14 year old's addiction to Whatpad / Internet

Does she have internet access in her room?  It sounds like she definitely should not, if she does.  Even if she doesn't want to get online, if it's in her room, it will likely be too difficult to resist the urge.  Talk with her about moving internet access into the common spaces of the house and out of the bedrooms.  Turn off internet access after bedtime, too.  The more you can do to structure your home life in a way that limits internet use, the better.  It's unrealistic to expect her to change her behavior just by her own will.

For the communication difficulties you and she are having, I'd highly recommend reading the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg.  You can also check out baynvc.org to see if there's a nonviolent communication training happening in your area that your family could attend together.

I'm so sorry that your family is struggling with this increasingly common challenge. My son went through something similar and it was TOUGH. I wish I could share with you how to help your daughter, but I'm not sure I have the answers. For us, my son has learned to manage it much better and ultimately he chose to give up visiting sites that kept him up all night (mostly online gaming). But, it was a process. It meant taking away his electronics and/or shutting off his access to the internet when he was late for school or neglected his responsibilities. It wasn't pretty as he "withdrew" from his addiction, but with enough time without access to the internet, he did rediscover his old interests. I also spoke a lot with him about the changes I saw in him, and helped him see that staying up all night online was having a very negative impact on all aspects of his life - his friendships, his relationship with his family, his school, his physical health, and more. After so many battles with him about his internet usage, one night he came up to me and said, "I'm quitting gaming." And he did. I will admit, I didn't think he would be able to stop without some relapses. But, it's been about a year since he quit. Why being successful on the first try probably isn't typical for anyone with an addiction, he was sick and tired of letting the computer/internet control his life. But, it took him wanting to stop for it to actually happen. Long story short - you're not alone, and it can get better. Although, I will add that addiction runs on both side of my son's family. I always wondered if he might struggle with addiction of some kind. And, even now that he has given up gaming, he does tend to obsess over whatever his latest interest is. Luckily for now, he is fixated on a more healthy and productive interest. But, he'll probably always struggle with having an addictive personality. Good luck, and my best to you all. 

I'm sorry that your family is going through this experience. I think that the best thing that you could do is to see a therapist yourself so that you can have somebody guide you through this process. The therapist can help you understand the physical and emotional symptoms that your daughter is experiencing, any cultural differences that might be affecting the situation, and different approaches that you might try out. The situation is very complicated---much more complicated than keeping her away from the internet and making sure that she gets enough sleep. You're doing a great job by supporting her to get therapy herself and going on medications. It's a difficult situation, and you need somebody neutral and experienced to guide you through it. This is why a therapist would be best able to help you. Think of the therapist as your coach in this process. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

You say your daughter is  hurting herself  at school, do you mean physically? If so, you should be working CLOSELY with her psychologist and psychiatrist, it sounds like her anxiety and  depression is severe and she may need more intense therapy or a medication adjustment. Have you talked to your daughter about what she is doing when she's online? Try to get her to open up to you, ask her what happened with her friends. Remain calm and open minded and really listen. Is she being bullied online (cyberbullying)? This is becoming very common especially in Middle School and can have tragic consequences, including suicide. For many 14 year olds the internet is their social world, it's likely that she is reaching out to her friends for support via the internet (probably Instagram, Snapchap or Facebook), not necessarily a bad thing! I understand you're concerned about her behavior but by cutting her off from her social circle you may make cause her to become even more isolated and depressed. I would suggest monitoring what she is doing on the internet and give her a time limit, when her time is up you keep the device until the morning. If you have the resources get into family therapy!  This is tough, best of luck

Please don't consider this response a substitute for seeking professional care for your daughter, as if she has hurt herself, she should be in counseling with someone who is monitoring her safety and treating her symptoms. You describe your concerns that your daughter has an Internet obsession, which very well may be a tech addiction. The American psychiatric community has been slow to recognize this issue, but such addictions are recognized in China, South Korea, and Japan. Just as an adult can become addicted to gambling, kids (and adults) can develop tech addictions. The hallmark of addiction, and it fits for tech addiction, is that the behavior (e.g., drinking or Internet use) causes significant problems and the person continues the behavior.

One reason so many kids suffer from tech addictions today is that we have lost sight of the two most important connections for kids (even teens): family and school. Instead, today, kid's 24/7 access to tech is putting them in touch with peers (and lots of others that may not have their best interests in mind) at the expense of family. It's great if kids have friends, but family provides unconditional love and investment that peers cannot. Too many kids are finding the peers/Internet contacts they depend upon leave them alone (or can even cyberbully them) when the going gets tough--cutting, depression are often the result.

Since tech is substituted for family by many kids, if you want to decrease your child's tech, I recommend you will need to have her become more involved with family, e.g., cooking together, trips, relaxed family time when all family members are away from devices. Helping kids through this is not easy, because addiction hijacks the brain and leads to impulsive, nonsensical behavior, including the potential for kids to hurt themselves. So, again, please have her in psychiatric treatment. My thoughts are with your daughter and family.

Richard Freed, Ph.D., author of Wired Child: Reclaiming Childhood in a Digital Age

I've gone through similar challenges with my 16-year-old son. 

First, if your daughter is hurting herself or having panic attacks she likely needs professional support now.  Find a good therapist who will also include you when appropriate.  You might start with her pediatrician for a general check-up and referral to a behavioral health professional.

Second, be clear and firm with reasonable times during which internet and cell data are not available.  To make it work, the time frame may be less than your ideal, but must not seem excessively punitive to her.  For my son, it is 11:30pm to 7:30am.  Do not rely on your daughter to self-monitor, nor take it upon yourself to enforce every day.  Rather, be clear what you are doing and why, then set parental controls on your WiFi and cell service.  It is very important to do both.  Also check what open WiFi signals are coming into your house.  We asked our neighbor who had an unsecured WiFi to establish a password.  She was glad we brought it to her attention.  I have to pay for parental controls on our cellular service, but it is well worth it.

Good luck.