Advice for a very high needs (possibly gifted) baby?

This sounds a lot like my daughter, now 10, who was "diagnosed" as colicky when she was around 6-9 months. I say that in quotes because it's not really a firm diagnosis per se, but a label to give to infants who are high-needs, cry a LOT, need lots of attention and stimulation, etc. Yours might fit the colicky criteria too. I wouldn't worry so much about gifted versus normal at this point, I don't think it's relevant to your current situation which sounds exhausting! I would recommend getting a sleep training routine going. We ended up really swearing by "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Sleep Problems" or something like that. (don't remember exact title) If the parents aren't getting sleep at night, you will not be able to give your baby the attention she wants during the day. Otherwise, if it's helpful (sounds like maybe this is your first), keep in mind ALL babies get bored with toys easily. All babies cry. (if that's what you mean by "flip out") It is not your job to keep your baby "stimulated" 100% of her waking hours!  If your baby is indeed colicky, high needs, "hyper-active", cries more than average... those could well be lifelong traits, as we have found with our daughter, who has been diagnosed with anxiety, and displays many signs of ADHD (which we know well, because she has a sibling who has been diagnosed with that), as well as been labeled "gifted" by the school district based on test scores. SO... this is a journey you're on with your child, and my best advice for what sounds like is the biggest problem currently, is to get a grip on the sleep situation.

This sounds like a description of ADHD to me. Hard to know for sure at this young age but maybe keep in mind as a possibility if your baby gets to age 3-4 and has the same behavior. 

Sounds similar to my 9 month old. Hits all her milestones early and goes a mile a minute. Totally agree with previous comment—sleep training saved our sanity. She always at the high end of wake windows for her age, but the routine has helped 100%. Encourage independent play as much as possible. Baby proof early. Remember it’s okay for babies to fuss and get frustrated, they have to figure out how to keep themselves entertained! We’ve loved the Lovevery toy kits and the Pikler triangle is a big hit. 

I would just add on the sleep part, that 6 month olds don't decide how much sleep they need. You have to train them. Not in a cry it out way. It was earlier for us but we just thought our baby didn't need as many naps. Our lactation consultant soon set us straight and we went into sleep bootcamp. She had a nap after every 90 mins awake, up until she was just over 10 months. Its true that sleep begets sleep and their brains need it to develop. She became such a content and easy baby after that. At 4.5 she is still high energy so we make sure that every day there is a large part of physical activity. At 6 months swimming is a great way to wear them out! Good luck!

Hi! Trying to keep a bright baby from flipping out sounds exhausting. I’d highly recommend looking into the RIE parenting approach. Janet Lansbury has two wonderful books and a podcast (called unruffled) that outlines a parenting approach that I’ve found very helpful, and I think might serve your situation as well. I know it’s hard to find time to read with a little human around but her podcasts are short 10-15mins typically, and the audiobooks of both books are very easy to listen to/engage with and chapters are short. 
For a child as young as yours, I’d start with her first book Elevating Childcare.

good luck! I hope this is helpful.

Like another commenter here stated, I can totally relate to this experience with my now 10 year old who has since been found to be quite gifted, and also struggles with ADHD and anxiety. She's gifted in so many ways and the need for attention and being highly sensitive has continued.

Those early months and years were completely exhausting, and continue to be, so I loved the advice of focusing on sleep for all and would add self-care (exercise, your nutritional needs met, having breaks away from the baby, etc). We found establishing routines, rhythms, and rituals with our daughter helped greatly then and continues to do so. There are all kinds of baby classes out there and now that they are resuming I would try and build in things like Music Together or other baby/caregiver classes to establish routines and have things you can look forward to getting out to. With my daughter, I got her outside as much as I could and filled her day with sensory experiences and people watching (touching leaves, sitting at a cafe, putting her hands in dewy grass and mud, bouncing on a peanut or balance ball) and found having music on at home calmed us both. I feel like she lived in a wrap or the Ergo because it brought so much comfort. She's the same way now in terms of loving a weighted blanket, hugs, and fills the day with sensory exploration to help calm. 

When my second came around and was NOT like this I kept being amazed at just how different and less demanding his infancy experience was! He makes up for that now by being needier in the 5-6 range LOL. 

Also applaud your amazingness in trying to see the positive in this, if her basic needs are met then try to stay as calm as you can and let her fuss a bit. Know that you are going above and beyond to provide for this child and all will work out, it is just so so tiring. 

Our son was a colicky as a baby and it sounds very similar to what you are going through. He was an extremely challenging baby and toddler. It was exhausting to care for him and it seemed like he never slept. He wouldn't nap and would only sleep if I was holding him. He started crawling at 6 months and walking at 9 months. The doctor had us put him on a special formula (I had been breast feeding him but was will to try anything). The formula helped with some of his crying, but he was still challenging. We ended up hiring a doula to come in for a few hours a day to hold him so I could have a break. She would swaddle him really tight and rock him. (Read the Baby Whisperer book). This helped calm him and gave me a few hours to recharge. As he got older (about 3y) he started seeing an OT for sensory and anxiety issues. This was also very helpful.  He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was about 5 years, although he has done well in school without any accommodations. He's 12 now and although he still has some anxiety issues, he is a delightful young man. 

I also have another son who is (PG) profoundly gifted. As a baby he was very aware of his surroundings. We found him to be a fairly easy baby and he started reading at age 2 and could do basic math including multiplication by age 3. I read to him a lot and he was also mesmerized by phonics videos. (He loved the the Leap Frog videos and Rock n Learn and would completely focus on them if they were on. I believe this is how he figured out how to read). He loved math (and still does). His favorite math books as a toddler were Anno and the Multiplying Jar and Penrose the mathematical cat books. At about age 4 he was fascinated with counting in different bases (How to Count Like a Martian, the Schoolhouse Rock 'Little Twelve Toes' video) and also the Fibonacci Sequence. We also always gave him a lot of puzzles to work on. When he was about 3 or 4 years old he enjoyed listening to audiobooks while he was falling asleep. Some of his favorites were Winne-the-Pooh, The Phantom Tollbooth, The Wind in the Willows, Rutabaga Stories. When he was a little older he loved The Number Devil. Hope this helps!

How does she do outside? I find my daughter was always bored with toys too (even fancy science-backed Montessori toys), and the best approach was always to go outside. She has spent half of her 2 years of daytime hours outside in a park, playground, or garden. Now that she's older (2), we also do a ton of drawing and painting. And heck, we also do screen time (Elmo/Miyazaki movies), because she is awake so many hours (she doesn't sleep that much). I don't think it hurts to watch some toddler-friendly stuff and it gives us a break. We didn't start screen time until a year ago though.

I highly recommend RIE Janet Lansbury and Magda Gerber and their approach to raising babies. They really stress a calm and peaceful environment for the baby, letting the baby take in its surroundings, listening and observing your baby. In so many ways less is more. The less you do to entertain your baby, the more your baby will take the initiative and self direct her attention to what she is interested in. I wouldn’t worry about whether your baby is gifted or not. Worry more about observing your particular baby and her individual needs. Good luck! 

I read your post and feel like I could have written it myself many years ago. My daughter's development sounds similar, and my experience of being her parent was similarly exhausting and impossible-seeming. I would suggest reading through some of the articles on the development of gifted / highly gifted kids via the Davidson Institute website/ That was helpful for our family in understanding some of the nuances of parenting that sort of child.

Once our daughter started to crawl at 6 months and walk a couple of months later, we took a lot of walks around our neighborhood and other areas that she "led", meaning she chose where to go and what to look at. Everything was fodder for her curiosity and we spent lots of time looking at and talking about whatever she seemed interested in (crawling bugs, people loading their cars, fence design, etc.), reading reading related books, etc. I think what many people overlook is the difference in breadth and depth of the interests of kids who are like your daughter. So many kids are interested in similar things, but it always seemed like our daughter wanted more, more, more and deeper, deeper, deeper. The self-directed thing seemed key -- as your daughter gets older and more mobile, I imagine that might be easier to achieve because now she's likely dependent on you carrying or strolling her around. 

It became clear around 15 months that we needed to find a school she could join that would provide her with an enriching new environment to explore, and teachers who were frankly able to take over meeting her intellectual and emotional needs so I could have a break. We benefited from being in an environment where teachers met her where she was developmentally rather than basing their interactions with her on her chronological age. We got lucky and found a school where she was the youngest kid in a class that ranged up to a year older, and it was an ENORMOUS help in helping to meet her need for stimulation. Things can get tricky in preschool (and probably beyond), depending on when your child's birthday is and your preschool's classroom age cutoffs. When our daughter has been one of the youngest in class, she's liked and seemed more engaged socially and content-wise in school; when she has been one of the oldest, she's said she's felt bored and hasn't seemed as fulfilled socially. I've heard some gifted kids benefit from a Montessori-style preschool where there are more academic topics presented at younger ages and that are self-paced, but we leaned towards more play based environments that focus on social-emotional skills because they seemed like a better fit for our particular kid and more encouraging of curiosity and imagination. I can see pros and cons to both. It might be worth looking into school options for your daughter now so she could start either sometime in a year when she's 18 months old.

Which leads me to my next thought... Our daughter loves connecting with kids of all ages and adults. We've tried to help provide opportunities for her to connect with older kids and adults she can form meaningful relationships with and learn from. I think there's something to be said for high-intensity kids being stimulated in different and meaningful ways by interactions with all sorts of people. Maybe your daughter would enjoy that too! 

Feel free to reach out if you want to chat privately. I know this stuff is tough! 

My baby has hit her milestones early for things like rolling, sitting, babbling, being attentive, etc. (though no teeth like you mention, but I wouldn’t consider that a milestone in the same sense). She also requires a lot of stimulation or she gets bored quickly and is very engaged compared to other babies I’ve known at this age. I consider her a fussy, high maintenance, high energy baby not a “gifted” baby. I really don’t think you can say whether a baby is “gifted” at 6 months. I agree with the other poster that focusing on her sleep would be good. She may be getting too little or too much sleep which leads to her getting frustrated without constant attention. We also tried a few probiotics to see if they helped but none of those worked for us. I’d suggest rotating toys, providing a variety of toys, lots of outside time daily, and baby led weaning since it turns eating into a fun sensory activity. 

This sounds so much like our son as a baby - hyper aware, always bored, constantly needed new stimulation but nothing seemed to interest him. I couldn't figure out how other parents got through the day until I started to notice their babies were much more chill and could sit watching people walk by while chewing on something and be entertained while our son could not. He always seemed dissatisfied and hyper-aware. Same with meltdowns, difficulty sleeping etc. Very intense baby and I was pretty desperate.

One major difference tho was that our son was never interested in any of the toys babies or toddlers usually like - he only wanted to look at the living room lamp or the red fire extinguisher, whereas your daughter seems to be like toys. This is a crucial difference, as our son was later dx on the autism range but by around 8 it was adhd.

For my own sanity I hired a part-time nanny who was experienced. He liked her (flapped his arms excitedly when he saw her) and this allowed me to survive. When he was a toddler I enrolled him in a nursery school program. He didn't really like it as he wasn't into pretend play at all but he did like all the distractions with the other kids. Do you have grandparents who are able to take him for a weekend? My mother-in-law saved my life.

Looking back and understanding him better, I believe he would have greatly benefited from having a sibling and also a family pet like a dog. As an only child there just isn't enough kid-stimulation around in the house for him. Two older parents is not a great set up for his disposition. I definitely feel that in our case, the decision to not have another child was not the right one. We wanted to try again but I was so exhausted by him I was afraid the next would be the same.

I would say he's still the same at 16! Bored easily, a different drummer kid for sure but has lots of good friends. He is still semi-exhausting because he is always upset (explosive child), needs constant novelty but he is a good kid, and we love him dearly every single day. He is gifted in some areas but not others so not overall gifted at all like your daughter may be.

My advice is to focus on whatever works for you and do not feel guilty. I would read books to him (even at 3 months he was very focused on books) and let him drink a bottle til he was 6 or 7 because it soothed him. By 1 he watched Elmo shows for as long as he was happy - this was after I had spent hours trying to engage him and was exhausted. I was in survival mode which it sounds like you may be in also.  I also found that in our case, he was somehow calmer when I was doing chores around the house than when I was trying to play with him - somehow this interested him more - I'm referring to when he was even 5 or 6 months and could only follow me with his eyes.

When he was older like 1.5-2 he liked doing these real life things more than any pretend toy - which he never did. But even now we have coping mechanisms as a family that others would not do - tv with dinner because he hates conversations and is irritated. Swimming was a life saver for us - you daughter might like that too even as an infant, lots of kids on find it soothing. I would also take long walks of 5-8 miles with him in the stroller - he liked this, another is long car rides - just using up time where they are calm. As she gets older you will have more options.

Sending supportive thoughts to you - you will get through this!

This sounds like my kid, who is now 10. Like the other responder, my kid was "colicky." Also stranger averse, early development, hypervigilant, and very controlling of her surroundings. My daughter is considered 2E (gifted and learning disabled) as she has sensory processing disorder, anxiety, adhd, and autism.

My daughter stopped napping entirely before she was 3 and we continued to have night time sleep disruptions. One side-note... if you are having night time sleep disruptions that seem abnormal, sleep apnea can have a major impact on behavior. We never had a normal night of sleep until my daughter had her tonsils/adenoids out. You may want to ask her primary care physician if they seem large. For some parents, it cam be a magic bullet for ADHD-like symptoms. For us, it wasn't, but at least we know that she is getting the best sleep that she can. 

With giftedness and the profile that you are describing, there is usually anxiety. I would suggest reading about giftedness, highly sensitive kids, and anxiety helping kids with anxiety because there are specific ways of parenting children with these traits and you are so lucky to be on it when she is so young.

One of our preschool teachers said that my child will always have the same temperament, it is about the tools that they have for coping with the temperament. For us, self-soothing and regulation, flexibility, and making transitions have all been things we have continued to work on. Transitions to childcare and preschool were not easy, but we worked hard on them and that really paid off. She did great in low-pressure environments where she could just be supported and loved for who she is from an early age. She was ready to start preschool at 2 and went to a Reggio Emilia school that we loved.

Feel free to message me if you have any questions that I can answer.

I would recommend reading The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine Aron. Your description of your daughter fits how my son was as a baby and child. He's now 13. Still sensitive but also very kind and thoughtful.

I have already sent a response and felt so inspired reading all the responses, I wanted to add to my reply after I read this from another poster: “She did great in low-pressure environments where she could just be supported and loved for who she is from an early age.”

I love this! And this continues to be so true for my 10 year old…we also found an amazing Reggio preschool and started from age 2.  Each day was full of so much wonder, creativity, support, and love. Lots of sensory play and modeling of self awareness and regulation. 
 

I feel these 10 years, it has been exhausting, but I’m seeing the wonderful things about my daughter now that make her unique more and more each day.

Wishing you well on this journey.