Desperate mom of miserable young adult seeks guidance
My 22 year old son is very depressed, talks of losing his will to live and is completely miserable. He just started therapy and is slated to see a psychiatrist soon. I think that part of the problem is that he does not fit in with the "norm" of what most of his peers are doing (I.e. Post college job searching- following societal norms of acceptable next steps for a young adult.) He is wickedly smart, very creative, and extraordinarily stubborn and he honestly feels his brain is jumbled since he thinks in such an offbeat and atypical way. He comes up with interesting ideas about a new idea for a business and that sort of thing often but he never know where to take it or how to get it off the ground
I might be grasping at straws- as I am completely desperate for him to feel better- but The two of us were talking about finding a group of like minded, alternative thinkers- creative types, with wry humor and keen interest in politics and current events - those who do not follow the crowd but still want to live a full and happy life- just figuring out how to do it on their own terms....
Does a group like that exist? Clubs? I have no idea as I was one of those people who happily followed life as my parents did and never questioned it much at all. I have never been depressed and in fact have quite a sunny disposition....I have another child who is much more conventional so this is all new for me.
any advice appreciated-
Parent Replies
Please let me know if you start a group. I would like to join as i have a young adult kid in simillar situation (working part time, but
very withdrawn and sullen--not his usual bright outgoing happy self, for years now). It's really tragic. I could possibly help you start a support group depending
on where you are (i'm in Berkeley). Good luck.
I think you are such a good momma....you are trying your best to support your son during this rough period of time. I remember thinking the same thing about finding my daughter a club when she was feeling very similarly last year. I desperately wanted my daughter to find her own tribe of people she could connect with. I even tried starting a group at a library for young people into the same thinking and writing. It did t help too much though because her depression was just too deep to get that far with it.
We ended up getting her meds, having weekly sessions with a communications focused therapist in Oakland, having her go to the hospital for several days when things got bad enough, and then a breakthrough as meds started to kick in , we started to go to DBT at Clearwater in Oakland (she needed new skills and so did we as parents) and we started volunteering together at an animal shelter each weekend (4hours each week) to get out of the house. My daughter happens to like cats so volunteering at the SPCA in Oakland was helpful for her (and me!). We also got her a cat that she took care of which she loved.
A year later, things are much better and my daughter still has her ups and downs and struggles with social connections at times but we both have better coping skills and know what to do right when there is a hint of depression coming on.
I know this is soooo hard. It sounds like you are on the right track loving him so much and searching for something that will work for him. Good luck momma!
I also have a 22 year-old son who, in many regards, is similar to yours, but who opted not to attend college. His passions are music and design, and he spends every single day pursuing these interests. My dream was always for him to earn a degree in a creative field and to find a satisfying job. Much of me still wants this for him; but when I see how animated and completely involved he is in what he’s doing, I am happy. So, my recommendation is that you encourage your son to (in Joseph Campbell’s words) “follow his bliss.” Help him pursue WHATEVER excites him and gives him joy. Our sons are young and they can figure out life’s practicalities when they must, but for as long as they are able, I believe they should be delirious with their ideas and surges of inspiration.