How to separate as a stay at home mom
It has not gone missed on me all of the divorce questions here amidst the time of covid. Heartbreakingly, I'm just another tally mark. However, we never married and I'm all by broke without him...so how do I this? My partner and I have been together 13 years and have two children together. We rent. I am at home with the kids. We have accepted all the excuses of why we are hardly sexual anymore; tiredness, other things needing to be done while children sleep, wanting to sleep. But now, my unhappiness has spread like cancer and it's everywhere. It's in the empty promises that I've heard a hundred times and can't stand to hear once more and it hits me when we are going over to a friend's house because I'm so frustrated with having to do everything myself just to get everyone out of the door not looking like a slob! The kids hear us fight, probably the neighborhood does too, it's time for us to call it quits. However, I only work part-part time and I am fully dedicated to raising my youngest without the need of a daycare, nor could I probably afford one. How does one exit an unhappy relationship when you need to be with your kids full time? Going home to my parents house until I get on my feet is not an option. Do I have any options at all?
Parent Replies
I’m so sorry for your situation. The unfortunate reality is that most people do in fact have to work to support themselves and their families, as much as we’d all like to be able to stay at home with our kids and not use daycare. Absent being independently wealthy, it’s a reality. If by some chance your ex is willing to support you and the kids enough that you don’t need to work, that’s an option. Otherwise, you’re looking at the same reality we all face, I’m sorry to say.
I would try for a free initial consultation with a family law attorney to find out what your options are for "alimony" as a non-married partner, and get a realistic idea of what child support might look like. Be prepared with info about the household's annual income. Take that information and have a sit down with your partner about a separation timeline. I would suggest you ask him to move (as the employed person, he would be able to find alternate housing sooner) but you will need to commit to your timeframe for moving somewhere cheaper/finding work/whatever is on the table. I agree with the previous poster that being a SAHM is probably not an option unless your partner likes the idea of supporting you to provide childcare more than a third-party daycare center. I mean, you can pitch it and see, but it's in your longterm financial interest to start fulltime work asap and get retirement savings going. Good luck!