School district recommendation for Gifted and Special Needs kids

Hi-I am returning to the Bay Area after 3 years in NJ.  I'd like to talk to parents about schools and districts.  I imagine that there are tons of posts but haven't been able to find any recent ones. So my apologies if this is a recurring theme.

I have twins, boy/girl, currently going into 5th-last year of elementary.  My son is in a STEM magnet and my daughter is in Special Education classes. She has ADHD, Dyslexia, Sensory Processing Disorder.  She is concrete and gets two 1/2 private lessons at school to understand nuances and be able to follow multiple directions given at the same time.  She is mainstreamed with an aide (paraprofessional) for Science and Social Studies.  She is in the resource room for Language Arts and Math.  She is at grade level for Math but learns differently.  For instance, she will never be able to memorize the multiplication table but can calculate quickly using her fingers or manipulatives.  She is a year behind in reading but is progressing nicely. She has difficulty with her peer group as she hasn't quite figured out the "girl rules" though she understands things way beyond her years.  She has no behavioral problems. 

I am looking for a  public school/district that can accommodate both kids before we decide where to settle.  So - essentially - I am shopping for schools - in particular 6th grade and up as I have a year to figure this out.  We can't afford private.  The special education departments won't talk to me until I am a resident of the district.  But I can't settle in one area until I am comfortable that my children will thrive emotionally in the schools.  So I in a bit of a bind.  I don't think we could afford Lamorinda unless I am missing something in the real estate market.

Schools and community are my number one priority.  Then distance from work. I commute to SF, sometimes to Silicon Valley and work from home.  My husband commutes to San Mateo and to job sites around the Bay.  We do have a bit of flexibility with hours.  We can handle up to 1.5 hours of commuting each way (we do more to go the NYC now.) 

Please help. Personal experience, examples, resources to get information would be so appreciated!

Thanks,

Deb