Older Siblings Sharing a Bedroom Together

Archived Q&A and reviews ▼

Archived Q&A and Reviews

Questions

Room dividers for kids sharing a room?

March 2010

Has anyone used a room divider/folding panel screen in a shared kids' bedroom? I posted a few weeks ago about our dilemma of only having 2 bedrooms but having 2 kids who each can only seem to STTN if they are in their own room. Moving a kid into the living room isn't an option for us, neither is moving our bed to the living room. My only solution is to try putting up tall room dividers/folding screen panels around the baby's crib and moving the white noise machine next to her crib to make her sleeping area a little more separate from the other side of the bedroom where her brother sleeps. Has anyone tried this as a solution? Did it work? Thank you! Mag

A friend of mine hung heavy, plain canvas fabric. She ran a taught wire (small cable really) across the room and screwed it into either wall, near the ceiling. The curtains have metal grommets in them that the cable weaves in and out of. (Hope I'm describing that clearly enough!) It's worked well for her kids and looks pretty groovy, too! steph

Will twins still want to share a room as teens?

Feb 2009

My husband and I are planning a big remodel and addition to our home. We have a 7-year-old boy and 2-year-old twin boys. Right now, our older son has his own bedroom and the twins share a bedroom. We are trying to figure out how many bedrooms we should plan for in our remodel. Our older son will continue to have his own room, but we're not sure if we should build a larger shared bedroom for the twins in the future (right now their shared room is pretty tiny), or if we should plan for separate bedrooms for them. > My question for those who have raised twins is: did your twins prefer to share a bedroom as they were growing up, or did they want their own rooms? All of the twins that we currently know are extremely bonded and refuse to be away from each other at night. But, none of them have reached the adolescent years, so things might change once that happens. Any advice from parents who have already gone through the teenage twin years? Or advice from a grown-up twin on their preferences of sharing/not sharing a bedroom with their twin? Twin Mama

Hi there -- I have twins who are older than yours though not yet teens and my suggestion is that you create the option for each kid to have their room. I say this as a parent who is seeing the struggles that twins can face in separating from each other and how critical it is that both children early on develop their own healthy, separate sense of self. I'd argue it's more important for twins to have the option to separate from each other. (Interesting resource to check ''Emotionally healthy twins: a new philosophy for parenting two unique children.'') Good luck and happy building. Rachel

I am a grown twin. We have shared rooms on and off during childhood. It went in phases. We were lucky enough to have bedrooms of different sizes and parents who were okay changing bedrooms along with us. We have always been very close, but once puberty hit we definitely preferred separate rooms. I would think that any child/adolescent - even very close siblings, will eventually enter a phase where they prefer privacy.

If you have the means and room for separate bedrooms, I'd say, go for it. Be prepared that they will not want to use them right now, so one bigger room to share would still be beneficial. Good luck with the remodel

I was a teenage twin (now 30). I was very close to my twin but solo very thankful to have my own room as a teen. As a twin I experienced intense sibling rivalry coupled with intense needs to have my own unique identity. Sharing a room during those years would have been disastrous! Dani

I shared a room with my fraternal twin sister until we were almost 14. The last year was pretty rough. I really needed to have my own private space. Luckily, we moved into a larger house. Some twins are closer and more compatible than my sister and I were, but it would have been hellish to share a room with her through high school. Jennifer

My twins too shared a room from birth. Out of the blue, when they were 7 years old, one daughter decided to move into her own room. They divided up their clothes etc. Then, after about 2 months she told her sister she wanted to move back in with her, and her sister said no! They've been in separate rooms ever since. They still go through periods of sleeping together when one is scared to sleep alone. multi mom

Two girls, 9 and 7, in one bedroom

Jan 2009

We REALLY don't want to add on to our 3 bed/2 bath house, but we have 2 daughters and a young son. The 2 daughters are only 9 & 7 now, but I see big issues in our near future, with privacy. Can anyone recommend a website or design book on how to divide the space we have (only about 14 x 11 feet) creatively, giving each girl a few square feet of space that is their own? Or what do YOU recommend? They're currently in bunkbeds...how do we do this?! heidilee

I saw the neatest idea not long ago, with slightly offset bunk beds in the middle of a long room. The girl with the upper bunk had a set of drawers in the shallow spot under her bunk, and the girl with the lower bunk had hung a small shelf with a clip-on light and alarm clock on the slight overhang from the upper bunk. They exited their beds from opposite sides. These two sisters were 15 and 12, so for privacy, their parents had let them hang long pieces of fabric like curtains along the upper bunk separating the two sides partially.

I also shared a room with sisters. While there were plenty of arguments and teenage fits about privacy, later I had absolutely no problems in my college dorm room, while other folks with no such experience couldn't sleep, couldn't study, couldn't do anything. I learned to be ''alone'' with others around, and have no trouble now working in a cubicle. Gotta learn to share sometime

There are some wonderful design books by Tauton (sp?) that I've looked at Expo. The provide all sorts of room designs and storage ideas. HGTV's Divine Design also has done a couple of episodes on shared bedrooms. Good Luck

Girls sharing a room to free up a bedroom for guests

March 2005

my girls are 3.5 years apart and I am wondering from others experience what the pros and cons are of them sharing a room. we have a 3 bedroom house and it would be nice to have a room for guests/grandparents, but i wonder what would be best for the girls? If we get a bunkbed or trundle set up (which is most effiecient space- wise) does one feel like they are getting the make shift bed or would it be better to get them each their own bed so they each have their seperate space within the same room? Thanks for any input! juli

We have the same situation as you and ended up buying a bunk bed for our two girls. There is something about bunk beds that kids love! Our daughters are also around 3 years apart, so our 6 yr-old sleeps in the top bunk, and our 3-yr-old sleeps in the bottom bunk. We've made the bottom bunk very cozy and like a fort with celestial silk fabric hanging around it. The top bunk is full of stuffed animals which our 6-yr old arranges how she wants them every night before bed. So I would say that this works, for now, and who knows, maybe when they are older they may want the bunk turned into 2 separate beds. The bunk gives the room more floor space. good luck! Alexis

My girls are 3.25 years apart and have been sharing a room since the youngest was about 3 months old (they are 3 and 6 now). Its OK. If I had a third bedroom, I'd have them in separate rooms though. Its mostly because the youngest is NOT the sleeper her older sister is and gets up very early and wakes her up. And on occasion when she gets up at night its the same thing. Another irritating thing is if the older one is in the room because she has misbehaved, its really hard to keep the younger one out.

They have bunk beds that are both on the floor, as I want to wait until the youngest is older before tempting her with a bunkbed. It works just fine space-wise. And probably gives them a sense of space. Other than the sleep thing, its really fine. I think they like sleeping in the same room and knowing each other is near. I can hear them talking to each other in the morning sometimes and its sweet. Hilary

My girls are 3.25 years apart and have been sharing a room since the youngest was about 3 months old (they are 3 and 6 now). Its OK. If I had a third bedroom, I'd have them in separate rooms though. Its mostly because the youngest is NOT the sleeper her older sister is and gets up very early and wakes her up. And on occasion when she gets up at night its the same thing. Another irritating thing is if the older one is in the room because she has misbehaved, its really hard to keep the younger one out.

They have bunk beds that are both on the floor, as I want to wait until the youngest is older before tempting her with a bunkbed. It works just fine space-wise. And probably gives them a sense of space.

Other than the sleep thing, its really fine. I think they like sleeping in the same room and knowing each other is near. I can hear them talking to each other in the morning sometimes and its sweet. Hilary

It would be very difficult for your daughters-don't force them to. They live there, so they should be the priority above guests. Siblings-esspecially siblings two to four years apart-are very often angry with each other and bicker all the time. They need a 'safe spot' where they can have their own space, something they don't have to share with a sibling. Anna

What do the girls say about a) sharing a room and b) separate versus trundle versus bunkbeds? I think working with their preferences is what would make or break a shared room situation. I have a girl and a boy, also 3 years apart (4 and 7 years of age) who sleep together every night, but don't want to have beds in only one room. So every night one sleeps on a mat on my son's floor and the other on my son's bed and they're perfectly happy. (On rare ocassion my daughter wants to sleep alone in her own bed, in her own room.) I really think you have to take the kids' needs/desires into account! Susan

This is my own personal experience with my sister and I. She is 3 years younger than me and we HAD to share a room as there were 5 children in my family. I resented it but I don't think it has had any long term effects on me! My sister was always afraid of the dark, I liked it pitch black. She would whine because I got to stay up later and would drive my parents crazy till I went to bed. When I was 14 and she was 11 she ripped down all my Donny Osmond and David Cassidy posters(sigh, ok maybe one long term effect!). I never had my friends come over and play in my room because we never had any privacy. She was always into my things..oh, the list goes on. I guess what I am saying, is if it's a short term situation and the girls are not preteens it is doable.

What I have done now that I have 2 children of my own in a 3 bedroom home. My thirteen year old has a full size bed and all the cool stuff like a computer, t.v. PS2 etc... in his room. His 9 year old sister has a trundle bed (stores under her single bed) and when we have guests (which we do way too often!) My son's room becomes the guest room and we pull out the other mattress and son sleeps in it for a few days while we have company. It works for us. We discussed the situation with the kids and they agreed to making the ''sacrifice'' while company is staying. Son is happy because he has a full size bed. Daughter is happy because trundle works great for sleepovers too. Hope this is of help to you. Good Luck! Sue

Here's what we did: We put bunk beds in our older girl's room, and kept all of her ''stuff'' (clothes, toys, etc) in there. Our older girl slept on the top bunk, and her little sister slept on the bottom bunk. We then had the guest room be our younger daughter's ''play room.'' Most of her toys were in there (put away into plastic drawer type bins that fit under the double guest bed) and most of her clothes, allthough her pajamas were in the ''sleeping room.'' This gave both girls separate space to play if they wanted to be apart during the day (although they often ended up playing in the same room.) (Our girls are 3 years apart by the way.) When guests came we would bring one of the toy bins down into the living room (letting her selectivly fill it with all the toys that she wanted) and move her playroom down there for the duration of guests stay. You also have to make sure that clothes are accesible - maybe one way of doing this is putting both girls ''every day'' clothes into the older girls/sleeping room, and putting all extra clothes (fancy clothes/wrong size/etc) into the closet in the playroom/guest room (leaving some space for guest's clothes.) This worked well for our girls until the older one was in middle school (about 12) when she really wanted her ''own'' space. We then moved her into the guest room (kept the guest bed, which became her bed,) with her stuff, and gave her sister the room with the bunkbeds, so now when guests come our older daughter sleeps in her little sister's room while guests are there. The girls seemed to like sleeping together (when they were younger) but having some space to ''be separate'' during the day worked really well, and still left us with the use of a guest room. -Made it work

We had a similar set-up, 3 bedrooms; and had our 2 boys who are 4 years apart sharing one room. they didn't like the bunk bed, so we had 2 separate beds and only a small amount of play area. Our 3rd bedroom became an office/playroom/guestroom. This was all fine until my older son turned 9 and then he insisted on having his own bedroom; he dragged all of his bedding into the guestroom. He was very clear that he didn't want to share space anymore. no more guestroom

Thank you everyone for the great responses! Really good ideas were shared - every one of them had workable ideas for the original poster, in a much nicer tone than I would have managed.

Personally, I was upset that someone would give higher priority to occasional guests than to their own children who live there everyday - not to mention the waste of usable space if guests visit only a few times a year. I frequently notice kids ''don't rate'' the same equality and respect that adults do, and that makes me pretty sad, because of the subtle message it sends that they are not important or don't count.

So thanks again, BPN! There are many creative people on this board - I learn so much from you all. Anonymous, please!