Did I Pick the Wrong Daycare?
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Misgivings about the daycare after the first week
July 2007
I just started sending my 14 months old to his first daycare. It is a small home-based care and usually have 8-9 kids including 2 infants. We just started and today is second day, so I guess it is too early to tell something. But I just talked to my provider on the phone this morning, and can't concentrate on my work since then. I would like to hear any advice from experienced parents.
His first day, yesterday, was okay. My husband and I stayed there for about 30 min, and my kid even smiled and raised his hand when we were leaving. Although he didn't eat much and had slight diarrhea. But today, the provider almost snatched him at the door and wouldn't even let me in. Of course, my son was crying as the door shut closed. After about half an hour, I called the daycare just to see if he is doing okay, not crying so hard. But then the lady almost sounded like preaching me that I am concerned too much and crying is natural and he will be doing the same thing at any place. I totally understand what she said, but the tone of her voice was as if she was really annoyed by my phone call, and I don't know if she gets annoyed so much by a phone call from a concerned first time parents, then how she can handle little kids everyday.
I thought I found the right place, but now everything seemed really bad, like every time I visited the place they were feeding the kids only cereal and milk (even afternoon), and they don't take the kids out for a walk. Should I start looking for another place or wait and see how things are going? Any advice will be sincerely appreciated. Thank you so much.
We have three girls, and although the eldest is now 12, I still regret leaving her in a home daycare where the day care provider rubbed me the wrong way! She, too, seemed to brush off my concerns, and her comments still annoy me to this day. When I compare my feelings about her to the feelings I had with my other two kids' home daycare providers, I am filled with sadness that my eldest did not have the loving and comfortable experience that her sisters had.
If I could do it over again, I would take her out in a second, even if it meant missing a week of work to find another situation! Your daycare provider should have called YOU to tell you that your baby was fine and that you could relax.
Good luck; I do not miss those days at all! Mom of three school-aged kids
The part of your post where you said you were so bothered that you couldn't get any work done really struck a chord with me. Your daycare doesn't understand that their job is not ONLY looking after your child, but also tending to YOUR needs. You are paying for good care for your child AND peace of mind for YOU. You're not getting what you're paying for here.
I don't care if you ARE an anxious, overly nervous, new mom. Is there some other kind? If your daycare can't deliver peace of mind to moms of babies, then they aren't doing their job. Tell them I'm sure you are providing good care for my child, but I am not getting what I need from you, and spell it out for them.
Even though I suspect this caregiver isn't great with the kids either, by putting it this way you avoid feeling like you need to have a lot of evidence against them. You don't need to build a case that they have neglected your child. Find a new daycare. They've failed YOU. And you matter!! Fran
Trust your gut -- look for something else. You are paying this woman to look after your child and communicating effectively and civilly with you is a crucial part of your relationship with her. If it's not working then you will just worry too much and stress yourself out.
Yes, it's normal to cry and your son might take a few weeks to adjust (to any new place) but her attitude seems poor. Also, no walks and cereal in the afternoon? Do the kids get fruit or cheese or bread or other snacks?
A less than great relationship with the provider is enough reason to move on. Anon
You should follow your gut, and it sounds like it says get out. My childs first week at daycare was fantastic, I felt super comfortable with our provider and she never ever had problems with us calling or coming by. Your provider works for you and should be patient and understanding and kind! The food thing is bothersome as well. I've dropped by at different times and homecooked meals and different variety of snacks have been served at our providers. I'd be concerned too!
Please don't let anyone make you feel less for being concerned about your child. You are their only defense system and you can read them better than anyone else. A little time has probably passed since you posted this, so I hope that you've had a few more days to evaluate if this is the daycare for you and your son. Good communication is essential for a daycare. If you feel that that isn't possible, then you should consider changing. Your 14-month old can't communicate with (many) words yet, so you need to look at his indicators and observe how he is being treated.
We were once in a similar situation with our (then) 14-month old daughter and I thought that maybe it was just me, because there were other children there and obviously those parents didn't have issues. But your relationship with the daycare provider is unique and needs to be excellent. Not every parent/child matches up well with the daycare provider. This becomes a fairly close relationship so if the chemistry isn't there and you don't feel comfortable, you should definitely move on.
I think that it is healthy to go inside when you drop off your child. In fact, I still do it with our son's daycare. I go in and hang out for a bit before I leave. He went through a period where he would cry when I left and during that time there were a few occasions where I just dropped him at the door. However, under normal circumstances I always go in and get him settled before I leave. Go with your instincts and act accordingly! JOJ
Two words: CHANGE DAYCARES!! There are so many wonderful childcare environments where you and your child can both feel nurtured. While your baby may continue to cry no matter where you leave him, you should not feel intimidated by your child care provider, rather you should feel confident and taken care of yourself. Remember, this is your baby and you have every right to be on top of whomever is caring for him. There are people out there who know this and would expect nothing different. We have been lucky to find several wonderful situations for both of our children. Good luck! only the best for your child
YES!!!! For sure, absolutely, immediately. I just went through this myself, and if you're already having doubts, it won't get better. I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer here. With your kid it is better for you and everyone involved to feel comfortable. The home daycare we picked first seemed great, but upon closer inspection wasn't what i thought it was. The daycare provider wouldn't let my 5 month old take naps in the morning, insisting that babies had to adjust to the schedule that she set. She got pushy, and didn't listen when it came to my preferences for daytime napping and then tried to swindle us out of our deposit when we chose to go elsewhere. Go with your gut. It's your kid. There is always a reason to have a plan B. Jo
I found your message heartbreaking. Of course, the only information I have is what you stated in your letter, but based on that information I would say switch day care ASAP. My first nanny share situation seemed great beforehand but quickly into it, things didn't seem quite right. We only kept it a month and I wish we had stopped much earlier. Of course, it is heartbreaking to have a baby cry, and sometimes they will and things will settle down in a few days. But you HAVE to have confidence in the provider to help you with this. She doesn't sound like a partner. Perhaps a nanny share would be easy to find on short notice and you might find it is not too much more expensive than day care. Best of luck in your decision. been there
While your daycare provider may be right about how children deal with separation, I would be concerned about the communication style she's setting up. Your ability to communicate openly and effectively with your child's care provider is extremely important. It seems that this person's style is exclusionary to the parent(s), which probably has the effect of making her life easier, but this may continue to be an issue in the long run. Or it may simply be a matter of style, and you two are not a good match communication-wise. The other things you mention -- especially not getting outside -- would worry me too, but it seems that your ability to communicate with her about how your child is doing is paramount in considering whether this is the right provider for your family. Good luck! Another Mom
I strongly encourage all parents to listen to their instincts if something seems wrong. If the daycare doesn't seem right to you, and if you are not comfortable with your child there, you should start looking for another. Lee
Dear First Week, I say go with your gut. This person is being insensitive and rude in my opinion. I'm a first time mama of a 10 month old son. He's be with his in-home daycare provider since he was 4 mos old (found on BPN!) and she let me call, and call, and call those first weeks. She giggled at me, but she had the patience to explain how he was doing, how he was eating, how much he pooped. I was a nervous wreck and thank goodness she understood! Don't ever let anyone snatch your child at the door and slam it!! If this person is brushing you off...what are they doing while your child is their care?
I know it's hard, I often question my own irrationality when it comes to my son. But it's yours, and you have every right to explore it and own it. Don't question ''you'', question ''them'' until you feel better. Or find a person that feels right in your gut. I have a recommendation if you live in the Oakland, Laurel Dist. st
I can't tell you how many times I worried (often over nothing), called, stayed longer in the morning, came back early, asked for reassurances if I had to drive away while my daughter was crying. NOTHING would make the pre-school teacher my daughter had ever use a scolding or insulting tone with me or any of the parents. Even when she had to inform someone of rules, or disagree, there was always a respectful tone. Not to mention, anyone could stay as long as they needed to in the morning (but most were out by circle time so as not to be distracting). Does the teacher seem loving and kind to the kids? I might give it a little time, see how your child seems to feel, soak in your impressions over the course of a week, maybe talk to other parents?? But if you keep feeling bad, trust your instincts. Anon
Go with your gut. It's hard for both the child and parent when the child starts daycare and a good daycare will know this and will help you through the transition as well. My first daycare would call me a minute or so after I left to tell me my son had stopped crying and was doing fine. Most daycares have snacks of fruit and crackers. Cereal sounds not so great to me. I say wait a week or so. If you still have bad feelings and they aren't nicer to you and your child, then take your child somewhere else. You should be allowed to stay with your child for a minute or so before leaving him there. Erg... Andi
I know it's a hassle, but I'd pull your child out of that daycare and find another one. There are many great home based child care facilities in the Bay Area. The fact that this woman would not let you in the front door on day 2 (!) and gave you a hard time for calling is a huge red flag. Your instincts about outdoor play (or lack thereof) and snacks are correct. Most kids need time to adjust to a new arrangement. If the provider won't work with you on this, and tries to make you feel badly about it, then you should take your business and child elsewhere. Kim
Hi - I sympathize with your situation. Trust your gut instincts. I think something seems odd about the daycare situation myself and will likely not change. I say trust your instincts! trust your gut
They sound very unprofessional. I would go with my instincts and look for a more caring environment. anon
I strongly believe you should listen to your gut. Not knowing the specific daycare to which you refer, I can't say definitely whether anything hinky really is going on, but you clearly are not comfortable with this situation, which makes it a bad fit, in my opinion.
Also, just for the record, I have to say that I'd be mighty livid (and suspicious) if I was actually denied entrance to the daycare facility on day 2, with my child snatched away from me and crying. Moreover, when parents call their daycare to check in on their child/voice a concern, I believe they are entitled to have their concerns addressed, not blown off with a condescending and preachy retort. (I think a good daycare staff will even extend a little extra tolerance/hand-holding to first-time parents.) So, yes - if I were in your shoes, I'd start looking for an alternative that makes both you and your child happy. You know what's best for your child. Best of luck to you - I know the transition to daycare is not easy. Feeling for You...
You should feel comfortable about where your child is. If you don't feel you have a positive relationship with the provider, then your child will sense that. It is often harder on a parent then a child to be at day care but the provider should be as empathetic to the parent as they are to the child. I have left my son at two different day cares, we moved so we needed to change and now we are soon starting a thrid, since he is older we are moving him to a large family rather then the small family day care he is at. The new place prefers parents not stay more than 5 minutes at pick up or drop off but we talked about transitioning him with either parent staying about 1/2 to 1 hour on the first day and maybe 30 minutes on the next until we feel he is comfortable. I work full time outside the home and my husband is the one to bring and pick up our son so I have little contact with the day care provider. I plan to call daily and she knows that. If she is not OK with it, we would not put our child there. You have a right to be concerned and all about your son anytime. The other side of the coin though, if she is on the phone, she is not with the children so keep that in mind when you call. Keep questions short and try to call during nap times. Again, bottom line, if you are not comfortable, work it out with her or leave. touchy feeling mom
Your post almost made me cry. That first week is so tough on a mom, and it's mean that your daycare provider isn't sensitive to that. Not sure how you chose that place, but if there are any other good options around I'd consider trying a different one before your child gets all settled in. I had a great feeling about my daycare provider right away and have always felt that my boy is being well taken care of and that my needs are respected (one year later). You deserve the same. Hang in there. Anon
That daycare does not sound like a good place. They should help you with the transition of dealing w/dropping off your sad toddler and they should welcome all calls from you and they should not just be feeding them cereal and milk in the middle of the day. Those are all things that are unexcusable in my book! Dealing with having your toddler at a daycare is hard enough - I've been there - so the place you chose has to be 110% to your liking or else it'll make a difficult situation (dealing w/a sad toddler) that much more difficult for you. Switch. You'll be much happier elsewhere. leslie
It is never easy leaving your child with someone else because noone will take care of your child the way you do. Even with my own mother, I found things to complain about because she didn't do it ''right'' or because that's not what's recommended these days, AND I feel that my mom did an excellent job raising her 6 children. You have to make compromises. I was not thrilled that my son's state-of-the-art brand new daycare facility did not seem to know the very basics of infant feeding and nutrition. For example, they did not know the basics of handling breastmilk, and fed my son foods that were inappropriate for his age. But over all they provided a lot of stimulus and age appropriate and developmental activities, and most importantly, my son was happy (though it did take him a couple of weeks to adjust). So I made compromises because the feeding part, although not ideal, was something I could be vigilant and nag the caregivers about.
Having said this though, please go with your gut feeling. If your instinct is telling you something is not right, there's probably something not right.
It's always tricky to weigh in with only one side of the story, but I will tell you this much. (1) As a ''new'' parent, the caregiver should have been more understanding of your need to check in. My son was having a freak out when I dropped him off one day and an hour later, his daycare called ME to tell me that he was fine and playing with the other infants. (2) If you suspect the children are not receiving their proper meals, ask the caregiver to give you their weekly menu, or to tell you what your child ate that day. They should be ready to communicate this to the parents. Or show up for lunch to volunteer and see what they are serving. (3) My son has been at two daycares, and both were amiable to parents sticking around for as long as the parent felt it was necessary to help the transition.
Another thing is to stop by early during drop off time or pick up time to have a chance to chat with the caregiver because you two also need to get to know each other and get used to the new situation. And if all this still leaves you unconfortable, start your search again and find another daycase. anon
I think you need to have an immediate, frank talk with your daycare provider about your legitimate concerns. If you don't get the kind of timely response and action you want, you should switch providers, and the sooner the better. Transition time is important, communication about your child is important, nutrition and physical exercise are important. Don't settle for less than a great situation for your child. Constance
Are these daycare policies reasonable?
Aug 2003
I just placed my 13-month-old in a home daycare center for 2 full days a week. As our former part-time nanny gave us a short notice and I'm expecting another child very soon, I unfortunately had to choose a daycare center without doing as much research as I would have liked. The home daycare center I chose came highly recommended by my former nanny, and after visiting, I felt confident in the high quality of care my child would receive there, and that my child would be happy there. However, I wasn't quite comfortable with several of its policies, which I'm listing below. It may very well be due to my inexperience with how home daycare centers are typically run in this area. Could you please advise? There is a possibility that we may go to full time, 5 days a week at this daycare. Thank you.
- If I take my child out for a dr.'s appointment in the middle of the day, I should not bring her back to daycare for the rest of the day.
- I need to bring in my child into daycare no later than 9am (in particular, this conflicts with my child's morning gym/play class for which she is already pre-registered).
- When I asked about visiting, I was told visiting times were always at a certain time on certain (2) days.
- We need to pay for staff's two weeks' vacation time per year, as well as holidays. We also pay for any other days when the child cannot come, eg. sick days or family vacation time. anon
Hi, Most of the policies seem normal to me, with the big exception being limits on visiting times. I believe that by state law you have the right to drop in at any time. Check with Bananas, I'm sure they'll be able to tell you. GOod luck -same rules at our preschool
Frankly, all of those policies seem reasonable to me. We had our daughter in a wonderful home daycare for 2 years, and it had very similar policies. Perhaps your daycare (like ours) is run similar to a preschool, with a fairly scheduled day, including circle time, art projects, etc. It can be disruptive to the other kids, and difficult for your child, if they arrive in the middle of things, and can throw off nap schedules too. Taking a child out for a doctors appointment and then bringing them back can also be very tough. We tried to schedule doctors appointments for the end of the day, or first thing in the morning (we could bring her in late on rare occasions). As for paying for vacation (yours and theirs) and sick days, our daycare's policy was to pay the same amount every month, year round, regardless of vacations, holidays, sick days, etc. It seems only fair - these providers count on the year round income. Particularly if your child is there full time. Our daughter left daycare at the end of July and we even paid an additional 1/2 month for the two week vacation in August - it just didn't seem right that we should leave without paying for their vacation, when we had been there the rest of year. e.
Not all daycare centers have the rules you have listed. I think the important thing is, if their particular rules don't work for you, you need to find someplace new. The daycare that my son attended for 2+ years (before he started preschool) did not. With the exception of the vacation and sick days. Most daycares and preschools will require that you pay for care even if you can't come in (due to illness/vacation). Since you are part time, you shouldn't have to pay for the entire two weeks that the staff is on vacation, only for the days that your child would have normally attended. A good tip (if you're part time) is to not sign your child up for Mondays. Many holidays fall on Mondays and you'll end up having to pay for them when they're closed. As far as the dr's appointments, I had always found that it was easier to do those very early or late so you can drop your child off late or pick him/her up early. I tried it once in the middle of the day and had a hard time dropping my son off again. He was confused and thought that when I picked him up, we would be together for the rest of the day. If your child has a morning committment that will mean you can't drop him off until after 9am, see if you can work something out. If not, maybe this is not the daycare for you. If you're looking for recommendations of a new daycare, the one my son attended was Sundance Day Care in Oakland. The owner's name is Tae. Her # is 839-6449. We loved it there. Good Luck! Nancy
Most of the policies sound about right, a bit strict, but O.K.. For example the reason they may want all of the kids there by 9am, is that children form connections in the morning and children who arrive late are usally left out of the play by the other children.My child is in U.C. Childcare, and they are ''strongly encouraged'' to be there by 9:30am. However, there is no cut off. Also, some children have problems adjusting to coming back to care if they are taken out in the middle of the day. I don't pay for childcare so I can't tell you about those policies. The one thing that sounds a bit off, is the visiting thing. At my daughters school they have an open door policy, which means we can come when ever we like and are encouraged to do so. If they want to know when you will be coming, you may want to ask yourself why? I have a friend who had her child in a home daycare with similar policies and as it turned out, the main provider would take a nap when the kids slept leaving them unsupervised. Good luck. childcare mom
Two thoughts: one, you have the right to visit your kid's daycare any time you want to. State law. If they won't let you come in when you show up, I'd 1) yank your kid out of there ASAP and 2) file a complaint with the state licensing people.
On the vacation front, though: gee, I get a paid vacation, I expect you do, too -- why shouldn't your daycare provider? Isn't she (or he) a professional who provides a valuable service? Also, if the daycare provider gets some time off, s/he is less likely to crack and start beating on the kids (GRIN). Shoot, I *want my daycare provider to have vacation time! Sara
I must say, none of those policies seem terribly out of whack (when I was doing research, I found a wide range of policies on each of those topics), but having said that, at the family daycare we chose:
- there is no late dropoff cutoff. However, we try to get our daughter there by 9, just as a courtesy; if we're going to be later than that, I usually call them, just to let them know.
- again, there is no restrictions on visiting, but at the same time, they're pretty protective of their schedules, and not disrupting the kids, so it can be awkward if we do show up in the middle of the day. They have a separate porch, and usually make us wait out there and bring our child out, rather than letting us in to the play room or nap room.
- as far as paid vacation, our daycare takes a week out of each year for their vacation, and we don't pay that week. But, we do pay for anytime we don't use thier services, if we go on vacation, or doctor appointments, or sick days, etc. We generally end up taking vacation the same week they do, so we don't run into time where we have no daycare.
I know there are more stringent places than ours out there too.. if you really like the place (and your child does too), it might be worth trying to work with them. But do what feels comfortable to you, especially if you plan on a long term relationship! anon
My two children were in daycare from infancy until they went off to kindergarten and, for what it's worth, here's my take your daycare's policies:
It's fair to ask you not to bring your child back after a doctor's appointment--it can be confusing and difficult for a child to come back to daycare after being picked up once already. Being utterly consistent is really comforting and makes it easier for when you do drop her of each day.
A consistent time for drop-off (9 am in your case) is also a fair request. It's disruptive to the group to have kids coming in at all different times and makes planning tough for the caregivers. Again, a consistent routine is best for your child.
Limiting visiting times to certain days and times is completely unreasonable to me. You should be able to drop in to visit with no notice at any time. Yes, this may be disruptive and hard for their planning, but it is a safety issue. I'm wondering if limiting visits to only pre-set days/times is even legal. I can see if they require advance notice, but I would feel a lot more comfortable with a no- notice-needed policy, especially at a home care.
Paying for caregivers vacations is fair. These people are generally underpaid, undervalued, hard-working and incredibly loving. If, over time you still feel the caregivers don't deserve this benefit, you might consider moving your child to a place where you like the caregivers so much you do feel this way. As for paying for when your child is sick, they have to have staff to cover even so, so it's fair to expect this.
Sad to say, daycare in this area is extremely expensive, just like everything else. But the peace of mind you get from a good caregiver is absolutely priceless. Good luck! Joan
I would call Bananas and ask them, as they know what is and isn't legal. My understanding was that by State law a parent has the right to drop in any time unannounced. My daycare also has the in by 9a policy, as they say it disrupts the flow of the day to have them come in any later, but they have been flexible as long as the kids are fed when dropped off. I've been dropping him off at 9:30-9:45am, and have been told that with a days notice they would be ok with me dropping him off even later.
Paying for holidays, family vacation and sick days is standard procedure. If a child is sick a lot and doesn't pay, or you decide to go on a 2 week trip, it's not fair to the daycare who is holding your spot and unable to give it anyone else. anon
I'm sending my son to a home daycare that I absolutely love -- it's wonderful for both me and him. And the only one of those policies it has is the last one: 2 weeks vacation for them, all federal holidays off, and I pay even when my son is sick. That policy seems entirely reasonable to me: these people are professionals, and so should have holidays and vacation just like the rest of us; and they need to be able to plan and staff their center, as well as have a steady paycheck, so I simply pay a flat fee per month, regardless of sick days, my vacation, or whatever. I would certainly not like my income to be dependent on how sickly a child was, or how much vacation other people took.
Of the other policies, the first two seem pretty inflexible, and the one regarding ''visiting days'' makes me downright uncomfortable -- I would want to be able to visit whenever. Karen
1) I can understand if the daycare folks PREFER that you not bring your child back. They may want to minimize confusion for your child. I'm not sure I would want to put my child back in after a DR. appt. But I don't know that it should be a POLICY, per se. I would inquire further about their rationale. If it's a preference, then I'd feel ok with it. If it's a hard and fast rule, I wouldn't feel so great about it.
2) Again, the before 9 am may be a PREFERENCE and I would inquire further. Do they have things planned? Is there a schedule that they don't want your child to miss out on? If so, great. But would it really be so bad if your child was late? I often bring my child in after 9 am! And home daycares are usually chosen for their flexibility! Maybe you could talk more specifically with them to arrange when your child would/would not conflict with their schedule and see if that's ok.
3) Wow, the restricted visiting thing really pisses me off. You, as a parent, have EVERY RIGHT TO VISIT THE DAYCARE AT ANY TIME YOU CHOOSE! There is even a form that you fill out that they should give you, if they are a proper, licensed facility, that states your rights as a parent. Some daycares may PREFER that you visit at certain times, and if so they should make CLEAR WHY THEY HAVE THIS PREFERENCE. But you have a LEGAL RIGHT AS THE PARENT to enter the childcare facility at any time. And as a parent, you would want to do this to see what is happening in the home. Not only at designated times when they can put on a show for you!!! I pulled my 2 year old daughter out of a daycare that practically shut the door on me to keep me from seeing what was going on inside. I don't think it was anything bad; they just PREFERRED that I let my daughter get used to the place on her own. But I defended my right and let them know I thought what they were doing was wrong!
4) Yes, if it is a regular daycare and not a drop-in center, it is normal to pay for days you're not there and vacations. (Can you imagine running a daycare dependent only on when the kids could make it? The staff show up every day rain or shine.) k.
The policy about establishing a particular time and day to visit is a no-no. You have to be able to walk in at any time and have a look around, and while they might find that inconvenient, I believe it is a legal issue. The ''no arriving after 9'' thing and the ''don't bring her back after a doctor's appointment'' thing are both permissible, I think, but rather mean-spirited. It seems as if there should be some bend there, especially if it's a small home daycare. But that's their perogative, to set up those kinds of limitations. And finally about the money. We paid for daycare all year (including holidays and vacations). This struck me as a lot of money at the time, but I actually think it's fair. This is the livelihood of the caregiver, and caregivers need holidays and vacations like everyone else. My caregiver got this support from me and I'm glad we were able to support her in this way. former home daycare user
I run a small family home daycare (6 children; 2 providers) and we charge for one week's vacation (but in the future I can see us charging for 2 weeks). We also get paid for all holidays and do not rebate money when a child does not attend because they are sick (or decide to sah with mom or dad). We have no way to fill the opening and we feel that we are just as worthy of vacation time as anyone else in a job with benefits. We simply make our own benefits. :) I would say that at least one week is standard in the industry.
Now, as for doctor's appointments, unless your child meets the DCP's guidelines for exclusion (for sickness), I cannot fathom WHY your child would not be allowed to return after a doctor's appointment. I'm sure they have a reason; did you ask why?
We are VERY flexible with our start and end times, so while I can't comment on not being able to bring your child after 9am for another center, I personally find it terribly rigid.
The visiting policy is an enormous red flag for me. I encourage parents to visit at any time, and as a matter of fact, will call them to encourage them to visit if we're near their work (at a playground or something). It usually makes leaving (parent leaving child) hard, but IMO, the child benefits more from the connection with their parent than from the parent leaving. Yeah, it is harder work for me, but the point is, what is best for the child. :)
I don't think you can research DCP's stringently enough; I would call the licensing board to check on any complaints, I would ask to see their DOJ fingerprinting results as well as First Aid and CPR certifications.
I have a link on my site with lots of questions to ask - here it is and good luck! http://3littlemonkeys.vavoova.com/choose.html Kathy
My two-year-old is enrolled in an excellent daycare center and they have some similar policies. The restriction concerning drop-off times is imposed because the other children can become upset as new arrivals come and then cry as their parents leave. The center tries to limit this stressful time by requiring arrivals during certain hours.
This daycare also tries to ensure decent working standards by providing vacation times for the head teachers. Teachers' aids are paid by the hour, however. For a more stable budget situation, they also require a contract that guarantees the amount you pay regardless of actual attendance for which you receive in return a guaranteed space for a certain number of hours per week.
The restriction on visiting hours seems unusual. anon
I find all but your last item to be unreasonable. At my son's daycare, we bring or pick him up as we need to. A doctor's appointment early or late does not prevent us from bringing him late or taking him back. If we do not arrive before 9 am, he doesn't get breakfast; since no one in my family is a morning person, including my 2-year old, we simply skip breakfast a lot at daycare and eat at home instead. Limiting times to drop by also seems strange. The only thing that seems standard to me is to pay a monthly and steady rate regardless of holidays, your family vacation time, etc. You are paying to have someone committed to care for your child whether or not you actually go every day or attend all hours; the staff definitely needs a two week paid break. If I were you, I would ask the daycare staff why they have these policies. My advice is that you should then get reasonable and detailed answers to your questioning of their policies that you can live with or you should find another daycare. KB
The policy regarding vacation and holiday pay is pretty standard, but I would have a major problem with the other policies you mentioned. They are very unreasonable and should raise a red flag. The one about the doctor appt. and the ''in by 9:00'' policy are simply annoying and inconvenient, but the one about visiting times is very suspicious. A good daycare center, home-based or othrewise, should let you visit anytime, unannounced, without hesitation. If the place you are talking about is Higher Reach/Wee Care, please email me and I will be happy to share my experience. tracy
Your note raises a serious red flag regarding the visiting policy. Please check this link to the California Department of Social Services, who licenses home daycare centers, for your rights as a parent: http://www.dss.cahwnet.gov/pdf/pub394.pdf. If the daycare center your child is in is licensed, they are in violation of State law by not allowing you to visit any time and should be reported to the State. I would NEVER leave my children in the care of a home or facility that didn't allow me to show up whenever I wanted to. Concerned parent
1.It seems totally unreasonable that you could not bring your child back after a doctor's appointment (assuming she/he isn't sick.)
2.I think many daycares feel it can be disruptive to the child and other children to have parents visit BUT you should be allowed to drop in any time, unannounced,I think that might be a law (check with Bananas); but as for a scheduled ''visit'' it seems reasonable to have the structured visiting hours. If they are downright not allowing you to come in at other times, I would be suspicious.
3. Fees: yes that is standard to pay for 2 weeks vacation and the 1 or 2 day holidays, because they need to earn a living wage like everyone else, and I think it feels hard to pay when you don't use the daycare but essentially you are paying for your space there and they can't fill it when you go on vacation.
4.I think some daycares are more relaxed about starting time and some more structured. The home preschool daycare we have used is on the VERY relaxed side which works really well for our family, however I would say the downside to NOT having a ''start'' time is that often we come into a boisterous group already engaged in their activities and it can be intimidating for our child to transition into that, vs. everyone arriving more or less together. But I'd guess that being that strict about arrival time benefits the caregivers and might feel too stict for a family daycare with such young ones, my feeling is they shouldn't have to be on a kindergarten-like school schedule unless you need to make it work that way. In short I'd say it all might be a matter of their daycare philosophy however it also sounds like the caregivers could be uncomfortable with guiding the children through transitions and they might be unreasonably rigid and un-homey in order to avoid dealing with the feelings or the chaos that can arise at transition times (i.e all the comings and goings.) Good luck. Chris
The transition to daycare can be rough - so I feel for you. My son is in daycare full time and the first few weeks were really hard on both him and me (he's around the same age as your son).
However, if someone other than the teachers assigned to your son's daycare are consistently watching him, I'd ask about it. I'd also be concerned that you aren't getting updates. My daycare logs everything - when/what he eats, when he has a diaper change, nap times, his mood, and pictures/videos throughout the day. When I pick him up, they give me additional updates. There's no TV and I'd be annoyed if they let him watch tv, especially if this wasn't communicated previously.
I'd suggest talking with the daycare about your expectations and see what they say. If not, its worth investigating other options - there are great daycares out there!
This sounds exactly like the place my daughter attended last fall. Trust your gut...it doesn't sound good to me. My husband and I arranged a meeting with the teachers to express our concerns and it did not go well. They totally brushed us off, so we pulled her out. So I would suggest that and hope you have better results than us.
Watching TV at daycare? That seems totally unacceptable to me. AAP recommends no TV for kids under two. I don't want to judge parents who put their kids in front of a TV when you need a few minutes to make dinner (we're only human), but you are paying them to watch your kid, not to put them in front of a TV.
That would be a deal-breaker for me, but I wouldn't worry as much about your other concerns. I always thought my kid was super adaptable and he cried most of the day for the first week. He was 20 months. Now he's been there 3 months and is doing great, he just took some time to adjust.
Trust your instincts. And the facts. The fact that they are training the kids to watch TV while they eat would be enough for me to find another day care (and I say this as someone who likes TV, is not against children watching some TV but feels strongly that it is completely inappropriate for your daycare to do this). I have run children's center, put 4 kids through all the various forms of care (nanny, home day care, and center) and what you describe has all the red flags of an unsuitable care option. I wish you all the very best as I know how hard it is to find the right fit. No update offered, change of staff without parental notice, and TV as babysitter during meals are definitely not small things. Do not be apologetic about wanting better for your child. You are not here to make the day care providers feel good about themselves; you get to ask for and advocate for what your child needs.
I think that these thing 2, 3 and 4 are somewhat typical in many in home daycares. And, it is one advantage of using a center instead of an in-home place. They don't happen at all in-home daycares but they were common at the two in-home daycares we used.
I know that pick up time can be hard, especially when adjusting. There is a series of parents coming in and it can be hard when it is not their own parent. Is he crying that whole time? I would normally say to give it two weeks and see (assuming you think everything else is okay).
I would say use your judgement and trust your instincts. We have pulled our children out of daycare twice - once when our son was 4 months and another time when our daughter was 3 years old.
With our son, my husband came in to pick him up and found him crying - he had rolled into a corner of the room (he had only learnt to roll one way) and was stuck and there was no one in the room. I had already been worried as they hadn't been ready when we started and we had given them months of notice. They were scrambling to find him a cubby and label everything for him. They also used bumbos and our son had 'escaped' out of his bumbo several times and they didn't know how he had done it... I felt that he wasn't being cared for well and so we decided to move him to another center that we thought was amazing.
The second time, our daughter was about 3 years old and she started having potty accidents almost daily at a new daycare (we had moved and had to switch daycare). She had been potty trained for months and so I was suspicious. Turns out the teacher was putting her in a time out several times a day and she was responding negatively to that. We moved her to another daycare and the accidents stopped immediately.
I would worry about the updates. When we moved our son to his second daycare, the director called me up during his first day to give us an update and that immediately made me feel at ease. And if you had specifically mentioned no TV, I would worry that they weren't following your directions. I would say if he's been used to a nanny share, moving to a daycare would take some getting used to.
I would be okay with the expected adjustment period crying, but not so okay with the eating lunch around the tv. How often is tv used during the day for this daycare? My personal threshold for tv at daycare or preschool is once a week. It sounds like your kid isn't in any kind of path of harm or negligence at all, but this might just not be a good fit. It's okay to look elsewhere.
I've had 2 kids in 2 different home day cares. Here are my thoughts:
1) For both of my kids, it typically takes about 2 weeks for the drop off tears to stop. There is also a big difference b/w a few months old baby who doesn't really know what's going on starting a care situation, & an older baby/toddler that is more aware (if that's what you are comparing the nanny share start to). After the two weeks, both my kids have both been super happy at their places. When my son started pre-school, he would also burst into tears when I came to get him at the end of the day. I don't think he was crying the whole day, I think it was just a combo of being a little overwhelmed by something new all day and relief to see me. However, if you think he is crying all day long, that is a little different. Ask the provider what he is like when you aren't there. Day 2 is still pretty early on though.
3) Pediatricians will tell you (at least, mine does) that they are not supposed to watch TV/have screen time until they're 2. That being said, one of my daycares did utilize a TV throughout the day. It was my least favorite thing about the daycare. I think it was in an educational/engaging capacity - but still - not my favorite. I did make a point to bring up the TV watching several times throughout our time there, asking how often they are watching it, generally expressing concern that I didn't want it to be too much, etc. just to make sure it didn't become a slippery slope. In my case, I loved everything else about the daycare so I was willing to let the one thing go. Up to you how big of a deal this is for you. We just continued to be strict about TV at home, & now my son is in preschool & in my humble opinion a bright kid. :) My current daycare does not use a TV, so there are ones that don't.... but our current one also has more assistants than my original one did.
You could try asking that she stops using the TV outright and see what happens? I never did that but maybe I should have.
4) It would obviously be better to get the updates unaided, but I think as long as you make it a habit to ask about the updates yourself, and you feel like you are getting honest answers, it shouldn't really matter how the conversation originated.
Ultimately, you need to listen to your gut though. Definitely BE VOCAL and talk about all of these things with the provider. They will likely have some sort of explanation or answer for them all, but you can probably read between the lines if what is really going on is something you are comfortable with. It's easy to be reluctant to speak up - I know there can be a fear that you are insulting their care or something; but you have to be your child's advocate.
At our daycare, its standard to show the parent a record of the day when the child is picked up. This includes naps (time and duration), meals/bottles eaten, and diapers changed. I believe this is something all daycares need to do. Just ask when picking up your son, they should have this info on hand. As far as screen time, I would talk to the caregiver about that and see what the policy is, and if you can opt out. There's obviously a lot of blind trust you must put in to the daycare, since without being there, you have no real way to evaluate the care given. Overall though, you should trust your gut, and if the situation is leaving you uneasy, maybe look into other care alternatives. There are plenty of great, accountable daycares in the bay area. Good luck!
Re the adjustment, group care is different from nanny share or babysitters. The kids have to adjust not just to a new caregiver, but a bunch of other kids and a very different environment. In my 16 month old daughter's toddler classroom at a daycare center, it took 1-3 weeks for most of the newcomer kids to adjust, and the length of time was clearly correlated with how much experience each kid had away from his or her parents, and whether they had ever been in group care before.
I'd be more concerned about the TV and lack of updates. You're not being high maintenance, but you're also probably not going to be able to get them to change how they run things. Personally, I'd look for another provider. There are family daycare providers who have more enriching programs and provide daily reports.
He might just need time to adjust. My son is 18 mo and is sensitive so it took him about 3 weeks of drop offs until he stopped crying. The first two days he cried most of the day. This is our first day care experience so I'm not sure what's the norm, but we get updates at pickup if we ask or not. The worker in your case may be a bad communicator and just not realize. Also, is tv at daycare a thing? That seems unusual to me. I would say go with your gut and if you aren't happy with it find another daycare that gives you peace of mind.
The crying the first two weeks is normal, sometimes more. Be sure to have a routine when you drop off so your son knows what is going to happen, do not stay for more than 10-15 minutes at drop off anxiety builds up and that can cause for your child to cry.The tv is unacceptable, I will talk with the daycare provider and let her know you do not want your child to watch tv. I will also let her know I want a report of his day everyday at pick up.The first two weeks I got about 7 messages a day from the provider with pictures, it gave me peace of mind to see pictures of my child playing happily.
You are the only one who really knows how you want your child to be cared for, if you present your concerns and the provider does not listen to you then I would think of another alternative
I'm so sorry--I know this is a rough time.
Around 18 months is just when my daughter started having a hard time adjusting to new people and experiences, and new surroundings are so hard. I doubt he cried for the full four hours you were gone, though. When you got the update, did it include, "He never stopped screaming"? If so, he wouldn't have eaten, or pooped, or anything, so I'm SURE he didn't cry for that whole time. (And when my daughter started preschool it was very much the same thing, and took about a month for her to not cry at dropoff. Now, two months later, she LOVES it and cries to be taken there in the morning.)
The rest of your post sounds like your child could be at the same home-based daycare that my daughter went to for almost three years. The kids had the TV on at breakfast and at lunch, which I didn't love, and I don't think it started until they were at capacity with eight kids all lined up to be fed. I was sometimes told a cute story about what my kid did that day, but I never explicitly asked for updates and therefore didn't get any. The owner did send me photos on many days, especially once my kid was old enough to be doing interesting things, but I didn't really realize that other parents got updates from daycares until a new assistant started and every day when I picked my kid up she would tell me that my child had pooped. (Now, THAT feels like a weird update after a couple of years of don't ask/don't tell/just assume!)
So I guess I'm just saying you can trust your instincts, but know that all daycares are different and just because there's not a chart mapping out ounces consumed doesn't mean they don't love and care for your child appropriately. When my daughter started preschool the teachers told us that she was excelling and was more verbal than other kids her age, and I totally attribute that to all the hours of the day she spent with her lovely daycare provider and her assistant (and sometimes daughter) in a small, engaging setting. We miss her deeply.