Dentist needed - extreme anxiety and veneers

I have an extreme fear/ anxiety around going to the dentist and have avoided doing so for an embarrassingly long time.

When I was 18 I had veneers put in my 12 front teeth. Now (20+ years later) I have pain that I believe is related to the veneers.  

I am looking for a dentist who:

1) has experience with veneers but ideally isn't into them or isn't pushing cosmetic dentistry as his main thing 

2) can help with anxiety by prescribing anti-anxiety Rx prior to my appointments. 

3) will recomend the least work necessary. Not try to upsell or do work when watching and waiting would suffice. 

4) won't lecture me about my lack of dental care

I have a small mouth, big teeth (w/ veneers), a strong gag reflex, a long history of traumatic orthodontics, dental work and oral surgeries. If I wasn't in near constant pain I would happily never let another person poke around in my mouth again. 

I saw a post a couple of months ago and saw some great recs for dentisits that address #3 and 4. So really looking for recs that also address #1 and 2 if possible. Thank you.