Self esteem/self confidence for my 25 yr old ADD child
My 25 yr old daughter lives in LA. She struggled with ADD, anxiety and depression, and is on medication. She graduated college 3 yrs ago and has worked for the last 3 years. She happens to be in between jobs right now but her main challenge is a lack of self esteem and self confidence, the ability to network and advocate for herself. She has 2 good friends in LA that she sees periodically and even though she went to college in LA, she does not know how to socialize beyond these 2 friends (who both live with their parents). She definitely does not know how to make new friends and is very insecure and afraid to speak up. She has seen therapists off and on. I convinced her to start seeing a therapist again recently and with much encouragement, she agreed but I am not seeing much change. She claims she is not depressed but it is sad to see her alone most weekends because I know she loves company. I don't know if there are programs out there that could help someone like her. So challenging when they are adults and you can't help but so badly want to.
Parent Replies
Maybe she could go out to low-key events such as book readings, watercolor classes, or adult language classes. Even one-on-one classes such as piano lessons might help her with self-confidence. Maybe eventually something repeating like a yoga class or monthly book club (some libraries host them). Something more incremental, enjoyable, and less goal oriented. Best to her.
My niece also 25 with some depression, anxiety, etc. is new to the Bay Area (sorry, not LA) and struggling to make friends. Some things that have helped: 1) She moved into a shared house with some really nice housemates. They don't hang out outside of the house (housemates all have their own friend groups), but they do some things together at home (dinners, movies, etc.) and just having other people in the house makes it a lot less lonely. 2) She's starting to join groups -- volunteering, book club, etc. What is key is repeated interactions in order to become more than just acquaintances. (It always takes her longer to make friends.) 3) She and I (the only person she knows in town) always plan one thing each weekend -- a walk, watch a movie, have a meal or cup of coffee, browse a bookstore. It's not what she really wants, which is to hang out with good friends, but it gives her something to look forward to and breaks up her a weekend a bit. Maybe your daughter can do that with the two friends she has. Make it mostly casual activities so her friends don't feel too leaned on. 4) Get a casual job where there is interaction with co-workers and no expected long-term commitment. My niece did that awhile back before she had a full-time job and it gave her something to do on weekends; again not what she wanted, but it was actually pretty enjoyable and she liked her co-workers. (Every young person I know who has worked at a Trader Joe's have found the other employees were super friendly.). Good luck to your daughter! Hang in there, Mama.