Looking bad in pictures

I hear ya! I used to be so jealous of my selfie-obsessed friends w/big toothy grins for pics looking great anytime. One day i spruced up and turned away from the mirror, relaxed and smiled, then turned to see my real expression. I realized i had been lifting eyebrows in pics (creating tension on my forehead-looking stressed & fake smiles all around). My real candid smile wasn't bad. Tip for social media: post goofy pics to offset the serious ones. Force yourself to post randoms or allow people to post pics with u.
The truth is, we all are our own worst critics. After u tire of seeing a zillion pics of yourself & become accustomed to ur image- it will be altogether WAY less of an issue. If ur still struggling, primp every morning and throughout the day until ur fearless of the lenses...or just dont give a rip. ;) Good luck!

Rather than crop yourself out, can you use a photo editing program? I've used the one that comes with my Mac (it used to be iPhoto but I think it's just called Photos now) to get rid of my wrinkles.  My son can use Photoshop to whiten teeth, widen eyes, and tighten arms! 

Yes, it's cheating, but who cares.  

Dear Say Cheese,

I feel for you because I have the same problem.  I am an odd odd odd looking person in pictures.  I don't have a fake smile but my skin is blotchy, my chin and nose look strange, and I look down right unattractive.  I always cringe when I see a picture of myself.  I've been told by people who were actually in love with me at the time tell me they would never have dated me if they saw my picture first.  That said, in person I've been told I'm relatively attractive.  Some people just don't photograph well, I believe it has to do with bone structure.  I have strong features and the camera highlights them.

On the other side, I have met people whose faces are not that attractive in person but photograph really well. 

Your bad photo face is not your real face.  Right now, we're such a photo addicted society its hard to see yourself pop up all over the place but a photo is a just a static two dimensional representation of you.  It can't capture how you laugh, and move, how you carry yourself.  It really is the whole package that makes someone attractive or not. 

All the best,

Not a selfie-fan.

Two thoughts.  When you look at the camera imagine that it is the eyes of your son and smile with all the love you feel for him.   That love will shine through your eyes and your inner beauty will show.  (Google "how to smile with the eyes").  

Second: do you look like your mother or father or someone else you love?   Practice smiling at yourself in the mirror and seeing that loved person in the mirror.  I have the same gray hair and wrinkles as my mother and so when I see myself in pictures I give myself the same love as I feel for my mom.  

Self love is hard on so many fronts.  Good for you for working on it!

I had the same problem for years. I hated how I looked in pictures, so I got totally tense when a camera was around. Vicious cycle because of course being tense does not make you look great.

Here is what helped: At work I got into a role where I had to work events where my employer's photographer would take pictures. He is a great photographer and somehow you don't notice him. I never noticed being photographed but when I saw the pictures, I actually looked good in them, because I wasn't tense but instead just busy doing what I was supposed to be doing. Over time that made me more relaxed around cameras and these days I get pictures of myself that I do like.

I felt the same way as you once we had our kid. I felt it was combo approach for me: actually changing my mentality and doing somethings kit it.There are some great FREE photo apps for the iPhone such as BeFunky where you can whiten teeth, create shadows etc. Beyond that, try to think of something really happy, try to pose with only 3/4 frontal, look down from lens and just think about your wardrobe in general and cull what is really not flattering. Then also try being less judgemental of yourself. Like anything, it takes effort as we get older.

My wife is the same way.  Constantly closes her eyes.  What works for us is to take a multitude of shots very quickly, and she's usually relaxed or not self-conscious at least one.  If there's another person in the frame, you made to photoshop, bit it's not too hard if you try to keep the camera/phone/whatever aimed at the same background. Good enough for us at least. 

I recommend the book "Living with Your Body and Other Things You Hate."  It talks about not needing to always love how we look, but to move our focus back to the things we truly love and that really matter.  I try to remember--the people who love me are okay with me as I am so I don't always need to love what I see in a picture.  We are all going to get wrinkles, scars, sicknesses--be uglier than we are now for sure--yet we still deserve to be loved and feel beautiful as human beings.  Pictures turn us into objects--and when we judge ourselves by pictures, we are self-objectifying.  Our lives mean so much more than what a picture could ever capture.  I'm sure your husband and son think you are the most beautiful mama around.

I would love to help you! I'm a photographer and I've recently started my business. It's called Shapeshift Productions and I'm focused on helping people love the way they look on camera. I have an anti-Photoshop policy (except for things like colour correction and cropping), and I'm a body image activist who is dedicated to helping people feel great about the way they look. Please get in touch if you're interested in working together - sounds like an exciting challenge for me!

I often find myself feeling the same as you and not being confident in front of the lens. 

Over time, I came to realize that the more photos I took, daily, through the day, every week, month and eventually years, I'd have so many that out of all of them I would finally find more and more that I came to like. Perhaps its because I slowly learned how and or when I did something in the photos that I liked. I also learned a lot about angles and how to take selfies and truthfully, it changed how I appeared in photos, COMPLETELY. If I take photos straight on eye-level, i often don't look good, or if theyre anywhre below eye level for the most part. I now always angle the photo at least 45* over my head and tilt it towards me. This makes me look way skinnier, catches my bone structure and reflects light so much better (I imagine, for every one else its a matter of finding that common angle that works well for you) and as I play with it, when I take a selfie I'm actually taking like about 30 photos before I settle on one that I like then delete the rest.... I also noticed that if I do full body shots its very important to not do side shots (if you feel large) and try to keep your body fully facing the camera instead or at the very least a 3/4 forward body shot. one other very important tip that works well for me, is to keep my arm OFF and away from my body, ie, hand on the hip and arm/elbow is outwards instead of straight down. This makes your arms look less large as it doesn't flatten as much as it does when its laid down against your body when its down... and don't angle your head as you pose. this often creates that fake, posey look and often ends up being worse than normal. Experiment with many shots, of you not thinking about these things (or old photos) and again with those tips in mind and see how different you look and seem to carry yourself in the photos. Continue to play with it, take many shots of yourself even if you hate them, with time it will help you learn what positions you like yourself best in and you can keep those in mind when posing. It helped me so much over time now I know how to be without tensing up in front of the camera and be hopeful I"ll probably like one or at least a few of the shots that were taken.  It's definitely a process. It took me about 4 years to get to this place but now that I'm here, i actually like doing selfies and have come to like my own body more even though it is not where I want it [my body] to be.  One more thought -- I've also constantly and still do, remind myself, that my kids don't see me the way they do. What they see is their MOM. the mom that they LOVE and want photos with. I want them to have many pictures of themselves with their mommy that they'll have when I'm one day no longer here. Its the memories that they want to capture,... they don't see what we see when we look at ourselves... and that is so important to me.... now that my kids are a few years older and I look back, I'm so grateful that I not only took these pictures but that I didn't delete them because it brings back the good memories of the times we had together then, the love in that moment, and to be able to realize that I do have a new profound outlook on myself, on my love for myself and my acceptance of my body over the years as I work on this. I've never admitted or shared this before. I hope it helps you. <3