In triage- need resources for 12 year old transracial adoptee

I hope you're already aware of the resources available through PACT? Our transracially adopted child receives therapy there and we are so grateful. Solidarity, and sending love and healing to your son.

I'm not a therapist but I'm a POC and one the best suggestions I have would be to get him into a more diverse space where is able to connect with people who share his racial identity. On top of being adopted, he's living in an environment where it sounds like he might be one of few who shares his racial identity AND he's neurodivergent. EVen with therapy he's a child dealing with a lot. Just being raised in an all white environment is taxing for a person of color but having a support system who truly understands his plight and lived experiences is invaluable. Find people who look like your child and help him bond with those folks so he can get to know his racial community. It's important in his journey. I'm sure you'll be able to find support for the rest, but I suggest encouraging him to learn about his culture and race as a start. Good luck and I wish your family all the best!

Hi, 

I really recommend Jeffrey Lee in Castro Valley. 
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/jeffrey-c-lee-castro-valley-ca/956863 

First, hugs <3. You’re doing great and it’s so good that you’re looking for support. 

I wish I had more to share, but I do want to share one resource called Happy Families, based in Australia. I took a great parent course about nurturing neurodiversity from them last year, but the have a lot of other resources you may find helpful. 

https://happyfamilies.com.au/

Good luck!🍀 

Hi there.  I also am a parent of a transracial adoptee who is a few years ahead of you.  We have been through the reintegration home from residential care and the big search for appropriate schools given virtually the same list of learning differences.  Because I'm also a social worker who used to work in adoptions I keep a list of adoption competent therapists and am happy to share what and who has worked for our kid and family.  If my resources are not the right fit for you I know how to connect you with other adoptive parents who have been on the same path and have lots of other information.  Please feel free to contact me directly.

Hi, 

I highly recommend Susan Leksander as a therapist for you as parents. She has expertise in the challenges you are naming, and she is also deeply kind. 

As an adopted person, I'm sending immense compassion to your son and your whole family. I hope you find the support you need. 

Laura

Hi, I am sorry your son had a traumatic experience in the wilderness on top of everything else.  Our adopted son also went to a wilderness program in Georgia.  He subsequently went to residential treatment (RTP). The therapist our son had when he returned is https://www.healthgrades.com/providers/alex-georgakopoulos-4ztmyto995  Our son also had difficulty learning in a conventional school setting.  We tried Tilden Prep where he had a one-on-one tutor, but he was unwilling to show up for that, even, and was sent away twice more to RTP.   I tried several interventions to help with our son's underlying issues, which include anxiety and AD/HD.  These that may have helped include: H.A.N.D.L.E. (Judith Bluestone founded), SHEN, S.O.I. (Vicki Bockenkamp), Family Constellation (Brigitta Essl, MD), Jin Shin Jyutsu (I learned enough to do this on him), amino acid precursors for brain function, chiropractic, osteopathy, allergen free diet, homeopathy, and probably a few others.   My ex also wanted to try ADHD meds, which we did for a year or so, without any good result.   I hope you can find a good path for your family.   

I know a great homeschool teacher who works with neurodivergent students and families writing their curricula and teaching their classes. She also does school support consultations and school choice work for families looking to land in the right spot. I don’t believe she has a website but here is her LinkedIn and name! https://www.linkedin.com/in/emily-doman-0b4008124?utm_source=share&utm_…

As the parent of an adopted child I understand. Some great resources can be found in Facebook groups. There are several that provide parent to parent feedback and advice. Specifically PostTx: Parents if kids home from wilderness and residential treatment; Bay Area Parents of Kids in Residential; Adoptive Oarents of Kids of Color; Parents of Adopted Kids in Residential Treatment. All of these have families whose kids have not had good experiences and/or have transitioned home and have a lot of resources. PACT is also great resource and they have teen support groups as well. 

Personally I highly recommend not just a Therapist for you but a parent coach. We used Amanda Buckmann who was with Wonder (a transitional support organization ) but now has her own practice. As for a therapist I recommend Scott Weber LCSW in Albany. I highly recommend DBT therapy for teens. It focuses on the feelings but doesn’t require them to recount the details of their trauma which can be overwhelming at that age. It gives them lots of tools to use. Briana Aitkenhead in Kentfield is amazing with our teen. 

As for school we sent our child to Fusion Academy Berkeley. They are not neurodivergent but do have a learning disability and school refusal. Our district laid the cast majority of it after a lot of struggle. It’s 1:1 and has great teachers. There are lots of neurodivergent students there who are extremely successful. They are 6-12th grades. Our child made up all her course work, excelled in her classes, had tutoring directly from her teachers and graduated with excellent grades and got into top universities though she may defer this year. 

Definitely get in touch with PACT!

First, a recommendation: Jonathan Pannor, LCSW, has deep experience working with adoptive families and is a father who adopted transracially. He's also one of the most compassionate, gentle people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I believe he practices through Kaiser in San Rafael.

I'm neither an adoptee nor an adoptive parent, but I am biracial and grew up at a time when that was uncommon. I have a different take on finding racially based communities for POC than do many of the POC I know. In my life, I have found that there are many parts of my identity that are easier to connect through than the color of my skin. The way I talk, my vocabulary, my cultural references, my politics, my religion (I'm Jewish) are all signifiers. And not one of these things has anything to do with my skin color.

I have absolutely dealt with racism. I've been followed in stores, had bags checked for shoplifted items, been denied service, been steered towards home-shopping in communities where, I've been told, I'll "be more comfortable." Despite these experiences -- and they were individual and painful experiences -- most of my family of choice, friends and the colleagues with whom I've been closest, have been white. What I have found is that they have been far more willing to accept me as I am than has been true for Black people. For Blacks there has often been a litmus test: identify as Black, not as biracial, embrace only part of your identity. I've never had that demand made by a white person, ever. No white person has ever accused me of "trying to be white" or being an oreo, something that happens regularly with other POC. When I was a doctoral candidate in a fairly small, very white program at Berkeley I chimed in a couple of times on the listserv for Black graduate students. I was accused of being a troll, because none of them knew me personally, and nobody Black would have my last name. While a law student at UCB I stood in front of two black students while they debated whether or not to give me access to the Black students' lounge, seeing as I was only "half black." And I've sat in my parent's dining room, listening to my sibling's friends talking, being utterly mystified by what they were talking about because I never learned to speak in the dialect of my neighborhood.

I know that my experience is atypical.  What I mean to say is that simply acquiring a "Black community" for your son is unlikely to fix his sense of not belonging. He may get to know people who look more like him, but there is no guarantee that he'll share a culture with them. Despite our myths to the contrary, the U.S. is a complex quilt of communities within which we are fungible tokens who will just fit in anywhere we have at least one thing in common with others.

I encourage you to think about the many ways you self-identify. We all contain multitudes, and different ones are emphasized depending on the circumstances. Could you to enroll your son in activities that interest him in settings that are socioeconomically, learning style, and racially diverse? Can your family find ways to interact with a more diverse community overall? It's not a fix, but it might help bridge some of the distance your son (and you?) is experiencing. For what it's worth, you are an amazing parent who is facing many challenges and rising to the challenges posed with humility, love, and a beautiful commitment to your son's well-being. We should all be so fortunate 

Anonymous

pactadopt.org    --  They offer a summer family camp, and other things.  My friends family went for several years.  

I have nothing to offer ... except for thanking August 5 Anonymous for a very candid and honest post.  

You may want to try a Willows in the Wind support group (zoom).  They offer two weekend meetings a month.  You may find parents in various stages of the residential treatment journey, or suggestions on how to get the school district to provide services to your child through the IEP process so that they can possibly remain at home.  Willows in the Wind also offers a workshop on transitioning home from treatment once or twice a year.