Compelling 18 year old to do chores
Like many others, my 18 year old is taking his freshman college classes at home. He has the same household jobs that he had in high school and he still resists doing them. It’s hard to know what’s normal as our younger son hates being reminded and gets his jobs done with no fuss. We’ve talked to the older one about how we’re trying to treat him like an adult and we’d like him to do things without being asked. He always keeps his room clean and does his laundry but these are things that we could care less about because if left undone, they only impact him. We’ve suggested that he set reminders on his phone to do chores and he suddenly loses all his tech savvy and can’t get it to work. We’ve talked about the cost of his phone, car insurance, etc and he gets hurt because he thinks we’re trying to kick him out while we’re just trying to explain his duties as a household member. He’s a good kid and is responsible for schoolwork but the rest is a struggle. How are you parents of adult teens doing it?
Parent Replies
I have the same issue with my 19 year old so I feel your pain. If your son is keeping his room clean and keeping up with schoolwork you are way ahead of us. RE chores, I don't have a silver bullet for you but here are a couple of things that have kinda sorta worked for us.
1. Choose assignments judiciously. You didn't say what his chores are, but my 19yo will only take it seriously if it's mission critical. So I don't assign him chores that can be put off, or that he would consider optional or "fluff". For example, cleaning out the dishwasher is viewed as unimportant. It only gets done after repeated reminders, so hardly worth having him in charge of that. But for some reason, being in charge of all the composting, recycling, and garbage does produce results. Yes, he does have to be reminded sometimes that the kitchen compost can is overflowing.
2. Dinner: This is the biggest daily chore at our house. Everyone (there are 5 of us plus one old granny who doesn't do anything) is responsible for one meal per week and we do takeout the other days (support our local restaurants!) If the cook wants to choose the meal they cook, they have to make a list before the weekly Bowl run on Saturday, otherwise I choose the meal. Guess who usually plans all the meals. We have a sign-up sheet on the fridge that gets filled out on the weekend for the coming week. Dinner has to be ready by the target time, and it has to be semi-nutritious and something everyone will eat. The cook can recruit an assistant. The people who didn't cook are on clean-up duty, which includes clearing the table, putting away the food, wiping off the counters, sweeping the floor, making sure everything is tidy. This has actually worked out pretty well.
We have a weekly house cleaner so we don't have to assign cleaning chores, and each person is in charge of their own breakfast, lunch, laundry and pets. I do the gardening because I like to!
Hope that is helpful. Yours in solidarity!