Body Image in 13yo
My 13 yo daughter has anxiety issues, can be hard on herself, and is very sensitive and creative. Lately she is expressing lots of anxiety about her body and whether she is fat. A couple of days ago she was in tears over whether she has "love handles". To be clear she is not even remotely overweight but has normal (beautiful to me) curves and an average build, not skinny. She's not super active or into sports. I try to tell her she is strong, beautiful, and healthy and that's what's important and that I will support her in eating healthy foods and getting exercise but not in dieting or losing weight. I tell her that most women struggle with feeling good about our bodies and we can't believe the media images we get. What else can I do? Any books, websites, movies or wise words you recommend to help with this? It breaks my heart to hear her so down on herself.
Parent Replies
This is, unfortunately, an extremely common issue! Try checking out about-face.org, they have loads of great resources as a starting-point. Good luck!
This is such a difficult issue for young girls, especially because of the media bias towards certain body types. There are so many subtle issues that surround this. I had weight problems and eating disorders when I was a teenager and it took me years of working working with psychologists and then focusing on nutrition and fitness before I was happy about my body. You might ask her what her goals are with regard to fitness and health. You said she has normal curves, but is not skinny. Good for you for not focusing on dieting or losing weight and supporting her in eating healthy foods and getting exercise. One question I have is whether these values are being role modeled at home. When I was struggling, many people, even my parents, would try to assure me that I was strong, healthy and beautiful. But the truth was that I was actually 15-20 lbs over weight, had at least 30% body fat composition, and was not fit, because I did not exercise daily. Given that 66% of the US population is overweight, people might look at someone and think "you look fine" or "you just have curves" when a better goal might be optimum fitness, health and wellness. Maybe you could take her to a trainer who could do some body composition testing and suggest a fitness and healthy eating program. If she focuses on fitness and nutrition, starts to sees some muscle definition based on what her own body is capable of, then she will not be compelled to compare herself to other people or what the media professes a woman's body should look like. When I was a teenager and overweight, after I decided to make healthful eating, exercise and fitness a new hobby (mainly swimming, bicycling and running), I felt so much better! I loved feeling fit and strong, my clothes fit and looked better, and I was super excited when I got my body fat down to about 14-16% and could run 10 miles, swim 1 mile and bicycle 100 miles. I am now in my mid 50s and feel great, and am still going strong with daily exercise and healthful eating. It's all about health and longevity and it's really important to develop a lifestyle that incorporates healthful eating and exercise!
Unfortunately, anxiety and eating disorders often occur together. And the onset of puberty and body changes are associated with the development of eating disorders. If you observe your daughter cutting out and restricting foods to "eat healthy", or deciding to become a vegan or vegetarian to "be healthy", I'd take her to be assessed for an eating disorder sooner than later. Stanford and UCSF both have very good adolescent eating disorders clinics. I wish you and your daughter every good thing and hope she will not go down this difficult and painful path.