Looking for female therapist, expert in ASD & attachment

Hi,

A few years ago my now seven-year-old daughter’s father and I split over issues rooted in what I believe is his as-yet undiagnosed, but nearly certain, ASD. (I’d prefer to not make assumptions but he refuses to go to therapy, with me or on his own, so diagnosis isn’t possible.)

He is a great and loving dad and is extremely supportive to both me and our daughter; we are committed to maintaining a family identity despite our romantic breakup and separate living arrangements. We communicate daily about parenting and have frequent family activity evenings together.

Despite our overall good coparenting relationship, I still find myself feeling incredibly angry with him not just for behaviors (in the executive processing department) and communication patterns I find frustrating, but for his steadfast resistance to talking about anything involving our relationship dynamics, or getting help doing so. We may be broken up but our patterns continue to create problems for us.

Additionally our daughter has long displayed behaviors that might be “just” sensitivity or anxiety or introversion...or, in my view, might well be female-specific manifestations of ASD.

i have my own family history of trauma and anxiety, and all of these things together, especially in lockdown, are getting stirred up in a way that I really, really need some help dealing with.

Can anyone please recommend a woman therapist who 1) understands the specific and unique ways ASD often manifests in girls (SO different from the prevalent assumptions about typical ASD behaviors) and 2) can help me better understand and manage the way the dynamics in my relationships with both my daughter and her dad trigger my pre-existing anxiety and grief?