Support Groups for Family of Cancer Patients
- Related page: Therapists for Cancer Patients ... Supporting Friends & Family with Cancer
Parent Q&A
Archived Q&A and Reviews
- Cancer caregiver support group
- Caregiver for sister with cancer - support?
- Mom dying of cancer, I need a support group
- Help needed for family of cancer patient
Cancer caregiver support group
August 2008
My spouse just received a cancer diagnosis. The hospital has already provided referrals to support groups for him, but I'm hoping to find some referrals to support groups for caregivers for me. My preference is online - easier to participate in as a parent of a toddler, but in-person is ok too. Ideally, I'd really love a support group designed specifically for parents of young children, since there are issues unique to that population, but groups geared towards spouses as caregivers/young caregivers (age 40 and under) would be fine too. I've already submitted inquiries to Women's Cancer Resource Center in Oakland and Stanford, Family Caregivers Alliance/caregivers.org, and cancercare, but was hoping some of the folks on BPN might know of other yahoogroups or things like that. Getting my ducks in a row
I'm so sorry about your spouse. My thoughts are with you and your family. I know from experience this is not easy. I live in Lamorinda and found The Wellness Community in Walnut Creek to be fantastic for care-givers. It helped to meet others in-person who were experiencing or had experienced what we were.. And, they were so uplifting and inspiring! http://www.twc-bayarea.org/. Also, from what I understand, Alta Bates offers great support services too. I didn't use the online route because the ones that I stumbled upon were sometimes too depressing. I liked the in-person groups facilitated by a counselor. Good luck to you. been there
Caregiver for sister with cancer - support?
Nov 2007
I am the primary family caregiver for my sister who has advanced cancer. I am emotionally, physically and financially fatigued. Are there any caregiver support groups in the East Bay? Thanks. holly
The Family Caregiver Alliance provides services for caregivers, they have support groups, classes, counseling, respite, etc. 800-445-8106 www.caregiver.org
Mom dying of cancer, I need a support group
Oct 2007
Does anyone know of a support group for those with a loved one who may be dying of cancer? I have what is probably an unusual situation, where my mother has an untreated malignant melanoma and does not wish to have any medical care or prognosis (though she was medically diagnosed a few years ago). I have the feeling a downward spiral is beginning, and though I'm past the stage of wishing to change her views about treatment (it may be too late anyway), I am bewildered, to say the least, as I anticipate the future. Does anyone else have an experience like this to share? Thank you so much. anonymous
Best wishes over the coming weeks and months. There's nothing you can really do to prepare for losing your mother. Try to be in the moment with her as much as you can until she goes. Try to write down any meaningful conversations you have as she is dying. My mom said things in those final weeks that are still resonating with me three years later.
Even if your mom doesn't get Hospice care, you might check out your local Hospice center for support groups. Hospice of SF and Hospice of Marin are very good. You might also contact the Women's Cancer Resource Center in Oakland; they are a phenomenal place for information and I think they still actually have support groups for people caring for a loved one with cancer.
And definitely check out Hope Edelman's book, ''Motherless Daughters'' and her latest book ''Motherless Mothers.'' They will break your heart, but they will validate the feelings you may experience of losing your mother. No matter what your relationship has been like with your mom, losing your mother is an extremely significant life event for a woman. Whether you're 6, 16, 26, 46, or 66 - your mother's death is one of the biggest things you will go through and will shape your life in a way that shouldn't be underestimated and can't be fully imagined until it happens.
Best thoughts to you and your family. MLM
You could try contacting your local Hospice organization. They probably know of some good groups. Hospice (in another state) helped my mother die well. I was so gratful for their support. Hospice may be helpful for your mother and the rest of your family, too. Anon Mom and Daughter
Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your mother's cancer that you and she are facing. Here is a link to support groups from the Women's Cancer Resource Center that includes ones for friends and family. http://www.wcrc.org/support.htm (Women's Cancer Resource Center is a GREAT center for many things related to cancer). YOu can also call the American Cancer Society at 1/800-ACS-2345 and they can tell you about any other support groups at local hospitals, etc. Wishing you strength on a difficult journey
There is an East Bay agency called Circle of Care that provides support for people who are dealing with illness or terminal disease. They have support groups for people with disease, family members, and children of parents who are ill. You should be able to find the phone nunber on the web or in the white pages. They are a wonderful organization. Rebecca
Help needed for family of cancer patient
Feb 2007
My co-worker's father has stage 4 terminal brain cancer. She has moved in with her parents to help care for him, as her mother has a full-time daycare in their home with 5 toddlers. They need help in several areas, and I was hoping for suggestions. The first would be a support group for both dad and the family members. Understandibly, they are having a difficult time coping with this illness. Also, her father cannot return to work, and sits in bed all day watching CNN, as he gets confused and cannot drive/leave the house alone. Are there senior centers that pick people up at home for daytime activities? He is 61 or 62, so may qualify for these programs??? Also, he was in charge of family finances, and the family found out he hasn't been paying bills for several months. Is there someone that could help her mother make sense of this?
I think they all feel overwhelmed by what is happening and need some guidance. It would need to be gentle, as her father is a very strong person and is used to being in control. They live in the Concord/Walnut Creek area. They are such a close family, any suggestions are much appreciated!! want to help
When I had cancer, my family and I went to the support groups at Circle of Care , a publicly supported program in Oakland. The phone number is 510-531-7551, they provide support for children and families going through illness or loss. They have support groups for people with illness, caregivers, and children. Good luck to your co-worker and her family. anon
The family lives close to The Wellness Community . Many free services are provided to cancer patients and their families. In addition to support groups, there are educational events, yoga and other stress management classes, art and music events, and individual counseling. Call (925) 933-0107 or go to http://www.twc-bayarea.org. Nancy
Wherever your mom is receiving treatment they should have a social worker who can help you and your daughter. I’ve worked in pediatric onocology and can confirm there are plenty of resources out there depending on what city/county you reside in.
A quick google search yielded several books. Here’s a link on how to talk about cancer:
https://www.cancer.org/cancer/caregivers/helping-children-when-a-family…
I found myself explaining cancer to my 3.5-yr old a couple months ago. A friend of mine from college ('00-'05) was diagnosed and died ~2012. My name is Adam and she used to tease me about Blink-182's "Adam's Song," so whenever that song comes on the radio I tear up. My son noticed that one day so I simply explained to him that a friend of mine who got sick and died (I've been very open with him about death from early on) would talk to me about this song since my name is in it. He asked how she got sick so I explained cancer in the simplest terms and he accepted it with many, "but why" questions that I continued to answer. We also drive past a funeral home from daycare to home, so he's asked about it and I've had to explain to him what that "house" is all about.
I'm a STEM PhD working in tech, and I've been intentional about explaining things to my son clearly at his level from the start. I don't have any resources, I just break things down with a vocabulary he understands and explain new terms as needed, making sure to ask if he understands or has any questions.
I know you were looking for resources, but I think if you trust yourself and are clear and honest, your child will get it.
I am so sorry to hear about your mom. It is so hard to parent while also dealing with your own parent's illness. I don't have a book recommendation or resource for you, but I will share that I had these same concerns when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when my kiddo was 2.5 years old. I tried to find a good book or resource, but at that time, I didn't find anything that was a particularly good fit (as you mentioned, most books were about mommy having cancer). What I ended up doing was just explaining in very gentle and age appropriate terms that "grandma is sick and needs to take a medicine that might make her tired or not feel very good. The medicine can make it easier for her to catch colds, so we need to wash our hands/wear masks to help keep her safe. Grandma loves spending time with you, loves seeing you, and we are going to take good care of her.” Then, as symptoms, surgeries, and treatments came up, I explained each one as needed. My mom didn't lose her hair until 3.5 years into treatment, and when she shaved her head I asked her to send me a picture, so I could share it with my kiddo, so he was not shocked when he saw her.
When I was in your position, at the start of this journey, I assumed my mom would be extremely sick right away, lose her hair etc. But honestly, the first chemo she tried had minimal side-effects and worked well for over a year. When that chemo stopped working and she had to shift to more aggressive chemo/radiation etc. then I explained symptoms and situations as they arose. It feels fast to us, but to our kids, weeks/months feel like an eternity. There is no need to future trip and prepare your kid for symptoms and side-effects that may or may not happen.
For me, I have found, that the most important thing is to not flood your kid but to also not hide things from them. Kids really are astute but also incredibly resilient. My kiddo is now in elementary school, my mom has been on chemo for 5+ years (we knew from diagnosis that cure was not an option for her. I hope your mother’s prognosis is better), but with that said, I am so glad I didn’t front load tons of “could happen” information upfront. He has had many years of having a pretty normal relationship with his grandma, and i have been shocked by how well he can understand and accept her situation.
I know this is all easier said than done. But I just wanted to share my experience, so perhaps you won’t feel like you have to explain everything all at once to your child. This will be a process, and you have time to think and explain as you go. Good luck to you and your mama!
I don't have any experience about sharing this information with your preschooler but I do have some thoughts on how to help her through this journey. I was diagnosed a little over a year ago and though it started off relatively easy, it got complex along the way. Mostly it was about being new to everything and not truly understanding the implications and nuances of what the doctors tell you. In some cases I thought I understood (but didn't really) and in others I didn't know what to ask or expect. If possible, go with her to her appts and take notes. Also consider joining Facebook groups that focus on breast cancer and whatever flavor of it she has. I would actually recommend that you both join -- both of you will learn a lot and you will also better understand what she's going through. She will also need a strong advocate. There are sure to be times you will need to challenge a doctor or insurance and that can be stressful--just making sure she is getting the care she needs. If you aren't on top of things they can drag out and that can be bad. Please know that the treatments can be hard on the body and mind. And that once active treatment is over if she needs to take medications they can last 2 - 10 years and she still might not feel the same and can still be lethargic from them. You will also learn about things like how to get financial help for different situations -- and please lean into these and take full advantage of them. The Facebook groups helped me immensely as I navigated through it all.
Please feel free to ask the admin for my name if I can be of any help to you,