Moving up at work or staying put - mom of young kids

Take the final interview and prepare for it just as if you were certain you want the job. IF you are offered it, discuss the flexibility question with the person who would be your new supervisor. Maybe I am missing something, but it sounds like in your current role, you only work 6.5-7 hours on two days of the week, which probably is something you couldn't expect to continue in any new role or even with a supervisor change at your current role, right? Maybe new job can flex like that, or flex one end of the day (so you always come in at 9:30 OR leave at 4, not both), or give you a 37.5 hour/week schedule - who knows, unless you ask. Then of course it's a big discussion with your spouse about what he can pick up if you take this job, and what the increase in salary would mean to your household (enough to hire a housecleaner or takeout two nights per week?). Good luck!

I'd go through the process and get to an offer stage, and then try to ascertain in a dedicated - in-person! - chat with the new supervisor what is possible with your schedule. I - and several other parents I know - often negotiated shorter in-office hours on the days we commuted, with the understanding we'd log back on around 8pm and do 60-90 min then to finish the swing. Alternatively, sometimes we'd put in extra hours on our WFH days. A discussion about "impact over hours worked" or when in-office meetings/collaboration happen may also be helpful in ascertaining how much the face-time/in-office time matters in the new role. I would be cautious about any proposal that clocks you in at less than 40 hours. At director-level, the expectation is that you are more available, have to flex and sacrifice some to put the organization first, and some after-hours/weekend cycles are inevitable with that level of authority and responsibility to not bottleneck others' work. You will usually be more successful with proposals that push work-life flexibility/integration vs. 'balance' - the latter being somewhat incongruent with the increased responsibility.

It may also be worth a chat with your partner about what can change in your division of responsibilities at home. On the in-office days could your partner do drop-off so you can go in early and fit in a full 8 hours and still leave at 4 to make pickup? Or can they do pickup and warm up leftovers or pop in a casserole you make on the weekend so you can leave at 5? In my last role my partner and I agreed we had prioritized the demands of his job for the first 3 years of our child's life, but I had an amazing advancement opportunity and it would be 'my turn' to come first for the next 3 years - but we could always discuss if he needed help or flex on an important week, etc. It was really tough - as someone who has gone first for the whole 'with kids' stage having to adjust and absorb load was inevitably unpleasant for him - but it generally worked as long as we continued to have open dialogue and I was able to re-articulate why it was my turn to 'go first' or how that wasn't being honored if it wasn't.

But be encouraged that even if this advancement doesn't happen now, it doesn't mean it never will! Life is definitely seasons - I had to pass up what was an incredible advancement opportunity available right after I came back from mat leave, when taking it on would have been way too much. But a few years later a great opportunity came up when our family was better positioned for me to work more and give my career more of my mindshare and energy. Ultimately that was not only the better timing for our family, but the better opportunity and timing for me.

Hello! It’s quite a dilemma….. I was in the same position - whether to choose a flexible role that would allow me more time with my kid or a fast paced, not 9-5 situation. 
The best advice someone gave me was: what is your priority? 
Being with your kids at this age and the flexibility, or choosing a job that will bring the next promotion and will give you enough mental challenges? 
Everyone is different and you should choose what YOU want, how you see your next years. If life becomes hectic at home if you choose the fast paced job, you can likely hire a nanny/au pair or some support. Don’t think you’ll be able to do it all - that just leads to burnout. 
so… have a long chat with yourself and do what you want! Either side has regrets. 
make it your choice :)

I had an opportunity for a new job/ career promotion when my daughters were 8 months and 3. It entailed a big raise, which for me was an important factor. The other important factor to me at the time was that it was an opportunity that I felt was special and that I wouldn't see again. I had some of the same concerns as you, although in terms of in person office time and travel, it didn't change much from my prior job (I'm remote but travel 10-20%). I made the transition, and I've been happy I did. I have more big picture stress with the promotion but less day to day stress. The extra income and ability to do something different were both really rewarding. For me the experience has been pretty much totally neutral for my family commitments. It sounds like yours will involve some changes, but not huge changes relatively speaking. If you don't feel like this job is that special or going to add much to your life, maybe staying put is right. If you feel otherwise, the lifestyle change sounds manageable. I also think it's reasonable to ask to have an abbreviated or adjusted day (maybe on one side or the other) for your in office days. Good luck whichever direction you choose!

Hi - I am a mom who opted against a move up like this of yours - that sounds like it would have been similar to the one I passed on - i.e., not an insane amount of extra work, but some, a lot of unknowns, and my just wanting to be a mom more than a worker at that point. So, at the time I felt fine about that decision and stayed fine for probably a couple of years, while every child was under 5. But, for me, the reality is that it hurt my career. New opportunities didn't come as readily as I assumed and my opting against held me back. To this day I understand why I made that decision but regret it - this is like 15 years later. What I wish I would have done is taken the job and as much as possible, gradually molded it to be a situation that would work for me as a parent. I think there was a middle path, a compromise, that I didn't even try to make happen. Even if you end up walking away or taking another job - you'll do it from a higher level position which will give you more leverage and the possibility of more $$s. That's my 2 cents! 

Hi, I just wanted to share that I passed on promotions when my children were younger and I am so glad that I did. I am so happy to have had the flexibility to be present for my kids and not to have been scattered or stressed when we were spending time together. I felt like for me, more responsibility outside the home would have just tipped the balance too far. I could give so many examples of times when I have appreciated how great having a low-key (and maybe less exciting) job is during this parenting adventure (no working/stress over the holidays and breaks, volunteering at the school and getting to see my kids with their friends, being the parent who can do early pick up and take everyone to the football game or gymnastics class - I just didn't want to miss these things). And I have to say, these are such great parenting years that I am so happy not to let be overshadowed if I was overly distracted by work or waking up at night stressed about a work situation. I am not saying that you would be signing up for that - this was just my thought process. I actually really love my job and I am happy to have a career in addition to motherhood (esp one that I worked hard to achieve) but now that my oldest is in middle school I realize how quickly the school years go by. These promotion opportunities have come around again and I have taken a slower path to leadership which has worked out well for me. (For context: My kids are now 6, 10 and 12 and I work from home 3-4 days/week with flexible hours). I would say that if you are unhappy in your current position, that changes the equation but if you like the job enough and like the people you work this (this is kind of crucial since you cannot pick your colleagues) - it could be nice to stay at that position for a while. Best of luck to you. I am sure that you will be just fine whichever path you choose.

I am in a very similar position to you - my kids are 5 and 2.5 and I was recently promoted to a Senior Director role at the food tech company I work at after my boss left. I also have a very similar schedule to you when I'm in the office 3 days a week, and I LOVE my time at home in the late afternoons to settle in and get dinner going before everyone tumbles into the house. I also REALLY feel the comment about the transition to 2 kids being so hard. My youngest will be 3 in Feb and I still can't believe how challenging some days feel! All that being said, my job gives me a great sense of purpose and fulfillment even if i have never been someone who aspired to climb the corporate ladder. I'm finding new challenges in my new role that can be sometimes very frustrating and even bewildering (like, what the heck do i do now??) but I'm also loving the empowerment that comes with new responsibilities, and I know I will learn a ton by doing this. Some days I think there's no way I can keep this up, but I keep going, and somehow I make it work. The first thing I said to our CEO when he offered me this role was actually to remind him that I have a young family and they are my priority. I told him I wouldn't be able to do this job the same way my predecessor did, but that I'm up for it and believe I can still do the job really well. To his (a childless, unmarried man in his 40s) credit, he was unphased by this and said he trusted me to do the work. I do end up working after the kids go to bed some evenings, but that's been worth it to me in order to maintain the schedule I had previously. I'd encourage you to be open about your family situation and how you envision making your professional and home life work together so everyone gets what they need. If you're confident about it, your employer will see that and trust you. And for a last dose of brutal honesty, I do sometimes wonder how long I'll be able to keep this up. I think I'd quit before I became completely burned out, but I also sometimes have guilt that someone else could be doing a better job at this than me. BUT - if I hadn't taken the opportunity I know I would always wonder what would have happened if I had given it a shot. I wish you the best of luck! Reach out if you want to connect over coffee or something (in all our free time, haha!). 

I work at UC Berkeley (not sure if that's where you work too) but I think you should go through the interviews and discuss the work flexibility later on. You are really talking about a change of 30 mins on each side of the day, and for a job you love that pays more and allows for more growth your husband could step into some of what you are doing or you could order take out more often. In addition, your kids will not be young and demand as much attention all the time. Most jobs have some flexibility. See what they offer and take things from there but don't sell yourself short. Also - if you get the offer maybe you could negotiate some greater responsibilities or pay in your current role before you accept (Associate Director + salary) etc.

Finally, in my experience during the interview we have to be really careful about what we say in terms of in office or hybrid work. I am hiring for a role now that is 100% in person because technically any day of the week could be in person - but the reality is that we have great flexibility so if we have events one week we are in often but if we have no events the next week we can work from home all week. You can have more of those discussions about flexibility once you get the offer, it's not a reason not to go the full way.

Wholeheartedly agree with the first response! Don’t make a decision until after you have an offer, then be unabashed in asking what is possible. You’d be surprised how creative people are willing to be when they find a person they want on their team. I have four kids between 3-8 and have experienced the highs and lows of working and parenting full time and if there’s anything I’ve learned so far it’s that nothing with kids stays steady. For us, the skies opened up and things became relatively easier is when our youngest left diapers right around 2. As everyone gets older and gains more independence and requires less physical work things have become much easier. Fingers crossed you get the offer so you have two great options to choose from!

I noticed a significant developmental change with my kids when they were in first grade. I could suddenly be on a phone call or take care of some work emails while my kids were at home with me!! So you might want to wait at least till your oldest is 6 to take on a job with more responsibility. I also wonder if you have enough energy in the evening after kids' bedtime to do an hour or so of work? If so, you could ask to work 7 hours/day in the office on your in-person days and do an hour of work at home in the evening.