Neighbor leaving kids alone at home. Should I call the police?

This seems like a no-brainer. Offer to watch her kids while she goes for a run. At her house, at your house, with a baby monitor, or etc. Problem solved.

As a runner and a mom of two small kids, I can understand how desperate this woman must be for that time in the mornings. You have an opportunity to provide her with support. It sounds like you are home in the morning and could offer to be a resource for her. Your kids know each other and might love spending mornings together occasionally. Please find constructive and supportive ways to resolve your concern and support your neighbor rather than immediately calling the police(!)

Several considerations should be made before bringing police into any situation, especially involving children. I completely understand your concern, so I’d personally offer to watch her kids. 

If you don’t feel comfortable addressing your concern straightforwardly, I would position myself to be outside when she leaves, or perhaps have them over at another time for a playdate, and bring it up then. “Hey! I know it can be so challenging trying to have any self care time when we’re with the kiddos. I’d be happy to watch the kiddos for a bit if you need to run out. My kids would appreciate a play date.” 

I urge you NOT to call the police. Police involvement may put this family into a spiral of horrible interactions and possible criminal accusations. You say she has always been kind to you. It would be kind of you to talk to her about it - gently - and, as another poster has suggested, offer to watch her kids when she takes her run. Please do not involve criminal agencies. 

Agree with the previous commenter. The nice thing for a neighbor to do would be to offer some help - clearly she just needs a break, what busy mom wouldn't need that? Or even having a conversation with her about it could help. Resorting to calling the police and trying to make it anonymous is not an appropriate response. If you say she's always been kind to you, then don't you think you should return that same level of kindness back?

If this is her only offense as an unfit parent, imagine the pain and suffering the kids would go through if you do report her and they were taken away. Foster care is not a picnic; many kids are abused, mentally and physically, in foster care. (Many are cared for well too, I'm not saying it is all bad, but just being taken away from your loving parents is enough to cause emotional damage.) You could be tearing apart a family over "such a small problem". As a parent of similarly aged little kids, I don't think I'd do it, but she could be very close by, she could have a monitor on her phone that will alert her when the kids make noise, they prob a security alarm, working fire alarms and carbon monoxide detectors, etc. 

If you are comfortable with it, you could bring it up and ask about it. "Hey, I've noticed that you go for runs in the morning and..." (insert whatever outcome you're hoping for). If you aren't comfortable, I'd just leave it. It doesn't sound like anything good would come from reporting an otherwise functional family to CPS. 

If you have a relationship with this person, continue to do so. Talk to her and offer help and while at it express your concern, but only as a small part in the middle of the "I am your neighbor and friend? and "I am here to help if you need" sandwich. You may even find out that the kids aren't alone when she's gone. I am surprised your first thought was to call the police. Someone did this to my family without knowing what was going on and even though it ended with CPS apologizing to us on everyone's behalf and lamenting how people waste their time by reporting situations that present no danger to anyone, it was extremely traumatic to everyone and remains so to this day. And yes, I have no warm feelings to the person who did this and never will.

Have you considered talking to her directly? As in: set up a time to talk to her when she isn't stressed (and has childcare), and approach her with curiosity about what might be going on (it's possible that you don't know the whole picture). I also think it's possible to show a lot of empathy for her situation, and also share your concerns. I don't think that trying to deal with the problem indirectly will in any way improve your relationship with your neighbor or her children. Given what's at stake, it's probably worth working through the discomfort that might arise for you in the process. If your conversation isn't fruitful, consider using a mediator or consulting a city social worker (whether through city health services, the police department, etc.).

Oh my goodness, no, please don't call the police on your neighbor. Speak to her, Offer to help her. But do not involve "the system" - something that once in, it can be extremely hard to get out off. Also, I wonder where the mother might be from? This can also be a cultural thing. In some places, leaving young children for short periods of time is considered perfectly acceptable to do. How long is she even gone for during her runs? Does she run for hours on end? Or is it more like an hour or less? At any rate, why not talk to HER about your concerns before calling the cops on her? 

It does sound quite risky even if the neighborhood is safe. Could you approach her and let her know of your concerns?

I think if you do that with kindness (i.e. I cannot imagine how hard it is to be solo for so many days since your husband travels) if will be well received. I would suggest you offer to do a swap so you can exercise (or do whatever you want) a few times a week while she watches your kids and then you can watch hers so she can go on her run. I was a sole custody single parent years ago and also a running fiend. I never left my kids alone to do it but I wished I could!!!!! It probably keeps her sane and she desperately needs it to survive all the solo time with toddlers and working too. Good luck.

You can call CPS anonymously. Please do it. You could save their lives.

The previous person’s suggestion is brilliant. Also consider you don’t know the whole picture, maybe a neighbor or friend is already keeping an eye via wifi baby monitor. Maybe she shares her location with trusted people in case there’s an accident. Consider having a conversation and get to know the full picture as humans and neighbors first. 

Since she's such a nice neighbor and been kind to you, instead of calling the police, why not offer to watch them or have them over to your home while she runs?

Have you talked to her about it? Have you shared your concerns with her? Can you offer to watch her kids while she goes on a run, or loan her a jogging stroller so she can bring them? I agree that a 1 and 3 year old should not be left alone, but calling the police before making any other attempts to address this, especially if you have no other reason to believe she is harming or neglecting her kids, seems very extreme to me.

Don't call the police. Do you really think that she deserves to have her kids taken away because of this? Because that's the chain of events you will likely put into place. She's probably watching them on her phone on a wifi monitor the whole time she runs. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it personally, but they are not my kids and you likely don't know the entirety of her situation. Maybe the neighbor on the other side is watching them on the monitor! You really can't know.

I do like the suggestion of offering to watch her kids/the baby monitor since it sounds like you're around at that time anyway.

Perhaps you could watch the kids for her while she runs. You don't need to "accuse" her of leaving them home alone - approach it like "hey, do you need help so you can get a run in on the days when your husband is out of town?" Either at her house or yours - I'm sure you could work it out. 

Calling the police is an escalation and puts her and children at risk of violence. Talk to her first 

I would definitely not call the police on her. I would personally leave it alone. People have different tolerances for risk and you don’t know for a fact that she doesn’t have a monitor on her phone or that there isn’t a babysitter at their house. 

Why not just talk to her about it before escalating to the police or CPS?

Hi - I am a foster/adoptive mom, and well acquainted with Child/Family services in Alameda County - which is what you would be triggering by calling 911.

Please don't call the police. Engaging law enforcement or CFS in this county could result in something much more traumatic and dangerous than what the kids are currently experiencing. 

Talk to her. She may have some arrangement that isn't visible to you. Or you could offer to help! 

I agree with the other poster. Just offer to help. That's the kindest thing you can do. As a single mom who struggled to make it all work, I had to make some less-than-ideal calls as I was just doing the best I could. My son turned out happy and accomplished -- AP/Honors student in high school and merit scholarship for college. But what would have happened if a neighbor called the police on me???

Sounds like something needing to be reported to Child Protective Services, and right away before something

happens to these little children.

Absolutely do not call the police on her. My assumption is her babies may be sleeping and she feels secure enough they are safe. 
My suggestion is to check-in with her about it and ask her if she needs help watching the babies while she’s on her runs. 

Yes, if you think they are indeed being left alone. That is 100% not ok, and could lead to something tragic happening to them. It's not your responsibility to provide care for them, but I think bringing it to the attention of the appropriate entity to evaluate the situation is. 

Something could happen to all of us at anytime. 

I highly doubt her kids will end up in a better situation if your call ends up with them being taken away from her.

I’d encourage you to fact find before taking any action. What’s the broader context? I find it very hard to believe she just up and leaves an awake 1 and 3 year olds alone as they’re playing. (At that age mine would cry and chase after me whenever I left anywhere, and my 3 yo had the capacity to open the door and follow).

Is it possible that there is another adult in the house when her partner travels that you’re just not aware of? How do you know his travel schedule? Are you making assumptions because of a car? Is she jogging miles away or just maybe circling the block, while keeping both sleeping kids on an audio monitor on her phone while they’re asleep in their cribs? 

You could do a lot of damage to a a great parent/family—and their great kids—by making assumptions and jumping to conclusions.

I would not do that. Perhaps it's not ideal that they do this, but you could create even more problems for the family by bringing in police. She is probably a very loving mom who benefits from exercise. 

You could ask if she's ever considered taking the kids on her runs in a stroller. 

I'd suggest offering to look after her kids while she goes for a run. It sounds like she could use the support. 

Gosh! Seems like it could be best to begin by being curious and talking to your neighbor directly— starting with inquiring if what you fear is happening is, in fact, the case!

Then you might offer help— care ideally, or troubleshooting if not. 

I would take great care in ensuring you have asked questions, are correct in your assumptions, and have helped to explore other options before mistakenly involving the state or the police which could have terrible repercussions for the family.  

If the children are in imminent danger, calling 911 is the way to go. If they are being neglected, you should call the child abuse and neglect hotline.

Do you see other signs of neglect? Are you 100% sure she doesn't have someone keeping an eye on them? Is it possible they're not safely tucked in cribs/beds sleeping, she's watching a monitor, and she's running in circles close enough to get back to them within a couple of minutes if they wake?

How do you feel about having a conversation with her? Let her know you're worried about her kids and offer to help keep an eye on them while she gets some time to take care of herself. Her child and your child are in the same program, you are part of her community. We should absolutely call CPS when children are in danger. But when it's a struggling (essentially single) Mama that just needs a little support to thrive, it's better for the kids of she could get that support from the community rather than possibly the kids being removed and put into foster care. If you offer help and she refuses, and/or there are signs the kids are being neglected and she's not meeting their needs even with support being offered, call the hotline

Personally I would report it. I had a similar situation with a neighbor and I tried to speak with her about it. She became an absolute nightmare. It’s not your job to watch her kids, as many other posters suggest. Report and keep your distance. If report to CPS and ask to be anonymous. 

If this were my neighbor the question of how to respond would be keeping me up at night.  After more than twenty years as a clinical psychologist working primarily with children and families in the foster care system, I have no illusions that a call to child protective services would automatically result in a judicious intervention.  Yet if the neighbor really is leaving her very young children at home alone while she goes for her run—i.e., assuming there is not an alternate explanation, like a secondary caregiver you don’t know about—I think the very real risk to their safety would compel me to come up with some sort of response.  In an ideal situation I would approach the neighbor directly and share my concerns, and perhaps offer to help, as other responders have suggested.  But if I didn’t already have a trusting relationship with her, I can’t see myself doing that, and not just because I am a conflict-avoider.  While the neighbor’s very poor judgement may reflect an isolated blind spot or a cultural difference that I'm not aware of, and not be part of a pattern, it could also be just the tip of the iceberg, reflecting complicated personal dynamics and beliefs that would best be evaluated by an outside authority.  So much depends on the fine points of the neighbor’s parenting, some of which may only appear behind closed doors, so it is very hard to give advice from afar.  But in the end I would rather err on the side of making a possibly unwarranted call to cps and trust them to do an appropriate evaluation, than wade into situation with such potential risks and find myself above my head; or do nothing, hoping for the best, and coming to regret it later.  And, for what it's worth, I think the odds of cps removing these kids from the home are minimal--their culture has had a real shift toward family preservation, and the agency and their dedicated workers are often unfairly maligned.  Good luck!

Thank you all for your feedback.

I can verify 100% that there is not another caregiver in the house. Their nanny does not arrive until later in the morning. I would gladly volunteer to help if this was an occasional thing, but it happens multiple times a week. My mornings are hectic getting my own children out the door. Her kids are not my responsibility, but I'm worried for their safety.

While she is nice, she would not change her behavior if I said anything. 

There are so many solutions for her: get a peloton, have the nanny come earlier, etc. I honestly wish she had just chosen one of those.

She may be monitoring them from her phone with a webcam or something. 

Since offering to watch her kids at her place isn't realistic for you, if your house is within half a block of their house, you could instead offer to watch their baby monitor remotely. That could help with your own peace of mind, while building your relationship with this person. Our friends who raise babies in community occasionally have another community member remotely watch the baby monitor from a few doors down in order to support date night for the parents while being within a minute walk away in case the kids wake up.