10 mo old very interested in devices
My 10 month old has recently started showing a lot of interest in our phones and computers. If you have toddlers/preschoolers — how do you think your early behavior with respect to devices influenced your child's relationship with them now? I'd also like to know what to expect about how her interest will develop... for your children is this something that waxed and waned, or once they discovered devices, was it pretty much a continual balance seeking from then on?
My hope is to get off on the right foot for device relationship as she gets older. I am no technophobe and want her to be technology literate and acknowledge all the awesome things it allows us to do, but also effectively manages their addictive potential.
p.s. right now she sees no TV and only screentime is Facetime with out of state family members... not willing to change our habits on this regard barring extreme new information. She gets plenty of embodied play, outdoor time, other children, etc. and has a great attention span for playing by herself in meatspace so I'm not really worried about balance there. It's more about not shooting myself in the foot by restricting or allowing now.
Parent Replies
You sound like a new parent. If you are not, my apologies. Ten month old behavior has many milestones, but techno precocity is not one of them. They move like the wind, low and fast. Everything is edible, including cell phones. Their motor skills explode, so everything becomes manipulable and interesting, including your electronics. Most importantly, they began to 'communicate." This is babbling time...but don't babble back...talk back... and look at your kid when doing so. Focusing on 'tech' is not what to do now. Focus on talking...making eye contact...and having your child respond to your words and movements. Don't concern yourself with her relationship with tech. Focus on her relationship with you, and how you two interact. In this hyper connected world of ours, I worry that you may be missing the forest for the trees.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but
I would not recommend allowing any child, especially one so young, use an I-Pad or play phone games or anything like that. I cannot fully explain it as I am pecking at my phone screen answering this question, but I am going to try and include a link "Screen Time Syndrome"-don't know if it will work, but the link is to a great article about this very subject. If you are unable to view the link and are interested please feel free to send me a message and I can forward the link to you another way.
Just a point I want to make before ending this reply; people who work in the tech industry do not allow their children to use the products, Bill Gates raised very low tech kids-this is because they are aware of the damage that screen time can do to a brain that is still forming. Food for thought.
http://deeprootsathome.com/screen-time-childs-brain
Short answer: you don't need to worry. It is pretty much a phase babies go through and a good reminder to put your phone away in her presence (just put it away if she becomes fixated on it). There are two things to think about: 1) how do you interact with your child? and 2) what rules do you create for screen time? The first is less about what your child may think about devices and more about your relationship with your child. You want to make sure that you are not always on your phone when with your child. Give your child (even as a baby) ALL your attention SOME of the time when you are with her and just watch and interact with her so that you can have a really strong connection as she grows up. For the second question, doctors recommend no screen time before the age of 2. After that I recommend going slowly! Kids need to understand the real world first before they get hooked on the virtual world. Having consistent boundaries is helpful. You absolutely don't have to worry that your child will get left behind. Kids are very interested in technology and it is so addictive that they will eagerly wear you down for more and more time on it!! The most important boundary IMO is to not allow screen time during the week so that they can spend more of their time screen free than screen days.
My daughter is 20 months and is definitely interested in phones, but no more so than she is in anything else in her environment that adults pay attention to :) What works for us at the moment is to really minimize device use when she is around/awake; phones/screens are brought to her attention for an occasional photo and for Skyping with out-of-state grandparents once a week, and otherwise we really try to keep them out of reach. I don't police other adults' screen use in our home but find that most people are conscious enough to ask; if she approaches an adult at the playground who is using their phone or tries to fish one out of someone's bag, I calmly take it away and say "Phones are for grownups."
We are probably going to stick with very minimal screens for quite a while -- everything I've heard/read suggests that children who are introduced to touchscreen-type technology later don't take long to gain parity in use (since it's all designed to be really, REALLY user-friendly). The one lingering concern I have is the "kid who binges on sugar at other people's houses" problem, since we're not planning to let our preferences dictate the way her friends use media in their homes, but I figure we can deal with that one if/when it comes up, and what we do in our house is most important.
I have kids and all like devices (the first grader has his own computer, the preschooler has her own kindle fire) but use it moderately and monitor their own use. For example, I'll tell them you can play 2 games or you can watch a show, and they will do so and turn it off. They have been exposed to and allowed screen time in moderation from very early age and I don't see negative side effects from this. Kids are bright, use devices for both education (amazing educational apps out there to supplement school instruction) and entertainment purposes (pbs kids has some really good videos for kids). Though it really depends on the kid. Some kids will go crazy for screentime and taking it away will cause a melt down and if I was in that situation I would have just said no screen time period, but my kids use it in moderation and never complain (too much) about turning it off and it never leads to a tantrum, so I have been allowing it from early age sparingly though screen time use definitely has increased as they got older and use the educational apps/website more.
I may be in the minority, but as the parent of tween/teens (who only had limited tv ) my advice would be DON'T DO IT! WAIT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE to introduce any technology to your child at home. If you have not yet read Richard Freed's "Wired Child" PLEASE pick it up and read it. Technology companies employ neuro-experts to design their products to 'hook' us! I have watched it in my own kids, who have VERY limited exposure (no cell phones and only Minecraft and Roblox but can't get off YouTube videos OF gaming) and read over and over on posts here from desperate parents whose kids are addicted to tech. We only grew up with TV (I'm old enough to be pre PC) and we are so much better off because of it, I really worry about all of us and our addictions to screens.....
Hi - original poster here. Thanks for your replies. To clarify based on some off list responses, I'm not talking about allowing/encouraging screentime, video watching, game playing etc. At her current age that would require me to "set it up" for her anyway which I'm not going to do.
I'm talking about whether or not you would allow your 10 month old to futz with it. Left to her own devices she'll mouth it and toss it around and eventually press the iPhone button at which point the screen turns on or Siri talks to her and she looks mystified. My question is would you permit this type of organic exploration? And would you anticipate it leading to (more excessive than normal) device fascination later or other ill effects? Or like will she figure out games at the ripe age of 18 months and then I'll have to rip the phone from her grasp etc.
thanks!
I’m going to add one more curve ball to to children using devices. Aside from what has been stated about the impact on children’s brains, my husband (a medical doctor / biohacker) is working with researchers who are realizing the impact of electromagnetic fields (EMF). Devices are a necessary evil, but use over time adds up and they are damaging to cells. The longer we withhold from our children, the better we will be - emotionally and physicially (and intellectually) in many ways.
My my oldest son was always interested in devices. The best way we curbed hai curiosity is we made it a habit (oh, how challenging this was), not to use one phone in front of him. We treated it like alcohol - don’t use in front of kids. His desire dropped off after we learned to put other phone and computer away. He’s now eight and does coding classes two times per week and he can do his homework on the computer for up to one hour per week. This will obviously increase as he gets older. So for now, he gets four hours per week of computer time and the remaining coding activities are done via games. Just something to consider (from a family who absolutely has our own love affair with devices). The flip side: our kids are forced to be creative.
I don't see any positive side to letting a child under one year old explore such an expensive and enticing device. She doesn't need to learn anything from a phone or computer for a few years at least.
It is easier not to give it, than to give it and then later have to wrench it away. A 10 month old will yield an iPhone very easily, but it will get harder as she gets older. So if you can restrict it as much as you can now, life will be easier for you later. As for your comment about whether it's OK for a 10 month old to explore and mouth an iPhone. No. It is a $600-1000 device, so your baby should not be playing with it like a toy. Babies drop phones on the floor and break them, and also "misplace" them the minute your back is turned (ask any parent if their baby has ever lost their car keys). Moreover, babies are at the age when physical manipulation of objects like blocks and chew toys is what they need to grow, and a digital device won't teach them what they require. Lastly, phones are also usually the dirtiest thing in the house, so for that reason as well I wouldn't allow a baby to chew on it.
I spend and spent several days a week caring for my grandtwins (now 4), and often encountered issues of how to use objects, whether chairs, electronics, or any object of everyday life such as whistles, flashlights, etc. .I concluded that man made objects are best used for the purpose for which they were designed, both for reasons of safety, pedagogy, and care of the object itself.