Gestational surrogacy?
I would love to hear from you if you have had any kind of experience with gestational surrogacy (either as the surrogate or intended parent). A close friend living in the UK is looking into possibly coming to the US to try to start a family using a gestational surrogate. Thank you.
Jan 10, 2019
Parent Replies
I am a two time surrogate for an international couple. Personally, it was a wonderful experience for me and my family. Surrogacy was a wonderful way for me to role model to my son my values and use my easy and enjoyable pregnancies to help others create a family. I did opt to work with a highly rated and experienced agency so that I had support, both legally and emotionally. I also made sure to communicate my needs and wants for the experience and made sure the intended parents (IP) and I were on the same page for what we were both looking for. For example, it's important to agree abut communication - both styles and frequency, lifestyle (how much say do IP's have in the surrogates diet and daily routine), and bigger topics like selective reduction and what happens if testing reveals problems - would they abort for medical issues?). With the right match, it can be a wonderful experience for everyone involved. Finding the right match is so important - and felt a lot like online dating! I did offer advice to a friend of a friend regarding surrogacy, which later turned into a conversation about whether or not I'd be her surrogate. In that instance, we were not on the same page for a lot of things and my gut was screaming at me to say no. I did turn her down and want to emphasize trusting your instincts and doing research about surrogacy. While the horror stories are very rare (but sensationalized), not every experience is a positive as mine was. It's important to be informed, be legally protected, and to build trust and open communication. One question I'm often asked is if it was hard for me to give up the baby. And my answer is not at all. If anything, at the birth, I felt nothing but pure joy for the IPs. For me, surrogacy felt a lot like babysitting in utero. My connection to the babies was much different than with my son's pregnancy. I felt like the babies cheerleader during the pregnancies, encouraging their healthy development and celebrating their milestones. Like I said, birth day was a joy, filled with lots of celebration.
Okay that last story, about the woman who has been a surrogate twice, was AMAZING. I'm terrible at being pregnant but I am so touched at this story, I wish I could do it now.