Adoption, foster-to-adopt, and platonic co-parenting questions
I am hoping to become a solo mom and am considering agency adoption, the foster-to-adopt path, and platonic co-parenting. My questions are: (1) I probably won't be able to afford the high fees associated with traditional agency adoption. I recently learned about an agency that operates on a sliding scale, but I most likely won't be able to work with them because they focus on placing children of color with parents of color, and I am white. Does anyone know of any other adoption agencies that operate on a sliding scale and that might be open to working with me? (2) Are there any parents out there who have adopted their children through the foster-to-adopt path, and would you be willing to tell me about your experiences? One question I have is whether anyone can recommend any particular agencies that do this (e.g. Family Builders, A Better Way), and any general advice you may have for someone considering this path. Also, if anyone who has done this would be open to having a conversation with me one on one about your experience, I would be very grateful. (3) Finally, if anyone here is practicing Platonic Co-Parenting and would be willing to share any advice or have a conversation with me about your experience with that path, I would be very appreciate of that as well. Thanks in advance!
Parent Replies
Hi, I don’t have an answer to your question, but wanted to suggest the Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) organization to you,mif you are not already aware of it. Share ideas & resources with many like-minded women at all stages and on all paths of becoming / being mothers. (On Facebook, there are organizations with similar names that also have lots of discussions occurring; I know I’ve seen some discussions of the foster-to-adopt path). Very best of luck to you.
You may want to contact PACT Adoption Alliance out of Emeryville. They offer many services and may be good place to start.
https://pactadopt.org
HI,
I co-parent in a platonic relationship. I highly recommend this path if you have someone to co-parent with whom you already know and get along with. Parenting is a ton of work. It is really nice to have another person to help. We have a regular schedule where I get 3 days per week of no kids and I can sleep in, work, go away etc. Kids are teen and tween. Happy to discuss more if you would like. It is not always perfecct, we disagree about things, wish the other was different, etc. But overall, well worth it.
My daughter is now six and was placed with me at about 9 weeks old through a foster to adopt program I worked with Family Builders and thought they were amazing. I'd be happy to talk with you about my experience.
Hi. I'm happy to connect (sent OP a direct message) about my experience with #2, foster-to-adoption through Family Builders. I'm in San Francisco. This is going back a ways...I went to my Family Builders orientation on election night in November 2016, was certified for placement in Feb 2018, got placement in December 2019, and adoption went through in June 2021 when kiddo was 22 mos (now 5yrs.) I hear from folks who are in the process now that the prep for placement is going faster (fentanyl, not as many foster placement families) and lots is still the same.
Check out your local county’s family and children’s services department. There should be no fees associated with adopting directly through the county (other than the court filing fee which is about $25). Plus, following the adoption, the child will receive adoption assistance program funding through age 18.
Hi,
You may contact me to hear about my experience. I am a solo parent of a special needs child . It is a LOT.
I would definitely go with Alameda county if you want to fost/adopt.
I had a terrible experience with Family Builders in 2018. The cohorts around my time waited for very long periods for their placement, some switching over to county. Maybe things have changed, but I would try to assess the current climate, as a lot changes over time.
Good luck!
While this isn't adoption or fost-adopt, I recommend you consider exploring long term foster care for unaccompanied refugee minors (URM) with Catholic Charities in San Jose. They work with many counties including Alameda.
It is a deeply meaningful role to serve as a foster parent to these youth. They tend to be teens but could be younger.
I have been working with this program and am happy to share my experience.
Best to you in this process.