Cross-cultural apology?
Our large dog is generally well behaved, but last week he got into mischief.
The high winds blew a gate open, and the dog went out to explore the neighborhood.
The dog had been in our big back yard with my husband, while I was indoors working at the computer. My husband came running in, anxiously looking for the dog.
I opened the front door, saw the dog in the roadway, called, and he came trotting up the steps. That's the dog, not the husband.
Our longtime neighbors are very nice people, though they do not speak English and we do not speak their language - not a word.
As it turned out, during his jailbreak, our dog made a beeline for the farthest corner of their property and, well, took a dump in their immaculately-tended garden.
We learned this a few days later, when the neighbor lady complained to a different neighbor, who complained to our daughter's boyfriend, who walks the dog while she is at work. The boyfriend complained to our daughter, who complained to her Dad, who complained to me.
I thought it was hilarious. But if the situations were reversed, I would be very annoyed at neighbors who let their dog relieve himself in our yard.
So, what to do after the fact? My idea is that since Lunar New Year is coming, we could arrange a basket of fruit and flowers.
Does anyone have suggests about what would be appropriate?
Parent Replies
I wouldn't wait for new year's. I would just go over there with spouse, and gesture very apologetically. I think your body language and tone will convey that not only are you sorry this happened but you will be more vigilant in the future. I'm sure they will get it.
I would nothing wrt the dog. This is not a big deal, and I say that as a non-dog owner who doesn't love dog poop. Being neighborly and nice is of course a good idea, but I don't think this requires an apology since it's a one time thing.
Make some cookies or get a fruit basket and write a note saying I’m so sorry and I’ve repaired the fence so it won’t happen again. We had something similar with a neighbor and they left us flowers and apology note and it felt repaired to me.
Having to clean someone else’s dog poop is not hilarious. If you want to be a considerate neighbor you may consider sending an apology note sooner rather than later. I’m not sure that waiting to send them the equivalent of an Easter basket would have the same effect.
If you know what language they speak you could easily google translate a note and bring it over to them with some banana bread or fresh baked treats. You could also give them your cell phone in the rare case that the dog gets out again.
I wouldn't wait for Lunar New Year. Now that you know something happened, I'd just go over and apologize for that incident. I think a basket of fruit and flowers is a lovely gift, though!
I imagine they at least understand the word "sorry" or a heartfelt gesture over the heart and a head nod pointing to the dog. If the wind can blow your gate open you definitely need a more secure gate. It sounds like there is a neighobor who could serve as translator, so you could also explain the gate fixes that you are doing to ensure that this doesn't happen again and ask if they would translate, maybe offering that neighobor a hand written thank you and a small token. Cultural differences or not, your pet's escapades are never as cute to other people as they are to you, especially when there is feces involved. I have small kids and unexpected poop in my backyard would be a really unwelcome find.
I'm guessing from your message that they're (East or Southeast?) Asian, but I wouldn't worry about trying to make a new-year specific gesture. Those can be pretty culturally specific (and not all Asian immigrants--even those who might have celebrated lunar new year in their countries of origin--celebrate it after immigrating). It's very nice of you to want to prepare a gift. Fruit and flowers are always cheerful. If you give flowers, choose bright and colorful ones (to be safe, avoid more than a touch a white); you could just bring them a nice orchid in bloom (look for ones that still have some unopened buds left), and that would be a fine gift in itself. If you're certain they're Chinese, you can include some nice-looking oranges (if the oranges have healthy stems and leaves attached, even better); otherwise, any kinds of pretty and tasty fruit. They can get the note translated by someone else or using their phones. Let them know you just learned about it happening, and that you're very sorry they had to deal with it, and will try to make sure it doesn't happen again. Maybe give them your phone number so they (or a friend/relative of theirs) can call/text you if something like that ever happens again, so you can go over and take care of it.
Just go apologize. Don't try to connect it to Lunar New Year, esp if it isn't your holiday. Maybe bring flowers or cookies as part of your apology.
Sounds like one of your neighbors is bilingual (the one that your immediate neighbor complained to). Can you ask them to be your translator, knock on your neighbor's door, and rely a message of apology? Sounds like this should be done sooner rather than later, as word has literally gone around your neighborhood about your dog's adventures! Or else you could ask the bilingual neighbor to help you write a note or at least pass along a message. After all that, it's probably a good to give some gifts for the Lunar New Year, not only because of the dog, but to form a new friendship with those neighbors!
Could you get an email and send them a written apology? Maybe reading English would be easier than an in person apology? You could of couse write a note, depending on handwriting legibility?
Do you know anyone who can translate? I have a dog and would feel bad if I found out my dog did this on a neighbours cared for lawn and they were upset about it. If you don't have a translator option, bring flowers with you - it's worth not having a surly relationship and if you do this sooner rather than later they'll know why you're there. Maybe secure your gate while you're at it so it won't happen again- won't be the last windy day.