My 6yo craves being a leader—Ideas for helping him learn how?
At least since he was 4, my son seems to have this inner drive to lead and direct people. He is 6 now, and his favorite / most requested activity is to act as an art teacher (or workshop director) and have us enact his project ideas. I used to worry that he was just avoiding trying to create things himself because he suspected we could do it better. But he does a lot of independent artwork at school, and I’ve come to accept that to a large extent he actually craves this role of leading and directing. I would love some ideas for how to help him become skilled at leading, so he can build on this inner drive in a healthy way (and not just be someone who tries to boss everyone around)!
These days I give him some “project time” most days where I act as the art student or worker and he is the leader, and I try to coach him toward ways of talking that make me feel good and inspired rather than controlled, criticized, and annoyed. We’re making progress this way (and I end up making some cool stuff!). However, I don’t consider myself much of a leadership expert. What else could we do to help him become a good leader? Are there organized activities that are great for this? Books we could read? Ways of talking about leading at this age? Any ideas would be much appreciated!
Parent Replies
Boy Scouts or similar comes to mind. At this age I would emphasize with him (and try to practice) that leaders know how to work with others towards their shared goal, leaders support those who need extra help or are feeling left out, leaders respect differing opinions, etc.
I wonder if it is a matter of framing? I used to play teacher all the time as a kid, I was kind of bossy, and that was an acceptable way for me to have control in my dysfunctional family. I'm not implying yours is, but control is a big thing to little kids and maybe he's feeling like he needs more of it? So I'd start with thinking about that idea, and then I second the suggestion that you look into scouting or some other collaborative group activity where he is able to assert himself but also learn to work with others. Also, get him in some independent art classes - sounds like he'd love it! Good luck!
It's been a while since you asked but I just came across your post and thought of Outdoor Kids Group. They provide outdoor nature-based OT therapy but they also incorporate "peer playmates" as part of the group of kids receiving OT services. The peer playmates help the kids in OT by modeling age appropriate play and social skills, in return they get to play outdoors and participate in some really cool and creative activities. I think they meet in the Tilden Park or Redwood Regional. The therapists who run the groups are fabulous and skilled at helping the "peer playmates" become good role models and kind leaders. My son was a peer playmate when he was about 7, like your son, he wanted to be a leader but needed to tone down the bossiness. Outdoor Kids Group — Outdoor Kids Occupational Therapy (outdoorkidsot.com)