also just try to inform him better or teach him concepts. Sometimes they are simply about how things work (i.e., the earth goes around the sun). Most times, we aren't concerned about his loud, opinionated behavior because it seems normal for his age. However, I became concerned about his comments while watching TV recently. He is allowed to watch cartoons and family-oriented movies, but even then, I have noticed that whenever there is a Black person, he will loudly point out that that character is a 'bad person'. And because of his limited understanding, it really has nothing to do with the character's role in the story; it's purely based on looks. We do not watch a lot of Disney; we watch the family movies on Netflix and cartoons like Daniel Tiger. (As a sidenote, he also refused to watch Jingle Jangle, notably a mostly Black cast). In all honesty, I am flummoxed because I sincerely do not think he gets that kind of habit from us, meaning that we do not talk about people that way, make these kinds of associations ourselves, put labels on people, etc. I would like to think that we ourselves are anti-racist, but I am also open to what people might suggest more proactive measures for us as parents. I would like to know how to begin to educate my child on being anti-racist in a way that he understands so that we can continue to guide him in an age-appropriate way with age-appropriate content. Thank you.
Parent Replies
Children learn from their environment and the truth is that we live in a racist society. It takes a concerted effort to raise an antiracist child. You need to consider their relationships: are they exposed to people of different races? Do they have children of other races as playmates? Do you have a diverse family? Friends? What does your community look like? What do the books they read look like? What does your neighborhood look like? You may want to look at diversifying their experience and exposure. If you are only socializing with white people, and only reading books about white people, despite your best intentions that's what your child sees and knows.
Hi,
I am by no means an expert. I think there are passive ways to do this though. You could start by increasing your books that center BIPOC. For a period maybe even put away a few of the more familiar ones that center white people. It normalizes black/brown people, skin, families and opens you up to conversations about those people & skin. Here’s a short list of a few we like.
Feast for 10 by Callwell
Every Little Thing by Marley
Antiracist Baby by Kendi (this one is not passive, it’s very proactive& direct)
Jabari Jumps by...?
Daddys Arms by Ferguson
Everywhere Babies by?
Also having black/brown dolls to play with. Modeling affection with those dolls.
Also more films that center POC. We loved the Pixar’s new movie Soul... Disney’s Frog Princess, Coco...
Like I said, I’m no expert. Good for you for catching it & good luck!
This isn’t advice; apologies. More of a question. Does he have much exposure to other races (you don’t specify yours)? Interaction with people of different walks of life, including racially different? On a regular basis, like daily? I can’t say that that would “solve” anything per se, but I do think that exposure would help.
I highly recommend the book Raising White Kids. Even if your child not white, the book may have helpful context and suggestions for having these kinds of conversations with your child about race and racism if you're struggling with how to get started.
Something I took away from the book was that kids are looking for patterns to help make sense of the world. We live in a racist world. And so they see discrimination against black people (and other minorities) and draw their own conclusions about why that happens. And so it's really important for parents to talk to their white kids about systemic racism early and frequently. And to ask questions and have responses ready when they say things like what your child is. The book has a variety of ways to do this and some suggestions ways to build your child into an ally of POC.
Hi there, kudos to you for recognizing this is an issue and asking for help. The principle of anti-racism is there’s no neutrality - as ending racism needs proactive words, actions, and education otherwise we’re all just upholding the system of racial hierarchy. So you are doing the right thing.
Kids do self segregate and putting things and places and people into groups are just how they navigate the world. It isn’t harmful but parent guidance is necessary to prevent bias. So don’t beat yourself up, it’s absolutely natural and early anti-racist education is fundamental. I can recommend Nuture Shock by Po Bryson for more on the way kids learn about race and how to steer it toward anti-racism. I also want to shout out Multicultural Bookstore in Richmond (she has an online store too) because she has many many resources for kids and adults. The owner, Tamara, can point you in the right direction, she’s wonderful. I just want to encourage you to KEEP talking about race with your kids. So many white parents believe that if they don’t call attention to race, their kids will grow up colorblind but in reality kids are forming their own associations and there are many ways unconscious bias creeps in. Parents provide the foundation for kids to understand race. It may seem uncomfortable to talk about it. Remember families of color often talk about race, it’s a fact of life for us. I applaud you for seeking help!! Best of luck to you!
sincerely, a black mom
Hi, OP here. Thank you for your suggestions! I appreciate your suggestions and do apologize that I failed to give details about myself, which could have helped further the conversation. I am Asian and my partner Hispanic. Most of our friends actually fall along our racial lines, which is mainly due to culture and shared languages because my partner was not born here, and my own parents were immigrants (so English was not my first language). I struggled a lot with being the Other in school and was not outgoing enough to even try to assimilate; hence, I also flocked to 'my own' as soon as I got the chance. So, while our own social network is diverse in itself, it is neither diverse with regards to black or white friends. Thanks for the referrals to different resources, whether they primarily have a white audience in mind or not. I think I will start with the BIPOC children's reading. I agree that it is good to diversify one's own experiences and social network as well. If anyone has suggestions for how to do that in a family activity-type of way (esp. covid times), I would love to know. I used to participate in public library events with my kid, but those of course aren't available at the moment.