Advice for parents of a toddler who are expecting twins?
Hi Berkeley Parents Network Community--
Currently pregnant with twins (huge surprise- the twins, not the pregnancy). Our toddler will be about 2 year 9 months when the twins arrive in January. I'm wanting to get more insight on what will be most helpful in those early weeks and months while we are finding our new normal. If you've been in this position, what worked for your family? Please share any advice, tips, ideas, thoughts, etc. MUCH APPRECIATED!!
Some relevant info:
- Mom and Dad work full time. Mom has leave for about 5 months, Dad has 8 weeks.
- We have already secured a night doula a few times a week for 8 weeks.
- Toddler recently started full time preschool.
Oct 27, 2024
Parent Replies
Join Twins by the Bay, a volunteer led group of twin parents in the Bay Area. The pregnancy, delivery, and early years are completely different from the norm and having a local community that understands the nuanced differences of expecting and raising twins was life changing.
If you haven't already, please join Twins by the Bay, the local twins organization! The groups for expectant and new parents are very helpful. There are also always other families in the club with a toddler + twins.
Our second-born was a singleton, not twins, but the spacing between births was nearly identical to yours.
Our unanticipated big challenge was that we moved into our new house the day before the second child was born.
This caused a complex series of changes in routines for the toddler, who soon began acting out his resentment of the baby. We were new parents and did not see this coming, until it was on top of us.
My advice: bend over backwards to keep routines consistent for the toddler.
Be sure that the toddler is set up to get LOTS of attention from others besides Mom, b/c you will be busier (and more tired) than most people will ever experience.
All hands on deck! If you will have paid help to watch the toddler, or family members, have them bond with him/her before the new babies arrive.
Congratulations on having all your wonderful children, who will fill you with joy and make your life complete.
Mom of 3 year old twins here! Things that would be helpful based on my experience: 1. Meal service or someone to cook/prep meals and clean up your kitchen, including food prep for your toddler/making preschool lunches if necessary. 2. Someone to do laundry including folding a putting away so you don’t even have to think about it. 3. Someone to get toddler fed/ready for school and drive them there. The sleep deprivation is so insane (most twin parents I know did sleep training at 5 months) having the night doula is going to be the most important thing. It will be hard! It will also be so fun!
So glad to see others recommending Twins by the Bay. https://twinsbythebay.org/ There’s twice a month evening support meetups on Zoom for expectant and new parents. You don’t need to be a member to attend those meetups. Email support [at] twinsbythebay.org (support[at]twinsbythebay[dot]org) to get the Zoom link. Hope to see you at one!
Original poster here :) Thank you for all of the advice!