Halloween Alternatives

Archived Q&A and reviews ▼

Archived Q&A and Reviews

Questions

Am I the only person who HATES Halloween?

Sept 2003

Am I the only person who HATES halloween? I hate everything about it but find it hard to protect my children from it. I would like some help and advice on how to go about it short of locking everyone up in the house! I hate the fact that it is the second biggest holiday marketing ploy. I hate the fact that kids at an early age are exposed to masks of melting faces or blood gushing out of their eyes or worm crawling out of their brains/ears. I hate that my kid's very PC elementary school will set up a haunted house in which to scare little kids out of their skulls and in a school led camping trip, will incorporate spooky stories around the campfire. I think our movies and music get more and more violent each year because people get sensetized to more and more at an earlier age. I have no idea what socially or morally redeemabe value comes out of scaring kids. Even in early elementary school, some kids can have a hard time differentiating between reality and fantasy and even as adults how many of us have been spooked for a while after seeing a scary movie? If there are other parents or parents of sensetive children - out there, I would love your help in figuring out how to deal with a tradition that is here to stay. Thanks.
spooked by halloween as a child

Yes, I also HATE halloween. I agree with you on every count. If one more person asks me what my kids are going to be for halloween, I'll scream! I am not sure what good advice I have to offer. We always go out to dinner and then come home and leave the lights off. Keep fighting the masses, is what I say! Andrea

Clearly you don't like Halloween, but I'm not clear whether your child is scared of it or you just think that's possible. It's of course fine to dislike Halloween, but it might change your mind to think of Halloween as a ritual of inversion, when the world and rules are turned upside down. Kids get to go to out at night, to strangers' houses, and ask for candy! The scary is no longer scary (at least in theory!). These rituals actually serve to resolidify the ''real'' rules of society. That said, if your kid is scared or you are opposed it's fine to turn off all the lights in the house (so the trick or treaters don't know you're home) and hide with a non-scary video. You don't have to go to the haunted house, parade, campfire....

Your child might enjoy being involved in a way that feels safe. Passing out treats (doesn't have to be candy--stickers, bouncy balls) at the front door can be fun. I think every family should do each holiday in a way that works for them, but I'm a Halloween fan (could you tell?) and think you should give it a chance! Deborah

Call up East Bay Waldorf School and sign up for the Wanderer's Way. This is an event they hold on Halloween Night, where you pay a negligible fee and are led by an angel through the school grounds, with your way lit by jack-o-lanterns, stopping at different locations where fairy tale scenes and vignettes are acted out. At the end you get a hot drink and cookies. It is really quite magical and lovely, you get some ''Halloween'' through the pumpkins, the crisp fall evening, and the dressing up, but none of the scary stuff. It is a drive though, since the school is in El Sobrante, but it is worth exploring as an alternative Halloween tradition. Sonya

The world is full of many dangerous and frightening things as well as many safe and beautiful. It may be that ritualising the frightening, the terrifying, may give us some means of handling the fear, of controlling it. Children are aware of terror in the world - it comes to them in their dreams, not just on television or through exposure to violent images. However safe, wonderful and protected their lives, fear is there - if only the fear of losing their safety, their parents...And the fact of being alive, and being human and conscious, exposes us to the threat of loss, death, terror, horror...

My daughter is today reading some Grimms' fairy tales, and I am reminded of just how gruesome and frightening they are! Play has many functions - assimilation, understanding, integration are certainly there. There are real dangers to children in this world.

I saw Anne Rice on television saying she'd show the movie ''Interview with a Vampire'' to a child, and was shocked - then I remembered how she lost a daughter to leukaemia, wondered how that must have shaped her writing - and what it must mean for a child to face death, to go through that.

So perhaps the Mexican Day of Death, Halloween, Grimm's tales all have some sort of positive function...not that terror can be tamed, but maybe some sort of map can be made, a potential map that could help if (heaven forbid) a child must meet real terror? A map of potential actions to avoid danger, or of the internal stucture of psyche, of ways to control fear, and act effectively in the face of the unthinkable?

The commercialism of Halloween is another matter - but then that is a problem with Christmas too... Janice

I have always adored Halloween and here is why. I think it is a time to be creative! I always figured out a costume from what we had around the house as a child. My mom sewed as well and would help me out. Carving pumpkins was also creative and cheap. I have always had a sweet tooth and found it a fun time to indulge. As the parents of small children (three and five), we are now doing these things. One of my children hates ''scary'' things including even clowns and dogs. I know to avoid big kid activities. What we always do each year is my friends and I have a party where we bring the kids (all tots) all dressed up to one of our houses. We always have so much fun and it is so darn cute. Try to avoid the scary stuff (for now anyway). Don't feel like you must consume as the media tries to get you to do to have fun. And with any holiday, only celebrate if you want to. Your kids are probably young eneough where you can still get away with it! HL

The East Bay Waldorf School in El Sobrante has the best Halloween night. Groups of children and parents are met by someone dressed as an angel, and taken around to various stations which are enactments of special, meaningful, and sometimes very funny stories by one or two people. At each station each child gets a special small gift that relates to the story. At the end there is a table with apple cider and treats. You have to sign up for a time slot, and there is a fee that as I remember is not that much. The first few timeslots are not completely in the dark. El Sobrante is no more than 15 or 20 minutes away if it's not commute time. The phone number is 510-223-3570. Susan

Well, I am one of those people who LOVE Halloween, but you do make some good points. Yes, it is a big marketing ploy for retailers and can introduce grotesque and frightening images to young children, but I don't think it needs to be dreaded. I really believe it is all in the approach.

I have a 3 1/2 yo and I have also been thinking about how I will explain some things to her that were easily glossed over last year. Things like ghosts, witches, etc. My daughter is very open to the power of suggestion. If I say that something is scary, she gets scared. If I say the same thing is silly or bizarre, she follows that train of thought. If I were you, I would try to approach the gross masks and things like this.

Also, I think it might help to look at how the holiday came to be and has evolved. I'm not sure how old your kids are, but my daughter is unfortunately very familiar with death. We also celebrate Dia de los Muertos which is akin to the true Halloween holiday, and I will be using this years celebration to talk about some of the potentially scary images (ie. skulls and skeletons are very commonplace in DdlM imagery) and how it relates to death (but is truly a celebration).

The haunted house and scary stories seem like a different issue, and I would address them with your school. If things aren't too scary, they can be a way for children to learn about dealing with fear. If they are too scary, it is probably not appropriate, and this should be discussed with teachers, administrators, etc.

Hope you can make it a good holiday this year! Elizabeth

The values you want to impart to your children is clearly important to you so you should dictate how Halloween is spent in your household. Let your kids know how you feel about Halloween and the reasons behind it and they will probably be more understanding than you think. Maybe you could have something like a 'Fall Celebration' on Oct. 31st and stay home, bake and do some special activities the kids would enjoy that aren't materialistic. Leave a note in your front yard letting trick-or- treaters know that you don't celebrate this holiday. The same goes for the school. If they would like you to volunteer for Halloween activities, let them know you do not celebrate and offer to help in some other fund raising campaign. - anon

In light of the fact that it may be unrealistic to shelter kids from Hallowe'en, perhaps you can change perspective on it and turn it into a more positive experience. There are certainly many non-ghoulish aspects, and you might consider focusing your kids on the more lighter aspects of it. For instance, it's a great time to collect for UNICEF if you go trick-or-treating; Make it a role-playing day -- a day to dress up and act out fantasies of being something or someone grown up, too: a cowboy or a fire fighter or royalty. Perhaps have a ''no monsters'' hallowe'en event with your children and their friends where you bob for apples and carve pumpkins and make roasted pumkin seeds with the innards. We have a party each year (no haunted house) and everyone from babies to pre-teens comes and has a great time in their constumes, carving pumpkins and decorating cupcakes with orange and black decorations. I confess to not sharing your feelings about Hallowe'en, but then I was never taught nor did I ever focus on the more scary aspects of the day. If none of this seems like a good option for you, you might look in to faith-based organizations, which often provide alternatives. Not sure how to combat the influence of school celebrations of the day. Best of luck. T

SOunds like your son has what is a very common childhood phobia. I recently found out that 70% of all children have some sort of phobia (also considered anxiety disorder) to some extent but ony 30% of those phobias are ever identified and worked with. There is help!!! (see Anxiety Class at Kaiser for the rest of this review)