4yo boy plays with girls ONLY

My now 12 year old son always preferred to have close girl friends over boy friends especially when he was younger. I think for him, the way younger boys tended to play was often more aggressive and physical than he liked.  He's a great kid.. very inquisitive and sensitive and not super rough and tumble. I think he just preferred the more mild nature of the way girls would play. Now he's in 7th grade and has a terrific group of boys who are very much like him; quiet, a little nerdy, super sweet. He's also still really close with a group of girls he went though elementary school with and it's lovely to see so much diversity in his friend group.

For me, I think it's most important that he is surround by friends and peers who love him for him and with whom he genuinely has a strong connection. The gender doesn't really matter.

Sounds like my DS.  He's never had an patience for the physical shenanigans that more often present in boys.  He doesn't want to be poked and pushed.  He wants to do the thing he came to do, whether play or do art or take martial arts.  So he either play with the girls who tend to behave nicer, or plays with older kids who have learned to control their impulses.

I wouldn't worry about it. Both my boys, who tend toward the thoughtful side, preferred playing with girls to boys at that age because the energy of the other boys, especially in groups at school, was just too crazy and destructive for them.  Fast forward 10 years and they both have mostly male friends, but are still comfortable talking to and hanging out with girls.  If you feel like he needs some boy interaction, maybe you could try scheduling some one-on-one playdates with boys his age, so it's less intimidating.

Hi Anonymous,

I have a gender fluid son who is ten years old. He had similar habits when he was 3-5 but clearly expressed at times wanting to be a girl. He is not transgender which is different. I doubt your son's have any issues at all but highly recommend seeing a professional. We went once to http://www.dianeehrensaft.com whom I highly recommend. Most insurance will pay but you can check with her.

From your post, it doesn't sound like there's a problem.  Your son might just be different in temperament from most kids his age (that he's around, anyway).  If he plays well with older kids, and better with girls than with boys, it sounds like he may be more mature than most kids his age.  This is a good thing!  As he gets older, he'll likely connect with more of his peers, since the general maturity level within his peer group will also increase.  

My daughter similarly did not relate easily to her peers when she was in preschool.  We wondered if she just wasn't very socially motivated.  When she got to kindergarten, she found friends whose temperaments were much closer to her own and developed close relationships quickly.  

It may be, though, that in the long term your son will continue to relate more strongly to girls.  This is also not a bad thing!  As long as he has friends, male or female, it doesn't need to be a problem!

You say he plays with girls his age but 'has a hard time playing with other kids his age'?  Sounds to me that he will be mature and sensitive boy, and I see nothing wrong with this!

 Hi,  so when my son was born he loved playing with trucks and cars as he got a little older like 3 and 4 he really enjoyed playing dress-up particularly in dresses! I begin to wonder if he really liked the cars and trains that I was giving him or if those were just the only toys that I had been supplying him with. I really begin to look  at my unconscious gender stereo typing. I felt I really wanted my son to explore his feminine side, after all we both have masculine and feminine qualities inside all of us. Or culture tends to beat the feelings out of men and oversensitized women and I didn't want to purpetuate that.  At first my husband freaked out about this as it was so against the grain but when I caught him disparagingly talking about the color pink to our son I stopped him, I mean  pinks my favorite color,  it is also stereotyped as a feminine color and as long as were getting conscious about this I want to be really careful about what we feed our son in terms of knowledge and acceptance. Maybe boys are taught to shut down, to hate, to disrespect women eventuallyleading to date rape, violent rape domestic violence. What if by honoring our differences and celebrating our similarities we could somehow raise a son who could be a good  nurture , provider,  friend,  someone is not afraid to cry or let their heart sing.  So we let him wear the dresses. Grandma and grandpa freaked out my neighbor told me I was going to make my son gay… But we let it ride it's course. We went on to have two more sons. Being a mother of three boys I can say inherently they are different than girls. They love their sticks, and their guns and can make explosion sound effects better than I will ever be able to. But at 9, 11 and 6 they love to play with their  little felted gnomes and fairies and cuddle their stuffed animals.  My oldest sons favorite color is still pink and low and the hold in the last few years pink is suddenly become en vogue for boys. I think  your son is probably sensitive and gentle and he's going to gravitate to the individuals that he resonates with. Trust him and trust his intuition.  It sounds like you're doing a great job and you really love him I would just keep up the good work!