Move from public to private school?
Our child started kindergarten this year and it’s been a bit rocky. They are doing great academically but it’s been overwhelming. We just started the process of having them evaluated for ADHD as well. Transitions can be really hard for them and technology in the classroom is not a good fit. I’m working with the teacher who is open and flexible but not the most experienced. This week I was talking to our child about the school vs aftercare program they go to since they don’t have the same issues with becoming emotionally dysregulated at aftercare. They said they “go crazy” at their school and not aftercare because the school is so huge. This leads me to think they are overwhelmed with the new school and how different it is from preschool. I am not making any rash decisions and know kids can grow out of things but I also want what’s best for our child’s individual needs and understand that a big public school may not the best. I grew up going to public school and have never considered anything different for my kids but I want school to be a positive thing and not overwhelming and anxiety producing.
I’m looking for advice from parents who did change schools for similar reasons or thought about changing but who decided to stay and how they feel about that decision. Thanks.
Parent Replies
We changed from public to private in the 3rd grade when things got unbearable. In hindsight, we feel we should have switched sooner. Kid was telling us the whole time they weren’t happy but because teachers said they were doing fine and it was free, we stuck it out until we really could not.
Some clear signs that were there and that we regrettably ignored and feel guilty about include:
Mornings were often challenging
After we switched to a small progressive private school, kid LOVED school and could not wait to go. A kid who had 1-2 days of tardiness every week would get ready before me and rush me to take them to school. Kid would say they are sad on weekends because they don’t get to go to school.
Years later, they told me that there was a super scary and mean kid at the old school and they hated recess. We knew about another kid bullying and we addressed that issue with the school but we didn’t know about more bullying! They also said they were super bored and just zoned out in class but they could pretend to pay attention by studying the facial features or reading things right around the teacher or in the classroom. We had no idea.m, because kid is pretty reserved.
We also sought a neuropsych evaluation from the school district and were told that kid was fine. Some borderline areas but no need for concern and they don’t provide gifted programs.
At a private school, we began wondering again. We got a private comprehensive neuropsych evaluation and learned that child is gifted in math and verbal language but also has ADHD inattentive type, stealth dyslexia, and mild ASD.
It turns out giftedness masks learning differences and ASD, so the kid is perceived more or less as an average student. We are grateful to be in a small school where my kid is seen and can be challenged in certain areas while being supported in others.
You can switch to private elementary and give public or charter school a try.
I will say tuition is painful. But our kid’s and parental mental health are priceless. My depression and anxiety improved greatly after we changed school because I didn’t have to put in enormous efforts every single day to get the kid to go to school and didn’t have to deal with evening meltdowns.
We are at Aurora and there are a handful of kids who started at a public school and moved to Aurora. I can not speak for those families but they all seem very happy with the change. Aurora is small and the instruction is personalized to your kid. There is no way your child is going to fall through the cracks at Aurora. My kids both love the school and look forward to going every day.
I wanted to add that even at the hefty price of a private school, it is important to understand that no school is perfect. Private or public, all schools have pros and cons and great teachers and not so great ones.
We switched to private and it was a breath of fresh air for us. But, once the honeymoon phase was over, we did see some areas that were not so great. We recognized that the pros outweigh the cons considerably and the private school we chose met our greatest needs and wants in our child’s school experience.
Every private school brochure sounds similar and has most of the same buzz words. (Interesting projects, whole child, social emotional, diversity, engaging academics, etc.) But, if you read between the lines, visit the school a few times and talk to as many recent and current families as possible, you can get a bit better sense of what the weaker points are and where the school shines.
another family loving the school doesn’t mean that you will.
Our child’s 2E with very mild learning differences but high anxiety. The schools we looked at and we feel that work better with 2E or shy/anxious kids include Aurora School, Berkwood Hedge, The Berkeley School, Park Day School, Berkeley Rose (if you are into the Waldorf philosophy).
We started at Cleveland with our current 4th grader during the pandemic and pulled them after only two weeks. After pandemic homeschooling for kindergarten we sent them to a small private school for almost 3 years. After years of school avoidance we eventually learned was due to bullying, we switched to Walden in March of last year. Walden has been a wonderful fit for our kiddo and family. Small and supportive and collaborative and kind with excellent academics. It’s such a relief to be done with the school avoidance we’d come to see as normal, and also to our kiddo being “used up” at the end of every day. We wish we’d paid more attention to the warning signs and looked for a better fit earlier. As another parent said, the websites of the “small progressive” schools all sound alike. The pandemic definitely impacted schools a ton, and it’s definitely worth visiting and looking for recent reviews — not only the ones on school review sites, but also sites reviewing schools as workplaces (like Glassdoor). Wishing you the best of luck in finding a fit!