Hospital Stays & Surgery for Parents
Parent Q&A
Archived Q&A and Reviews
Questions
Preparing 2.5 year old for dad's surgery
July 2003
It's looking like my husband will need surgery to help repair a rotator cuff injury, after which he might need to stay in hospital overnight or so. I would sure appreciate any advice you might have in how to best prepare our very verbal 2 1/2 year old son. He's used to spending the night away from one or both of us and we have lots of very supportive family and friends nearby, so I'm not particularly concerned with that aspect of the situation. I'm more interested in things I can do to help him understand and prepare for what's going to happen. I've checked the website and only found one repsonse on this topic and it focused more on ways to get the rest necessary for a full recovery. Thanks again for your help! Kerri
I think that you're making a bigger deal of this than it needs to be. Just tell your son that Daddy is going to the doctor to get his shoulder fixed so that it won't hurt him so much. This reinforces the idea that doctors are our friends and make us feel better, not people to be afraid of.
You could explain that it will take awhile for his shoulder to get all the way better so that your son won't expect his father to be able to immediately lift him up or play ball. If he's curious to know more details, present information in a positive way. He'll probably ask if what the doctor did hurt, so his father can tell him that it didn't (or very little if it did- be honest), that doctors always do their best to make sure that they don't hurt people even though sometimes you feel a little worse before you feel better. You could tell him that our bodies are amazing and wonderful and know how to heal themselves, but sometimes need a doctor to help. Sounds like your kid is very inquisitive and you'll probably get a lot of questions, but this is a good opportunity to help him learn.
Preparing 4 and 6 year olds for mom's surgery
August 1998
I am having surgery soon. I will be in the hospital for 3 to 5 days and at home for about a month. I am not supposed to lift or carry during that time. I have two sons. One is 6 and the other is nearly 4 years old. (They are in school/daycare during the day.) I have a couple of questions.
Any helpful hints for preparing the boys for my absence during the surgery? My youngest son weighs 44 pounds and loves to run and jump on anyone in a sitting position. We have started explaining that he won't be able to do that when I get back from the hospital but we know he will not remember. I hope to barricade myself behind pillows and maybe a TV tray or two but I'd love advice from others who have dealt with a highly energetic child after surgery.
Thanks!
My husband recently had minor surgery which turned out to be much more major then we had been advised. (My daughter's preschool teacher wisely remarked that the surgery is only minor for the surgeon.) We have an almost 3 year old at home. All went well, as I'm sure it will for your family. Yes, he kept pillows around him and let our little girl know (when he saw the pre-body-launch gleam in her eye) that Daddy couldn't do any rough-housing for a while. The very genuine groan and grimace of pain the few times this rule was trespassed did a lot to make her understand. I also went to Toy-Go-Round on Solano (used toys to save $), and bought a couple of simple board games that my daughter could play with her Daddy on the bed while he was resting. Other things like drawing, etc., might be good (but calm and relatively restful) ways for you to interact with your kids without over straining yourself.
The most important thing is not to return to your normal activities too soon!!! I'm guessing this will be a tough one for a mom of two. Depending on your situation (partner? is partner helpful?, $ to spare?), perhaps you could consider getting a little outside help. Maybe some of the previously posted suggestions for house cleaners/keepers could provide a few hours of work for your family? TWICE the estimated recovery time was what it took to get my husband back to semi-normal. And even with only one child, I was really tired at the end of it, because he does a lot for our family. So please, if it's at all financially possible, consider getting a little outside paid support for yourself. It will pay you back in good health. Best wishes. Catherine
HI, my husband had hernia surgery when our kiddo was 2.5 months old. They told him not to lift 10lbs or more for 2 weeks. It was ridiculously hard for him to be out of commission for a couple weeks, esp as I was still recovering from c-section and our baby was colicky and really hard. But after a few days, he was able to do some non-baby chores while I focused on baby. He started lifting the baby before the 2 week period ended, and he didn't have problems. That said, his arms are very strong and probably did a lot of the work, whereas I use my core a lot more to lift. Do you have anyone to help you after the surgery? Maybe you have a spouse/partner who could take a week off (see FMLA rules that require time off to care for family member or maybe there is some parental leave left?) or a local family member or could hire some help during the day. I'd recommend either doing it right away (before that 3 mo old gets any bigger) or getting someone to help out for a couple weeks. And just try to avoid picking up the 3 yr old for the 2 weeks after (which is hard, I know... even though they can walk and supposedly not need picking up, they totally do because they don't exactly cooperate with everything....). Good luck!
Hello! My husband was diagnosed with a hernia a couple years before our daughter was born. We decided to wait until she was 5 and he had his surgery about a month ago, in part because of picking her up, in part because of improvements in hernia mesh and the failure issues they used to see 10-15 years ago, and in part because of having good insurance right now. Our daughter was old enough to understand that daddy won't be picking her up or jumping around with her for a month, so it has worked out well. Having said that, you can imagine that C-section recovering is a similar timeline and women are faced with this situation frequently, and I bet there are women with some great tips on churning through the weeks in your current situation, if you've got some backup from a spouse and/or friends/family nearby! My husband's surgery was laparoscopic and used a mesh, FWIW, and his recover (fingers crossed) has been uneventful. But you do have to take the recover rules pretty seriously :)
Hi Sarah, I had a hernia from my first pregnancy that I had surgery to fix when my baby was about 10 months old and my older daughter was 3.5. My hernia was pretty mild, but still required surgery. My doctor gave the same recommendation of not lifting more than 10 lbs, but said that she said I could lift the baby as long as long as the pain was minimal. The first few days (basically a week) were rough and I wasn't able to lift anything more than the baby. My parents came into town for a week to help out with the kids. After that I was pretty able to parent and told my older daughter in advance I wasn't able to pick her up for a few weeks. We read Richard Scary's story about Dr. Dog, Abby bunny and her tonsils so that helped her visualize about surgery and she ended up being very interested in the whole process. If you have support the first week or two I think you'd be fine. Good luck!