Maternity Leave - How Long is Sufficient?

With my first child, I had five months completely off. It was great. I had time to physically recover, bond with the baby, adjust to new life, and participate in a moms group. Then when I went back, I did 3 days a week (24 hours, although of course always ended up a bit more). With my second child, I was allotted four months off, but that felt like too little and I wasn't ready to come back full time with an infant and a toddler (plus some changes in my work situation anyway), so I quit.

With baby #1, my husband took one month off when baby was born, then two months off using his parental leave when i went back to work. That was GREAT. I didn't suffer the stress of worrying about childcare until baby was almost seven months. Otherwise we didn't have any nearby family help.

Just some quick thoughts--first, remember that in addition to Paid Family Leave, you have State Disability Insurance too. That covers 6-8 weeks of leave before PFL kicks in. (They are paid out of the same fund, so if you have one, you have the other.) Second, and importantly--you can dovetail the leave pay with whatever your company pays. It's called integration of benefits, and the state has information on their website. Essentially, if your workplace offers four weeks of paid leave total, you would arrange to spread that over a longer time period, with SDI and PFL paying the balance each week. That means your four weeks of full can be spread over eight weeks, and the state kicks in the rest. Assuming you don't have a c-section, you get six weeks of SDI and an additional six weeks of PFL. So you can take eight weeks at full pay and four weeks at partial pay--and you can also go back part-time and continue to receive PFL for the remaining hours if your employer will allow you to transition back to full-time, which is especially valuable if you will have your in-laws there to care for the baby. If your husband pays into SDI, he can take Paid Family Leave too and do the same, which is what mine did--he took off the first week, then went back and later used the balance of his leave to work part-time for a couple of months after I returned to work so that we could transition more slowly into daycare. (I took four months for my first child and three for my second; four was definitely preferable but did mean that the fourth month was entirely unpaid, which is why we didn't do that for kid #2 when we had preschool costs for the older child.) The paperwork will make your head spin but once you get it sorted out, it's a huge benefit that we're fortunate to have in California. Congratulations on the coming baby!

I was off for 3 weeks before my son was born a bit early and then I think I was out for 18 weeks or so  after? I will say my particular job place was incredibly accommodating for me. It did tremendously help that they were also large, based within the mile limit for leave and base during in’s SF so they had to supplement my leave. I cherished the time off because unfortunately my postpartum was very physically diffucult for me and I needed all the time possible to heal. Hell my son is 10 months old now and I’m still physically recovering. With that said, I would strongly recommend you talk to your HR if possible, legally they can’t tell your supervisor yoy are pregnant. See what their options are, etc. I also found a Facebook group (California Maternity Leave, I believe) that was tremendously helpful with legal clarification and understanding of what I was entitled to because let’s be honest, HR may end up being not too helpful. What you are entitled to separately from your company differs depending on where you work, how large the company is, whether you contribute to CASDI to get the state leave or whether you have third party disability allowance. Feel free to message me, I’m no expert but I went through this recently enough and I’d love to offer any help I can, 

I have heard this service can be helpful at making sure you are maximizing your leave benefits: https://www.milkyourbenefits.com/

I think it's very hard to know how much time will feel right for you until you are in the middle of it. i think a minimum of three months is a good starting point. With my first I took three months and I was READY to go back to work (albeit part time which makes a huge difference). With my second I took four months and wish I had the opportunity to stay home much longer. Different kids, different recovery, etc. Inquire about your options such as returning to work part-time for a few weeks at first and also know you do not need to have the answers now and can decide right before or even during leave. I will say, for me, having my partner utilize their leave benefits for at least a few weeks in the very beginning was very helpful (more more so than towards the end of my leave or after I went back to work). 

You'll probably get a lot of answers, but just to throw mine in if it helps: I took a little over 3 months off for each of my kids & for me personally I felt like that was fine. I had C-sections both times & had been long recovered by then, both kids went straight into full time daycare which for us worked well, my husband got very little time off for the birth (so that aspect wasn't extra help when I went back) & we have minimal family help on a regular day-to-day basis - but we made it all work!

Hi Mama! 

Postpartum recovery is so tricky to predict. While I was pregnant my instinct was to lean on the traditional "40 days of lying-in" when describing what I wanted my postpartum recovery to look like without having any idea what it was really going to look like. It wasn't that I thought I needed to actually lay in bed for 40 days, or that I even wanted to lay in bed for days, but I wanted the space, and to create the expectation amongst those who wanted to help, that this would be the time where I most needed assistance- to help make space for you to sleep, to feed you nourishing food, to keep daily chores accomplished so you don't have to, etc. It's not that you can't get up and move around (and do what feels right to you and your body), it's just that no one should expect you to. ;)

This article describes is well: http://sagebirthandwellness.com/2018/04/postpartum-rest-40-days-laying/

Having a helper at home will make a huge difference if you and the helper are aligned. It's much easier to leave your little one in the hands of someone that you and baby both know and are comfortable with, rather than with someone you are newly working to build a trusting relationship with. I might even suggest taking tours of facilities you're interested in now and getting on waitlists if possible for when baby is 6 months and beyond. I went back to work when my little one was 5 months old and it was still difficult- it'll always be difficult if work isn't where your heart is. That said, I know a lot of mamas who consider work their "break" and find they can come back to being a mom more refreshed after adult interaction; for me, the opposite is true- I have a hard time with the role shifts and would prefer to just be mama all day. To each their own. Take as long as you can, if that's what you want. 

My husband took 4 weeks off. I still look back and think, "I don't know what I would have done without him there." I did not have extended family that could stay for more than a few days at a time. 

Happy to chat more off this thread- feel free to message me! I have all kinds of thoughts about the first weeks and mama/infant/family bonding. Good luck to you and yours!

Also, keep in mind that if you need to have a surgical birth, you will want more than 4 weeks for recovery. Recovery time varies depending on how your birth goes (like, if you get to the pushing phase or not), but I would suggest anywhere between 6 and 8 weeks.

I just wanted to point out the that the short term disability leave income is tax free, so in my experience it’s about the same as full pay after taxes.

Congratulations! There is no one right answer to this. I'm lucky in that I could take 5 months. I would say, whatever you can reasonably take and afford without stressing your finances, please take it. Your child is only a baby once and you don't know how you will feel until you give birth and bring home a new baby. I am a type A, career oriented, love to work out kind of person and I was surprised at how exhausting the whole experience was and how hard it was to get us all on a good schedule (he didn't sleep through the night until 10 months old). I had a long, difficult labor and insomnia for months afterwards. Definitely have your helpers around so that you can recover as you bond with your baby. If you can afford it, take the full 3 months. The time goes by very quickly and yes it is a lot easier going back if you have caregivers at home whom you truly trust and know. 

I would consider 12 weeks to be the bare minimum, in order to give you time to recover from the birth and allow your hormones to CALM DOWN, establish breastfeeding, and adjust to your new family and household realities! Your basic physical recovery time will depend on how the birth goes, which is impossible to predict; it could be three days or three weeks or three months.  But the hormonal soup of the immediate post-partum period is no joke even if you have an easy labor and delivery; don't discount it.  Also, 3 months (after the 12 week growth spurt) is about the earliest you can expect baby to develop much of a predictable routine, and allow you to start getting more regular sleep!  Of course there are no guarantees, especially if there are complications like a premature delivery, but really there's a reason it's called the "fourth trimester".

Six months total leave is better if you can swing it, both because that's an easier time developmentally for baby to adjust to a new caregiver and because it will allow you a lot more flexibility about pumping or combination feeding choices.  I will say that I worried a lot about the financial end of things and sort of wish I'd been more willing to take unpaid time off - in hindsight the financial sacrifice would have been worth it!  However, of course a lot depends on your savings and job situation.  I was able to bring my baby to work with me for an interim period between being completely on leave (3 months), and returning full time without baby (at 6 months with my first, 15 months with my second), and I definitely recommend that if it's at all feasible in your workplace. I was actually very productive at work during that time, because I didn't have to tie my hours to childcare availability as well as because I had something to prove. If you decide you can't take more than 3 months leave, consider whether you can work part time and/or from home for a while, or otherwise set up some kind of transitional arrangement to get you through the first year or so. 

Congratulations on your pregnancy!  In what city do you work?  If it's in San Francisco, than you are entitled to more than 4 weeks full pay.  There is a relatively new city law that will help you.  I think that even if it's elsewhere in California, you will be able to get more than 4 weeks of full pay, but others with more information will probably weigh in on that  Re: how long to take off it depends somewhat on your birthing experience (i.e. if you have a C-section, etc) and also on your baby, and your own needs.  One consideration is that newborns need to eat every few hours (around the clock) for the first several weeks.  Another consideration is whether you plan to nurse or bottle feed your infant. If you are exclusively nursing then you will need to do all of the night feedings, unless perhaps you decide (and are able) to do a pump during the day and someone else (Husband or in-laws?) can do one feeding via bottle during the night.  Even so you will probably be getting up a couple times per night for about an hour each time.  Lots of new moms pump when they go back to work, so it's possible for you to nurse and go back to work early, but it's not easy.  I can't imagine going back to work in less than 3 months. I understand finances are an important consideration, but so is your sanity!  I think even 3 months is a huge ask of yourself, and if you can find a way to take a bit more time, you will not regret it.

I took a 5 and 1/2 month maternity leave, and my son was exclusively breast fed during that time (and beyond). I didn't have a lot of help from my husband or the grandparents, partly because of distance and work obligations, but I also found that because I was breastfeeding that was something that couldn't be delegated, and it takes a lot of time. It's also the best possible food for your L.O. and an amazing bonding experience, but formulas have also come a long way and there are some great options on the market if you go that route.  A wonderful resource for breastfeeding information is kellymom.com.  Best wishes!!!!

I took 3 months off after the birth of my child. I really think this is the minimum for bonding and establishing breastfeeding. Because my baby refused bottles, I ended up having to nurse her at 11 and 2 at daycare--which, fortunately, was only 3 blocks away from my office--until she was almost a year old. So I got plenty of bonding time even after I returned to work. Still, I wish I'd been able to take at 4 to 6 months off.

If you can have a *trusted* family member care for a young infant at home, that's preferable to group care. SIDS risk is higher in group care settings, though I think this is mostly due to lower quality providers having poor staffing and not following sound protocols (e.g., putting babies in bouncers or car seats to nap). 

I had a c-section. Definitely a longer recovery time, both in terms of the surgical wound healing and (for me) getting over anemia. 

I second the suggestion about family leave benefits through CA SDI. Also, if your employer offers supplemental disability insurance, childbirth is usually a qualifying event, depending on the wait period.

I took about five months of leave with both my kids, which was just right for me. By five months, I was really ready to resume some of my normal adult activities again. I think most women would find anything less than three months to be challenging. The first three months are called "the fourth trimester" for a reason - babies are generally much fussier during that time and tend to settle down a bit around three months (unless you're unlucky and get a colicky baby like I did with my first - and then you're probably going to deal with extreme fussiness until about five or six months). Having your mother in law should help with your transition back to work - just being able to leave your child with someone you already trust should be a big help. 

It's hard to know what your postpartum recovery will look like. I bounced back very quickly from a physical standpoint, but I had postpartum depression, which was very, very hard. Other women have lingering physical issues for many months and may need physical therapy or other medical services. In my case, going back to work actually helped my postpartum depression. So it really varies so much from one woman to another. 

Good luck and congrats!

I only took 4 weeks off and then 2 more part=time. A big driver was the fact that I only got paid when I worked. However, I worked from home and when my son was six weeks, I was soooooo not ready for real work. We had a nanny who was either at our house or at another family's house and I often took a 2 hour nap after she arrived. There was no way I would have been able to function in a normal work environment. I had a pretty hard time of it - post partum anxiety and insomnia and a baby who had a hard time sleeping. But if I had to do it again, I would have taken at least 3 months off! I'm sure some people do fine w/ 6 weeks, but give yourself as much of a break as possible. 

Good luck and congrats!!

My short answer is: as much time as you can possibly afford. I took off 4 months with my first son, then went back to work part-time (3 days/week) until he was 6 months old, then back to full-time. With my second son, I took the full 6 months off (which is as long as I had job protection for). I went into debt both times and don't regret it at all. You'll never get this time back with your baby! Having help at home does of course make it easier... if your mother-in-law will actually be living with you and could take one nighttime feeding, all the better. And as for physical recovery, with my first son (9+ lbs and a 3rd degree laceration), I was barely healed by 6 weeks post-partum. Hopefully your physical recovery will be a bit easier. Also if you plan to breastfeed, it really does take about a month for that to become pain-free and easy. Best of luck and congratulations!

Note that State Disability Insurance (SDI) allows for 4 weeks partially paid before your due date! You can take 4 weeks BEFORE your due date AND 6-8 weeks AFTER your baby is born! Check out the EDD pregnancy disability FAQ here: https://www.edd.ca.gov/disability/faq_di_pregnancy.htm

Also, the state won't pay for your first week of disability. It's a "waiting period". They do pay for your first week of PFL, however.

I just had a baby via c-section (unplanned) and I really needed 2 months to feel fully functional.

I used 4 weeks of Disability before my baby's due date. The baby came 1 week early. Then I used 8 weeks of Disability + 5 days of PFL after she was born. I returned to work after 2 months and will take my remaining PFL later in the year. Also, PFL is paid out in days and you get 30 days, total (6 work weeks). You can split up the PFL days however you want within 1-year.

My husband was home with the baby for 3 months. His job gave him 12 weeks time off at full pay (PFL+employeer match), but then he changed jobs and pushed his start date back so he could spend more time with the baby. Honestly, it was a tight financially towards the end but we made it.

My husband's in-laws watch our baby 4 days a week, and I work at home on Fridays. So far, it's working out just fine.

Best of luck to you, and congratulations!

I'd ask for the maximum that you think that might need. You can always go back early. It's a lot harder to extend your leave than it is to end it early.

Thanks for the two responses above! I didn't even recall that I also have the 6-8 weeks under the State Disability Insurance, although someone told me about this two years ago. 

From your responses, I decided to take as long of a leave as financially possible, aiming for at least 12 weeks. Thank you, helpful mamas!

I had 11 weeks off, and it was definitely long enough to establish a mother-infant bond. Frankly I was bored of being home full-time after 10 weeks. It was hard to be apart from my baby, but we all got used to it quickly. My husband used his company paternity benefits and CA PFL to stay home for the first 4 weeks I went back to work. That was both a comfort to know she was home with my husband and a great source of jealousy for me (if I'm being honest). We had no one who could visit after that to be a f/t caretaker, so that's when she started daycare.

If I had it to do over again, I think returning to work p/t at first for a few weeks is what I would ask for. That seems like it would be really helpful for getting back into the swing of things!

4 weeks is not a lot. At one place I worked they allowed a pregnant woman to request other people donate their vacation days to her. For me, I would have a hard time asking people for this, and you would definitely want to set it up so someone was asking on your behalf, but every day would help. A possible option.