Healthy eating for 5 year old girl with beginning weight issues

As someone who is good at weight control, I'd urge you to let your daughter eat pizza and pasta.  And eat some yourself, too!  In my experience, healthy eating habits allow you to have some treats, and pizza is not a bad one. Neither is pasta.  It's great to know what foods are healthier, and even better, to develop a liking for healthy foods, so you're on the right track there.  But, know that the key to weight control is portion control.   And if you tell someone they can't have any pizza, they'll eat an entire pie when they get the chance.  It's much better to just have a slice of pizza and a salad - that will not make her fat.  Oh -- and the other thing -- drink ONLY water! 

As someone who has had her own weight issues as a teen and adult, I would suggest that you check in with your partner about this issue. Of course, you can't help but view your daughter through the lens of your experience. However, your child's other parent (or other trusted adult who knows you both) might be able to help with some perspective and moral support for you, and lend some objectivity to the situation.

Also agree with the previous poster about portion control but that is *really* an adult concept that I personally would be very reluctant to get into with my 7 year old daughter, who, by the way, eats TERRIBLY despite me cooking healthy nutritious meals every night for dinner!

I highly recommend you check out Ellyn Satter's books and the Satter Feeding Dynamics Model and Satter Eating Competence Model.
https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org

I have the same worries, but your kid (like mine) has other genes besides yours, so she may not have the same experience as you.  To be safe, I make sure to serve mostly healthy meals like chicken, sweet potato, broccoli and salad.  I'm willing to swap out sweet potato for pasta, or meat + starch for pizza or potstickers every now and then, and I don't prohibit anything, I just focus more on whole foods at home, and make sure and load up on fruits in lunch boxes and veggies at dinner (e.g., have seconds of broccoli before seconds on pasta).  I also allow a small treat for dessert every night and my 10-year old daughter is great at taking some but not too much.  So I agree with posts that say don't withhold altogether.  And keep going with the sports - that's going to really help her.  I will say though, if your idea of being overweight is size 6 rather than size 4, you may have unrealistic expectations and I hope you don't pass those on to your daughter.  Plenty of women are bigger than that and perfectly healthy and NOT overweight.  My daughter is going to be taller and will certainly weigh more than me, so I'm not focusing on specific size or weight, just health and being in a normal range.

I strongly, STRONGLY recommend that you read the work of Ellyn Satter. Start with Child of Mine and go from there; I know one of her books is specifically about the issue you are raising, but Child of Mine covers it as well. Ms. Satter is a pediatric dietitian who also previously worked as a psychotherapist (including treating many people with eating disorders), so her work incorporates concerns for both bodily and mental health. I am one of those moms who has read all the parenting books, and Child of Mine is without question the best one I've ever read. Please read it, and please take it to heart. All the best to you and your child. 

I'm sure you'll get some good advice so I want to limit my response to one point - carbs. Carbs are not bad! Our brains need glucose to operate! So do our muscles! And kids who are naturally very physically active may need more carbs than you realize. You say your daughter is very active in sports - she needs carbs for that. If she eats a high protein/low carb diet she will get exhausted. Yes, we live in a culture that overdoes it on highly processed carbs - donuts, soda, French fries. These should not be staples of anyone's diet. But absent any health conditions that require a low carb diet, carbs are good and necessary - especially for kids. And yes, this includes some pizza. 

I highly recommend Ellyn Satter on kids and food. Also think about asking your pediatrician for healthy food advice for your daughter. Good luck!

It sounds like you mostly need to set consistent boundaries and stick to them. Stress a balanced diet (not "healthy" which may turn off your daughter from eating "healthy foods"). Let her have pizza for dinner occassionally, but not every night. Find healthy foods she likes and offer them often with a variety of other foods on the plate that she can get used to over time. Let her choose what to eat and not eat out of the selection you offered. Get rid of foods in the house that you don't want her to eat so that it isn't a battle. good luck. It is worth keeping your daughter healthy! 

Hi! I recently  read a book that I would highly recommend for topics like this. It's called It's Not About The Broccoli. In general, I think the goal here is  to develop good eating habits, not necessarily to make sure she avoids all the bad stuff all the time. In my experience and the experience of lots of friends, it's pretty common for kids to go through a chubby phase in their life at some point.  But as long as they have developed good habits around eating and wellness in general, they will always come out of the chubby fphase. I too have thought about how I will be able to help my baby, he's only three months old now, develop good eating habits so he is enabled by his body, not hindered by it later in life. It's a delicate situation always, but I think it's important that we never demonize any kind of food or any kind of behavior… That would probably just bring  on shame and guilt. I recommend you give the book ta read! It has lots of great tips in there for how to transition kids that will only eat certain kinds of foods to be more open to eating other kinds of foods, and how you talk to your children about food and nutrition, etc. I think you'll like it! 

All best,

Rebecca

It's so great that you're approaching this thoughtfully, and recognizing that your choices could affect her relationship with food and body for the rest of her life.  I would highly recommend checking out the work of the Ellyn Satter Institute, which you can find out about here:  https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/

This page talks about weight issues specifically: https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/prevent-and-treat-chil…

The issues with refined carbs will get worse as she gets older, the more you try to restrict.  Having worked with many adults with eating issues, I've heard tons of stories about how they ended up hiding forbidden food in their rooms, binging on them whenever they got the chance, feeling horrible about themselves as a result, and yet are unable to stop.  I know you don't want this for your child.  If you want her to stop obsessing about these foods, you need to offer them semi-regularly, without judgment, without talking about how good or bad they are, or anything about their nutritional properties.

You could focus your efforts instead on giving her chances to enjoy other foods.  Let her help pick recipes.  Let her pick new fruits or vegetables to try from the grocery store.  Let her cook with you and try ingredients as you go.  Talk about the sensory properties of foods as you eat together.  Let her see you enjoying food, and not restricting yourself.  Let her see you appreciating your own body and not worrying about your weight.  Talk out loud about how you decide to stop eating when you feel comfortably full.  Ask her how she's feeling and don't offer any commentary besides a nod.  These are the things that will help her learn how to trust and listen to her internal cues.

Restricting carbs isn't a good idea, kids need them for energy. Please don't project your issues onto your kid. A good rule of thumb is a carbohydrate (grain or fruit) and a protein together and lots of veggies and some good fats. (Recommended by my dietician.at Kaiser.)

My husband and I go through this every day with our three kiddos. Fine writing: this might be unpopular and the books/resources listed below are effective if you want to get long term solutions. There's a shift of the mind involved and it takes a solid two weeks of hardcore and frustrating work.

Books:

Robert Lustig (MD): Fat Chance. Dr. Lustig is a pediatric endocrinologist who has spent the last thirty years focusing on metabolic diseases and the impact they have on how sugar (simple carbs, too) fuel diabetes, non-alcoholic fatty liver disease and so on. This is an eye-opening book that shows the right kinds of fats are essential for children's developing mitochondria and that no matter where we look these days, even pricey chain stores promising "organic" everything, well, it's almost all the same once it hits our pancreas. Insulin responses don't discriminate when it comes to sugar. 

The Big Fat Surprise by Nina Teicholz. Less preachy and more investigative than Dr. Lustig's book. Teicholz takes on the perception of fat and health foods. She shows us how we've been fooled. As a former vegan myself, with many issues during that era of my life, including leaky gut, GERD, migranes, skin issues galore and being told I was infertile by 3 fertility specialists, I knew something was off, but felt virtuous (and quite frankly a deep belief in caring for our world through a specific philosophy I still maintain but channel in other ways). This book came out a few years beyond my "way of eating" switch, but it clarified many questions I had, including The China Study, food/environment sustainability, good fats vs bad fats.

French Kids Eat Everything by Karen Le Billion. Don't read this book for specific answers; it acts as a guide to look at 'how' we eat. We are told to eat all day/every day. Actually we weren't designed to eat so often (we haven't yet evolved that way either...yet). My husband grew up in France and we take our kids there every year. Their cousins eat two meals - all with the family. It's a different world (at least for now, but the slow food mentality is slowly being taken over by the fast food mentality. Kind of a pun there...sorry about that).

David Asprey has some good stuff. He works with his own kids to help them utilize their environment to work FOR them not against them. And he focuses on sleep. Sleep is a big mystery, even to doctors. I didn't even know that there's a layer of sleep beyond REM, which is where so much of our brain cells slough off and regenerate. Food is essential for a "good gut" (probiotics shouldn't be needed if the right foods are being consumed; in some cases, they have fillers, which work against obtaining a healthful gut). Your gut directly feeds your brain. You might find this to be relevant.

My husband is an MD who works in a hospital. He sees, on average, 60 patients per day when he's working in this setting. He's grown tired of the fallacies he's required to convey to patients. When patients truly want to heal, they call him up and he'll help guide them to making nutrition/environment work FOR their health. Weight loss is the side effect. Apparently, we are one big chemical reaction; we change our hormones, we change our body shapes.

g about patients...that at least 85% of what he sees when they are in the hospital (cardiology), is impacted by food and or alcohol.

I wouldn't demonize any particular food (like pizza or pasta or sugar). Then it just becomes the forbidden fruit and even harder to resist.  But yes, of course, the less healthier things like pizza and treats should be eaten in moderation.  I also would practice not getting dragged into the "but everyone else is doing it" arguments. Just don't.  You will get variations on this throughout her life about all sorts of things, so start practicing now! :-) In our house, we just say, these are the rules in our house, and for our family. Period.  Have you talked to your daughter's pediatrician? or to a nutritionist?  I am a bit scared of more detailed advice about eating for a growing kid when none of us know your kid, or her current weight or food intake.   I applaud you for getting her into lots of activities.  Giving her a sense of what her body can do so that she can feel powerful and proud is probably a great way to start her down a road of loving her body and self as she grows, which has a huge impact on weight - and on our ability to love our bodies even when we are a few pounds over.

Please just serve healthy food at home (and pack for lunch), but don’t talk about healthy eating anymore, bc it sounds like it’s just becoming code for your focus on her eating. I’m naturally petite(5’ and 95ish lbs) since high school sndvinto my thirties, even after 2 pregnancies. I wear a zero. Yet, I went through adolescence with insecurities about weight. I think it’s basically unavoidable on our culture if you’re a girl. So any layering on top of that by you and do early is unnecessary and probably will backfire. You can be healthy at different weights. And regarding pizza - we eat it all the time and tell my 5 year old daughter it’s gealthy because it is! We but those pizza dough balls from Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s, put pasta sauce and mozzarella, then load them with vegetables. Just make sure every bite is chalk full of veggies. Our girl loves it. With a pizza stone, the crust is crispy and perfect. 

How about getting a spiralizer and making "pasta out of things like sweet potatoes and squash? How about making pizza at home using fresh ingredients, maybe even from a local farm? I'd strongly urge that you try and make food fun. Deprivation isn't a long term strategy for adults, nevermind children.

And I agree with others here - carbs aren't bad, they are necessary for healthy growth and functioning.

Best to you, Mama!

Speaking as a person who lost a lot of weight and is still in a weight-loss support group, I emphasize where you are coming from - despite the success you have had with building healthy habits, you still see yourself as the overweight person you were... you fear going back and you fear even more that your daughter will go down that road too. To give you reassurance, you should try to realize that your daughter actually sees the healthy habits that you have now, and the healthy person.  This means that she is not going to just automatically repeat the cycle that you were on - and that is a great thing.

But, here's the thing - right now, you are projecting your fear onto her, and you should try to figure out now how to let go of that. Because as she senses your fear about her weight, she is going to pick up on that and internalize that.  Keep in mind that a 5-year-old is way to young to have "weight issues." Yes, kids love pizza and junk, and yes, kids go through phases of being chubby or skinny, but the issue is YOURS, not hers. 

I am sure you are going to get a lot of other suggestions about nutrition, etc. for a 5-year-old, but my main suggestion is about MINDSET. You need to get your "house in order," and find a way to embrace the new you so that you can positively project a healthy, happy attitude to your own eating habits and body image, so that your daughter benefits from that. Right now, you are projecting fear about eating and weight, which your daughter will absorb.  You were able to make positive change in your own life, figure out how to teach THAT in a positive to your child, as that is a great gift. Best wishes to you!