4 Year Olds Wetting the Bed

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4-year-old is leaking out of diaper every night

Sept 2005

My 4 year old son wets his bed several nights a week. I realize this is common at his age, but the problem is that we can't find a diaper to contain the urine. He often wets through the diaper and wets his sheets and blanket. We use Huggies Goodnites (pull-up types of diaper). He is 42 lbs, and that is the only brand that I have found in his size. Are there any inserts out there to help absorb the urine? I've started putting in maxi pads, but is there another option? Thanks. anon

My daughter wet her bed at night until she was about 5. Here are 2 things you can do (if you don't find better diapers).

Put a crib protector on his bed over the bottom sheet (one of those diaper pad things you put in a crib to protect the crib mattress...they are absorbent and leak proof. Then put a large beach towel folded in half over that. This way, if his diaper leaks it will wet the towel and possibly the pad, but not the sheets and everything. Much easier to change the towel and let the pad dry out (unless very wet in which case it may also need to be washed) than to change the sheets and everything. Make sure you put something over the crib pad...they are very cold (I tried napping with my child once and forgot the towel...couldn't stand the crib pad).

Also, with my daughter, she could not wear diapers at night after she was potty trained...they tended to give her diaper rash (the doc said it was because she wasn't wearing them during the day and her skin was no longer as ''tough'' as it was). So, I started taking her to go to the potty when I went to bed (around 11pm) or when I woke to go to the bathroom in the night. I would carry her from bed to the bathroom (still asleep), sit her on the toilet and shake her a little and tell her to pee. She would usually wake up a little, pee then immediately fall back to sleep. Another friend of mine who's child weighs more than mine, walks her child to the bathroom kind of in front of her between her legs. I did this with my child too...she is really mostly still asleep but I could get her to walk to the bathroom usually. You have to wait until about 2 hours after they first go to bed...if I tried to do this with my daughter too soon, she was just too deeply asleep to go potty. But usually, in the middle of the night, she was able to do this.

This usually prevented any bed-wetting that night. I did this for about 1 year. I would try every once in a while to skip and see if she was able to hold it yet. Eventually she no longer needed this. Good Luck Anon

They do have disposable diaper liners/doublers available. I usually can find them at the Albertsons in Montclair. They are in a yellow package (it may be an Albertsons brand) and they look a lot like maxipads. I bet that would solve your problem. Mom of a heavy wetter

We've had similar issues with our 3 year old, who insists on drinking a cup of milk and a cup of water each night. What's worked for us is having my husband change her diaper right before he goes to bed. So she gets one diaper when she gets into her jammies at around 8:30, and a new one when he turns in at 11:30 or 12. We've been doing this for long enough that she usually manages to sleep through the diaper change. Most of her pee seems to be released into the first diaper, so even though she wears the second diaper for a longer time each night, she rarely ends up wetting the bed. Hope this helps. Janice

My son (almost 5) also wets the bed somewhat frequently. We no longer use pull-ups at night, but I have another suggestion for you. Buy saddle pads from One Step Ahead or Target. It is a waterproof sheet a couple of feet wide that tucks in across the bed above the bottom sheet. When the bed is wet, you simply pull this off and the rest of the sheets are protected. No changing the entire bed in the middle of the night. It is machine washable and dryable, but buy two so you're covered when one is in the wash. When you want to abandon the pull-ups (I think it helped decrease the night wetting--) I'd suggest a spare washable blanket too! Good Luck! Hoping for dry nights

Hi, We had the same problem. What helped, (though there are still occasional leaks), are (1) moving up to the largest size of GoodNites-XL and (2) using inserts. What we use are Depends incontinence pads which are designed for use with disposable underwear. If you use maxi-pads, make sure that the urine can flow through to the diaper - e.g. no plastic backing. Also, with any pads, make sure that the edges are tucked under the elastic on the diapers, otherwise the urine gets channeled straight to the bed. Don't bother with the new Safeway version of GoodNites - they led to quite a few wet nights. KB

I'm so interested in what we all may find out! I have a almost 6 year old son. still in a nightime pull up. 42 lbs too. we wear the goodnites also. i have to add 2 adult pads (depends, assure etc) which can do the trick. I would love to also hear if someone has a better idea. Wouldn't it be great if there was a nighttime pull up that is really made for big kids. Big kids = alot of urine! looking forward to not spending $on pullups!

You could try to wake him up at the time he usually gets wet, and put him on the potty. I made it with my 1-year old daughter for a period and it worked. When she anyway woke up a little bit (around 1 a.m.), I put her on the potty and then she was dry after that the rest of the night. After a while she was completely dry the whole night through and I rushed to put her on the potty in the morning. At daytime she was then almost diaper-free. You can have the potty in his bedroom, so you have not to turn on lights that can disturb him falling asleep again. MiaL

We found the problem wasn't so much the diaper leaking -- it was that our son would, well, play with himself at bedtime and end up falling asleep with the tip of his penis either sticking out of, or just really close to, the waist of the pullup. (We use the Goodnights also; as far as I know they are the only thing available for kids this size.)

So now we wait until he's solidly asleep, and then yank his pullup back up, making sure nothing is sticking out and his pjs aren't tucked in to it either. No more wet sheets! anon

Diaper Doubles work. They come in a light blue package. I can only find them at the Safeway on Broaway and 51rst. They are tucked in between the diapers, so look hard for them. They look like a maxi pad, but without the plastic( the plastic stops urine from getting to diaper,which you want). Plus they are a lot less expensive then maxi pads. mom

4-year-old is wetting the bed every night - back to pull-ups?

Nov 2003

Recently, my 4 yr old son has ''graduated'' from pull-ups at night. For two weeks all went well. He woke up at night and went to the bathroom if he needed to. Then all of a sudden it's been a bed wetting bonanza EVERY single night - in our bed and his bed (sometimes he sleeps with us). We try to make sure he pees right before bedtime, and are no limiting how much milk he drinks. Nothing traumatic or unusual has occurred in his life over the past few weeks to bring about the bed wetting. Is this normal? Should we go back to those expensive pull-ups?
Tired of washing sheets everyday

Go back to pull-ups!
Mary-Anne

Hi, my 4 year old also started wetting her bed after a few 'lucky' days without pullups. Now I am extremely strict about not drinking anything after 6:30 (she goes to bed at 8:30-9:00). This includes grapes or other food high in water content. She has to pee right before going to bed. Now she sleeps all night without any accidents. I told her to drink as much as she can during the day, since water is important for our bodies. Laura

4-year-old daughter bedwetting

I have a 4-year-old daughter who is having a real problem with wetting her bed at night. She is perfectly potty-trained during the day, and has been for over a year. But she has never been able to be consistent about not wetting her bed. Sometimes she will go for as much as a month without wetting, and just as my husband and I are thinking she's finally over it, she will start wetting it 2-3 times in a week. The pattern of bedwetting is very irregular. One thing we have noticed is that she seems to have a VERY hard time waking up in the middle of the night. On those nights when she wakes up to go potty, she can't manage to get out of bed and go potty by herself. She sits up in bed with her eyes closed and cries until one of us comes in to get her. Then we try to wake her up (talk to her, shake her gently, etc.) and get her to go potty. We get her out of bed and she will start wandering vaguely down the hall in the opposite direction from the bathroom. I've even tried using cold, wet, washcloths to wake her up more, but it doesn't seem to work. I suspect that her inability to really wake up at night has a lot to do with the bedwetting, but I don't know what to do about it. My husband and I are thinking about putting her back into diapers or pull-ups at night, but since she hasn't worn them for over a year I am concerned that she will somehow feel disgraced or punished by wearing them at night (our concern is more for keeping the bed dry!). I don't want to do any psychological damage. I am also considering taking her to see the pediatrician about this, but when I suggested that to her she did not like the idea at all. I am really at my wits end about this, and would appreciate any help/information I can get! Thanks so much!!

P.S. I don't know if this makes any difference, but she is the oldest, and has a 2.5 year old younger brother. She was not potty trained before he was born; became potty trained about 9 months after he was born; he is almost potty trained now (wears diapers only at night). The bed-wetting has been going on with her, off and on, ever since she started wearing underwear. It is not a new/recent development.

to the parent concerned about 4-year-old bedwetting: Our daughter is four years and five months old and is often not dry at night. We don't think of it as bedwetting, but as not being night-time toilet trained, i.e. she's just not there yet. She wears pullups at night and sometimes she's dry, sometimes not. It doesn't seem to make much difference whether she goes to the bathroom shortly before bed, drinks or doesn't drink etc.

Our pediatrician says don't worry or even do anything until she's five--some children's bladders are just not physically mature enough to last the night. I don't know if we're doing the right thing--I just have my fingers crossed that she'll outgrow it. We've encouraged her to try to stay dry and offered the reward of getting to wear panties, but whenever we've tried the panties the bed ends up wet. Mostly we haven't made a big deal about it, and, for better or worse she doesn't seem to mind wearing the diaper or be embarrassed about it. We did buy a vinyl mattress cover for her futon at Sears which simplifies life when she wants to try panties. I know this information may not be very helpful, but maybe you should try consulting your pediatrician by phone before taking your daughter in. If the doctor says just wait till nighttime dryness happens, then you might spare your daughter some embarrassment. On the other hand, if anyone has any techniques that have helped children this age stay dry, I'd like to hear them!

This sounds familiar in more ways than one. Both of our children took a long time with night training, and both were very heavy sleepers. It sounds like your daughter is highly motivated and really doing pretty well, but consistent control might have to wait on a change in her sleep patterns (which I think is wired in--nobody can do much about it).

Your pediatrician should be aware of this, of course, though it's probably not a sign of anything serious. If s/he wants to examine her, s/he probably should. A phone call certainly wouldn't hurt, and with cold season coming on you'll probably have more than one occasion to bring your daughter in anyway! Of course you could take the bull by the horns and tell your daughter, I know you don't want to see the doctor about this, but this is the kind of thing we have doctors for.

Both our children, around the age of seven, licked the problem once and for all by using an alarm (Sleep-Dry is one brand name). I want to emphasize that this tactic has to be the child's choice--if it's forced on them it probably won't work and will probably do more harm than good. It's important that this be THEIR battle, project, challenge, whatever.

Another tactic that might be good is the use of chucks--absorbent disposable sheets, about 2 x 3 feet, with waterproof backing; they're used a lot in hospitals, and I think you can get them at most drugstores. They protect the bedding but aren't as intrusive (or humiliating) as a diaper.

My husband and I are thinking about putting her back into diapers or pull-ups at night, but since she hasn't worn them for over a year I am concerned that she will somehow feel disgraced or punished by wearing them at night (our concern is more for keeping the bed dry!).

I think if you present this to her in just that light, she'll understand it that way. I mean, you should specifically say, This is not a punishment or anything bad--it's just something to help you keep the bed dry.

Good luck. Learning to keep the bed dry is a bit of childhood learning that is consistently underrated, when you think of what we ask the brain/mind to do: relax, lose consciousness, dream--but remember this one thing . . . . [My children would probably prefer that this remain anonymous!]

Night-time potty training at 4 1/2

Feb 2010

How do you potty train a child at night when you've missed the window? my daughter was potty trained very easily the minute she turned 2. At the time, her pull-ups at night were mostly dry. She seemed so young that there didn't seem any urgency to potty training her at night, and my husband and I just couldn't face waking up in the middle of the night to change the sheets, so we left the pull-ups on at night. Fast forward two and a half years. Her pull- ups are wet every morning and have been for at least a year. She doesn't feel it anymore, and so when we let her go without pull-ups, she sleeps in soaked pants and soaked sheets without waking up. I can wake her up to pee in the middle of the night and she will still soak the bed, and sleep soundly through it. At this point she wants to start doing sleep-overs and I am finally realizing that we have a deadline here to get her potty-trained at night. How do you potty train someone at night once you've missed the window and they have become de-sensitized? Do we have to go the route of getting an alarm? tired mom

You're going to have to get up in the middle of the night. No drinking liquids after 5-6 p.m. Go to the potty before bed. Wake up in the middle of the night to pee pee first thing in the morning. No way getting around the work. M

We've been dealing with the same issue with our 4 1/2 year old son (was dry at 2, is dry during the day, pull ups wet in the morning) and finally we decided that he was probably just being lazy and wetting the pull up at night out of habit more than anything else. Just last week, I decided to take him out of pull ups for good, and committed to just dealing with the night time bed changing ritual (similar to sleep training or other ''cold turkey'' habit training) until he was inconvenienced enough by the wakings himself that he just stopped. I didn't make him clean up his own bed sheets but he did have to change himself in the middle of the night, clean up his underwear, etc and he was NOT a happy camper doing any of that at 2 in the morning. I also committed to staying calm and not getting upset (difficult, I know!) so as not to load my own emotions on top of his, which were already pretty defeated. If he did wet the bed, I would say to him, ''It's okay, we'll just try again tomorrow night.'' I wouldn't get overly comforting or too invested in the outcome. Before bed each night, I'd say ''okay, try to stay dry again tonight. Wake me up if you're wet.'' I should also mention that the first few nights he slept with no underwear or pajama bottoms so it would be easier to feel when he was peeing. In order to avoid the total disintegration of the mattress, I went to CVS and purchased one of those thick linings that go between the sheets and the mattress so the clean up was only sheets. This was really difficult for 3 nights, but on the 4th night, he was dry...and has been dry for the last 5 nights. One thing I've learned in parenting is that sometimes the most simple solutions are also the most effective, despite their inconvenience on us parents. Having said all of that, my doctor also swears by the bed alarm. HM

Do you let your child drink any beverages, even just a sip, after 6:30/7 pm? That might be your problem. My daughter will be 3 in March and has been potty trained for 2 weeks. This week was a no diaper at bed and we cut out all beverages after 7pm. She is allowed to have a sip of water when we get on pjs, then she has to pee, then to bed. Seems to be working fine now. This is also what we did with my son at 3.5.

Another thing could be sleepover discussions. Tell her she can't have a sleep over until she can go 1 week with no pull up at night. That might help along with no drinking before bed. djb

You haven't ''missed a window'' so stop kicking yourself. :) It's *totally* *totally* *totally* normal for a 4-5 year old to not be dry at night. And you don't necessarily have a deadline, because you can simply send her to a sleepover with a pull-up (GoodNights or UnderJams, which are designed for overnight, not the toddler-diaper type pull-up), and a small plastic trash bag for disposal in the morning. At age 4 she's unlikely to even be embarrassed about that.

But if you want to try for nighttime dry, then yes, get an alarm. If your child is ready it works very quickly, though not without some effort on your part. Lots of useful info: http://www.drgreene.com/qa/bed-wetting http://www.drgreene.com/qa/how-do-bed-wetting-alarms-work

We're waiting for summer, when there's no need to get up on time for school, to use the alarm on our 5 year old daughter. It took only a couple of weeks with her older brother and he's been dry all but one or two nights in the last 6+ months. Keeping the Diaper Pail a While Longer

My daughter had same issues. Solution: made sure she went potty right before bed (around 7:30/8:00 pm). Then before I went to bed myself, around 11 to midnight, I'd quietly get her out of bed (either carry, or walk her in if she partially woke up), put her on the toilet, get her to pee, and then take her back to bed. She did it half-asleep, but she could then make it through the night reliably. After a while she got into the habit of waking herself up to go at some point. No pull-ups; I figured it was better if she just had the accident. Of course there was still the occasional accident, like peeing before she made it all the way to the toilet, but that's to be expected -- she'd come and wake me, and I'd clean it up. I don't think there's a way to avoid being up in the middle of the night sometimes; just part of the drill. It seemed like a pain at the time, but now that she's a teen, what wouldn't I give to have her small enough to carry into the bathroom again, feeling her warm sleepy body in my arms? We forget to appreciate what we have till it's gone. Mom

I am really concerned about the postings I read about nighttime toilet training. Most children are still using diapers at night for some time after they are dry during the day. Developmentally, they are just not ready to control their bladder and wake up when they need to pee. It is not just laziness or stubbornness or anything else. Some children are not dry at night until 6 or 7 and that is totally normal. So please, if your child is like that don't make them feel embarassed or ashamed, it isn't their fault, their body is just not ready! mom who had to be patient

We used an bedwetting alarm and it worked for us after a few weeks. Having kids go to the bathroom right before they go to bed and again in the middle of the night when you wake them up isn't the way to do it.

They need to wake themselves up when their body notices that they need to pee. The alarm does that. It wakes them up right after they pee. Eventually they learn to get up first. If anything you want to have them drink before bed so they learn quicker.

We got the kind that attached to their undies. That works better than one under the sheet. When it goes off, you get up, take them to the bathroom, they change their clothes and you change the sheets. We used two sets of sheets with a waterproof pad in between. That way we could just take off the wet sheets, put them in the washing machine, take off the waterproof pad and rinse that in the tub. Then get our kid (and us) back to sleep as soon as possible.

For one of our kids it worked after a week. Our other took a little longer and had a couple of relapses so we had to use the alarm again. Until they stay dry for 2 weeks with the alarm, keep using it.

I would suggest doing it in the summer when they can go to sleep with just a shirt and undies. Good Luck. The alarm works. Alarm Parent

4.5 YO Bedwetting after 6 mos of being dry

Oct 2003

Our 4.5 year old son (who is a deep sleeper) has suddenly started wetting his bed at night, despite waking up once a night to use the bathroom. He's been potty trained for a year (daytime) and a half year (night time), so this seems strange to us. The only signifigant change in our lives was the birth of his second sister (now 6 mo), and his regression seemed to last a few months (but not now). He's very close to both of his siblings so we don't think he's doing it to get attention. We limit his drinks (no more after dinner, 6ish) and have him use the bathroom before bed (8pm). We're also thinking about waking him when we go to sleep 2-3 hrs later. Any other ideas?? Help!!
Frustrated

My slightly over 4-year old son could not make it through the night if he were to last pee at 8 in the evening. (As well, he is a deep, deep sleeper.) We awaken him between 12 and 1A to pee (''pot'') him and, then, again, in the dark of the morning around 5 or 6 (if we can get up). This seems to stop him from having bedwetting incidents even though he has been diaperless since about 3 1/2. Know also that it is reasonable that the diapers not be able to contain all of the urine that a 4.5 year old can produce. I would try ''potting'' him at least once (if not twice) after the 8 o'clock peeing session. When I watch/hear my son pee, I realize that he can produce and store so much pee that it would make sense that a diaper, if he wore one, could not contain all of his pee. You can pot your child even if he is wearing a diaper of pull-up at night. Take heart; by the time he is college-bound this will be a non-issue. I also know that sleeping boys are so much less responsive to their need to pee than sleeping girls. Good luck
Dry sheets

4 1/2 year old son is bedwetting

I know this topic has been somewhat addressed in the past and I've read the posts, nevertheless, wouldn't mind some fresh thoughts. My son potty-trained at about 3 years old. We were pretty lazy about the night stuff and kept him in a pull-up until recently. He is now 4 1/2. He was the type who always got complacent as soon as he got his pull-up on, and even if he were still awake, he would use that rather than the potty. About a month ago, he decided he wanted to be through with pull-ups completely. We had a week or two of accidents, then suddenly it appeared that he got it. For two weeks in a row, he would wake up in the middle of the night, go pee, then go back to sleep (in our bed, but that's another post!!). But now, for the past week, he doesn't seem to be able to wake up until after the accident. We are being very careful about restricting the fluids after dinner, and making sure he goes right before bed. Yet its not working. My husband works at night, so at first we had tried having him wake my son up when he came home. This met with mixed results. There was usually a lot of crying and struggling, (the poor guy was being roused out of a sound sleep!), but often he would pee. I'm thinking we need to go back to this method, as unpleasant as it is. Any thoughts??

My first advice is to remember that his bedwetting in not necessarily something your son has control over. His body needs to recognize when the bladder is full and that it is time to get up and visit the bathroom. You did not mention limiting his liquid intake before bedtime or whether you require him to empty his bladder before bedtime. Do not ask him to do something over which he may have no control.

This is for the parent who was concerned that her son wet his bed at 4.5. Don't worry! That is normal. All kids develop differently, even in their bladder control. My daughter used a pull up until she was 6 years old. There were a couple of her friends who did the same. She is now 7 and doesn't need any sort of diaper. Your son will get there, he just needs more time. His bladder obviously isn't developed enough to hold urine all night.

I would like to respond to the person who was concerned about a 4.5 year old boy wetting the bed at night. I have two sons 9 & 11 and neither one of them stayed dry at night until they were 6. I may be blocking this out, but I think my oldest was almost 7!! They were both day-time potty trained at 3 but couldn't stay dry all night for years more. I think it is very early to get worried about these types of accidents. My two didn't mind pull-ups since I didn't make a big deal about them wearing them, so maybe if you can back off this issue a little, your son won't mind pull ups either. It may be a while from my experience and I can imagine washing bed clothes everyday would be awful. But I'd suggest dropping the issue entirely for a while. I don't know whether boys mature here slower than girls, but I don't remember my friend's sons staying dry this early either. Relax, it will happen when he's ready and then, as mine have, go on to bigger and better ways to make you crazy.

If your 4 year old is bedwetting at night, it his not under his volitional control, as in the day. He probably just needs to be a bigger boy with a bigger bladder. How he views pull-ups probably has a lot to do with how they're presented, and if he was taken to Disney for obstensibly giving them up, then it wouldn't be too surprising if he saw using them as a failure. I'd suggest a low key and matter of fact approach: kids who wet the bed pretty regularly need pull ups, and when you're bladder is a little bigger, you won't need them anymore. NO shame, embarrassment or berating, just that's the situation for now.

My son wet through age 5 and had occasional bedwetting with once or twice per year til 8 or so. I have friends whose kids wet past 7 and have heard that boys especially can go up til 10 and be within normal limits. Huggies finally started making large sizes after enough requests. My son had a friend sleep over twice who wet the bed: my only rule was that he put the bedding in the bathroom and crawl in to a dry bed. After the second time, I asked his mom to provide pull-ups that he could discreetly put on under his pyjamas, but she said he wouldn't wear them. Too bad.

We haven't even considered taking our almost-5-yr-old out of pullups for the night. If he's not yet dry on his own, why make the extra fuss/discomfort/work? I understand that lots of kids aren't ready to sleep through the night without peeing by this age -- and even later. Their bladders may not be large enough yet, or the body control just there isn't yet. I'd change tactics and not make it an issue anymore -- no blame, no shame. Get him back into pullups in a non-shaming way, or get those larger, less-bulky pretend underpants that are advertised in a lot of the parenting magazines.

My daughter, now 10+, had the same problem and did need to wear pull-ups until almost 6. I understand that it can be quite frustrating, above all when you have to change the bed every day; luckly she was ok with pull-ups, so that made things easier.

One thing that seemed to help was that for quite a while, after we decided to give it another shot to night without pull-up, I would wake her up around 11:30pm or so and ask her to go to the bathroom which would ensure that the rest of the night would be dry. And there was no drinking from 1/2 hour before she was going to bed. It took some time (2-3 months), but it worked.

To the parent worried about your son's bedwetting: I wet the bed almost every night until I was twelve. It didn't have anything to do with lack of motivation get up. Rather, I was a very very heavy sleeper. Eventually my parents brought in an expert to diagnose my sleep patterns. I had to be trained to wake up (at least once) during the night so that I wouldn't wet the bed. I would recommend investigating the web or the library for more information on sleep cycles and bedwetting. My guess is that if you could help him wake up in the middle of the night (or before you go to bed) until he got into the habit of waking up on his own, that his bedwetting would diminish. I only wish my parents had brought in the expert earlier in my life as it would have saved me years of embarrassment. Good luck!

I would like to respond to the person who was concerned about a 4.5 year old boy wetting the bed at night. I have two sons 9 & 11 and neither one of them stayed dry at night until they were 6. I may be blocking this out, but I think my oldest was almost 7!! They were both day-time potty trained at 3 but couldn't stay dry all night for years more. I think it is very early to get worried about these types of accidents. My two didn't mind pull-ups since I didn't make a big deal about them wearing them, so maybe if you can back off this issue a little, your son won't mind pull ups either. It may be a while from my experience and I can imagine washing bed clothes everyday would be awful. But I'd suggest dropping the issue entirely for a while. I don't know whether boys mature here slower than girls, but I don't remember my friend's sons staying dry this early either. Relax, it will happen when he's ready and then, as mine have, go on to bigger and better ways to make you crazy.

According to my pediatrician, about 12% of children are still not dry through the night by age 6 or 7. This is largely due to the fact that some children are such sound sleepers. I would talk to your pediatrician. If your child is drinking a lot however, and peeing a lot, have your doctor check for diabetes. Those are two classic symptoms of the disease.

I wet the bed until I was 8, and so did my sister. I really think it has to do with sleeping too heavily to wake up when you have to go to the bathroom. I was humiliated by my parents' efforts to cure me by playing a song called I Woke Up in a Dry Bed. Stress might have something to do with it (I stopped wetting the bed when my mom left work), but I think it is something some kids just have to grow out of. It is definitely not something kids can control -- what 8-year-old would choose to wet the bed?

I don't think it is uncommon for a 4.5 year old not to be dry at night. My son, now aged 16, toilet trained himself when he was 2 years old, but he was not dry at night until he was 6 or more. It has, in part, to do with how soundly the child sleeps and whether or not she or he wakes up to the need to pee. My son did wear diapers (pull-ups weren't around yet) for many years. In fact, his younger brother (3 years younger) was dry at night while the older still was not. I was encouraged to know that his situation was well in the realm of normal and tried not to stress myself or him about it. I think the key is to not consider it a problem. We did use an alarm for awhile. Pinned to his underwear, it would buzz when he first started to pee. It had the positive effect of waking me up, so that I could wake him up. He slept right through it. Hope this helps.

Probably you will get lots of advice from experienced parents (which, as a parent of a two-year-old, I am not) on this, but just in case you don't, I wanted to chime in on this. I've read a far amount on this issue, including on this list, if memory serves. As far as I understand it, bedwetting in a four-year-old is not at all uncommon--not the norm, but I think somewhere around 15-25% of kids this age, particularly boys, wet at night. It's typically not bad behavior that's causing it, but usually very deep sleep: the child sleeps through the bladder's wake-up signal. I think it's not even considered an official problem until age 7 or 8. There are all kinds of coping stratgies, from instituting a practice of pee three times right before bed, to limiting fluids after seven p.m., to parent-led awakenings during the night, to hypnotherapy, and onwards to more intrusive measures involving electronic moisture sensors and buzzers. How about talking with your pediatrician about this, since there is also a possibility that there is a medical issue underlying the situation. But above all, and this is why I decided to pipe up here, it is most important not to shame or punish your child for his accidents. Most likely this is something out of his control. Try to keep the tone light, not serious, when you address the matter with him.

About the laundry...one strategy I've read about is to make up the bed with several layers of bedding, with waterproof layers in between. Then if the bed gets wet, you only have to strip off the wet layer, and the clean sheets are already ready to go. As for pajamas--how about sleeping bottomless, or how about poly-propylene long-johns, which stay warm even if wet. Best of luck to you in coping with this--it will surely pass.

A friend of mine had two sons, who both kept wetting their beds at night. She tried various methods over time, but the one that worked was the alarm method mentioned by several people in the previous post. If their pants were even a little wet, the alarm went off and woke them up so they could go to the bathroom.

I've read all the answers to the mom whose child is wetting the bed at 4 1/2 and I agree with the majority of responses that said don't worry, he's normal. I also agree with responses about use of an alarm system for older kids, but it my experience it's best to wait until they are much older, 7 or 8 and really motivated on their own. If you persuade a younger child to try it and he gets upset with being awakened or the device doesn't work for him, he may be unwilling to try it again later. I have a much longer piece about this in Parents' Press in the next month or so (it really is a common question!). You'll have to pick up the paper since they hold copyright on my columns. Meg Zweiback

When my daughter was about 3 years old she began to refuse to wear pull-ups at night. The problem was that she did not stop wetting her bed regularly (so can you call these accidents?) for another couple of years. In fact for several more years she would go through phases of wetting her bed every other night or so. We talked to a couple of pediatricians about this, and they both said that some children do not develop the hormone that prevents people from urinating in their sleep until quite late. Another explanation was that our daughter would not want to miss any play during the day, so she would hold her urine in until she couldn't possibley stand it. This trained her body to not awaken her at night until it was too late. This pediatrician recommended having her try to urinate every two hours during the day so that she would train her body to feel uncomfortable before the bladder was completely full. This strategy seems to have been the one that finally worked. So, I would recommend that you talk to your pediatrician about your 4 year old's bed wetting. It will probably put your mind at rest, and your pediatrician will probably have some good advice about how to deal with it as well. Hope this helps.

I actually asked Par. Dig. readers about this issue last year. My 4/12 yr. old daughter was wearing Pull-Ups at night and wetting during the day. She was starting kindergarten in the fall and I was getting nervous. The advice to just wait worked out. Without any pressure, she eventually stopped wetting all by herself, just before her 5th birthday

I noticed a couple of parents recommended not giving their child anything to drink after dinner to prevent the bedwetting. While I suppose that would work, I know that my son who is 4 1/2 is so busy during the day that he probably doesn't remember to stop and drink as often as he should. We can't expect day care providers to keep tabs on the fluid intake of all the kids. I think I'd rather let my kid drink in the evening and wear pull ups than risk his not getting enough fluids. Of course, there are some drinks which run right through their little systems, like coke etc, and those should be avoided.

As for the deep sleepers, I have a friend whose 7 year old daughter had this problem and repeatedly wet her bed. His doctor suggested she stop drinking milk, as she may have some mild allergic reaction which made her sleep so soundly. Anyway, it worked -- I'm not sure I understand why!

Waking him up is exactly the wrong thing. His body needs to recognize when he needs to pee, and wake him up. Waking him up saves you some laundry but doesn't help the problem. Maybe he needs to grow up some more?

I had a problem with my daughter wetting the bed at night- several times. Several children in my family have had this problem. This went on for years and the body does not learn to wake up. Apparently the problem is twofold. One, the body should not produce so much pee at night, and two our children sleep too deeply to wake up in response to the need to pee, which is considered a sleep disorder and causes the body not to get enough of the sleep they need. The only solution to the nightly pee production was a nasal spray (hormone) and I did not opt for that.

I started taking my daughter to the bathroom several times a night to avoid changing the bed - she would not wake up through these visits to the toilet. This did not help. Then I was told (by my sister who is a nurse and did some research on the subject for her own children) that I actually needed to wake her up and take her to the bathroom and that this was the way to resolve her sleep disorder. I began to do that (not easy believe me) and she stopped wetting the bed every night within two weeks and within a couple of months did not wet the bed at all. When my son turned out to be a bed wetter also, I immediately began to wake him up a couple of times a night to go to the bathroom and his bedwetting was resolved shortly after he got out of diapers.

4 1/2 year old son having accidents every other night

My son is almost 4.5 years old and he is having accidents every other night! I wonder if I can call it accidents anymore since it happens so regularly!

We have tried bribing him by toys and reward for staying dry and even took him to Disneyland when we thought he graduated from pull-ups during the summer. but alas...

Should we go back to using pull-ups? He hates wearing pull-ups and refuses wearing them, but I am afraid that sleeping in wet clothes may cause a cold or other problems. besides, it is not fun to wash linens every day. We have talked to him many times, but seems like he cannot control it.

I am also getting a little concerned because I not seen children over 4 with bed-wetting problem.

To the parent who asked about bedwetting -- I think this is not all that uncommon. Our daughter wet the bed until she was about 6. It gradually tapered off, and now, at nearly 8, she never does. I think it was a combination of immature muscles and the fact that she is a deep sleeper. I have also heard anecdotally of other children also up to about 6 or 6 and a half who wet the bed. I think I had heard that it was usually boys who had this problem, but I know of at least two other girls like my daughter. It did help a little if we made sure she went to the bathroom before going to bed. Other than that, I would put her in pullups or else get a mat for the bed and a few sets of sheets! (That, in fact, is what we did.) I think we were a little worried that it was some deep-seated psychological problem (or an attempt to drive us insane), but it now seems that her muscles were just slow in developing.

Some hints about night time bed wetting: Approximately 10% of children have night time bed-wetting, and this is normal. It's clear that even when children are very motivated they often can't wake up to go to the bathroom. It's not uncommon for some children to still wear pull-ups when they are 6, 7, or 8. You just don't hear people talking about it much. One plan that has worked for some people is to increase water intake! You want to have your child drink lots of fluids during the day to try and help to stretch his bladder(you can talk with your Pediatrician about how much is ok). It's ok to limit fluids some in the evening, but make sure to increase it during the day.This is a key piece that can work very well for some children. Then with a child who is older (over 6) who wants to stay dry I would try the alarm. The problem is that most of these kids are very deep sleepers, and they don't hear it when it goes off.Parents try it a few nights and then give up. SO, what you can do is tell the child that you want to help them learn to wake up.If they too want to stop bed-wetting they will probably go for this plan. Take a mattress and put it on the floor of your bedroom. If you have a partner you can take turns getting up each night (this is worth doing, even though it takes work). Put the special Enurisis alarm (different types..cost approx. $40-60) in place after your child has gone to the bathroom. When you hear it go off in the middle of the night wake your child up and take him to the bathroom. DO this every time it goes off until your child learns to wake himself up. Again, the key is to increase the fluids during the day....their bladder can hold more so they feel more pressure...and hopefully it will be towards early morning when they need to go and at that time they are not in such a deep sleep.DIfferent things work for different families...this has worked for some I know. Good luck, and keep in mind that the worst thing of all is for a child to feel ashamed about wetting the bed. Pay attention to your facial expressions and tone of voice when he or she is wet in the morning. If possible just say something like, OK lets get the sheets off into the washer Some folks also just put a towel under the child in the middle of the night so the sheets can wait to be changed till morning. Mattresses that smell like urine can be thrown away, a child's shame stays with him for life.

Regarding the 4 year old bedwetting. My child had this same problem which also came with a family history of it. When he was five we asked the pediatrician about it. He said that it is not unusual for boys to go up to age 7 with this problem. They usually outgrow it he said. Well, 7 came and went and he didn't outgrow it. We went back for more help and were told we had two alternatives. There is a nasal spray that somehow helps. And an alarm pad method which alerts the bedwetter with a buzz at the first drop of wetness. The nasal spray sounded like a drug to me so we went with the alarm pad. Within 2 weeks the problem was solved and we have never had the problem again. You can buy the alarm pad from your pharmacist without a prescription. They keep them behind teh counter and come with great instructions. Remember, the child has absolutely no control over this problem. It is not a sign of laziness. It is unusual at all. A large percentage of children suffer from bedwetting and for some reason boys suffer from it more than girls.

My son's dr. said not to consider them bed wetters until the age of six. He further stated that we should just be matter of fact and not make a big deal, but continue using the pull-ups until he was dry 3/4 of the time. If your son is giving you trouble with the pull-ups I would just explain that until he is ready to get up and go to the bathroom at night he has to wear them. I would stop talking about it so much and just wait for the sign that he is ready.

My 4 year old also has accidents, but his are during the day. We have not yet dealt with night time issues. However, we have recently started a reward system for him that seems to be working. One of the main advantages is that it has been a lot easier for me to deal with my frustration when these accidents occur. Simply, he gets stickers for peeing or pooping in the potty. If he gets enough stickers in one day, 5 in his case, he gets to have a special treat. He and I came up with the treats - such things as watch a video, blow bubbles, play blocks, chocolate milk, etc. If he has an accident, then I don't feel inclined to give a lecture, etc. He just missed an opportunity to work toward his special treat. It has successfully helped him take responsibility for himself in this area, and helped us emphasize the positive results. It may also be that your son is not ready to stay dry every night.

That your son wants to stay dry but can't despite your attractive incentives seems to suggest that there is a physiological side to the problem. May I suggest that you contact a Jin Shin Jyutsu practitioner who can teach you how to do Baby Pose on your child. I can teach you this pose over the phone or give you a referral.

My husband wet the bed until he was 5, and he said that his parents got a Wee-Alert or something -- a pad that sounded an alarm when wet. He said that really taught him how to read his body's signals when he was asleep.

Tips and ideas for getting 4-year-old out of pull-ups

August 2008

My son is going to turn four at the end of the year. He has day time potty training (and naps) completely down. He still needs a pull up at night, though. I've been trying to ease off liquids in the evening, but so far, nothing is working. He sleeps very hard, which is amazing (especially to me, an insomniac).

Does anyone have any tips/ideas? I haven't made it a huge priority so far, but I do mention things that he may be able to do when he's able to sleep in his undies. I believe they're called bribes.

Any advice greatly appreciated. Thanks. Momma

If he sleeps really hard, it's quite possible that nothing will work. My advice is, drop the bribes, accept the pullups, wait a couple of years. My son went from wet pullup every night to no nighttime accidents ever, in about 4 months. At age 5 1/2. anonymous

Nighttime potty training takes time, especially for boys. It's OK to just leave him in the pull up for now. My own son nailed daytime potty training before he was three but took much longer to be dry at night. When talking to him about it once he started crying and said ''maybe there's something wrong with my body.'' I felt horrible, told him his body was just fine, and immediately backed off. When he was ready - which was, remarkably, the night before he started kindergarten - he woke up dry and never wet the bed after that. (FYI, he's in college now and I still feel bad about this!) So please try to be patient and he'll be fine. Dry In Time

For some kids, four is just too young to expect nighttime dryness. We've had this problem with my older son and his pediatrician explained that nighttime dryness just really isn't in some kids' control until they're older. My son's now 7 1/2 and is starting to wake up during the night to go to the bathroom on his own, but he too has always been an incredibly heavy sleeper and would just sleep through his nighttime accidents before. We solved the problem for us by just taking him to the bathroom one last time before we went to bed. He sleeps so heavily that he never really woke up or remembered it, but it saved us from having to change sheets during the night. It might be worth a try! Good luck!

I wouldn't worry about night time potty training so much. I think this is a much more common problem than you might expect - at least judging by the sleepover buddies who packed ''secret pullups'' and sleeping bag liners. My son didn't night time train until a full year later than his sister. Like your boy, mine is a very heavy sleeper and just wouldn't wake up when he needed to go. It's something he grew out of on his own. (He does fine now and hasn't had an accident in years.) Tanya

Our son was daytime potty trained at 2. However, he wore pull ups at night till he was 5! Our pediatrician explained that some kids (sounds from your post like your is included in this group) are such heavy sleepers that they just don't wake when they need to pee. Bribes won't work. Our son finally stopped peeing at night and could wear underwear, but he never gets up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. I think the combination of few liquids at night and a larger bladder have done the trick for him. My advice is to have patience with him. been there

Getting 4 y.o. out of night diapers

December 2002

Our daughter, just turned 4, is finally potty-trained except she still wears pull-ups at night. She wakes up wet 9 out of 10 times, but I suspect that she's wetting right when she first wakes up or is about to wake. My evidence for this is that one night she mysteriously removed her diaper (which was dry) and when I came in to her room to change her brother, she was dry. As soon as she started to wake up, she wet the bed. Also, when I send her in to use the toilet in the a.m., she often doesn't need to go. Suspicious, eh?

So, here's my question: She's still in a crib, but moving into a ''big girl'' bed after Christmas -- do I take the diapers off, put her on a rubber sheet and let her figure out that it's better to get up and go? Or do I wait until she starts waking up dry more frequently? There were a couple of times a few months ago when she woke up in the middle of the night saying she needed to go potty, but that hasn't happened since. I'm afraid to misstep here and would appreciate hearing other people's experiences with this. Thanks, elisabeth

Your daughter is almost certainly NOT ready to sleep through without a diaper. Putting pressure on her will make everyone miserable. Some people don't manage to ''bed train'' themselves until they are quite old - even as old as onset of puberty. (Yes, puberty.) My mother was one of those, as was my older brother, and so was I. Now my older daughter is showing signs of not being ready until later. This is not nearly as uncommon as we're led to believe.

Remember that YOU don't ''train'' her - she trains herself, and nothing anyone can do will force her to do what her body is not ready for. Four is not that old. Trust in her body's ability to decide for itself. Believe me: nobody likes waking up wet.

The canonical determining factor for ascertaining whether a child is ready to go diaperless at night is if she is dry every morning for a week. Don't do a thing until that happens on its own. Even then, expect a setback if anything upsetting or unsettling happens in life. Refer to those old standbys, Sears, Spock and of course Penelope Leach. A late bedwetter

My husband's family are from England, and they have a technique there that no one here seems to do, called ''lifting''. I learned about it while living there with him, and now we do it with our 3 1/2 year old, with absolutely fabulous success.

Basically, our daughter goes to bed at 8 or 8:30, and then we go to bed at 10 or 11. I usually am up at least once in the night to drink something or pee, and at that point (usually about 2 or 3) I go pick her up and carry her to the toilet, where she basically ''sleep pees'', then I put her back in bed and she sleeps beautifully until pretty late (no bladder waking her up early).

If you go to bed later than that, you can simply do it before you go to sleep. The point is that with less pee in her during the night, she sleeps better (many nightmares are bladder- related), she sleeps later, and she doesn't do what she used to do, which is wake up with a bladder so full that she can't make it to the bathroom. Somehow sleep supresses the urge a bit, so if we don't lift her she goes longer than she would if she were awake, which means she simply can't hold it any more.

This method is not for everyone. Some people simply don't wake up at night, and to be honest there are some nights we forget to do it (and lately we are actually okay, she makes it). But if you are someone who wakes in the night anyway, or if you have a baby who wakes you or one of you goes to bed late, it works wonderfully! I don't know why more Americans don't do it. Heather

My daughter was in night diapers until 4 and a half. What happened at 4.5 was me instituting you have to pee before bed time deal. Before that, I would suggest peeing, but did not make her, and she would never go (she never much liked having anyone else in control of her bodily functions). For a couple of weeks, she would have to sit on the toilet before bed and I would run water. If that didn't work, I would wake her up every hour until she did pee. My daughter is a very deep sleeper, and I'm sure that's why night-training took so long, although when she was initally potty trained she would not pee at night or during nap. Everyone said to restrict fluids at night, but my daughter often didn't drink much during the day and was often very thirsty at night. If your hunch about wetting her diaper right before she wakes up is correct, maybe you could try getting her up early to go to the toilet then. Bethany

Don't worry about your 4 y.o. who wets the bed at night. Approximately 40% of 4 y.o.'s still wet the bed sometimes, and this is something they grow out of. In those who wet at an older age, it appears to be a combination of being a ''deep sleeper'' and having a smaller bladder capacity. I recommend just continuing the Pullups, not making a big deal, and wait till she's dry all of the time. It's not her ''fault'', and it is generally not something these children can control (unlike daytime potty training at this age). So save yourself the trouble of constantly washing sheets, and your child the embarrassment, not to mention discomfort, of sleeping in a wet bed. BTW my daughter potty-trained at 2 but wet at night consistently until age 5yr. 4mo. After she was dry every night for over a week, we took her out of Pullups and she's been dry ever since. It was never a big issue for us or for her. Margery

I'd let her stay in diapers until she's waking up dry more often than not. It is NO fun to be changing sheets at 3 a.m. and when you get tired of that, it might well be that going from no diapers back to diapers could make your kid feel as if she's failed. Some children are just heavy sleepers and need longer to recognize those nighttime signals. I'd wait until your daughter begins to wake up dry with some regularity. Then you can take her to pee every night right before you go to bed. But I know plenty of kids his age who still need a pullup. Big deal. They all get there. Wendy