Resources for Explaining Cancer to a preschooler

Wherever your mom is receiving treatment they should have a social worker who can help you and your daughter. I’ve worked in pediatric onocology and can confirm there are plenty of resources out there depending on what city/county you reside in. 

A quick google search yielded several books. Here’s a link on how to talk about cancer:

https://www.cancer.org/cancer/caregivers/helping-children-when-a-family…

I found myself explaining cancer to my 3.5-yr old a couple months ago. A friend of mine from college ('00-'05) was diagnosed and died ~2012. My name is Adam and she used to tease me about Blink-182's "Adam's Song," so whenever that song comes on the radio I tear up. My son noticed that one day so I simply explained to him that a friend of mine who got sick and died (I've been very open with him about death from early on) would talk to me about this song since my name is in it. He asked how she got sick so I explained cancer in the simplest terms and he accepted it with many, "but why" questions that I continued to answer. We also drive past a funeral home from daycare to home, so he's asked about it and I've had to explain to him what that "house" is all about.

I'm a STEM PhD working in tech, and I've been intentional about explaining things to my son clearly at his level from the start. I don't have any resources, I just break things down with a vocabulary he understands and explain new terms as needed, making sure to ask if he understands or has any questions.

I know you were looking for resources, but I think if you trust yourself and are clear and honest, your child will get it. 

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. It is so hard to parent while also dealing with your own parent's illness. I don't have a book recommendation or resource for you, but I will share that I had these same concerns when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when my kiddo was 2.5 years old. I tried to find a good book or resource, but at that time, I didn't find anything that was a particularly good fit (as you mentioned, most books were about mommy having cancer). What I ended up doing was just explaining in very gentle and age appropriate terms that "grandma is sick and needs to take a medicine that might make her tired or not feel very good. The medicine can make it easier for her to catch colds, so we need to wash our hands/wear masks to help keep her safe. Grandma loves spending time with you, loves seeing you, and we are going to take good care of her.”  Then, as symptoms, surgeries, and treatments came up, I explained each one as needed. My mom didn't lose her hair until 3.5 years into treatment, and when she shaved her head I asked her to send me a picture, so I could share it with my kiddo, so he was not shocked when he saw her.
 
When I was in your position, at the start of this journey, I assumed my mom would be extremely sick right away, lose her hair etc. But honestly, the first chemo she tried had minimal side-effects and worked well for over a year. When that chemo stopped working and she had to shift to more aggressive chemo/radiation etc. then I explained symptoms and situations as they arose. It feels fast to us, but to our kids, weeks/months feel like an eternity. There is no need to future trip and prepare your kid for symptoms and side-effects that may or may not happen.

For me, I have found, that the most important thing is to not flood your kid but to also not hide things from them. Kids really are astute but also incredibly resilient. My kiddo is now in elementary school, my mom has been on chemo for 5+ years (we knew from diagnosis that cure was not an option for her. I hope your mother’s prognosis is better), but with that said, I am so glad I didn’t front load tons of “could happen” information upfront. He has had many years of having a pretty normal relationship with his grandma, and i have been shocked by how well he can understand and accept her situation. 

I know this is all easier said than done. But I just wanted to share my experience, so perhaps you won’t feel like you have to explain everything all at once to your child. This will be a process, and you have time to think and explain as you go. Good luck to you and your mama! 

I don't have any experience about sharing this information with your preschooler but I do have some thoughts on how to help her through this journey.  I was diagnosed a little over a year ago and though it started off relatively easy, it got complex along the way.  Mostly it was about being new to everything and not truly understanding the implications and nuances of what the doctors tell you.  In some cases I thought I understood (but didn't really) and in others I didn't know what to ask or expect.  If possible, go with her to her appts and take notes.  Also consider joining Facebook groups that focus on breast cancer and whatever flavor of it she has.  I would actually recommend that you both join -- both of you will learn a lot and you will also better understand what she's going through.  She will also need a strong advocate.  There are sure to be times you will need to challenge a doctor or insurance and that can be stressful--just making sure she is getting the care she needs.  If you aren't on top of things they can drag out and that can be bad.  Please know that the treatments can be hard on the body and mind.  And that once active treatment is over if she needs to take medications they can last 2 - 10 years and she still might not feel the same and can still be lethargic from them.  You will also learn about things like how to get financial help for different situations -- and please lean into these and take full advantage of them.  The Facebook groups helped me immensely as I navigated through it all.  

Please feel free to ask the admin for my name if I can be of any help to you,