Navigating Screen Usage with Range of Ages
Hello, I have a 2 yr old and 6 yr old and 2 step sons who are 12 and 14. The older boys are constantly on their phones playing games and then shift to the tv for a few shows, and then back to their phones. My 6 year old has followed suit with them and although he has no phone, he's looking over their shoulders. The 2 yr old is very interested in what they're doing too. I've tried for many years, to put limits- but my husband is all for it- believing that this is "just the way things are for kids these days".
Im at a loss. I see how my younger sons have lost a lot of the curiousity and creativity to play and imagine on their own.
What do I do? How do you navigate the dynamics of a blended family with a big age range, an unsupportive partner, and the constant blur of gaming/shows/YouTube? (And not be the evil stepmother or over controlling mom)
Parent Replies
I believe that you have an important talk ahead of you with your husband. I talk with a lot of parents who are reticent to have such a talk, with the result being that their kids are negatively impacted--as screen-focused kids turn away from family and school. Some may suggest, "It's just screens," but screen time is the single greatest waking activity for kids and the overuse of such has powerful effects on kids' happiness and success. In essence, how kids use screens shapes a remarkable amount of their lives. If you feel your partner continues to be unresponsive, I suggest seeing a family counselor with just you and your husband to work things out. While that may sound like a big step, many parents on this forum describe their kids suffering from game addictions/obsessions, poor school perf., and other problems expressly because of too much time gaming, on phones, etc. I think it's important to avoid that, especially as you have a great opportunity while your kids are young. Good luck to you.
Richard Freed, Ph.D., author of "Wired Child: Reclaiming Childhood in a Digital Age"
Sounds like a very difficult situation to navigate. I have the same challenge although not with as wide and age range for my two children. I am constantly trying to convince my 18 year old that she needs to be aware of her behavior so as not to be a bad influence on the 14 yr old. Hopefully you can continue communicating with your husband so that he understands your concerns (there are a lot of resources out there that support your concerns), and perhaps talking with the step children to see your perspective and to have them become allies in helping protect the younger members of the family. Maybe if they see it as their job to protect the younger children instead of your trying to control and limit their behavior, they will take it on themselves to see their roles as protectors and themselves as allies to help you. Good Luck!
Maybe you and your husband can read the book together along w/ the older boys, "That crumpled paper was due last week." It's
an excellent book about how to get boy's back on track w/ some boundaries so that they can prioritize school and other activities.
There is an excellent video of a presentation of a researcher (forgot her name) who has shown the detriment to boys who use screen time constantly.
If you want a link to it, I'll send it to you.