Career and Life Counselor for college student

You and your daughter might want to read 'The Defining Decade' by Meg Jay.  She's a therapist who works with people in their 20s who are struggling with such issues.  I've given it to my nieces who loved it.

Hi,

Your child is doing exactly what she should be as a college student at her age. As a former college professor, I had many students who felt they had to finish their BA with a clear career plan and a major that prepared them for it. If I probed, I often learned that it was their well-meaning parents who felt this way. 

The problem: Studying a subject with plans to work in a related field doesn't tell you anything about the reality of working in that field. Imagine a student with an interest in medical research can get an entry level job with just a BA. Perhaps she is deeply introverted and likes the idea of being a lab tech: minimal interaction with just a few people. But when she starts work she discovers that her job is to explain consent forms to potential test subjects, call them to remind them to do X or Y, check them in on arrival, answer basic questions etc. This is not at all what she wanted, and now she has to figure out what job she might enjoy more, having never considered other fields.

In reality, most undergrads know little about the work world other than job titles (manager, administrative assistant, programmer, lawyer, technician, doctor, etc.), and even less about the regular daily tasks for a given position. Because of this, I routinely made these three recommendations to students who came to me looking for post-graduation advice:

1. Take the GRE at the end of, or immediately after, the end of your senior year. Your test-taking muscles are still in great shape, and your scores are good for five years. And if you think it is difficult to find the time now, I can assure them that it is much harder when you are working full-time.

2. Declare as a Liberal Arts major. It doesn't prepare you for a specific career path; it teaches you how to think critically and problem solve in many different disciplines. Unless you are that person who has known they want to be a doctor since they were 5 years old, a Liberal Arts curriculum will expose you to a broad world of ideas you might not ever have encountered otherwise - and who knows, you might fall in love with one or more of them. 

3. Absolutely do not go straight to graduate school from college. Parents often urge students to do this, but in my experience it is a terrible idea. For one thing, your kid has been in school for at least 16 straight years at this point - they need a break. Those who go straight through (excepting those kids who know what they want when they are 5) often hit a wall. Too much information poured in and regurgitated out, not enough opportunity to figure out how/why any of it matters to them, let alone in the real world. 

Instead, plan on working for a few years. If there is a field you think you might enjoy, find a position in that field. You may discover you love it, or that it isn't anything like you had imagined. To figure out what jobs to look for, ignore job titles. Instead, imagine yourself going to work everyday, and make a three-column list: 

1. Tasks I would enjoy so much I'd look forward to each day

2. Tasks I probably won't love, but am willing to do, and

3. Tasks I want to avoid

(continued in next post)

Now look for jobs emphasizing things you enjoy. Ask colleagues about their jobs: what do they do? What path got them to where they are now? Find a mentor. Don't worry about career changes; they are common. Expect to make a few. When something captures your imagination - and something will - you will willingly, even excitedly, do whatever you need to do to follow that path. It might be refreshing a foreign language skill, or finally taking biochemistry, or retaking communications classes, now that you understand how you will use the knowledge and skills.

I know you only want the best for your daughter, and it is very, very hard to sit back and watch as she stumbles over and over again. And I get it not just in my (former) professional capacity, but as a parent. In their senior year my kid, who graduated this past May, veered sharply off what we all expected was their career path to do something for which they have very few innate skills. It absolutely isn't what I would have preferred, but it isn't my life. Maybe this is their forever love - or maybe not. But I'm proud of them for taking this leap into the unknown, and proud of them for doing something that they feel really matters in the world. And if their orientation changes, so what? The best life is one spent learning and growing, I believe.

If your daughter is asking for a career counselor, then thank you for being such a supportive parent. If she isn't asking for one, thank you for being a supportive parent, and step back so that she can go through her process of finding herself and a career. It won't happen on your timetable, for sure, but then what do our children ever do that is?

SFMom

Recently read an article emphasizing the overbearing weight of the phrase “what do I want to BE”, and to find work that empowers one’s passion.