Adult Child Estrangement--Seeking Parental Support

Our 23 y.o. son has initiated a precipitous family estrangement following a revelation of long-term cannabis use and a mushroom-fueled psychotic break. We have been reading and watching materials from Bay Area psychologist and estrangement expert Joshua Coleman, whose approach makes a lot of sense to us. We are looking for a therapist who is generally on the same page as Coleman who can provide specific guidance to us about communication--when and if to be in contact, appropriate messaging, how to respond to possible responses from our son, etc. We'd work with Coleman, but at $995/45-min session, he's out of our range. We're not looking for couples' therapy or psychoanalysis, but quarterbacking/consulting based on our situation. We need someone who is familiar with estrangement and the scripts young adults are using right now (parent = narcissist, gaslighter, abuser). Recommendations appreciated!

Parent Replies

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I'm sorry you're experiencing estrangement from your son. I'm familiar with estrangement, having estranged from my parents at 18 (reconnected with my mother on her deathbed two years ago), and now having my 24-y-o son estrange from me (long-term, heavy, high-concentrate THC is in the picture). I've also followed Dr. Coleman's work. I had no idea his fees are so high. I work with coach who uses a compassionate, CRAFT-based approach that is complimentary to Dr. Coleman's work, whose fees are substantially less than Dr. Coleman's fees. I prefer not to post the contact information publicly. If you'd like contact information, please message me directly.

Meanwhile, I'll recommend a few resources that may be of help in looking for a provider and gaining additional insights, ideas, and support:

Helping Families Help network: a wide network of providers trained in CRAFT and CRAFT aligned approaches.

Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them, by Karl Pillemer, PhD

The Invitation to Change (ITC), an approach based in science and kindness, while substance use focused, it may be helpful to you in addressing not only the estrangement, but the underlaying reasons for the estrangement as it addresses relationships in general. In-person and virtual groups are available across the country. A 4.5 hour, very low cost, virtual workshop is scheduled for Nov. 9.

Estrangement, of any duration, is devastating. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this very difficult path. I wish for you to have healthy connection with your son soon.