Managing Household Chores with a New Baby

Parent Q&A

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  • Looking for advice/examples of what worked for your families

    We just became a family of 4–2 parents and 2 children and will soon enter a phase with 2 parents working full time and 2 kids in childcare/school.  I think we will need extra help in the evenings with cooking/cleaning as well as occasional childcare due to work travel.


    What type of service/help should I be looking for?  Have people had success hiring 1 person to help with both household and child care tasks?  What did you ask for?


    Thanks so much

    I haven't had any experience with au pairs, which came to mind as perhaps the type of role you're looking for. What occurred to me that was helpful when we had two very small kids was a weekly house cleaner. When we had two preschooler-ish age kids, we had one of the meal prep box subscriptions, which also worked ok and the kids thought was fun. I do think the blend of housework and childcare is kind of tricky, it's hard to find one person who is willing to clean toilets and good with your children when they're fussy. I'd say start with the weekly housecleaner (and be prepared with a very clear list of what you want done in each visit before you finalize the rate) and really simplify your evening meals, whether with a subscription box or a delivery service or just Trader Joe's freezer meals every night. Then if needed add in an afternoon/evening babysitter.

    How old are the kids? If you have a baby, I'd recommend looking for a nanny on the Childcare listing who wants extra hours in the evenings. If you don't have a baby, look in to hiring an au pair who can help out in the evenings.  Do hire a housekeeper once a week and also research meal delivery services - there are a lot of suggestions on the BPN website. Good luck. You can do it!

    We are a similar family of four with two working parents and two young kids. I recommend thinking about how much support you need. If you can commit to a set schedule and a consistent number of hours each week, you could find a single person to help regularly in the evenings. However, if your needs are more sporadic, developing a roster of go-to babysitters who can assist with childcare as needed, especially for work travel might be a better option for you. Platforms like UrbanSitter, BPN, or NextDoor can be helpful in finding someone who fits your needs—I’ve personally had the most success with UrbanSitter.

    In my experience, I found it challenging to find one person who can handle cooking, cleaning, and childcare, so you might consider dividing up these tasks, as others have suggested. A meal delivery service or simple crock-pot recipes might be a good option if your helper has limited cooking skills. You could have the same person handle light household tasks like dishes, laundry, and tidying up while also helping with the kids in the evening. For more intensive cleaning, hiring a cleaning person once or twice a month could be effective.

    We struggled to find people with evening availability, so we switched to having someone come in mid-morning (around 9:30 a.m.). We were able to hire au pairs with a complementary schedule—they did kid drop-offs in the morning and had free time in the middle of the day before they needed to go pick up the kids again. They helped with dishes, laundry, and general tidying up, and light meal prep which freed up our evenings to be more hands-on with the kids. We gave up on making dinner at dinner time and did batch meal prep on weekends.  This is not exactly the situation you describe, but it is where we ended up given the various constraints we found along the way.

    Please feel free to reach out if you’d like more details on what worked and what didn’t for our family. Good luck!

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  • Hello! I'm having a baby in a few months and looking for applicants / recommendation for someone to help me around the house. The ideal individual would (ideally) be able to do the follow:

    - House Cleaning: I'm looking for someone who can clean the house, including floors, cabinets, kitchen, bathrooms, water plants, etc.

    - Laundry: This individual has to be able to do laundry, wash sheets, wash furniture cushions.

    - Organization: More than a traditional cleaner, I am looking for someone who can proactively organize the house. If there are coats out, hang them up, organize a messy snack cabinet, take the initiative to organize a messy t-shirt drawer.

    - Ad Hoc: Potentially take on a few ad-hoc projects as they come up (think, cleaning out a garage or helping arrange the baby's room).

    I'm looking to start once every two weeks and increase to 1-2x per week once I give birth. If this individual can also cook, I'd be happy to pay extra for that once the baby arrives. Overall, I'm looking to find someone to help with more than just cleaning, but also help me organize my house and help out around the house once the baby comes. Any recommendations or applicants are welcomed!

    You won't find one person who does all these things, at least not in the Bay Area.  To get everything done that's on your list, you are looking at 1) a regularly-scheduled housekeeper, plus 2) a one-time household organizer, plus 3) a wash-and-fold service, plus 4) a postpartum doula to help out after the baby comes. These are all separate professional services and each one might overlap a tiny bit with one of the others but none of them on their own do everything on your list.

    1. Housekeeper. Most housekeepers don't do laundry. Some do, but most don't. They clean and they tidy up. They don't proactively reorganize your house. They are looking for regular clients every week or every other week where they know what the job is and how long it will take, because they are doing one or two other houses on the day they clean yours. They depend on having a regular, dependable income and generally aren't able to take on one-time or short-term tasks. There are also a number of cleaning services locally that *will* do a one-time clean or agree to just a few weeks or months and you can add on as many extra tasks as you want. These tend to cost more but they may be more convenient for you. There are recommendations on the BPN website. 

    2. Organizer. There are a lot of professional organizers who specialize in helping you organize your space so it's more efficient and easier for you to stay on top of. They would take on your garage, or the baby's room, or anything else you want. Some of them will do things like help you decide what to get rid of and arrange for stuff to be hauled away. 

    3. Wash-and-fold: Most dry cleaners and laundromats offer this service and it is usually not that expensive. You probably have one nearby! I love dropping a basket of stuff off when I get behind on my laundry.

    4. Postpartum doula: They are there to help the family with a new baby and will often pitch in tidying up, running a load of laundry, meal preparation and of course baby tending, lactation support, etc. There are a lot of recommendations for this on the BPN website.

    Good luck! 

  • Hello BPN! My wife and I are just days/weeks away from bringing our first baby home.

    Both of our sets of parents would love to be able to help out as much as possible, but they all live on the east coast, so they have recommended that we hire someone to help with chores around the house like doing the dishes, laundry, general cleaning. Are there such services available? We are aware of professional maid services but our understanding is that those services usually focus only on things like cleaning the floors/bathrooms/dusting and don't really help with laundry/dishes.

    Is anyone aware of any services or people that provide something like what we're looking for? No child-care would be involved in the service.

    Any advice is appreciated!

    [Moderator Note] a similar question was asked a couple of months ago. See Managing Household Chores with a New Baby

    Most house cleaners will do dishes but not laundry, just specify that when you have them come to give an estimate. It is a big help to get a service going now so that it is running smoothly when you have a newborn. My biggest tip is to have a list of what you want them to do every week and go over it with them the first few times they come. Do not be shy about telling them how you want it done/not done.

    Hi! I had a great new parent helper for several months. It isn’t inexpensive, but Gabi and Patricia (Patricia is the mom and Gabi is the daughter) did dishes, light cleaning, changing sheets, vacuuming, and (most importantly for me) folded laundry. Patricia’s number is (510) 322-1697. Another way to do it is getting a regular cleaning service and have a wash and fold laundry pick up. Now that my baby is a little older I can see to more of the tasks while he’s entertaining himself, but in those early months I really needed the help. 
     

    One thing that can help with the expense of this help is to ask family members who want to give you things to contribute to your helper fund. We didn’t need the financial assistance but I think my parents and in-laws would have been up for helping with it if we asked. 

    Good luck, you got this! New parenthood is really hard and I’m glad you’re looking for help. 

    Have you considered taking your clothes to laundry mat and have them washed there? I take my clothes to the lake Merritt laundry mat on 600 Wesley and Brooklyn and Ms. Lottie washes our clothes. She weighs and charges by the pound. Such a life saver! Been going to her for years and has been a godsend now that I have a little one. 

    In my experience (two adults, one newborn), an extra adult would have been unnecessary and would have added to the stress. We divided and conquered! The birthing adult took care of baby-related tasks such as feeding and changing, and rested, and the non-birthing adult took care of everything else such as meals, cleaning, and laundry. By the time the baby was 6 months old, even two adults home all day was too many. At that point, the birthing adult started working outside the home while the non-birthing adult stayed home, and household and baby tasks were split more evenly. Good luck!

    Look into hiring a post partum doula perhaps. Some do cook and tidy, and lots of experience with new parents and babies. 

    A few thoughts:

    What the person you hire to help will do will vary. Explain the details of what you're looking for when you interview.When our kids were little, the house cleaner we hired sorted and folded baskets of laundry (thoughI never asked her to actually run it, I suspect she would have).

    Also, if you are part of a faith community or other group, letting folks know you would appreciate some help when the baby comes may bring offers to do whatever needs doing.  Having folks bring meals for a while can also free up your time for other things.

    Be sure you take all the leave you entitled to so you can be a support for a while, too.  Check out Legal Aid at Work to understand all the paid/unpaid leave and job protection rights you have as the non-birthing parent (I assume that's you - but if it's your wife, same applies to her).

    https://legalaidatwork.org/factsheet/pregnancy-parenting-my-job-in-cali…

    And finally, part of the plan should be being ok with things being a little messier than you're used to for a while!

    Look for a postpartum doula! 

    I know Alma Avila offers those kind and a services. She currently helps also an elderly person exactly with that home support. Clear instructions is very helpful. Hope you already have someone, but if not give her a call at 510.759.6475. She’s seeking new clients. 

  • Hi everyone,

    I am new to this network and we just recently moved to South Berkeley. We have a newborn (7 week old) and no family as support. We tried to manage everything on our own so far but I have to admit that I am struggling in various areas and especially I am running on fumes. That‘s the reason why I would like to find inspiration on how to get any type of support. I thought, one aspect could be getting help with doing household chores and cleaning. Can someone recommend anyone? And since we never hired anyone for this or any other service before, what is the typical pay range and what else do I need to consider? How often do I need to have them come? Is twice a month ok?

    I really appreciate any insight.

    Secondly, does anyone know any virtual or in person women’s/mother‘s support group in (South) Berkeley or close to South Berkeley easy to access with public transportation?

    Thanks so much and wish you all a lovely week

    I don't have any advice on household help, but re: mother's support -- I cannot recommend Jen Kiatta and the Middle Road Hub highly enough (https://www.jenkiatta.com/)! Membership is available to clients who have worked on her 1:1 (which I did for both nursing & sleep). It has been a wonderful resource for me to connect and discuss all aspects of the early years of motherhood. My child is 14 months old and I still so appreciate the community. Hang in there!

    Hire all the help you can afford!  A housecleaner every 2 weeks is great (and easier to schedule than twice a month) (140/visit for 1300 sq ft).  I'm not sure about someone to come help with regular things like loading the dishwasher, but it's all I wanted when I had a newborn and I hope you actually do it.  You can also think about a night doula, day doula, or just a babysitter to come hold your baby while you sleep.  Or you could probably hire one to clean the kitchen while you hold the baby.  Urbansitter and care.com are both great places to look

    This mom's support group saved me:  https://www.supportgroupformothers.com I recommend it so highly.  

    And remember that it'll only get easier from here.  You're nearly through the insanity of the acute newborn phase.  

    Hello Alexis. First of all, you are not alone. Those first few months are utterly exhausting and are challenging. I found comfort and support in a new mothers group that is hosted on a cohort basis through East Bay Lactation Associates in Emeryville. I’m not sure how easy it is to get there with public transportation, but you might want to look at to their groups. I did not secure anyone to help me with the house, but I kind of let those things go as I only had so much energy to give. Being able to focus on addressing the new Mom challenges was more important for me at that time. Thus, I would highly recommend securing a therapist that focuses on Postnatal care. I saw Amanda Marks, LMFT, who was based in Berkeley,  amandamartinlmft [at] gmail.com (amandamartinlmft[at]gmail[dot]com). I believe she may have moved offices, but you could reach out to see if she might suit your needs.

    Hello! Congratulations on your baby. I’m sorry you don’t have family support around- it can be so helpful. I joined a support group my second time around and was so glad I did. 
    https://www.supportgroupformothers.com

    she is based in emeryville. 
     

    good luck! 

    Hi Alexis,

    I totally relate, as I am currently home with our 4 week old son. It is very overwhelming.  I highly recommend checking out Brilliant Births in Berkeley: https://www.brilliantbirths.com/  They have a postpartum support group that meets on Tuesdays at 11am.  I have not attended yet (leaving the house for more than a walk around the neighborhood right now feels a bit too much) but plan to eventually. They also have a referral network for postpartum doulas which might be helpful to you. We currently have a night doula, and I just hired a doula to come during the day a few times a week now that my husband is going back to work. The night doula has been a lifesaver, as it allows both of us to get some actual sleep at least a few nights a week. The day doula will help me with childcare as well as light housework.  Please message me if you want more information about my experience or to otherwise connect.  I can also give you the number for our cleaning person. We have used him and his team for 6 years, and he was referred to me by a friend who has used him longer.   Hang in there!!  

    Hi! I have a 6 month old and have had the benefit of a lot of family support, really feel for you trying to go it alone. It’s not for the faint of heart!

    For a mom’s support group with some structure, there is http://supportgroupformothers.com. This is offered through the place where I took childbirth class. I have not done the support group myself, but have heard wonderful things about the facilitator. There’s a cost but it provides some reliability. My experience with less formal (but free!) mom’s groups is that they are wonderful for community but people’s lives often get in the way of actually meeting. Another idea if you are somewhat outgoing is to just hang out at a local playground and look for parents out with blankets or strollers—in my experience people are really welcoming if you just walk up for a chat!

    Hi!  Congratulations on becoming a parent.  It can be both beautiful and difficult all at the same time.  I would highly recommend Support Group for Mothers in Albany CA (not too far).  Jennifer is the facilitator, I felt super supported and met some amazing moms through her group, who I am still in touch with 8 years later.  

    Support Group For Mothers – w/ Jennifer Subasic-Marks

    Hi, welcome! Alta Bates hospital sponsors a weekly class for new parents: https://www.sutterhealth.org/classes-events/series/virtual-support-grou…

    Hi Alexis,

    No particular help with your first question unfortunately BUT there’s a great support group network based on Emeryville (next to Pixar!) that you can sign up for here: https://www.supportgroupformothers.com/

    I just started at my friend’s recommendation and it’s great so far!

    I’d be happy to offer recommendations and support, I have older kids but your post resonated . Get in touch! You’re doing great!

    Hello,

    I had a great experience with my baby and other moms last summer at this post natal yoga class.  Even if you aren't much of a yoga person, some of the time is for talking and sharing which I found so helpful.  Angela is also amazing and a great support for new moms.  The class is Thursday at 12pm at Strawberry Creek park in Berkeley.  You could walk there with a stroller in ~10 minutes.

    Www.angelaMadoniayoga.com

    you are doing amazing job! And way to reach out for help!

    First of all, sending you big hugs! Please know you're not crazy and you're not actually alone, even though it feels that way. Reach out anytime <3 

    To add to the chorus, I also did Jennifer's support group and loved it! 

    A few other ideas for support/connection:

    -4th trimester support group - open to folks who are not clients of this midwifery practice: https://www.gomidwives.com/calendar-of-events 

    -Kim Lyons Tum e Time class: a sweet, mellow reminder of the joy of playing with your baby. Not a support group, but a fun way to connect with other new parents. It also helped me get out of my head about "am I supporting my baby's development enough?" https://tumetime.com/class-schedule/

    -Bay Area Babywearing has meet-ups: https://bayareababywearing.org/

    -Lake Temescal on weekday afternoons is basically ALL people with babies/young kids. Even if you don't chat with anyone (though most people are very open to that), it still feels nice to be around that energy and get those nods of recognition and kinship. 

    As far as just practical suggestions go, my partner and I decided to hire a nanny who cares for the baby but also tidies up the house each day and does the dishes. This has made a world of difference! I find that it's better than a weekly housecleaning service because the nanny can deal with those daily messes that accumulate, making you feel like you're spending every waking moment cleaning and tidying. We pay $30/hour for the housecleaning and childcare, and if you consider that childcare is usually $25/hour on it's own, it's a pretty good deal to have the house tidied each day. We save so much time not having to unload and load the dishwasher everyday, plus the nanny cleans way better than I ever would. 

    Additionally I have some pre-made food delivered once a week so there is always something to eat, even if I can't get around to shopping or cooking. It also saves on cleanup and dishes! I have used Vita Kitchen (expensive but great quality), Planted Table (not as expensive but only vegan), and Three Stone Hearth. All offer delivery and all are zero-waste. Not the cheapest options out there but if you consider time saved shopping and preparing, plus the cost of ingredients, and delivery with no tip needed, then all of these food services are pretty decently priced.

    If you're into yoga (or even if you're not!) I would highly recommend the postpartum class at yogalayam, which I LOVED when my baby was little: https://www.yogalayam.org/classes. Probably close enough for you to walk. In addition to yoga for you, there is baby massage, singing to the babies, and then the best part is that they have baby-holders who will actually watch your baby while you do some yoga without having to worry about being interrupted! They were closed for a long time during the pandemic but it looks like they are finally open again. The Green Yogi also has postpartum classes at their Telegraph location - the person teaching them wasn't doing it when I had a newborn but I have taken other classes with her and she's great.

    I also echo the recommendation for someone to do more regular light cleaning if you can find it, but I've found that it's harder to find than something like a biweekly full cleaning. I have found people to do work like that on Nextdoor but have had mixed experiences with it, it's harder to find someone to come for just an hour or two at a time compared with regular cleaners who stay longer and do it full time.

    Hello - I want to second the recommendation for the Brilliant Births support group. It is a wonderful group and resource - the facilitator, Danielle, is also very helpful. The group is donation-based. I highly recommend.