High Energy Toddlers

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Constant battles with very active and very emotional 14-month-old

February 2007

My 14th month old is very active and very emotional (you know when she's happy, sad, and especially angry)! She hates being still which means a physical battle for car seat, high chair, ciaper changes, clothing changes, and any time we have to stop her activity or keep her from doing something. Unfortunately I have chronic pain (fibromyalgia/ lupus) and all of this struggle is really causing me a lot of pain. I'd love to hear what other parents of spirited kids have done in this situation and also how parents with pain syndromes deal! Hurting


You may not like this idea, but it worked for us--give up doing all that stuff! It's really amazing, but so much of what we do as parents isn't all that necessary. If you have an easygoing kid and can get diaper changes regularly, then go for it. If, however, your kid is ''spirited'' or wahtever you want to call it and just resists those kinds of things, then skip it. (Of course, if there are health issues like rashes, then that is another story, but honestly, you'd be amazed how much pee those things can hold!). Skip the car whenever possible, don't put her in a stroller, but try slings or other carriesr that might work with your chronic pain. THe main thing is to parent in a way that reduces the struggling, for both of your sakes. I know, i was there and eventually became totally dissatisfied with the amount of struggle between my daughter and me. I had to decide what i REALLY cared about (the list was quite short, really) and go for those, and blow the rest of it off (ie, hairbrushing, handwashing, clean clothes, diaper changes, strollers, unnecessary car rides, wearing jackets, etc.). I wish you luck, i know it is hard, and this is just the best way we have figured out how to have a more peaceful home for everyone in the family. anon


Hi, I too have fibromyalgia and a very spirited child (now 2.3). The best advice I can give is to hang in there because it will get better as your daughter gets older and can understand what you can and can't do. And she will get more cooperative about clothes, when she understands the process more and gets interested in what she wants to wear. I can now say to my son: ''Mommy needs to put you down because her arms hurt. How about if we sit on the couch together'' or whatever, and he seems to get it. I also resort to bribery to get him in the car seat sometimes--as in, you can have your bottle, pacifier, snack, toy,etc. in your car seat, because I often just can't physically force him into it (as his other mom can), and of course the car seat is non-negotiable. For diaper changes, it helped a lot to let my son stand up for them (holding on to something when he was younger and unsteady), and to talk or sing nonstop while doing it to distract him. I also have resorted to DVDs (baby Einstein) to keep him distracted so I can get his clothes on without a struggle. Also, I often wear soft(neoprene) splints on my hands to stabilize and protect them. These are available from PT or online/phone (brand: North Coast Medical. 800-821- 9319). And at your daughter's age, the Hip Hammock was a lifesaver, as it is an easy way to put more of the weight on hips, rather than arms/shoulders/back. I would keep it on and when my son wanted to be picked up, it was easy to then put the support around him for short periods (I could never carry him in any kind of baby sling for long periods). Some of this may sound like non-ideal parenting techniques, but the reality is that using different strategies like these have made me a better, more versatile and present parent and I seem to have produced a well-adjusted, smart, verbal, loving and not-too-demanding-for-a- 2-year-old child. Feel free to email me to talk about this more. I would like to meet more parents with this experience, as I often feel pretty isolated. Ellen


I had similar struggles with my daughter, now 2, at the same age as your child. She would actually frequently cry and resist carseats, crib and stroller so much she would vomit. I finally signed up for a Kaiser's Spirited Child Temperment class when my daughter was 18 months old. It helped a lot, and I highly recommend it. My daughter just recently became a lot easier! I know another year is a long time to wait. I also started my daughter in daycare 3 half days a week because of how challenging I found parenting a spirited child, and I don't have any extra medical concerns to consider. So, if you haven't already, I highly recommend some very part-time daycare to get you the rest - both physically and emotionally - that you need. Your daughter will also likely benefit greatly from having others hold/restrain her (for diaper changes, stroller rides, carseats, etc.). Good luck! It gets easier! anon


High energy 2-year-old can't control impulses, fidgets constantly

November 2003

I wanted to pose an interesting question to the group. We have a very high energy two-year old- yes, I know all two year olds are energetic, but ours is more so than most. We love her enthusiasm, but she seems to have difficulty with her impulses (again, more than other two year olds,) so that affection like hugs and kisses turns into hurting others very quickly. She fidgets constantly, and needs to be moving all the time or she gets very tense. Often I can see her trying to rein herself in, but she almost shakes with the effort of controlling her impulses, and she seems to have a very hard time settling down or relaxing at all. She is in a preschool where there is lots of 'running around' time, and that helps her tremendously, but I'd like to give her some other strategies for channeling or dealing with her energy. Her dad is also has lots of nervous energy as well (people often comment on his fidgeting,) but he is still working on ways to deal with it, so he can't offer her much yet. Anyone have a child with similar issues, or any other high energy adults that can weigh in on this? I'm thinking of things like deep breathing or tensing and relaxing parts of her body. I'm looking for age-appropriate things, but if you have anything that has worked for older kids that we could try in the future, that would be great. Thanks!
mom of a firecracker


i believe the book ''how to raise your spirited child'' might have some good advice. good luck! anon


A few things I'd look into: diet first, see if she's more settled and happy without certain foods. You may have to eliminate a few things you suspect (sugar? dairy? artificial colors? yeast? wheat?) and then reintroduce one at a time to see if that causes a behavior change. You may also want to try bodywork, my very active kids seemed to settle and feel more in control of themselves with Jin Shin Jyitsu (spelling?) treatments. I've also heard good things about Bach Flower essences for this kind of thing. Good luck. CK


Hi, I can totally relate to being the Mom of an active 2 year old. I have (mostly) solved this problem by introducing as much physical activity on a daily basis as we can viably manage. I would say for the past 1.5 years (my son will be 3 soon) he has gone to the park virtually daily and many times twice a day, just to ''get it out'' (nanny takes him during the day, then I will take him again at night, weather and daylight permitting). I've also purchased a fold-up large piece of foam so he can just jump at home--on and on--which he did tonight for over an hour after he got up from his nap (actually, since we just purchased his new ''big boy bed'', tonight he was jumping onto his old crib mattress, now stored under the bed). He jumps, and every once in a while I throw in a jump or two (I'm no spring chicken!)and a great time is had by all! We also have this bouncy ball he received a! s a gift-that is often good for 1/2 hour of solid jumping, and works in the house. It is very noticeable when he doesn't get in some serious physical outlet during the day- becoming cranky and angst filled ... I can't recommend it highly enough to preserve sanity! Janice