Parent Group for "Failure to Launch" young adults?
Are there any existing parent groups for those with "failure to launch" young adults? My child is 23 (24 soon), out of high school five years, unemployed nearly all of that time (no college or vocational classes either). She gets no spending money and I stopped paying for her cellphone over a year ago. I've taken away the house key and told my child she could no longer live in my house, but she came in while I'm at work (dog door, windows). Short of installing an expensive security system I can't afford and barring my dog from using the dog door, I can't prevent that. I'm at my wits' end, and would like to connect with other parents. I've tried Alanon , but found it completely unsatisfying and very frustrating, largely because of the 12-step model that so closely hews to AA.
Anyone know of anything like this?
Parent Replies
You might want to try the Family Sanity Support Group: https://www.familysanity.org/
Very helpful for parents with your situation. And you find out that you are not alone.
I am sorry you are in this difficult situation. I can empathize, as I am as well. If no one responds with recommendations for existing parent groups, perhaps we could start one (I will contact you directly through BPN).
The one support I have found is through Al-Anon. Each group is different. I go to one in Menlo Park that's for parents. It's not rigid in it's approach in the way I've heard other Al-Anon groups can be. Many long term members have not done the 12-steps, and "higher power" is used loosely.
I've tried Willows in the Wind, but find it more for parents of minors committed to sending, or having sent, their teens to wilderness therapy or other therapeutic environments.
The failure to launch seems to be an epidemic.
Does your child have a drinking problem, cause I am confused why you might be attending Alanon. Have you given her rules on how she could continuing living in your home, for example, she needs to have and maintain employment. Start a game plan on having a career, or perhaps seeing a career coach to help her. If she lives in your home, she would have to do chores, or pay rent at a reasonable amount. My child is 21, lives at home, goes to college, has a full time job and does some small chores. These are all things we sat down an talked about in advance to create a future for herself. She suffers from anixety, so she also is on medication and sees a therapist. Does your child have similar issues? I am not judging, but it would kill me to have my child be homeless. So unless you are not saying something here that is more serious, I think you both needs to see a therapist and work some of these issues and concerns out. It could benefit both of you. Since you do not mention "Dad", I assume he is not part of the picture.
Sorry I do not have any simple answers for you; this must be so frustrating! If your child has a mental illness, NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) has support groups for families, as does DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance). There is a monthly parent support group in San Francisco that recently divided into 2 groups, parents of 18-25 Y.O. and 13-17. Have been attending for several years and find it extremely helpful in support and insights. It does not focus specifically on "failure to launch," but several parents have similar issues. If you want to private message me I can email you information on it. Hopefully someone knows of a similar group in the East Bay.