Which Summer Activities for Teens?
Parent Q&A
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Summer activity for resistant 16.5 year old
–May 29, 2024My daughter, 16.5, is out next week for the summer. She is going to boarding school out of state in the fall (longer story).
She is truly exhausted after a rough school year and “needs a break”. She is not wanting to do our usual family travel, not willing to find a local job and wants to sleep a lot and spend time with friends she won’t see for a while when she goes away to school. She has a “self-employment” idea as a solution for a summer job that I know will not happen or work out or be fruitful. Believe me, I’m not being negative, but this kid has severe ADHD and is in no way a self-starter. She needs external structure though resents it. Of course any reality check from me will be seen as me not believing in her or supporting her. My fantasy of her having a part-time job for some work experience this summer are evaporating. We are butting heads and fighting nonstop. I can’t shift anything.
I’m exhausted AND can’t tolerate her complaining at me all summer wanting money and rides.
Any ideas? I’m so stuck.
May 29, 2024Summer Programs for 9th grade visitor from abroad
–Apr 13, 2024My niece is interested in spending about a month in the Bay Area this summer. She will have completed 8th grade at an International School abroad (American-based school so majority of the classes are taught in English). Her parents would like to enroll her in a program that’s more fun, local culture-focused, and not too academic. Can anyone recommend any such programs for a rising 9th grader? I would prefer the location to not require driving past the tunnel towards Orinda/Walnut Creek or go east of Castro Valley, since I would chauffeur her along with my own much-younger children. Thank you for any advice.
Apr 13, 2024Any suggestions of what your teen has done for summer at this kind of 'in between' age? Our 14 year old has basically aged out of all but one camp that he likes (which honestly aren't that many anymore) and has a couple of small trips planned for the summer. We're waiting to hear back from one camp that might decide to do a Counselor in Training (CIT) program, but in case that doesn't pan out, I'm trying to figure out if he can work a job as he'll be 15 at the end of May, but most jobs for his age (other CIT positions) seem to require availability for the whole summer and we have one two week camp and the two trips, so I don't know if any types of those jobs are flexible in that regard, it seems like they aren't. Even classes at the community college won't work due to the trips and camp unfortunately. Any advice appreciated!
Feb 14, 2024Hello friends!
My (newly adopted!) 14-year old son and I moved to Alameda (by way of Brooklyn) on July 1st and I promptly signed him up for a couple of weeklong camps. (This is our second summer together and I know that things get a little dicey without some structure.)
He has a lot of social anxiety, mostly keeps to himself and would prefer to stay home and watch tv over anything else. He went to Bay Harbor Club’s Tennis Camp for the first week (which he didn’t hate) and for these past two weeks he’s been at the Alameda Community Sailing Camp which, to my great surprise and delight, he admitted was “super-divertido*” from Day 1!! So much so, that he is now asking about camp for next week!
And that’s where you come in!Do you have any suggestions for a (teen) camp that might have an open slot next week??
He’s particularly interested in water-sports like kayaking or even swimming, but as long as it’s not too “sporty” (he vehemently avoids soccer, basketball etc) and within say…a half-hour-ish drive from Alameda, I’d love to hear about it!
*I should mention that, while he understands a LOT and really knows how to say A LOT, he communicates primarily in Spanish (or non-verbally due to his shyness).
That said, he’s mentioned ACTING as one of the activities he’s interested in pursuing!?! So if you know of any bilingual acting programs—even during the school year—I’d happily take that info too!
Any points in the right direction would be so appreciated…
Jul 28, 2023🎶Summer, Summer, Summertime🎶
–May 17, 2023Hello BPN!
Well, my 15 year old will be completing her first year of High School next week and had an Absolutely Amazing Year! Now … what to do for the summer? She is headed to visit family for a week down south. But, nothing else is scheduled. What are your rising 10th graders doing this summer to keep busy and not become Couch Potatoes? My daughter is not old enough for a part time job just yet. By the time she turns 15.5 for a work permit, school will be starting again. Also, she is going to be in Honors Geometry next year any suggestions on how to get her “mind ready” for that? Gone are the Summer Workbook days LOL!
Any suggestions are greatly appreciated! I always plan in 1 week of nothing at the start and 2 weeks of nothing at the end. So, she has plenty of time to be a “couch potato”.
Thanks So Much Village!
May 17, 2023Summer Programs for 16 y.o. boy
–Jan 20, 2023Anything really great you have heard about/done? He is interested in biology, mountain biking, surfing but we are open to whatever could be a great experience and expand his world: college programs, internships, unique things... We did NOLS last summer which was beyond amazing. Thanks!
Jan 20, 2023What to do with a 13 year old over the summer?
–Feb 17, 2022Looking for ideas on what to do with my 13 year old son this summer, starting high school in the fall. I've been looking for some kind of camp in July where he can engage with other kids (not sports oriented) and I'm struggling to find something that only runs in July. Thanks for any ideas.
Feb 17, 2022Covid Summer Ideas for G9-10 Teens
–Mar 7, 2021Hello BPN Fam -- Looking for ideas on what's available this summer for rising 9th and 10th graders in the Berkeley (Oakland/Albany/El Cerrito) area. Open to online, hybrid and COVID conscious outdoor (or even indoor in very small pods) activities. Open to academic, musical, artistic, outdoor adventure (though not team sports), community service, etc. Thanks!
Mar 7, 2021Online engaging summer school suggestions for 16yo boy
–Apr 21, 2020Could some of you recommend a super engaging online course for my 16 yr old son to take this summer? He is an athlete & team sports may be hugely curtailed so I need a few ideas to occupy him. He’s really bright but NOT super academic & has ADHD. He loves controversy & argument so for example he’s been listening to Ben Shapiro podcasts to have something to argue with us liberal Jewish parents about (gay rights, feminism). He’s interested in economics, ethics, politics, black culture, business. I don’t care if he gets high school credit for the class but it might be incentive for him to compete for an A (he’s very competitive)! Thx
Apr 21, 2020Community Service Summer Camps for 12YO?
–Aug 29, 2017My son has been attending fun-filled summer camps every year for his whole childhood. He is 12 now and I'm starting to think this is no longer a good thing. He is developing a sense of entitlement about every summer and every school break—as if it is meant to be all about him at all times.
He also doesn't believe me when I tell him not all kids get to go to camp, that many kids live in apartments or homeless shelters instead of houses, that lots of families go to the laundromat because they don't have washers and dryers where they live, etc., etc. As my words were having no impact, I had him watch a documentary about poverty in America. He said it was sad but nobody he knows in Berkeley lives like that so he should still get to do all the fabulous things that all the wealthy Berkeley families do.
Mind you, we don't live like a super wealthy family. We drive an old used car, have never had a video game player, we have not given him an iPhone or a tablet, we have not taken him on any vacations out of the country or to expensive resorts, his life is not filled with material stuff in any sense. But maybe we have made the mistake of believing it is our job to ensure all of his days are filled with fun activities. It makes me sad that he doesn't see his life as one filled with good-fortune, but instead as something his parents are "supposed" to give to him.
I would like to change this by helping him to discover the joy of contributing to others instead of just the joy of his own entertainment. I'm going to sign us up to volunteer at a shelter on the weekends, but I really also want to find a sleepaway summer camp that is about helping others. And not the kind of "helping" that flies kids off to Puerto Rico or Barcelona for an exciting adventure in the guise of a "volunteer opportunity," which seems to be the only thing I can find online.
Would love to hear if any of you have found something like this.
Aug 29, 2017Teen Non Video Game Centered Activities Sought
–May 6, 2017Greetings,
I am new to the network and am looking for fun, especially outdoor activities, my 15 year old stepson can participate in for the summer while he is here. He lives out of state and will be visiting for a month.
In the home he lives in most of the year, he is glued to video games, even on the weekends.
During his visit, when his dad and I are not working, we'll be camping, dirt biking, and swimming. We love the outdoors and our teen does, too, when given the opportunity. We want to ensure that our teen has some great activities to do during the week, especially since he will be fasting from video games.
May 6, 2017summer activities for 13yo
–Jan 30, 2017I have a 13yo boy and am beginning to think about the summer. If you have/had a young teen, what activities did they do during the long break? He has tried CIT type of things and will probably do them again, but not every week. In the past, he's had some weeks of nothing planned, but again don't want that every week. He is still interested in some camps for older kids (through Cal, The Crucible mainly), but it seems there are not many. He's too young to get a job, isn't he? I should also say that transportation (for some half-day/middle-of-the-day activities) would be an issue some of the days as both parents work. I'd love to hear ideas.
Jan 30, 2017We are looking into summer options for our daughter, who will be 16 years old in June. She found what looked like a great program in NYC to learn about journalism, but it was close to $5k for 2 weeks, plus airfare and lodging. There are a lot of web sites out there, but how to know they are legitimate and of good quality? She's open to traveling and learning- other options she discovered include Poland, Costa Rica, and France (she is studying French). She did see something that is on the BPN site from 2011, but the link doesn't go to a live website. While we'd love to go somewhere with her, we both work and can't afford much time off...anyone have recommendations for good programs for a teen - either fun, local learning programs or something that involves travel? Thanks in advance!
Dec 23, 2016Winter break ideas for injured teen
–Dec 13, 2016Our 14 year old daughter fractured her wrist last week, and is now sidelined from her beloved sports team, and had to cancel plans to ski over the upcoming break. She is devastated. It's her right arm, so she is having trouble writing , typing and drawing.
Does anyone have suggestions for activities over break for a kid in this predicament?
We are on a tight budget, too, Which adds to the challenge.
thanks for any ideas.
Dec 13, 2016
Hi there, I’m the mom of an ADHD child who is now 20. And reading your post, it sounds like your daughter has a brief window of unstructured time right now. She’s had a stressful year at school, and she’s headed for boarding school in a couple of months. Honestly, that sounds like a lot, even for an adult. This is counterintuitive to what you wanted, but my gut would say give the girl a break. Maybe set up a volunteer job at a pet shelter or a low-key dog walking or other local job a few days a week to give some loose structure, but let the girl relax a little. Maybe plan some things with her as a family, like a weekly breakfast, or day trips with her on Wednesdays and Fridays for example. This could be a time that you could get close, she could relax a little, and spend some time with her friends. I know ADHD can be challenging. I have been there. But sometimes over scheduling is not the solution. Maybe try to see this as a time for downtime, bonding, and an opportunity for her to do some low-key volunteer jobs that give loose structure to the week. Sometimes structure can feel like control. This might be a chance for her to practice, making her own decisions and living with the consequences. It’s a really important skill. But I say give the girl a break.
I wish you the best.
This is a tough situation. We had a similar issue with our daughter when she was slightly older. What finally worked for us was patience and natural consequences. Though it was difficult for me, I learned not to press her on looking for work. However, we did not give her any spending money during this time. That ended up being a great motivator. She did not like being broke. She eventually found a great age-appropriate job.
My understanding is that it can be difficult to find summer jobs these days so the self-employment idea may be the best bet. Is there a trusted adult in her life whom she could call upon to help her get organized? We have found with our daughter that while getting assistance from us is anathema, she will accept help from other adults. Good luck!
My recipe:
Stop fighting with her. It will be hard to control yourself, but it is the most important step.
Set boundaries. Tell her how much money and how many rides you will provide. Friends are important. Please provide enough money or rides so she can see her friends regularly. No matter how much she yells or begs, stay calm, stick to your boundaries.
Trying to control a teenager will just make you both miserable. Give it up. Make it your goal to listen and understand.
I'm sorry you and your daughter are in this position. It's a tough one. I've been in a similar situation myself.
You can set healthy and respectful limits, but you can't control how she will react or respond. My suggestions would be to get through the summer with as much kindness and compassion toward both yourself and your daughter as you can muster. Decide and, as simply, clearly, and compassionately as possible, communicate how you're going to handle the summer as soon as possible. Take a deep breath. Remember "No" is a complete sentence. You'll have some space from each other soon.
Here's what I did:
Since my child would not go on our family vacation (and to be honest, I wasn't looking forward to them going on it), and it was not acceptable for them to stay home alone, we brainstormed a solution together. They ended up staying with one grandparent (in a senior facility!) for one night, then flying to stay the rest of the time with an out-of-state grandparent.
Since being at home all summer with little structured time was going to be difficult for all of us, I gave them a choice of three 2-3 week sleep away experiences with the option of proposing another one of their choosing. They didn't hav a choice whether to go; they had a choice where they would go. They ended up going to a 2-week sleep away camp. I can't say they were happy about it, but they went. It gave the rest of us at home a break from the tension, and them a break from us.
Since they were not amenable to getting a job (tough for 16-y-o's in this area anyway), I offered to pay them for volunteering or doing extra chores around the house. I asked for 24 hours in advance to be paid or, in the case of needing a ride, being driven to the volunteer opportunity location. Anything spur of the moment was at my discretion to pay or drive (encourage planning in advance and working around my schedule). I also let them know, as directly and with compassion as I could, that no "free" money would be given (they do have a summer birthday and often get cash from relatives), and requests for rides were at my discretion and more likely to be granted if arranged in advance around my schedule (no interrupting my work).
I'm going to suggest a resource that is geared toward parents of kids with substance use issues, but the information applies to improving any parent/child relationship. Consider taking a look at The Parent's 20-Minute Guide (free online resource) by CMC:ffc. I found the information helpful when I was at the stage you're at. If you find the guide of value, they have a more in-depth resource available The Invitation to Change: A Short Guide (also free online or available for purchase in physical book format).
Good luck to you in getting through the summer. Remember: when things get heated, take a step back to cool down before taking the next best step.
That's a really hard time. If she has something she likes to do, helping her find it would be good. If she went to a day camp in the past she might be able to volunteer there now. It is difficult for teens to find summer jobs, especially in Berkeley, because they are competing with college students who want to stay here for the summer. It might help if you can hold on to the idea that this is a tim- limited problem, given that she's going away to school in the fall. My main thought both as a parent and a teacher is that although she might be happy for you to go away without her on vacation, there are often problems with most kids when parents leave them at home while they travel.
I actually have empathy for her need to rest and be with friends before she leaves in the fall. I think you should support some of this, especially time with friends (maybe some special little adventures that you and other parents set up).
But - you are the parent! If you say work is a requirement, then she needs to get a job! Cut off allowance. Explain that a phone is a privilege. There are TONS of p/t jobs still available this summer. She may need big hand holding to apply and interview. Choose something really basic for p/t work. Enthusiastically praise her for every small step in the right direction. Does she want to be a babysitter? Have her call every nearby summer camp and see if they’re accepting apps for junior counselors. Call church or synagogue camps. Or go to places like Jamba Juice and chipotle and fill out apps. Tell her it’s not only about the money, you want her to have the experience of being employed with a W2 and a boss who can provide a recommendation for future work.
At 16 she is not in charge here. If this is a parental requirement then she simply has to work.
Sending love and strength.
Take all my advice with a big grain of salt since it is based on nothing but your three paragraphs and my own experience:
It sounds like you need to figure out how to let go and set some boundaries that work for you. She gets an allowance, and that's her spending money. You're available to help her secure work this summer in the following ways. If she wants to do her own thing, that's awesome and good for her. (Offer her support that you're comfortable with and empathy when it fails; avoid "i told you so" and stick to "that's rough. I'm sorry.")
I would also, probably in the same sit-down conversation, say that one of the advantages to having a planned out summer is that you can plan for travel. You respect that she wants an unstructured summer. The trade off is that you won't be able to commit to rides. Get her an unlimited AC transit pass and a bike helmet and let her know what works for you.
If there are other boundaries that you need (Does she have a curfew? Household responsibilities? Do you need her to get out of the house for certain windows?) get those on the table, too.
And when the inevitable complaints do arise, you can say "dang, that's hard. But we talked about this. It's too stressful for me, so I won't be driving you. I can help you look up how to get there on public transit if you'd like."
I'm the parent of an ADHD kid, too, and find he needs breaks but also needs structure. Maybe volunteering a few times a week would be good?
ASPCA looking for teen volunteers this summer: https://eastbayspca.org/youth-programs/shelter-scouts-youth-volunteering
She could do that AND putter around w/ her self employment idea?
Elise
I would definitely try to stop butting heads and fighting ;) This may not be what you want to hear, but it doesn't sound like getting a job is something she "needs" to do. I get not wanting to hear complaints all summer. Maybe the thing to do is for the 2 of you (and another parent if one is in the picture) to sit down and come up with some goals and guidelines for the summer. If it were me, I would want her to participate in family travel. Maybe she could invite a friend on the trip? If her goal is to accomplish something specific with her "self-employment" maybe you could brainstorm some ideas for how she could accomplish that. A rough outline of a schedule or list of tasks she would need to do to accomplish her goals. I think the key word there is "her." Most people find it hard to accomplish goals that they didn't set for themselves. I don't see why a 16 year old "needs" to get a job unless your family needs the income. You could also set expectations about rides and money. What are you will to give and under what circumstances? Maybe set a number of rides you are willing to give per week, or the kind of activity you are willing to drive her to. Are you willing to give her a specific allowance?
If she had a "rough" year and is about to go away to boarding school, I think resting and seeing friends are fine things to prioritize. For sure you don't want to spend the summer exhausted and fighting all the time.
My daughter is 19.5 and has ADHD as well. She got her first job in the summer when she was 17.5 at the regular grocery store. Then the following year, she got in at the high end grocery. She is a courtesy clerk. It has given her so much growth as well as friendly coworkers. The prior year (age 16.5), she did some pet sitting, modeled for a neighbor's online business photo shoot, made some cutesy jewelry. When she was looking to get a job (yes, at our insistence), my husband went around with her to see where she might have any interest. I am still working on accepting that even though she is a great student and in community college, she is on a slower path. Good luck and hang in there, mama!
Hi, during my growing-up years in a different country, kids normally didn't do summer jobs or summer camps. They would sleep late, hang out with friends, get really bored, and wish that school would start soon. It sounds like that's what your daughter wants and it's not entirely a bad thing -- it's a much needed break, specially for kids for whom school is hard. My kid has ADHD and she refuses to go to after-school, because just getting through the school day is her limit.
In terms of wanting money and rides, I can see that being exhausting. Perhaps you can set a budget and a certain number of weekly rides she would get, and that's it. Other than that, she can read at home, take online courses, cook, and help out with other things around the house.
I'm sorry you're in this spot. My only idea is to see if local friends or neighbors need help during their travels. My teen has happily signed up for garden care and pet care small jobs. It's not a lot but it might help with spending cash and some structure and responsibilities. Maybe she could even post here what she's willing to do and how she's be good at it. I guess I have one other thought - what about a running club or zumba class or something? Maybe even a mixed ages one you could do together a few times? Something to get moving and social that's cheap or free.
Good luck.
I have a similarly challenged teen. I totally understand you have concerns about an unstructured summer. However when our kids reach the max it’s best to empathize. We can validate those feelings (again and again) and at the same time set some parameters. It sounds like she doesn’t need to work but mostly you want her to have some commitments and responsibilities. Think about what options there are such as volunteering, taking a class such as dance, yoga or drivers ed, specific responsibilities around the house. Then sit down and talk as a family about which things she is wanting/willing to do and what your expectations are. It’s totally reasonable she wants some unstructured time with friends. If she’s open to volunteering maybe just some dog walking or other fun activities? Maybe she needs to have 2-3 structured days/week and others are relaxed? As for family travel, that seems a reasonable expectation. Perhaps as some mentioned bring a friend? Maybe travel near where she is going to school so it feels more familiar? Perhaps take some shorter trips for 3-4 days so she balances that out with time with friends? Whatever you do let go of your anger and expectations. Figure out what exactly is driving your frustration and brainstorm with your partner/spouse what could alleviate that? If it’s you not wanting to drive her places put that on the table. If it’s that your finances are limited, put that on the table. Truly I get it and you won’t get what you want and neither will she in this type of back and forth. Remember she’s not an adult. Her brain is still growing. And it’s totally normal to want to spend time with her friends at this age. Good luck to you!